between a rock and a hard place

[Rickers83]

A couple of weeks ago I posted about lo4 who had a major tantrum, kicking & punching me. I told his mum he was in a warning & any further incidents i would terminate contract.

Since then he has continued to be challenging, and has swung for my daughter (but missed) because she annoyed him.

This morning his brother said he wanted to sit next to another lo n the car so lo4, stands infront of car growling. I asked him to move out of the way, he ignored me and climbed in the car and began hitting his brother.
I lifted him out of car, he kicked me hard several times & when i put him down he ran to the back if my car and began flat footed kicking it!!!

I quickly moved him away & told him I was really upset that he'd do that, he just kept growling at Me & i really thought he was going to swing for me.

Needless to say the rest if the school run was horrendous!

My problem is, I know i need to tell mum whats happened but then I have to follow through on my previous text & terminate contracts or she'll think he can do what he likes as I wont do anything

Financially I cant afford to loose them as have both brothers & the need for wrap around from the schools i cam go to is zero!!

Sorry such a long post but I'm at my wits end, i shouldn't have to put up with this but have to pay my bills

[rickysmiths]

I think you have to follow through or else the parents will never take you seriously.

think I would call the parents in for a meeting without the children and lay it on the line. The key thing is are the parents supporting you on what you have been doing with the lo. Do they have these problems at home? Have you already spoken to them and they have done nothing to support you? If this was the case I would have to terminate the child.

[tess1981]

I know how you feel. I had one child for a while on his own but dreaded every day I hated going to bed at night as I knew he would be with me within half an hour of me getting out of bed and be there til near 6 which only gave me 4 hours of peace in my house before I was back dreading going to bed. I needed the money but in the end gave notice. I have survived in nothing buy my tax credits for 2 months before as was not willing to work with certain children . Now I'm working away and saving what I can incase I find myself in a similar situation . And in thinking I might be I have a lo who is very challenging but not to the extent you have. Your happiness and health are the most important things. Your setting will not be a happy one with this child. Other children will resent him and nor want to attend.
Think long and hard. Can you not take on after school children or another child I don't know how your ratio's work

[FussyElmo]

I agree if you have told this parent that you will terminate if there was another violent incident then you have to write that letter. Or this will never get better and the parent will never be inclined to work with you :(

Yes losing money is the hardest part but when you, your dd and other children in your care (albeit his brother) are being attacked then sometimes money has to be taken out of the equation. You have to think of yourself and dd if you were not there next time to stop him attacking your dd :(

Also think of the long term prospects will it affect your future work if he was to dsplay his violent outbursts to another mindee :(

[Mouse]

What a horrible situation to be in, but I agree, you can't really go back on your threat without it sending out the signal that the child can do what he wants and get away with it.

Are they both school children. or is the younger one with you all day?

I would ask mum to come in for a chat this evening and tell her what's happened. Decide whether you want to give immediate notice (perfectly acceptable considering the behaviour), or whether you are prepared to work with them for the next 4 weeks (or whatever your notice period is).

If you decided you will work the 4 week's notice, you are still getting your point across that you won't tolerate the behaviour, but it does mean you won't lose the money immediately. Then get advertising the spaces and hope you can fill them in time. You never know, actually being given notice might make the parents try to do something about the behaviour, in which case you could reconsider your position at the end of the 4 weeks if you see a dramatic improvement (but don't tell them that). It might be a way of keeping the children (and income) without it looking like you're backing down :thumbsup:

[Rickers83]

I have text mum to tell her what happened & asked her to stay for a chat about how thing will (or wont) work going forward.

The only response i got from her was " what disgusting behaviour, I've never seen him do anything like that"

Really??!! Not even a sorry or acknowledgment of what i had asked. & basically saying it must be me! Which i know its not from speaking to teachers & his own brother!
Mums even told me that their own nan wont look after them because of their behaviour!

I think you are all right, the letter needs to be written, although god knows what will happen to me financially as I've advertised for wrap around to fill a space since December with no luck. & cant take anymore ey's

[tess1981]

I have text mum to tell her what happened & asked her to stay for a chat about how thing will (or wont) work going forward.

The only response i got from her was " what disgusting behaviour, I've never seen him do anything like that"

Really??!! Not even a sorry or acknowledgment of what i had asked. & basically saying it must be me! Which i know its not from speaking to teachers & his own brother!
Mums even told me that their own nan wont look after them because of their behaviour!

I think you are all right, the letter needs to be written, although god knows what will happen to me financially as I've advertised for wrap around to fill a space since December with no luck. & cant take anymore ey's

Did u get speaking to mum yet

[hectors house]

Hope the parents agree to meeting for a discussion about their son's behaviour - he can't be allowed to continue to hit other children and kick cars - I would also put in writing to parents that they will be charged for any damage he does deliberately to your's or other people's property - he can't go about kicking cars - what if he does this outside school to the car parked next to yours? Surely if he does behave like this in class the school will be working on some approach or method to calm him down.