Just looking for some advice/clear my head

[JackieJones123]

Hi
I'm new here but I feel like I'm at a loose end and not sure whether I'm looking for advice, wanting to rant or just get my feelings out there!!

So I've been childminding for a year now, I enjoyed it at first. I have a daughter who is 4 so it was an ideal career choice. But for the past few months I have started to regret my decision, I don't really enjoy it anymore. I'm finding it hard to find the motivation for want to do it anymore. My daughter isn't enjoying it either and I find her behaviour is really quite bad when I have mindees here. She is copying the younger child's behaviour and quite frankly it is driving me mad. I also feel like the parent walks all over me and takes me for advantage really, turning up too early, trying to drop him off when he isn't meant to be with me, paying me late.

It is getting me down and I am finding I am crying the whole situation more and more frequently, like now I am writing about it I am holding back the tears. I feel pathetic.

I also miss the social aspect of going out to work which is making things worse, I have worked in childcare for 10 years. I thought I would be ok as in my last job I didn't particularly like many of the people in the building lol!!

I just don't know what to do, whether this is just a phases or whether I should just get out! I have looked for new jobs and applied for them but I'm struggling cause of the times, with my daughter being in nursery school and childcare etc.

Aahhhhhhh I dunno.

Thanks for reading,

Jackie

[Rickers83]

Wow, I could have written this post myself!!

My own dd's are 13, 6 & 23 months. 13 year old does an after school activity nearly every day now to keep out of the house, 6 year old is either grumpy or crying, & 23 month old is copying temper tantrums etc.

I work longer hours for less pay & never get away from it like you do when you go out to work.

I've been applying for in school jobs as its what I used to do , but it is so competitive out there at the moment

Sorry not much help, but I feel your pain, & if its making you & yours children this unhappy its time for a change

Xx

[tess1981]

Think both of you need hugs.... A bit if tough love to parents is needed. In a letter if need be state no dropping off earlier than contracted time I will not be opening door. The days you book are the days you turn up... unless you have rang and spoken to me to change arrangement and only if I said yes. Late payment fees are being implemented next week no excuses. But all a bit nicer. Sometimes just telling parents what you will and will not accept can be enough to change your attitude to your job and make you feel more positive. Xxxxx

[Kiddleywinks]

It's a shame you're feeling this way, we all feel the pressure with parents that don't pay on time, turn up early, pick up late etc, and if you have a look round some of the posts you will notice a. you're not on your own, and b. that it's only when the minder has really had enough, they 'make a stand' and things change....(myself included)

Identifying the root cause would help identify why you are feeling the way you are, and I'm guessing the root cause is the parent you feel is taking advantage.

Parents can only take advantage if you allow them to - are you comfortable saying 'No'?

Sounds to me like you need to give yourself a stern talking to, revisit your contracts/policies, and learn one, or all, of the following as a mantra...
I'll get back to you on that
Let me check my diary and get back to you
No fees = no childcare
No I can't do that
No I can't wait several weeks for you to pay off your holiday and beauty parlour before paying me.... ;)

Would giving notice to particular child/ren help the situation for you and your daughter?
Do you have any groups you could start attending? (as an adult, not with the children, although extending your toddler groups may also help)
Have you lost touch with friends you could get back in touch with to give you some 'adult' time?

What is it you've lost interest in with minding?
What did you do in the beginning that you don't do now?
Why did it stop?

If you can look at each issue individually, then work your way back to the cause of the problem, it may help you make changes, however small at first, that makes a difference to how/if you carry on.

A counsellor once told me, you can't change how others behave, you can only change how you react towards them and their actions.
It is so true, and making that first step in changing our own behaviour is the hardest one to take

:group hug:

[Maza]

I think you need to tackle each problem individually. They are all very common problems that we all face from time to time. It is so hard trying to get a job that fits in with your own child - I'm also looking. I'm hoping something comes up in my DD's school so that I can start/finish around the same time as her. Which 'issue' would you like to work on first? x

[k1rstie]

Hi
My daughter isn't enjoying it either and I find her behaviour is really quite bad when I have mindees here. She is copying the younger child's behaviour and quite frankly it is driving me mad.

