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smurfette
04-06-2014, 09:05 AM
So.. Still having problems with new mindee and family (one where dad wanted copies of my and hubby's id to keep!)

Little one is ten months ,
Was told he was an easy baby very laid back.,
Well he isn't! He was very unsettled first couple of weeks but had missed his settling in sessions due to croup, and now been off most of last week with diarrohea. Mum and dad
Are nice people and have paid me on time with no quibble over illness payment but they are definitely not telling me the whole story about Lo! Yesterday I had a nightmare day, they told
Me he was teething but hadn't given him any meds (he ' won't' take calpol so I think they don't bother!) and he cried alll morning while we were at my kids sports day which I was really cross
About. Eventually after he had been dosed up and slept for two and a half hours he was a different child. They have got him up the last three nights because he was 'chatting happily' in the middle of the night and don't leave him to settle himself., he is breastfed to sleep but I have managed to get him settled in the buggy eventually

This morning I asked had he been dosed up for teeth and dad says as he is exiting the door 'yes he is teething but to be honest if he is woken before he is ready he will cry all the time Til he gets put down again'!! Information which might have been useful before now, 5 weeks in, don't ya think?! So this am despite him sleeping for an hour before he arrived I have put him down again as he was crying .. He is now asleep and I intend to leave him there Til he wakes himself.,
Which is all well and grand but I have two toddlers here and my dd who would like to get out! As
Far as I can see he Is not in a routine at home,.
My middle
Dd was an awful sleeper but we persisted until she became one., they just say 'we have tried everything'

I cannot and will not keep my three dds
And two toddlers in all day every day during the holidays because he needs to sleep, but what to do?! If i say he needs to be in a sleep routine at home so he isn't sleeping here all day and I can take him out and do stuff they will just say 'but he won't sleep' aaaarrrggghhhhhh!!!!

shortstuff
04-06-2014, 09:19 AM
Can you put him for his sleep in a buggy so that you can go out without disturbing him? I do that here if they are tired approaching a school run or similar.

loocyloo
04-06-2014, 09:24 AM
Big hugs.

I think all you can do is to get LO into a routine with you so at least you know where you are ... Maybe a morning sleep 9 - 10 and then sleep after lunch.

As I'm sure you know children quickly learn a routine which is different ( or non existant ).

It sounds like LO is laid back and easy going because they always do exactly what he wants!

Good luck x

smurfette
04-06-2014, 10:10 AM
No he won't sleep in the buggy when out that's the problem he needs to cry to go off to sleep ... That was the problem yesterday he wanted to sleep and although in the buggy he wouldn't sleep. He is still asleep now , for nearly two hours. Now the others will want to go down so we won't go anywhere .. My selling point is we are out and about most days!!

Mum has just messaged to ask how he is and is saying developmentally a lot going on so he finds it hard to wind down at night so it's good he is sleeping now .. They don't quite realise I have others to look after and although this is what they say they want for Him to socialise and have company I am starting to think they need a nanny!

smurfette
04-06-2014, 10:12 AM
Big hugs. I think all you can do is to get LO into a routine with you so at least you know where you are ... Maybe a morning sleep 9 - 10 and then sleep after lunch. As I'm sure you know children quickly learn a routine which is different ( or non existant ). It sounds like LO is laid back and easy going because they always do exactly what he wants! Good luck x

That is what I have been trying to do but he is cranky then all morning cos I have woken him before he is ready., I haven't even attempted our usual soft play or music classes cos he has been cranky so everyone missing out., he is only here 3 days a week and while I know and have seen them get a different routine here I would hope that it would have started to happen by now and it's gonna take a lot longer if mum and dad let him wake all night and presumably let him sleep all day at home!! Grrrr

Thank you for the advice.
Sorry I am just cross xx

shortstuff
04-06-2014, 10:17 AM
Im not surprised you are cross. It must feel as though you are beating your head against a brick wall. Would you be able to transfer him once asleep? is that possible or would he wake?

