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View Full Version : How can I help 1 year old settle ? He won't stop crying all day and it wears me out !



tetti
13-04-2014, 04:52 PM
It's my mindee's first week with me (after a 1 week settling in period) so it's understandable that he is finding it hard to be apart from his parents,but I have never experienced such consistent crying before.
My other mindee (also 1 years old) is currently on holiday but I truly need to make some progress before he comes back or things will become unbearable.
The other 1 year old had no problems in settling and plays away happily,but the new boy screams hysterically most of the day (from 9am - 6pm!)
The only time he does not cry and scream (and it's truly deafening) is when he naps,when he's in the buggy and when he eats.
He doesn't want to play,and he just wants to be held all the time. That is of course not possible as I will have to look after the other child too,and this new boy will have to learn that unlike his parents,I cannot carry him around all the time or let him sit on my lap.
I try to reassure him but he becomes hysterical if I try to put him down and literally digs his nails into me to hold on.
He is the loveliest little boy ever when he's out and about,happy and chatting,but indoors he will point at the door and say "dada,mamma !",and when I reassure him gently that they will come back he becomes absolutely hysterical.
I don't want to give up on him already as naturally it will take some time for him to settle ,especially as he seems very sensitive.
But what tips would you give me on how to help him settle?
I have looked after many children over the years,but I have never had a child crying all day long.

clareelizabeth1
13-04-2014, 05:23 PM
Ok an odd suggestion but if the child is distressed by being inside and you say about the door and him pointing to it so he is obviously associating your house and the door with being left by parents and them collecting. Is there anyway you could do drop off or pick ups from an outside space. A park that's only a short way from your house. Or even collect him from there's or get parents to put him straight in your car then go for a quick drive. You might find a break in routine works

sing-low
13-04-2014, 05:34 PM
I would suggest you talk to his parents and encourage them not to carry him around all the time. If it's what he's used to, then he'll expect it everywhere. Other than that, try and gently wean him off needing to be held - sitting on your lap, then on the floor with you next to him etc. Good luck, such a hard one for you and him!

tess1981
13-04-2014, 10:32 PM
I have a 1 yo 2 data a week and he did the same... took me 3 or 4 weeks to settle him now he is a delight :) patience is the key. I also found he preferred being in my kitchen so we spend a lot of the day there when he with me

bernesewalking
14-04-2014, 05:34 AM
I have a little girl who started last august when she was a year old too, she comes one whole day and a half a day a week, it was unbearable with her screaming, the only thing that stopped me giving up was her lovely parents, it took me until March this year for her to stop screaming, believe me it was hard, she still sobs when parents drop of and has the odd unsettled day but she has turned into a delight to be around, so keep going and hopefully little one will settle.

Tealady
14-04-2014, 09:51 AM
How many days a week is he with you? I do think that sometimes the first few days of tears are quite genine but then they can become a bit of a habit.

I have just successfully settled two very distressed girls (10mth and 2½). They too were happier out and about and I got to feel that it was almost as if their little minds were thinking "OK, so we are back at Tealady's house, this is where I cry" In the end I spent most of the day out and about, just came home for naps and foods just to break the cycle of tears. I did this for a couple of days then would spend more time in my house using distractions (like Peppa pig in the TV) to again break the cycle. The Baby is now fine however her sister does have wobbles (but there are deeper issues there).

Fortunately they were from the same family, I had no other children here to consider and as Mum just wanted them settled so was happy for me to do what ever it took as long as we got to the goal of settled children. Maybe you could do something similar that addresses the need of both children?

JCrakers
14-04-2014, 11:30 AM
I had an 8m old who cried solidly from 8am-6pm 4 days a week. Its really hard and looking back I don't know how I managed to survive for the 8 weeks. I tried so hard.

Only you know how long you can do it for, I tried for 8 weeks. Some children settle straight away, others take a few days but others take weeks and some just don't.

My 8m old mindee had a newborn cry and she wouldn't eat, sleep, be held and even going out in the buggy didn't always help. When I did get her settled which was hard work then if anyone came in or out the room she started again, which is very hard when you have other children in the house.
It got to the point where I wasn't enjoying my job anymore and the other children didn't want to come. So after 8 weeks and a screaming ordeal in the church at toddler group I gave in.

