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View Full Version : so angry & upset ive felt sick all day



Rickers83
23-04-2014, 11:39 AM
The short version is;

Lo 4, refused to follow an instruction (not unusual) so I told him he would have to stay out of playroom.

Lo throws tantrums quite regularly and began growling at me that he would do what he wants. I reminded him we were in my home and my rules

He then flew at me growing, punching, kicking, pushing telling me to get out of his way!

I've worked in sen schools so having a child fly for me is nothing I've not dealt with before, but this was in my home, infront of my children, & husband (who had to walk out of the house he was so angry)
It felt so different.

Lo also flew for any child who came near so i had to shut them all in front room, this continued for 20 mins, pushing, shouting etc, even when i walked away he followed and continued

The school run as you can imagine was horrendous

I text mum as couldn't ring and she's apologised but not really in a way that she seemed that bothered.

Los behaviour has been challenging for some time with tantrums etc

As an someone with sen background don't want to give up on him as happens so often, but have the other children to think about as unlike school i have noone to sit with them whilst im dealing with the behaviour

Have felt sick all day & cant concentrate properly with the los i have now.
Its really knocked me considering i used to deal with it all the time, like i say though this was in my own home with my family watching, very different.

Sorry such a long post!!

Maza
23-04-2014, 11:47 AM
Oh poor you, it sounds like you have had a tough time. I'm afraid I would have to let him go. I've also worked in SEN schools but here you are on your own. What if he had hurt another child, you or your property? It's not fair to let your own children see that. If other parents get wind of what is happening they might take their children out of your care in case they get hurt or distressed and that's not fair on you. You have nothing to feel guilty about, you do not need that stress. x

Koala
23-04-2014, 12:03 PM
Wize words Maza. :thumbsup:

MessybutHappy
23-04-2014, 12:34 PM
I have no experience, but Maza's words sound sensible. You mention that you don't want to "give up", surely this isn't "giving up", this is identifying a need, signposting the parents and starting the child on the road to something better, rather than allowing the behaviour to continue to spiral in an environment where you can't support the child? How lucky is this child to have found you instead of me! I wouldn't have been anywhere near as well placed to provide the support that's needed!

Emra81
23-04-2014, 12:59 PM
The only other option you've got, which you've probably already done, is call the parents in for a meeting and set up an action plan to help him manage his behaviour. I wouldn't pull any punches, be quite frank about the fact that you have a duty of care to the other children and your family and that, as much add you want to help him, you can't continue to deal with situations like that unless you have their full support from home and things improve. Strikes me that they might be in denial/resigned to the situation and need to understand that you are quite prepared to terminate the contract. You don't say how often he's with you but if/when he's at school he's really going to struggle if that's how he behaves when things don't go his way and they need to start dealing with it, if they aren't already. Put a time frame on it (I'd go for a month max I think) and at the end of this time discuss how he's getting on....possibly being ready to terminate the contract. He won't turn it around instantly but if you can see an improvement and have agreed strategies in place to handle tantrums like that then you'll feel better. AND if you do end up terminating the contract you can walk away knowing you did everything you could, especially making it clear to the parents that they need to work with you to help him, but you have to think of everyone else involved.

shortstuff
23-04-2014, 12:59 PM
I can see both sides here. To be fair I would probably make my judgement based on the parents reaction on collection. This would be my guage. If it is swept under the carpet then I would give notice. If the parent dealt with it in a way that I was happy with I might give a warning that if it happened again I would terminate immediately. This gives the parents the opportunity to instil the correct life skills while in a supportive environment.

I have had this happen within my setting with a child with SEN but at the time this was the only LO in attendance so no one else saw it or worried about it. This has been the one and only occurrence and the LO was dealt with in a manner which I felt was appropriate. I also knew about the additional needs before the LO started here too. That being said if it was aimed at another individual within my home the parents know they would receive an immediate termination.

k1rstie
23-04-2014, 01:20 PM
The only other option you've got, which you've probably already done, is call the parents in for a meeting and set up an action plan to help him manage his behaviour. I wouldn't pull any punches, be quite frank about the fact that you have a duty of care to the other children and your family and that, as much add you want to help him, you can't continue to deal with situations like that unless you have their full support from home and things improve. Strikes me that they might be in denial/resigned to the situation and need to understand that you are quite prepared to terminate the contract. You don't say how often he's with you but if/when he's at school he's really going to struggle if that's how he behaves when things don't go his way and they need to start dealing with it, if they aren't already. Put a time frame on it (I'd go for a month max I think) and at the end of this time discuss how he's getting on....possibly being ready to terminate the contract. He won't turn it around instantly but if you can see an improvement and have agreed strategies in place to handle tantrums like that then you'll feel better. AND if you do end up terminating the contract you can walk away knowing you did everything you could, especially making it clear to the parents that they need to work with you to help him, but you have to think of everyone else involved.

I think this is very sensible advise.

Is this type of behaviour typical of children with a SEN, or could it be a sign all is not well at home, or is child watching inappropriate DVD's/ playing inappropriate violent computer games?

blue bear
23-04-2014, 09:07 PM
Hugs. Hard decisions x

carol cameron
24-04-2014, 01:52 PM
Wise words from other posters. Can I just add that you need to make sure you write the incident up in full for your records. Similar happened to me a year ago with an older child who I had looked after for 5 years. Agreed with mum to give him another chance but when same thing happened the next day I gave notice. Mum then decided that child clearly wasn't happy and hasn't spoken to me since. Also left owing me money.....

However, when I spoke to Ofsted their advice was to document everything in case it went further. It didn't but it was a horrible experience so sending you huge hug while you get through it.

Ripeberry
24-04-2014, 05:31 PM
I helped out at a pre-school many years ago and they had one child who was very violent towards other children and especially adults (if they stopped him doing what HE wanted to do). He did it to me once when I had asked him to please stop damaging a piece of equipment, he screamed in my face and said he was going to hurt me badly (this is a 3 yr old), he then followed me around and tried to kick me! Had to take refuge in the kitchen whilst he was was restrained by the pre-school leader. Several times he had to be restrained to stop him damaging property, himself and others. The parents were in denial about it all and let him rule the home. He had the TV on all day (to keep him quiet) so of course didn't know how to cope without it.
In the end the parents took the child out themselves. We never found out if he had any kind of SEN.

Tracie Morrison
25-04-2014, 10:50 PM
** Sending Hugs **

Some great advice and I, in this situation would do the same and follow my gut instinct, I would look for the parents reaction and if acceptable would inform them that a further incident would lead to termination, but if their reaction was poor then I would terminate immediately.
With your own family and the other childrens welfare to think of I would put their needs first whether or not there was a suspected SEN xx