loocyloo
04-06-2014, 10:45 AM
Thank you for the advice.
Sorry I am just cross xx

No worries I would be cross too.
I've got one who doesn't sleep at night as mum gets LO the moment she hears a mutter so they are up half the night and LO is often a grump here. my LO doesn't have a routine at home either but has learnt my routine.
Big hugs.
It is beginning to sound as if a nanny is the best option for them x

Happiness
04-06-2014, 11:31 AM
OMG. Sounds like you and I are on the same boat at the moment. I look after a boy who was one in May. I only found out from Facebook that mum still breastfeeds him every 2 hours. He won't eat, drink, sleep or play. Just cries all the time. I have him 3 days a week. Since he started 3 weeks ago I haven't done any groups at all. I feel awful at the moment. All this crying gets me really down. Also I feel like my daughter and other lo are missing out on lots of things at the moment. I have spoken to the parents lots of times. I am so cross with them both. I feel like they don't care whatsoever. Selfish and cruel I think :(
I am beginning to think that a nanny is the only option they have too. I won't quit yet but if he doesn't settle in the next 2 weeks I will be terminating the contract. I don't think I can listen to him crying all the time. Apparently my job is easy that's what EVERYONE says to me.
Yeah right.

mrsb79
04-06-2014, 12:49 PM
I feel for you ladies it's so tough trying to juggle new lo's who's parents constantly give in to them. Sometimes I think that they think were miracle workers. I have a lo who constantly cries and wants picking up all the time but I can't do it as I have other lo's to look after let alone my 6 month old. Set yourself a time limit of when you expect things to change and if they don't give them notice not all children will take to us and we won't take to all children x

smurfette
04-06-2014, 03:56 PM
I feel for you ladies it's so tough trying to juggle new lo's who's parents constantly give in to them. Sometimes I think that they think were miracle workers. I have a lo who constantly cries and wants picking up all the time but I can't do it as I have other lo's to look after let alone my 6 month old. Set yourself a time limit of when you expect things to change and if they don't give them notice not all children will take to us and we won't take to all children x

Thanks .. I am off on hols on 5th July, need the money before then so that's my date to battle on Til, see how we go. I told mum I hadn't known he just cried until he went to sleep again if I got him up before he was ready, and made my point about not being able to get out and about. She says he sleeps most of night she dream feeds him , catches him as soon as he starts to grizzle and has tried everything except crying it out or controlled crying.. So basically they pick him up as soon as he grizzles

smurfette
04-06-2014, 04:02 PM
OMG. Sounds like you and I are on the same boat at the moment. I look after a boy who was one in May. I only found out from Facebook that mum still breastfeeds him every 2 hours. He won't eat, drink, sleep or play. Just cries all the time. I have him 3 days a week. Since he started 3 weeks ago I haven't done any groups at all. I feel awful at the moment. All this crying gets me really down. Also I feel like my daughter and other lo are missing out on lots of things at the moment. I have spoken to the parents lots of times. I am so cross with them both. I feel like they don't care whatsoever. Selfish and cruel I think :( I am beginning to think that a nanny is the only option they have too. I won't quit yet but if he doesn't settle in the next 2 weeks I will be terminating the contract. I don't think I can listen to him crying all the time. Apparently my job is easy that's what EVERYONE says to me. Yeah right.

Yeah I think my little one is fed constantly at home too, she was gonna try feed him just at night but nurse said to express
And keep it up..
I appreciate the benefits of breastfeeding but I can't help thinking poor little mite expecting it all day! I am not sure my parents care either more a 'well he is your problem for the next 10 hours ' thing !

