PDA

View Full Version : Is it just me?????



ziggy
27-05-2014, 07:43 AM
Spent weekend with my partner. It was his mother's 80th birthday and family popped in to visit. I spent over 5hours with people I hadnt met before and found it really hard to make conversation, not a problem I usually have.

I never discuss my job with others and realise now after working 11hours a day, I dont really have a social life, so had very little to add to the general conversation. I'm more than happy with my job, have no desire to go out and meet other adults.

So is it just me, or do other childminders find themselves stuck when it comes to adult conversation??????

smurfette
27-05-2014, 07:51 AM
Spent weekend with my partner. It was his mother's 80th birthday and family popped in to visit. I spent over 5hours with people I hadnt met before and found it really hard to make conversation, not a problem I usually have. I never discuss my job with others and realise now after working 11hours a day, I dont really have a social life, so had very little to add to the general conversation. I'm more than happy with my job, have no desire to go out and meet other adults. So is it just me, or do other childminders find themselves stuck when it comes to adult conversation??????
Yes! and I feel that even though I do my job professionally and on a larger scale than a lot of childminders here (have six children across the week) people aren't interested! It's fine if I am talking to my close friends cos I can have a moan with them, like we all do about work, but it seems harder with people you don't know! Need to steer the conversation towards interests I guess, where going on holidays, what's on tv. Latest movie seen at cinema etc

Have to say it's not much different since I was a stay at home mum with toddlers. General world doesn't seem to value it.,, but I have never had
Anyone be rude to my face. People always make the right noises and say 'hardest / most important job in the world'

I have made contact with someone recently I used to know through LinkedIn, had a profile there from when I had my own baby products distribution business, we were dealing internationally importing and distributing to shops .. Haven't changed my profile as I am still self employed but haven't changed the details cos I know how it would look. I am sure I would be told to get off LinkedIn !

FloraDora
27-05-2014, 08:43 AM
We really have to raise the professional profile of childminders, I am trying so hard but, like you, I have a niggling feeling that now I am a childminder people don't see me as professional anymore. I have never been one to talk about my job but since I have retired from my 40 year career everybody wants to know how I spend my days, they expect me to say, travelling, gardening, having weekends away, walking the hills of the country, going on photography courses.....when I say I am a childminder for part of the week they ask why on earth would I want to spend my precious days doing that? They don't appreciate that having spent so long of my life with children I actually missed interacting with them when I retired. My main hobby has always been linked to my job, making games, thinking of innovative ways to interest children, I missed that. Just going to a garden centre to buy plants is not half as interesting as looking at displays and finding new uses for the things on sale! Why would anyone go to ikea if they didn't have one eye on an alternative use for a box or a rail? The grown ups section in Waterstones is not half as interesting as the children's and my first destination in the new Birmingham library was the basement children's area not the top floor Shakespeare room!

An ex colleague and I were attending a conference recently, he has started his own gardening business ( mowing peoples lawns, cutting back bushes) I was fascinated in how positive people were about how he was spending his retirement and how neutral they were about my business..... Why is this? I feel an in depth research project evolving in my head...... Why are children not as interesting or important as pruning roses??? Admittedly he did go on and on and big his weeding up ( he's bought a van - that generated loads of conversation ) so perhaps it was presentation over actual profession ......

munch149
27-05-2014, 09:47 AM
I'm quite shy so do have difficulty talking to strangers but I crave adult interaction doing this job. I go to a lot of groups to get out and have other adults around even if I don't chat much. I find weeks like half term when A lot of the groups stop I find my self getting more stressed over things and I get bored so have to plan day trips instead where unless I go with people it's not always as easy to talk to others

clareelizabeth1
27-05-2014, 09:59 AM
I'm very selective over my friends and don't like social gatherings with adults. I do find no one wants to know about my childminding buissness but then if I'm honest I don't want to know about their jobs either. Nothing more boring than someone going on about their office job. The only thing I find they want to know is how much I earn a week. The only plus is my brothers and sister don't think I make anything so keep taking me out for meals and drinks paying for everything so I eat really well and save money on food. One day I'll tell them I earn the same as them.

My hobbies of making clothes arnt that much of intrest to most people either. Although they do seem intrested in woodworking I do.

With family I mostly talk about my son and things they are doing.

With friends I find most people are happy to talk about themselfs and just ask them questions, and always try to remember something they have told me so I can ask about it next time. Have noticed lots of people will go on for a good 10 minutes after being asked about a holiday they have been too.

ziggy
27-05-2014, 01:38 PM
thanks for replies, I dont like talking about my job as people start asking personal questions about the children and families etc etc.

My point was more that I feel childminding full time (over 50 hours a week) means I do very little else and have sort of lost touch with the 'real world', so struggle with sensible conversation outside of work.

Maybe it is just me?????:laughing:

FloraDora
27-05-2014, 02:24 PM
thanks for replies, I dont like talking about my job as people start asking personal questions about the children and families etc etc.

