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View Full Version : 1 yr olds dont like going out



ziggy
15-04-2014, 07:58 AM
I am minding a lovely 13month old girl, she comes 2 days a week and started at the end of January. Other mindee is boy 15months, he's been coming 4 days a week since last June and was always such a happy baby.

On mondays we go to 'baby group' which they quite enjoy as long as i'm sat with them. On Thursdays we go to a new toddler group where both children are known by others (small village). Fridays are toddler session at local soft play with same parents/children we meet on thursdays. In the last few weeks both mindees have been quite upset while at groups, I spend whole time sitting on floor with them or on big sofa with them on my knee. If I encourage them to join in activities they just scream and cry.

Yesterday we stayed home and they were absolute angels. Planning to stay in again today or maybe go for walk. I dont really want to stop going to groups as parents choose me over other minders because i get out and about with mindees. Plus I would go insane staying in every day.

any advice?

AdeleMarie88
15-04-2014, 08:15 AM
Perhaps it's the noise? I had a 15month old start with me last oct, he hated nearly everything except for park and my living room!

Try gently build it up, have other children at your house, go to friends houses, and just increase amount of background noise and numbers of children. It must be quite strange for little ones, not only to be left by their parents, to be then faced with possibility of not being able to see or hear you when out and about!

It will get better xx

Mouse
15-04-2014, 09:08 AM
Parents might have chosen you because you go out and about, but do you really think they'd see that as a good thing if they knew how unhappy their children were at groups? Surely they'd prefer that their children were happy in your house than unhappy at a group?

I try to make sure the children attend one group a week, but that doesn't have to be with me. If I know my mindees attend groups with parents, I don't worry about taking them. Currently only one of my mindees doesn't go to any groups with a parent, so I try to make sure I take her most weeks. For the others, our trips out are to the library, the park, the local shops etc.

If your mindees enjoy the Monday group I'd stick to that, but try to find other activities they enjoy for other days. If they're happiest at your house though, I would put that first. What about inviting other cms round to visit you? Then maybe try groups again when they're a bit older.

ziggy
15-04-2014, 09:14 AM
Parents might have chosen you because you go out and about, but do you really think they'd see that as a good thing if they knew how unhappy their children were at groups? Surely they'd prefer that their children were happy in your house than unhappy at a group?

I try to make sure the children attend one group a week, but that doesn't have to be with me. If I know my mindees attend groups with parents, I don't worry about taking them. Currently only one of my mindees doesn't go to any groups with a parent, so I try to make sure I take her most weeks. For the others, our trips out are to the library, the park, the local shops etc.

If your mindees enjoy the Monday group I'd stick to that, but try to find other activities they enjoy for other days. If they're happiest at your house though, I would put that first. What about inviting other cms round to visit you? Then maybe try groups again when they're a bit older.

thanks for reply. Sadly other local minders tend not to see this job as I do, so wouldnt invite them here or go to visit them. Luckily weather is much better now so may not go to groups as often. Groups dont run in july or august, so hopefully by September things will improve.

sing-low
15-04-2014, 09:16 AM
I would tell parents what you've said here. For whatever reason, the children aren't happy at groups so you're going to spend some time at home and see how it goes. Maybe give it a month and then try again. I had to stop going to a group recently as it just wasn't working. When I explained to parents, they were fine.

ziggy
15-04-2014, 09:16 AM
Perhaps it's the noise? I had a 15month old start with me last oct, he hated nearly everything except for park and my living room!

Try gently build it up, have other children at your house, go to friends houses, and just increase amount of background noise and numbers of children. It must be quite strange for little ones, not only to be left by their parents, to be then faced with possibility of not being able to see or hear you when out and about!

It will get better xx

thanks, I agree, they are happier here because they know I wont leave them. Rules here in Northern Ireland are different and sadly I cant invite friends to visit and as mentioned other minders dont (in my opinion) take job too seriously:blush:.

Will discuss with parents and hope good weather stays so we can at least get out for walks to park etc

tess1981
15-04-2014, 10:06 AM
thanks, I agree, they are happier here because they know I wont leave them. Rules here in Northern Ireland are different and sadly I cant invite friends to visit and as mentioned other minders dont (in my opinion) take job too seriously:blush:.

Will discuss with parents and hope good weather stays so we can at least get out for walks to park etc

I'm in northern Ireland you can have friends over if you like just inform social services and they will get them vetted. My mum and sister in law and sister are vetted so can be in my house whenever I'm minding. It states regular visitors have to be vetted. If a friend drops of at a one off we obviously can't vet them there and then but if they come regularly you can. :) I can go to friends houses and never been told to vet if I go there hth

funemnx
15-04-2014, 12:52 PM
I'm having the same problem with 2 babies a similar age - they were fine at groups but now just cling and cry so I've temporarily stopped going to groups - luckily the weather is getting better so we've been to parks, garden centres, farms and played at home they are both so much happier. I'm used to meeting up with other CM so a bit lonely but some have been meeting me at parks ect. so not always alone. At the end of the day if the babies are happy so am I! :thumbsup:

ziggy
15-04-2014, 01:12 PM
I'm in northern Ireland you can have friends over if you like just inform social services and they will get them vetted. My mum and sister in law and sister are vetted so can be in my house whenever I'm minding. It states regular visitors have to be vetted. If a friend drops of at a one off we obviously can't vet them there and then but if they come regularly you can. :) I can go to friends houses and never been told to vet if I go there hth

I had major problems with social services over this just before christmas. I was told that no one can visit unless they are vetted. Was also told workmen have to come out of my working hours. Crazy but that is what i was told.

