Unsure about enquiry

[lynnslittleuns]

Hi all

Simple question really......Have you ever said no to a prospective child starting with you, after first meeting.
Gut feelings I suppose I mean. Just not certain about this 4 year old & must decide now.

HELP
Lynn xx

[Kaybeaa]

I haven't yet but I will have no qualms doing so if I felt uneasy or unhappy about the situation. The only time I've said no is when the parent rang me to enquire about a space and constantly patronized me during the conversation, said my fees were high (they're not) and kept cutting me off mid conversation. She then asked to come and see my setting. Miraculously my free space wasn't so free anymore and I told her so. It's your business, don't worry about being too nice, go with your gut or else you're stuck being miserable for the forseeable!

[smurfette]

What was it about it that makes you feel uneasy? Do you have a settling in period in your contract ?

[lynnslittleuns]

Thanks for replies so quickly.
I was uneasy because apparently the child is bored at his present nursery & I did get the impression that he was very hyper active. He was running around & touching everything as soon as he walked through the door.
I usually find children a bit shy or quiet on first visit.

Is it just me?
Lynn x

[lynnslittleuns]

Murphf. Not much time to settling in as he needs to start as soon as I'm back from hols.

Lynn x

[Kaybeaa]

If he's bored at a nursery with probably more children and resources, how's he going to be at yours? Did parent explain why he was bored?

I've got a hyperactive child on my books. She's lovely but I do have my work cut out. I'm shattered by the end of the day!

This child may settle once he's got over the fascination of new place new toys etc but ultimately it's up to you as like I say it's your business...

[smurfette]

He might be better at yours if you get out and about, sometimes I think nursery isn't great for little fellas, in my experience they need a good run every day!!

However go with your gut, sometimes you just know , and only you can tell how he will fit with your regular routine, and other mindees

If you have a settling In period (I have four weeks on mine) in which either party can give immediate notice it would allow you to try it out, but it obviously would be disruptive for him if he has to move on so think carefully

Don't feel guilty if you don't think he is a good fit for your setting

[lynnslittleuns]

Thanks everyone.
I've obviously got to decide quickly & to go with my gut feeling as there isn't time for a settling in period.
The parents seem lovely & no problems with payments as I'm cheaper than what they have been paying at the nursery.
Coffee & a good think for me.

Lynn x

[blue bear]

If you are not confident saying no, your child isn't for me, you could always go along the lines of due to a change In circumstances the place is no longer available.

As for child being bored, could it be that the nursery is too rigid or too free for this particular child? Does he need more of a routine know what comes next, where you go each day sort of thing, with options for choice within that routine but is tailored to his particular interests rather than the whole group, with the ability to change the set up if what's on offer doesn't float his boat, so he is getting frustrated at home, you put his wellingtona on and go for a good puddles jumping walk.
Childminders are often better set up to deal with overly energetic children as we have such low numbers and can be more flexible to tune into what makes them tick.

On the flip side,a child who pushes the boundaries everyday is very hard work and can cause friction with the other children.

[Kiddleywinks]

I have a 4 week settling in period whereby if things aren't working out for me, or the parent, either side can terminate within that 4 weeks with immediate effect.
LO may have been a bull in a china shop because you have different resources to the ones he's used to.
'New toys to play with' excitement...?

I personally feel that some children can be left to their own devices at larger settings, when what they actually need is some structure to their day, and some 1 on 1 adult contact.
Just a thought lol

[bunyip]

Hi all

Simple question really......Have you ever said no to a prospective child starting with you, after first meeting.
Gut feelings I suppose I mean. Just not certain about this 4 year old & must decide now.

HELP
Lynn xx

Yes, absolutely.

I've said "no" several times: after the first meeting and even ten minutes into the first meeting.

In fact, I just posted on another thread http://www.childmindinghelp.co.uk/forum/general-childminding-chat/130574-first-parents-meeting.html that every CM should remember the enquiry visit should be a 2-way interview in which we are selecting the client just as much as they are selecting us.

As murphf suggests, a settling-in period with immediate notice might be the answer. I certainly would have that at the very least in this case, and it's always useful in all contracts. And don't be afraid to extend the 'settling' period by another month if you're still not 100% at the end of the 1st month.

You may find it useful to draw mum's attention to this, and regard the whole thing as an 'on trial' arrangement, justified on the basis of the child's apparent failure to settle at the other setting. Make it clear that you're doing this for everyone's good, although mum may feel this approach is one of 'planning for failure' (but that's her responsibility - don't take responsibility for her feelings or decisions.) I would be totally honest with the mum that I had reservations about how it might work out, and that it is very much due to the fact that she wants an immediate start with no time for preliminary settling-in. She is likely to be very worried about resigning a nursery place to be taken 'on trial' (and I wouldn't blame her for feeling that way) but I'd honestly say I understand that and am simply offering the best I could offer in the circumstances. It's critical for both parties to 'take ownership' of their own decisions in this case, and not give in to recrimination if it doesn't work out. I'd be absolutely clear about that from the off.

Remember you're entitled to say "no" - now or later. If you do give it a go, remember you're still entitled to say "no" later if it isn't working out. It's not your job to solve all the child's/family's problems for them. I'd be honest and prepared for all possible outcomes, in order to soften any possible future blow. If you have to give notice, be very careful about reasons given, so you don't fall foul of inclusion issues or equality laws.

[rickysmiths]

Thanks everyone.
I've obviously got to decide quickly & to go with my gut feeling as there isn't time for a settling in period.
The parents seem lovely & no problems with payments as I'm cheaper than what they have been paying at the nursery.
Coffee & a good think for me.

Lynn x

Do you not have a four week settling in period at the beginning of your Contract where you or the parents can give immediate notice if things aren't working out?

I have said no after the first visit to many parents over the years. That is what the interview is for, not just the parents but for you as well. You are under no obligation whatsoever to take on ever family who walks through your door and wants to use you.

I went against my gut feeling a couple of years ago and paid for it with a Complaint being made to Ofsted when the parents wanted to leave without paying me. Thankfully the complaint was not upheld but it was a time consuming process to go through. I will always follow my gut feeling in the future.

[wee_elf]

If you do decide to go ahead and take the child, I would make sure you asked for permission to see the child's development record from nursery to support the transition also maybe a chat with his key person - it may be a eye opener! :)

[lynnslittleuns]

Thankyou so much everyone for all of your replies.
I would definitely insist on a 4 week settling period but the way I have been feeling today, I know deep down that I'm not happy taking on this child.
Financially it would be really helpful but even that isn't swaying it for me so in reality, what does that say?

I think I'm going to have to say no, tighten up my budget for a while & wait for someone more suited to myself & my setting.

I hope my gut is telling me the right thing :panic:

Thanks again everyone.
Lynn x