Have you tried a blanket or teddy from home with Mums smell on?
Some people would recommend a sling so you could carry around and still have hands free but personally I don't agree with that but its up to the individual.

Give yourself a timescale, if its not better in a few weeks then decide from there :D

jackie 7
14-04-2014, 11:53 AM
I had a 1 yr old who started last August. As he was my main money I had to keep him. He screamed on and off all day. Wouldn't sleep unless he was held. He did eat. I tried to get mum to stop varying him as she did most of the day. After a mega 1 1/2 hour tantrum in January he settled now he is so much better but will start off if he doesn't get what he wants. Just hope yours settle soon.

toddlers896
14-04-2014, 09:56 PM
I had a child who cried everyday too. i had her from 8.30 to 12 five days a week for 7 months. we went to playgroups every morning and she got to know all my childminding friends and their children but it made no difference. they couldn't look at her and she cried. The only time she was happy was in a buggy but i wasnt happy doing this long term as there was no way she would gain social skills or confidence. i had chats with parents but they didn't want to hear it. all they wanted was to go to work and they didn't care if she was in a buggy all morning. i persevered for seven months but it really wound me up in the end as she would cry for no reason. children and adults couldn't go near her or even look at her and if i didn't pick her up she would cry so hard that she would make herself sick. i gave notice in the end. i couldn't deal with it, felt a bit of a failure but it was either she went or i gave up my job. I did the right thing as the parents were so horrible to me when i gave notice that i realized why the child was the way she was.
Unfortunately i have no positive advice on this subject but all i would say is don't let it get you down like I did. If its not working for you then you have to give notice. Some children just wont settle and I dont think she ever would have with me. I could be wrong but i wasn't willing to do it any longer to find out.

KateA
15-04-2014, 03:27 PM
Hi just wanted to say good luck and give your self a time table of how long you are prepared to put up with it.

I have just given notice to my only mindee who is 14 months old after between 4 and 5 months of putting up with his non stop crying/ temper tantrums unfortunately I could not take it any longer I felt he was trying to control me. I lost a lot weight ( I am under weight already) and began to feel sick every time he was due round and he was with me Monday - Thursday each week.

I could not leave room or he would cry non stop for an hour plus, if I went anywhere near my own children he would have a full on temper tantrum until I moved away from them. If I did not have him constantly in my arms he would just cry and never gave up. It got so bad I am unable to go to any groups as its so embarrassing. It all came to a head the last week of term he had a epic tantrum at a group because I was holding another baby while mum went to the toilet, he hit me, stamped his feet and screamed until he went red and everyone kepting saying what's the matter with him.

When I tried mentioning to dad he was uninterested and response was that's what we have to put up with.

toddlers896
15-04-2014, 05:53 PM
Hi just wanted to say good luck and give your self a time table of how long you are prepared to put up with it.

I have just given notice to my only mindee who is 14 months old after between 4 and 5 months of putting up with his non stop crying/ temper tantrums unfortunately I could not take it any longer I felt he was trying to control me. I lost a lot weight ( I am under weight already) and began to feel sick every time he was due round and he was with me Monday - Thursday each week.

I could not leave room or he would cry non stop for an hour plus, if I went anywhere near my own children he would have a full on temper tantrum until I moved away from them. If I did not have him constantly in my arms he would just cry and never gave up. It got so bad I am unable to go to any groups as its so embarrassing. It all came to a head the last week of term he had a epic tantrum at a group because I was holding another baby while mum went to the toilet, he hit me, stamped his feet and screamed until he went red and everyone kepting saying what's the matter with him.

When I tried mentioning to dad he was uninterested and response was that's what we have to put up with.

this was similar to me Kate. ime sure it is a control thing and i wasnt prepared to pick her up all the time either. i lost it when mine made herself sick, i just thought thats it, ive had enough and gave notice. parents went nuts. called me an unfit childminder and all sorts. so glad i terminated the contract. i am so much happier now. i dreaded the child coming and in the end had no feelings for her whatsover.