CookieCutter
04-06-2014, 06:06 PM
Oh, I can sympathize! I have just given notice (within 4 week settling period) to parents of a 10 mo who cried non stop unless he was being held. I gave it 3 weeks, and if anything, he seemed to be getting worse. I spoke to mum who suggested I wear him in a sling all day, which I couldn't/wouldn't do. The non stop crying was quite stressful, especially for my dd and the other lo I look after. I felt so guilty as well because my dd and other mindee were being more or less ignored as I was trying desperately to keep the crying to a minimum. I found that we were hardly getting out anywhere because if I put lo down just long enough to put my shoes on (nevermind everyone else's shoes, packing drinks and nappies, etc) he would go into hysterics! Eventually mum basically said she didn't believe her angel was behaving this way as she had never seen it, and wasn't prepared to change any home routines to help her lo settle better here. She told me that as a childcare professional, I should be able to settle him. Nevermind the stress the other 2 have to go through, or the fact that changing things at home would actually benefit her lo! (Once she forgot lo's dummy, which he needs for sleeping, and got annoyed when I phoned and asked her to bring it because she was at work and in her eyes I should be able to settle him as I'm a childcare professional. Apparently childcare professional means magic.)

I feel completely refreshed not having lo this week, and really enjoy my job again! Mum is still sending me emails calling me unprofessional (which, by her definition, must mean 'won't give into my demands') and just generally being...um...not so nice. To be fair, I gave notice 40% due to lo not settling and 60% due to mum being very demanding and hard to please.

I do hope you have better luck. It's sooo difficult when parents don't give us all the info or just aren't willing to change anything at home I'm order to help their little ones! X

amyp
04-06-2014, 07:00 PM
I had one like this is took me 3 months and he changed a lot- now I can get all 5 under 18 months to sleep at the same time! Yeaaaa me!!

I am sure the baby will settle- good luck x

ziggy
05-06-2014, 07:15 AM
I know it's not easy but i find it helps to settle new ones if we stay home for the first week or so. I understand that makes it difficult for other mindees. I had a 10month old start in January, she'd never been left with anyone and only came 2 days a week. She cried every time i moved, so i spent first few weeks just sitting with her in playroom, thankfully she did sleep.

In your situation I think I would have mum in for a chat, extend notice period and if things dont improve by after your holiday then let child go.

smurfette
09-06-2014, 03:58 PM
Hia..
So we have some progress I no longer think he is not settled he is fine with me,
But seems to just be a particularly grumpy baby and sleeps a lot! Apparently mum dreamfeeds him as soon as he stirs to make sure everyone gets some sleep, and hasn't the heart to let him cry it out or controlled crying., this morning he was up before 5!!! Dad brought him and he slept 45 mins in car on way, then he was grumpy cos as far as I can see dad just decided to wake him (despite telling me he is always grumpy when woken until you next put him to sleep!) whiz resulted in me being handed a tired cranky baby who slept a further 2 hours , So we missed our toddler group (had two two year olds here also) then he of course wasn't quite tired enough for lunchtime nap when I needed him down before school run and my dds swimming! I could
Have woken him and took him to toddlers but he is cross all morning when woken before ready and it wasn't worth the risk!! I am on hols
In three weeks and am hanging onto him Til then but they will be getting notice when I am back if things don't improve... I feel like it's just my problem and they don't care while he is with me

smurfette
09-06-2014, 03:58 PM
I had one like this is took me 3 months and he changed a lot- now I can get all 5 under 18 months to sleep at the same time! Yeaaaa me!! I am sure the baby will settle- good luck x

Impressive lol!!