Mouse
15-04-2014, 02:19 PM
I had major problems with social services over this just before christmas. I was told that no one can visit unless they are vetted. Was also told workmen have to come out of my working hours. Crazy but that is what i was told.

Knowing what you have been through, I don't think I'd risk it :panic:

Bluebell
15-04-2014, 02:58 PM
I agree with you - following what the children are happy with seems to be working. I often find that parents pick you because they like minders that go out and about but it is a drawback when I then stay in because the parents don't seem to get that this is really important to children - to be in a familiar, safe environment that gives them confidence to explore, investigate, experiment, build relationships and friendships. I don't think play-groups give the same opportunities for sustained thinking or building good friendships. These children are similar age so it is ideal that they are at home and can do appropriate activities. Parents seem to think that if you stay home you are doing 'nothing' wit the children.
I have some parents that can't abide just 'being' at home and spending time with their child - they feel they have to be off doing something here there and everywhere ALL the time - the child loves coming here and being able to play and become absorbed in an imaginary game or craft activity.

I love play-groups and know they are really beneficial for children - especially for growing independence and confidence and socialisation but can also see the advantages of crafts, activities, game and good old playing at home.

I have to say I did have one parent say to me that they thought a childminder taking all the children to a toddler group was 'cheating' (!?) as they thought that the childminder should be providing the activities, socialising etc at the childminders. Personally I just go with the group of children on the day. If the children never go to toddler group I like to take them, but if they already do other days at pre-school or have parents that take them then I don't worry about it. (although sometimes its nice to go for me - to see other childminders and have chance for a cuppa and chat ;) )

My suggestion would be to do an outing like a walk to look at flowers/trees/bugs whatever or a trip to the park/beach/ duck pond /whatever and then home for lunch and either a play or a sleep depending on the children's routines.

I think sharing your day with the parents and how happy the child is will really empahasise that you are putting the child's needs first - and if you have a diary or learning journey that shares how it is beneficial to their development - well all the better!

tess1981
15-04-2014, 04:18 PM
I had major problems with social services over this just before christmas. I was told that no one can visit unless they are vetted. Was also told workmen have to come out of my working hours. Crazy but that is what i was told.

Vet regular friends or all the family and friends you can find lol at least if they pop in you covered. My friends all work other jobs and it not very often I would have one visit but if they became regular I would social services do it for free but if you don't mind me asking what was the bother with social services .. I find different social workers make different rules what trust are you registered woth

AdeleMarie88
15-04-2014, 04:33 PM
I think, from experience, playgroups don't tend to offer more than I do at. Home anyway, I have around 4children a day- we go in the garden, feed the chickens, play in the sandpit, paint, draw, messy play and free play. I enjoy getting out when the weather is like it has been recently, but I would never feel guilty for stopping in! It's all about balance and creating a calm, stimulating environment, if you can do that at home- amazing! Xx

ziggy
15-04-2014, 04:35 PM
Vet regular friends or all the family and friends you can find lol at least if they pop in you covered. My friends all work other jobs and it not very often I would have one visit but if they became regular I would social services do it for free but if you don't mind me asking what was the bother with social services .. I find different social workers make different rules what trust are you registered woth

Not many of my friends would be keen on doing a 50mile round trip to take paperwork into social services office, plus i dont really want to encourage friends to just drop in while i'm working. You're right about different social workers making different rules. No one could explain to me exactly what a 'regular visitor' was. Sorry i cant discuss what happened, hope you understand. Thanks for your replies

AdeleMarie88
15-04-2014, 04:40 PM
...just to add- I think parents tend to ask CM a lot about going out, not because they expect you to do a group everyday, but I think it shows a motivation and willingness about the job, I'm sure if you explained that you were having some quieter days until LOs are happy, they will understand! X

tess1981
15-04-2014, 07:56 PM
Not many of my friends would be keen on doing a 50mile round trip to take paperwork into social services office, plus i dont really want to encourage friends to just drop in while i'm working. You're right about different social workers making different rules. No one could explain to me exactly what a 'regular visitor' was. Sorry i cant discuss what happened, hope you understand. Thanks for your replies

Of course I understand :) x

wee_elf
15-04-2014, 08:54 PM
I don't know if it is possible but could you maybe take some photos of the places you visit and people (with permission of course) and create a photo book for the children to look at in your environment, it may help them feel more aware and secure?
Also could you maybe cut down the trips to say one a week and then gradually increase? xx

ziggy
01-05-2014, 11:15 AM
Groups started again after easter break. Took both children to group on monday, only 2 other children there so no problems. Today I took older child (16months) to toddler group, he was ok for first 15mins then just cried and threw himself on the floor. When others went into other room for story he was fine. So i guess he just doesnt like the noise. Not going to take him to soft play tomorrow.

I have a 3month old starting next week so think I may give groups a break for a while.