Hi Jackie. Sorry to hear you are feeling so low.

Often when mindees get to 4, they are a bit fed up with the other kids and going to toddler groups, etc.


Your daughter may be the same, and be ready for longer at school. It's not long till the end of term, that time will fly. I am sure that from September, you will get your sparkle back if you are still childminding.

[KatieFS]

Is your lo in full time school yet.. if not -I think it would be easier for you when she is at school.
This is a job with real ups and downs.
Get to a toddler group and make networks with others. How you are feeling us very common. I have exactly the same worries from time to time. Having friends who understand and you can talk to makes it feel like you're not alone!

I love bring my own boss, I love choosing my holidays and being around for my children. I don't think it's possible with most other jobs.

Get tough with parents. Early drop off late pick up is not on. I would let them know you will charge them each time if happens. Make a point of saying oh your a but early. Take a while to answer the door and day oh sorry I wasn't expecting you for another ten minutes... Always back up with, bear in mind I'm contracted from 9 not at 8.50 etc. don't feel embarrassed, it's your time and your business. Same with late payments - send a reminder, then start charging silly money if they don't pay! Each day late £5, £10, £20 why not!!!

Set yourself some goals - if cm not for you, what can you do to get yourself in a good position to be the best candidate. Any courses you could do? Any voluntary work? Helping at the schools..etc etc

Chin up xx

[JackieJones123]

Thanks for everyone's support.

I know most of it is my fault, I have done too many favours.. It started off with the parents shift changing last minute so they would need to drop off at 7:00 rather than 7:30 when I open.. Which I wasn't too bothered about. But some days, it's 6:30 that he is being dropped off at!! 6:30!!

I do have it quite easy I do only look after the one boy and then my daughter, but I've found I am struggling to keep the bond on my part with the boy as I am not enjoying it and also because he is such hard work. I do feel sorry for him as he isn't particularly well looked after at home, I think they would rather do absolutely anything than actually care for him an spend time with him, poor little thing.

My daughter isn't in full time school yet and it probably will help her, but then I don't want her to have to spend a whole day at school and then come home to this.. When she probably just wants to chill out and not having the hassle.

My partner was very supportive when it was something I wanted to do but now I've voiced my feels he is also agreeing it is annoying him when the boy is here, although he is at work for most of the time and wants his house back to how he wants it.

I really don't know what to do for the best as this feeling isn't going away, at first I thought I was just having a bad day. I do like the idea of being my own boss but then I also like the idea of going out and going to work, then when I come home it's done. I'm not in my workplace 24/7.

I have asked at the local school to see if I can do some volunteer work and just waiting to here back from the head. But obviously I, like everyone else, have bills to pay.

I have so much going round my head right now it's just getting unbearable. Even worrying about if i do find something else how I'm going to tell the parent as I feel they will be quite difficult!

Jackie

[wee_elf]

Would it be possible for you to work part time? Would give you more time with your daughter and less time feeling stressed. X

[Simona]

[QUOTE=JackieJones123;1360216]Hi
I'm new here but I feel like I'm at a loose end and not sure whether I'm looking for advice, wanting to rant or just get my feelings out there!!

So I've been childminding for a year now, I enjoyed it at first. I have a daughter who is 4 so it was an ideal career choice. But for the past few months I have started to regret my decision, I don't really enjoy it anymore. I'm finding it hard to find the motivation for want to do it anymore. My daughter isn't enjoying it either and I find her behaviour is really quite bad when I have mindees here. She is copying the younger child's behaviour and quite frankly it is driving me mad. I also feel like the parent walks all over me and takes me for advantage really, turning up too early, trying to drop him off when he isn't meant to be with me, paying me late.

It is getting me down and I am finding I am crying the whole situation more and more frequently, like now I am writing about it I am holding back the tears. I feel pathetic.

I also miss the social aspect of going out to work which is making things worse, I have worked in childcare for 10 years. I thought I would be ok as in my last job I didn't particularly like many of the people in the building lol!!