smurfette
09-06-2014, 04:00 PM
Oh, I can sympathize! I have just given notice (within 4 week settling period) to parents of a 10 mo who cried non stop unless he was being held. I gave it 3 weeks, and if anything, he seemed to be getting worse. I spoke to mum who suggested I wear him in a sling all day, which I couldn't/wouldn't do. The non stop crying was quite stressful, especially for my dd and the other lo I look after. I felt so guilty as well because my dd and other mindee were being more or less ignored as I was trying desperately to keep the crying to a minimum. I found that we were hardly getting out anywhere because if I put lo down just long enough to put my shoes on (nevermind everyone else's shoes, packing drinks and nappies, etc) he would go into hysterics! Eventually mum basically said she didn't believe her angel was behaving this way as she had never seen it, and wasn't prepared to change any home routines to help her lo settle better here. She told me that as a childcare professional, I should be able to settle him. Nevermind the stress the other 2 have to go through, or the fact that changing things at home would actually benefit her lo! (Once she forgot lo's dummy, which he needs for sleeping, and got annoyed when I phoned and asked her to bring it because she was at work and in her eyes I should be able to settle him as I'm a childcare professional. Apparently childcare professional means magic.) I feel completely refreshed not having lo this week, and really enjoy my job again! Mum is still sending me emails calling me unprofessional (which, by her definition, must mean 'won't give into my demands') and just generally being...um...not so nice. To be fair, I gave notice 40% due to lo not settling and 60% due to mum being very demanding and hard to please. I do hope you have better luck. It's sooo difficult when parents don't give us all the info or just aren't willing to change anything at home I'm order to help their little ones! X

Wow that is a awful and yes very similar situation he just is used to being picked up at first whimper!!

Happiness
10-06-2014, 11:04 PM
Some progress here too. Yayyy. My lo has started eating, drinking and ,,,,,sleeping :)
Let's hope this lasts. I was going mad at some point lol. I jus can't listen to a crying baby.

smurfette
10-06-2014, 11:10 PM
[QUOTE="Happiness;1365943"]Some progress here too. Yayyy. My lo has started eating, drinking and ,,,,,sleeping :) Let's hope this lasts. I was going mad at some point lol. I jus can't listen to a crying baby.[/QUOTE

Good news! Had a better day today, me getting used to him a bit but also him adjusting to our routine .. Here is hoping our luck continues!!

natlou82
11-06-2014, 05:32 AM
Glad you are seeing some progress x I am also settling in a baby 1 day a week and she also screams every time it put her down. I can sit her on my lap to play but if I put her just off my knee onto the carpet she screams! Will not sit in the highchair and screams at my toys. Apparently she can crawl and pull up but unfortunately I haven't been able to see that yet. I'm hoping things will improve with time but it is such a hard day when she's here.

Maza
11-06-2014, 05:57 AM
Oh my word he sounds exactly like my little one. I had him from ten months and parents told me how much he loves his sleep. Great if that is your only child! He too couldn't sleep in a buggy and would scream and be bright red in the face, fists going etc. I was paranoid when out and about with him like that. I really tried to train him to have at least one of his daily sleeps in a buggy so that the other little ones would get out and about but it was soul destroying. We couldn't feed the ducks because his screaming would scare them away. We couldn't even have a conversation as we couldn't hear ourselves over him. If he did eventually drop off I would either be right at the end of the walk when we were heading home anyway or he would sleep for 20 minutes max. Once, he was on the verge of falling asleep in the buggy but then it started raining. I only had my DD and so I let her carry on playing while I continued pushing him to sleep. Some lady made a rude comment about what I was doing and I was so down after that. Anyway, after about a year he started going to a nursery two days a week and of course here he wasn't offered a silent, pitch black room to sleep in with a comfy cot! After a few weeks being there he could sleep anywhere! I still have him now (he's three next month) and he will sleep for up to three hours. If I have DD with me (holidays) then he sleeps in the buggy and we go to the park. On the days where I only have him then he sleeps in his comfy cot and I get loads done! A huge part of me does think I should have given notice though, because DD can never get back those days and I felt she was wasting away being stuck in our flat while he slept away twice a day. I am angry about that.

