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View Full Version : Screaming tantrums and hitting at hometime!



cupcakencookie
07-03-2014, 06:36 PM
I look after the loveliest very bright 2 1/2 year old who is always happy, cooperative, loving and so sweet! Except for home time... the moment Mum or Dad (but mostly Mum) arrives the child screams, goes stiff (so as not to fit in pushchair), tries to hit me and his Mum, shouts, cries, tries to get out the house etc. I'm not concerned about any safeguarding issues - I know the family well and they are lovely. LO is always telling me about the lovely things they do at home as a family. I pick up LO from school in the morning after I've done school run and never any problems - comes without a fuss, says bye bye to Mummy and gives her a hug and as I said has excellent behaviour throughout the day. Just feel so sorry for Mum - she gets very embarrassed and upset by the way he behaves when he sees her and I feel dreadful telling her how good he has been all day. We've tried Mum texting me when she gets round the corner so I can have LO ready and in pushchair for when she arrives - was able to get him ready without a fuss but still kicked off as soon as Mum got here. We've also tried distraction - you get in the pushchair for Mummy while I get the picture you made so you can show her etc, rewarding with stickers, we've tried letting Lo walk but won't stay with Mum...etc but nothing seems to work:panic: Mum has even told LO they won't be able to continue coming to me if behaviour doesn't improve and will have to go to a nursery:panic: Tonight it took 2 of us to get him in the pushchair, LO hit me and then turned to Mum and said 'I won't say I'm sorry either!' Poor mum does discipline him but it doesn't seem to have any effect...please does anyone have any advice?

sarah707
07-03-2014, 08:46 PM
Take control! Get the child in shoes, coat etc and pop him in the buggy ... then hand over at the door. It's tough but your house, your rules xx

yummyripples
08-03-2014, 09:40 AM
I look after the loveliest very bright 2 1/2 year old who is always happy, cooperative, loving and so sweet! Except for home time... the moment Mum or Dad (but mostly Mum) arrives the child screams, goes stiff (so as not to fit in pushchair), tries to hit me and his Mum, shouts, cries, tries to get out the house etc. I'm not concerned about any safeguarding issues - I know the family well and they are lovely. LO is always telling me about the lovely things they do at home as a family. I pick up LO from school in the morning after I've done school run and never any problems - comes without a fuss, says bye bye to Mummy and gives her a hug and as I said has excellent behaviour throughout the day. Just feel so sorry for Mum - she gets very embarrassed and upset by the way he behaves when he sees her and I feel dreadful telling her how good he has been all day. We've tried Mum texting me when she gets round the corner so I can have LO ready and in pushchair for when she arrives - was able to get him ready without a fuss but still kicked off as soon as Mum got here. We've also tried distraction - you get in the pushchair for Mummy while I get the picture you made so you can show her etc, rewarding with stickers, we've tried letting Lo walk but won't stay with Mum...etc but nothing seems to work:panic: Mum has even told LO they won't be able to continue coming to me if behaviour doesn't improve and will have to go to a nursery:panic: Tonight it took 2 of us to get him in the pushchair, LO hit me and then turned to Mum and said 'I won't say I'm sorry either!' Poor mum does discipline him but it doesn't seem to have any effect...please does anyone have any advice?

He is punishing mum for leaving him. He knows she feels bad and is controlling her. By him saying 'I'm not saying sorry' he is showing clear understanding that he is in control.
He seems to be getting a lot of attention for his negative behaviour what with two of you putting him in the buggy, the rewards and the stickers. I have children who kick off when parents get here. I reassure parents that they only like it at my house because they are having fun all day. My house is noisy, plenty to play with and attention virtually all day. Home time generally mea

yummyripples
08-03-2014, 09:45 AM
Sorry I accidentally pressed send.
Going home means dinner bath and the dreaded bedtime. All mundane things. Parents are often too tired to spend a lot of time with the children and the children do need that wind down time but it's boooooring
definitely carry on with getting the child ready. Could you get him excited by perhaps talking about what they are having for tea or ooih wonder what bedtime story you will be having. Make home exciting rather than tell mummy the exciting things that have happened here.
Most of all don't respond to negative behaviour. Just be very firm, let him know mum is here now and she is the boss

watford wizz
08-03-2014, 10:08 AM
I have a 3 year old who does exactly the same he says awful things to his parents on pick up, he's tired, hungry and had a long busy day so struggles with keeping it together. I am consistent, firm and kind get him ready before pick up so he just has to walk out the door. Keep hand over chat to a minimum. They usually work through it. Having parents on board helps x

Ripeberry
08-03-2014, 12:32 PM
I have one like that. A bit older (4yrs old in July) but he will fight about where he will sit in his mum's car. Last week he punched mum full on the nose! All she could say was 'You've hurt mummy' but you could see that it was really painful :( Too much trying to negotiate instead of 'Do as you're told!'.

cupcakencookie
08-03-2014, 04:59 PM
Thank you all for your good advice - I feel much better equipped for Monday now! Sorry I've not replied sooner...spent all day cleaning and it doesn't look any better yet!

Fitrix
09-03-2014, 08:53 AM
I've had many children like this. Perfectly behaved all day but treat mum to an almighty hard time on pick up. Children always play their parents up more than anyone else. I believe it's about control. As Sarah said you have to take the control back - if you can have him ready to go then great but you said he kicks off anyway - and it's impossible to do a decent handover with a child having the screaming abdabs. What's always worked for me is telling the child if he/she doesn't behave when mum picks up there will be no (I-pad/trampoline/favourite toy/activity) with me tomorrow. Works a treat. Good luck for Monday!