You are not the only one feeling a bit low about it all...many cms share your feelings at the moment after 2 years of constant changes, agencies, petitions, low funding, LAs changes etc etc etc.

If you look at the changes taking place in Sept 2014 I think you can rethink your childminding and choose what you want to do
Take some 'time out' if you need it and can afford it...keep your registration and then, when sure change to what suits you best and your family

Good luck!

[KatieFS]

You may feel more in control if you keep to your contractual times, then there is mutual respect.
Take time to really think if this is the job for you. Ok maybe it's not your forever job, but even if you can Cm while you volunteer / look for something else.
I love the children, I love being my own boss of my own business but there are def challenging elements and I do want to do something different once my youngest is through primary school. I'm always realistic, as long as financially I can keep my business going then ill carry on, of course if money is a problem ill have to look for something else

[JackieJones123]

Yeah, it's not something I plan on doing forever. I don't know how to have the conversation with the parent about being too early in the mornings, 30 minutes yesterday and 20 minutes today, dad bought him so mum can have a lie in!!!

I have had a little cry in the kitchen this morning whilst making breakfasts as I feel I cannot do this anymore. I am going to carry on until I can find something else. I am dreading the day I have to tell the parent that I will no longer be caring for their child as I know they are going to be awkward and not at all understanding

[Kiddleywinks]

Are you able to give notice now rather than continue to be brought down by the negativity?

You could always say it's 'due to a change in circumstances', then if pressed, just say it's a personal matter that you'd rather not talk about outside of your family (let them draw their own conclusions ;))

Then when you get new parents, be firm with them from the start.
sometimes a change in children/parents is enough to make a huge difference :thumbsup:

[Goatgirl]

Yeah, it's not something I plan on doing forever. I don't know how to have the conversation with the parent about being too early in the mornings, 30 minutes yesterday and 20 minutes today, dad bought him so mum can have a lie in!!!

I have had a little cry in the kitchen this morning whilst making breakfasts as I feel I cannot do this anymore. I am going to carry on until I can find something else. I am dreading the day I have to tell the parent that I will no longer be caring for their child as I know they are going to be awkward and not at all understanding

Hi :group hug::group hug:
So sorry you're feeling dreadful at the moment. It sounds as though you have managed to somehow go from running your business your way for the good of your family, to being at the beck and call of this other family who don't appreciate you. That would get anyone down... I have had disagreements etc with parents and it is sooo upsetting.

But remember, you chose this job for you. so you could be home with your daughter, so think carefully before you let one controlling family's behaviour push you into giving up your business and your time with your daughter. Wouldn't she rather be home with Mum and other children than at another childminders house and still with other children anyway?

Your husband may be irritated by the effects of childminding in your home, but as you say, he was happy about it while he thought you were happy, so maybe he'll see the positives again if you can get back to enjoying it? There are lots of issues and lots of things you can do to tackle them, but I think the main one that screams out from your posts is that you feel this mindees family are dictating your business, not respecting the service you want to offer. That's where I'd start and see how things feel once the power is back in your hands, where it should be :D...

You need to re-draw the boundaries and stay firm. Yes, you have 'let' them slowly but surely creep further and further toward what they want and not what you want, but don't feel bad about it. Feeling guilty is not going to help. Just sort them out: They are adults taking advantage of your kind nature - it will be good for them to hear from you that you are no longer going to accept early drop-offs, late pick ups or late payments.

Just write it in a very business - like letter:

Something along the lines of
"Dear x and x,
As discussed and agreed when we first went through the contract for lo's care, start time is x, finish time is x and fees must be paid in full by x.
Then write what you expect (please do not arrive before x time unless x, x and x.)
followed by what will happen if they do not comply (I will not answer the door until x time./ Your child will not be accepted for care until outstanding fees are recieved in full, late charges will be payable at the following rate.) etc

and hand it to the parent at drop off or collection with a verbal "There are a few things I've started to let slip lately and its started to impact on my personal life so what I've done is, I've written those things down for you so that its clear how we're going to carry on." Hand it over with a cheery smile, then usher them out of the door. with an "Anyway, I must get on". Field any questions on the door step - "its all written down for you". Cheery and brisk. Think Mary Poppins. That always works wonders for me ;).....

