How do you cope having OH around?!

[buzzy bee]

My OH has just started a new job and is around more in the day and we're struggling!

The trouble is I work 5 days a week (mon-fri) and so does he but sometimes he works weekends, so his 2 days off are often when I'm working.

I think he's struggling with the noise and chaos (and in particular being around our own children more because they are quite demanding of his time)

Also I feel like when I do a job e.g. go to the kitchen to do dinner, or sit down at the laptop to do my accounts or something, I feel like I'm leaving him to take care of the kids which is unfair to him. When in actual fact I'd be doing those things if he wasn't there and the kids would just be getting on with it and playing happily on there own. So I'm not technically leaving him to take care of them - I think he just feels that way.

Every now and then when our own kids are climbing on him or keep nagging at him he'll get frustrated with me and tell me he's going upstairs or tell me I need to help him or sort it out... and I feel like this is unfair because if it was a weekend it would just be us and he wouldn't be leaving me on my own with them.

We're basically both finding it hard and I'm wondering how other people deal with it.

I don't really want him to do his own thing on his days off because then we'll hardly see each other and he'll hardly see our kids.

Any advice very welcome!

[smurfette]

I think it just settles down over time lol! My dh has been off this week and last for two days (usually only off weekend) and he has been great but it wasn't always that way(and prob wouldn't be if it was regular lol!) I know exactly what you mean about stopping and doing accounts or grabbing a cuppa .. It does feel like we are leaving them at it and as you say we would be doing that normally! How old are your kids? Could he take them out or help with homework or do something just with them to make it easier for you? Unfortunately we are always parents and your 'day off' is the weekend but you can't take time off from your kids cos he is at work, so it has to be the same for him if he is off during the week!

Good luck, keep talking and give it time, my dh really hated the chaos to begin with , I have compromised by trying to be tidier when he is here with mindees, he helps tidy up and he has got used to it a bit!

[sarah707]

Does he have a den / office / place to go where he can take himself?

I know it's hard for him but he has to remember you are running a business as well and need your own space to get on with it...

Hugs xx

[FloraDora]

My DH is around all the time as he is retired. I encourage him to continue with his hobbies. He is getting fitter by the minute as he cycles everyday!
We have a room where he does his model making, the children love to watch him for a few minutes but have accepted that I say "........is busy".
He does all the shopping when I am working.
He cooks for us so he spends time cleaning the kitchen and since I hate ironing he locks himself in our bedroom and irons too. Which means that come the weekend we both have time together and not have to do jobs.

I think the answer is he keeps busy away from us.

Sometimes though I have an issue with him having time to read, do a sudoku, read the paper, garden, photoshop our photos when I am busy playing. I sort of want him to be busy not doing hobbies when I am, which isn't alltogether fair!

Like someone said earlier....it takes time to fit into a comfortable partnership.

[buzzy bee]

Thanks for the replies... I'm sure we'll get used to it.

Sarah... he could escape to our bedroom or go out to the gym which he'd happily do. But part of me doesn't want him to because if he did that he wouldn't see our own kids.

We did have a chat tonight and he said it's the other children that drive him a bit crazy, not our own. Which is a relief! All my mindees love him, and he's really great with them. But he obviously finds it hard being in demand.

I guess not everyone is as crazy as we are to want to do this job :laughing:

I might suggest in future for him to take our kids out to the park or something so that he's getting a bit of a breather at the same time as having time with them. And that will make my life easier too!

[VeggieSausage]

My dh was made redundant earlier this year and is around all the time, admittedly he is job hunting so is upstairs on the laptop etc but it is hard.....I have tried to sit down at the beginning of the week and go through the diary and arrange who is doing what and when. In the mornings I try and be out so he has the house to himself. I don't have my own children at home during the day, but he is doing the school run too which is helping. He doesn't want to have anything to do with childminding, although sometimes I could scream with the lack of help and lack of thought......I am still doing the same amount of housework etc.....it is difficult. If he has days off in the week why doesn't he take your children out for a morning or a day, spend some time with them.....

[kaz26]

I hate it when my hubby is home when I'm working u have your own routine ect x

[shortstuff]

Mine is the same with mindees that he is with ds. He contradicts and/or undermines me!