I would say, do not let him rule the roost. Either persevere so that he learns to sleep in a buggy if he needs so much sleep or give notice. x

smurfette
11-06-2014, 07:38 AM
Oh my word he sounds exactly like my little one. I had him from ten months and parents told me how much he loves his sleep. Great if that is your only child! He too couldn't sleep in a buggy and would scream and be bright red in the face, fists going etc. I was paranoid when out and about with him like that. I really tried to train him to have at least one of his daily sleeps in a buggy so that the other little ones would get out and about but it was soul destroying. We couldn't feed the ducks because his screaming would scare them away. We couldn't even have a conversation as we couldn't hear ourselves over him. If he did eventually drop off I would either be right at the end of the walk when we were heading home anyway or he would sleep for 20 minutes max. Once, he was on the verge of falling asleep in the buggy but then it started raining. I only had my DD and so I let her carry on playing while I continued pushing him to sleep. Some lady made a rude comment about what I was doing and I was so down after that. Anyway, after about a year he started going to a nursery two days a week and of course here he wasn't offered a silent, pitch black room to sleep in with a comfy cot! After a few weeks being there he could sleep anywhere! I still have him now (he's three next month) and he will sleep for up to three hours. If I have DD with me (holidays) then he sleeps in the buggy and we go to the park. On the days where I only have him then he sleeps in his comfy cot and I get loads done! A huge part of me does think I should have given notice though, because DD can never get back those days and I felt she was wasting away being stuck in our flat while he slept away twice a day. I am angry about that. I would say, do not let him rule the roost. Either persevere so that he learns to sleep in a buggy if he needs so much sleep or give notice. x

Thanks Maza that's good advice.. I just feel it must be rough on the existing parents if every time I have to settle in a new little one I have to curtail our usual activities when they choose me
Exactly because I am out and about most days! Yesterday I think we reached a kind of compromise,, I let him sleep 8-10 then took him out and he was grand. I think maybe he forgets he has been woken up and he is tired if he is distracted! He didn't have as long as sleep at lunchtime as I would like (others go For 1-5 hours) but he doesn't disturb them and played really happily then I popped him down for 40 mins. Woke him for school run and he was ok Til 4ish when he got grumpy cos tired but no point putting him down as he was due to be picked up at 430. I am hoping if tired when leaving he will sleep on way home and might then go down to bed later and start to sleep later in the morning so won't be so grumpy when arrived, but if I can get him down and find a routine that works for me that's up to them! Lol dad said this am, he is now only crying for a minute or two then going to sleep (lol I wonder why?!) I don't think parents realise sometimes how much we help them!!

Will try this routine again today, might lift him a bit earlier so he might sleep earlier at lunch time

loocyloo
11-06-2014, 12:17 PM
Thanks Maza that's good advice.. I just feel it must be rough on the existing parents if every time I have to settle in a new little one I have to curtail our usual activities when they choose me
Exactly because I am out and about most days! Yesterday I think we reached a kind of compromise,, I let him sleep 8-10 then took him out and he was grand. I think maybe he forgets he has been woken up and he is tired if he is distracted! He didn't have as long as sleep at lunchtime as I would like (others go For 1-5 hours) but he doesn't disturb them and played really happily then I popped him down for 40 mins. Woke him for school run and he was ok Til 4ish when he got grumpy cos tired but no point putting him down as he was due to be picked up at 430. I am hoping if tired when leaving he will sleep on way home and might then go down to bed later and start to sleep later in the morning so won't be so grumpy when arrived, but if I can get him down and find a routine that works for me that's up to them! Lol dad said this am, he is now only crying for a minute or two then going to sleep (lol I wonder why?!) I don't think parents realise sometimes how much we help them!!

Will try this routine again today, might lift him a bit earlier so he might sleep earlier at lunch time

my LO who is a poor sleeper is apparently always fantastic at going to bed and sleeps well the night after LO has spent the day with me! Mum says she thinks its because LO is so busy and stimulated ( so that what she does with LO the rest of the week ) but I thinks its probably because I put LO down for a sleep after lunch and LO sleeps for a couple of hours, as I don't get Lo up the moment they whimper! ( I say 'go back to sleep' ! ) I have said I think its down to the sleep, but apparently its not ! :rolleyes: wish I could have LO another couple of days a week!