What's the worst that could happen?! Even if they gave notice, it sounds as though you would be better off - emotionally if not financially and you could advertise for another mindee. There are good respectful families out there, you just have to set and maintain boundaries because if you let them get away with it, most people will walk all over you in my personal experience.

I hope things work out for you whichever way you decide to go. Good luck :thumbsup:

[JackieJones123]

Well, I have been offered an interview for a job that I have always wanted to do! Sooo maybe this is a sign?!? I hope so!

I think at this moment in my life I need to stop the
CM as it's unfair on my mindee and also my family, I feel stressed all the time and no one needs that! And I feel my daughter is suffering as I'm losing my temper with her even though it's not her fault. After having a dreadful weekend also with a family member who is in a pretty bad place I feel like I just need out. So fingers crossed for the interview.

[Rickers83]

Good luck with your interview, let us know how you get on

I've had a couple but am struggling as I've been out of schools for a couple of years now & other applicants have more recent experience.

Hope it all works out for you soon xx

[ChocolateChip]

Good luck with your interview, I hope it works out for you!
If it's any consolation after 6yrs I am looking to get out aswell. I have had enough of all the uncertainty, changes, jumping through hoops and lack of consideration from some people (i know the good outweigh the bad but it doesn't always feel like that). My kids are older now, it's starting to affect them and our family life always having 'little visitors' around so I am also 'looking about me' to see what I can change ;)

[wee_elf]

Good luck with the interview! :)

[KatieFS]

Go for it gal!!! Best of luck xxx

[Bumble Beez]

Good luck for your interview...trust your instincts and go with your gut feeling regarding moving on from childminding :D

Sarah x

[JackieJones123]

Thank you everyone. Same happened again today, mum is off work so dad has bought him at 6:30 so mum can have a lie in.. Commenting he's tired cause he's had to wake him up.. Am I the only one who thinks this is unacceptable?

[smurfette]

Thank you everyone. Same happened again today, mum is off work so dad has bought him at 6:30 so mum can have a lie in.. Commenting he's tired cause he's had to wake him up.. Am I the only one who thinks this is unacceptable?

That's just daft why doesn't he wait for little one to wake up?! Surely it's the same noise which might disturb mum whether they wake up themselves or dad wakes them ., in fact
Prob noisier if dad had to wake him before he was ready! Is there something more going on here.. Most parents learn to turn over and go back to sleep when the other parent gets up with them!

[JackieJones123]

I'm going to be very honest, it's just his mums attitude towards the child. She is very self cantered. I think the poor child sleeps at home 3 nights a week at the most! Because he is just passed from person to person. During the day when he is at home (I know someone that is very close friends with his mum) he spends most of his time in a cot out the way. Obviously that's just word of mouth so who knows. She is very much, yes this is my child but I expect everyone else to be doing the hard work for me and I will have him back when I feel like it.

I know that during her maternity leave it was dad that was getting up and doing the night feeds and then going out to work whilst she slept.

[tess1981]

Thank you everyone. Same happened again today, mum is off work so dad has bought him at 6:30 so mum can have a lie in.. Commenting he's tired cause he's had to wake him up.. Am I the only one who thinks this is unacceptable?

What time is the child meant to arrive

[smurfette]

I'm going to be very honest, it's just his mums attitude towards the child. She is very self cantered. I think the poor child sleeps at home 3 nights a week at the most! Because he is just passed from person to person. During the day when he is at home (I know someone that is very close friends with his mum) he spends most of his time in a cot out the way. Obviously that's just word of mouth so who knows. She is very much, yes this is my child but I expect everyone else to be doing the hard work for me and I will have him back when I feel like it. I know that during her maternity leave it was dad that was getting up and doing the night feeds and then going out to work whilst she slept.

Something not right here. Best of luck with interview and whatever you decide ,.
Plenty of posts on here at mo about people coming back to minding , maybe a change of client / hours might help if you do stay with it?