My point was more that I feel childminding full time (over 50 hours a week) means I do very little else and have sort of lost touch with the 'real world', so struggle with sensible conversation outside of work.

Maybe it is just me?????:laughing:

Sorry, I went off on a tangent.

I understand how you feel. It can so easily take over your life.
I do put aside time every day to read a broadsheet type newspaper so that I keep up to date on news, politics, research etc.. Which I have found over the years helps when I want to have a conversation other than about education.
I read the critics about local plays and new music and books which, if I can remember, adds to my possible conversation topics too. We get a weekly news magazine called This week which is good to browse as it gives opinions and summaries of what has been in the news this week across all areas.
Following people you are interested in on twitter can broaden your interest, but I have to make sure I don't just follow people linked with education or celebs!

I don't watch much tv though so that gives me more time to read the above!
I have taken up photography as a hobby, that doesn't take up time as I often take photos in my garden when the children are here, they have cameras too and if I am photographing a flower or a bee or something they will do the same. I find it is quite therapeutic and when walking out on my own it gives me a purpose and sometimes makes me go out when the LO's have gone home if I have a task. I am currently trying to complete the alphabet using natural things, a bit like in the cosy catalogue, so the LO's have been helping me.

The key is to, in your exhaustion, find the energy to do 10 mins on thinking/ doing something else ...then you have more things filed away that helps when you hold a conversation. I have a friend in a similar situation and she makes up things that she enjoys to make herself sound more interesting - she sometimes comes a cropper with strangers if someone else knows about the activity she is supposedly enjoying regularly!!!

JCrakers
27-05-2014, 03:51 PM
I find that when it comes to talking about 'what I do after work' often people have a lot more to say than I do because all I do after work is get my PJs on and go lie in bed with the TV :laughing:

Where someone might have gone out to lunch with a friend or met for coffee in the new café/restaurant in town I don't do that because I can't, so that's where the conversation is hard.

I find people talk about work colleagues a lot or a work dinner...something else I don't have.

bunyip
27-05-2014, 08:09 PM
So is it just me, or do other childminders find themselves stuck when it comes to adult conversation??????

So glad you posted this Ziggy, cos I thought it was just me (too afraid to ask - might look even more like the sad inadequate blokey. :p )

I seem to have 2 extremes. With many adults, I totally fail to 'connect' and drift away as the conversation plods along at the level of 'small talk.' With others, I find we 'click' and I rabbit on for ages: so relieved to find an intelligent listener, than I go on and don't give them much chance to talk (perhaps to counteract the effect of so many short verbal exchanges I have with lo's all day.)

I also do that thing where I talk to children like adults and talk to adults like they were children. So a 3yo asking, "Bunyip, why won't Billy share the Happyland with me?" is liable to get a 1/2 hour lesson in sociology, politics, philosophy and dialectical materialism. Whereas I'm likely to get punched in the face sometime by ticking off pub drunks for interrupting me when I'm chatting to the bar staff, "er, excuuuuuse me: Bunyip was talking - now just wait until you've got your polite head on please." :p

samb
27-05-2014, 09:33 PM
So glad you posted this Ziggy, cos I thought it was just me (too afraid to ask - might look even more like the sad inadequate blokey. :p ) I seem to have 2 extremes. With many adults, I totally fail to 'connect' and drift away as the conversation plods along at the level of 'small talk.' With others, I find we 'click' and I rabbit on for ages: so relieved to find an intelligent listener, than I go on and don't give them much chance to talk (perhaps to counteract the effect of so many short verbal exchanges I have with lo's all day.) I also do that thing where I talk to children like adults and talk to adults like they were children. So a 3yo asking, "Bunyip, why won't Billy share the Happyland with me?" is liable to get a 1/2 hour lesson in sociology, politics, philosophy and dialectical materialism. Whereas I'm likely to get punched in the face sometime by ticking off pub drunks for interrupting me when I'm chatting to the bar staff, "er, excuuuuuse me: Bunyip was talking - now just wait until you've got your polite head on please." :p

Yep this is me too! One extreme to the other and often slip accidentally into sounding like I'm talking down to people- I really don't try to, I am just used to talking to children!

I find it hard too.

Memina
28-05-2014, 06:57 AM
I don't stuggle so much with interacting with strangers/new people. However find my childminder colleagues only ever discuss work and kids poo, parents that have wronged them and Ofsted.

I listen to talk radio when we're in the car to find put about the world and whats going on in life. I watch the news, surf the net etc but they stare at me vacantly if I try to discuss something other than childminding.

watford wizz
28-05-2014, 09:00 AM
I have a few really good friends but otherwise just feel like I shouldn't be seen or heard! My job has been my life calling, I love it with a passion and iv been blessed with a family who have walked beside me all the way.

KatieFS
28-05-2014, 02:21 PM
I love it when I say I'm a childminder. Then they say 'oh a baby sitter' and I politely clarify the situation reminding them professional child carers regulated are by ofsted just like schools nurseries etc...whilst trying to contain myself!