WELL DONE MURPHF! getting there! xx

benandjerrys
11-06-2014, 12:19 PM
Might of missed your previous thread but why did dad want copies of your ID? Bizarre...

smurfette
11-06-2014, 12:27 PM
Might of missed your previous thread but why did dad want copies of your ID? Bizarre...


Yes isn't it?! Apparently to make sure I was who I said I was.. A folder full of references and college Certs weren't enough lol! He wanted mine and my hubby's (who is a policeman!) and my registration cert.. He was a social worker and so is mum! I have no intention of running off with said child , have enough with three of my own! He backed down when I refused... Weird!

smurfette
11-06-2014, 12:34 PM
my LO who is a poor sleeper is apparently always fantastic at going to bed and sleeps well the night after LO has spent the day with me! Mum says she thinks its because LO is so busy and stimulated ( so that what she does with LO the rest of the week ) but I thinks its probably because I put LO down for a sleep after lunch and LO sleeps for a couple of hours, as I don't get Lo up the moment they whimper! ( I say 'go back to sleep' ! ) I have said I think its down to the sleep, but apparently its not ! :rolleyes: wish I could have LO another couple of days a week! WELL DONE MURPHF! getting there! xx
That's exactly it, he has slept well the night after I have had him.. It is because I don't lift him when he hasn't had enough sleep, like you I say go back to sleep!

Had a really good morning, Lo slept 8-9 then we went to the library and on to a free music class at the shopping centre, he was in really good form Til the end, ate his lunch and now sleeping!

shortstuff
11-06-2014, 01:12 PM
That's exactly it, he has slept well the night after I have had him.. It is because I don't lift him when he hasn't had enough sleep, like you I say go back to sleep!

Had a really good morning, Lo slept 8-9 then we went to the library and on to a free music class at the shopping centre, he was in really good form Til the end, ate his lunch and now sleeping!

Im so pleased you are managing to get a pattern forming x

Murphf would you please empty your inbox? i tried to reply and cant x

smurfette
11-06-2014, 01:37 PM
Im so pleased you are managing to get a pattern forming x Murphf would you please empty your inbox? i tried to reply and cant x

Sorry have emptied it now!

He is being a little whatnot now, has decided that 20 mins is enough of a nap to keep him going lol! Back to sleep he goes! We will get there ,
I can finally see light at the end of the tunnel! Will
Someone please remind me of this next time I have a new Lo starting?! I find that part Ssooo hard and think I will never get
Them in a routine and then one day it seems to fall into place!

smurfette
17-06-2014, 12:21 PM
Well just an update ...

Baby settled down last week and touch wood we haven't looked back.. I pop him straight to bed when he arrives and he sleeps for an hour or so , if he doesn't wake I might leave him for a bit and pick him up and go straight out.. He doesn't seem to be miserable when woken if we go out and he is distracted and then he is ready to snooze again at lunch time.. Just working now on him having a longer nap at lunchtime cos sometimes he wakes after 40 mins but if I don't lift him as soon as he whimpers he goes back and I have to wake him for school run so I am winning yay! Seems to be happy for most of afternoon too. Lo and behold dad is now finding he can get him to sleep easier at night time 'he just cries for a couple of mins' and is napping him in buggy at weekend.. So I guess they are listening to me. I did suggest to mum they might push bedtime back by ten mins every few nights as he is waking at 430/5 having been in bed since 6/630! They only get home after 5! Will leave Til after hols and suggest to dad then as he is the one changing things at home. I am being super careful he doesn't get hurt though after the comments about the stones in the Garden lol!

How's all the other unsettled babes going?

natlou82
27-06-2014, 11:23 AM
My end I'm still not having much success, baby has hit 9months clingy phase, and is only happy if I'm walking around with her on my hip, which is impossible! As soon as I put her down, even to play with toys, she cries even though I'm sat with her. Any thoughts help or advice would be really appreciated.