View Full Version : Smacking, biting, screaming, shouting and now headbutting!!

05-03-2014, 02:38 PM

I need some help and advise please. I have been looking after a little boy since he was 7mths old and now he is 27mths. I have him 4 days a week for 9 hours a day.

Since he was about 18mths he started to scream and smack, it was not too bad to start with he was taken away from the situation and told no and then allowed to go back and play but since before Christmas it has started to get worse. From the moment he arrived he shouts at me "No" he throws toys about, he smacks and has in the past tried to bite me but I have got my hand away quick enough.

Sometimes the behaviour can be over nothing, for example the other day I went to put him in the high chair for a snack and as mt hand was near him he went to bite. I have had days where I don't know what to do anymore. We use time out and he has a reward chart but we have only been using that for a few weeks so things may change.

But today really upset me as he was trying to fit a tractor in to a toy house but the tractor was too big and he was getting stressed with it, I got down to his level and held his hands otherwise he tries to smack and just explained very nicely that it was too big and it will not fit and he tried to head butt me!! If it was the first time I would not think he had tried to but have been informed by Mum that he has done it to her and it hurt so bad she though he had broken her nose!!

He was put straight on to time out and afterwards I tried to say to him the behaviour is not good, I know he is only 2 but he knows what he is doing as the head butt was because he could not hit me as I was holding his hands and when he is on time out he has started to shout from time out that he will not be saying sorry so I know he knows that what he is doing is wrong.

I asked him if he wanted to hurt me and he said "yes" so thinking maybe he misheard the question I said "go on then" and he tried to smack. My Husband has seen how much his behaviour is getting me down so thinks I should give notice but the parent is a friend and I also mind for her nephew who comes the same days and times and has started to copy his behaviour but he thinks its funny.

At the end of the day I feel so down about it and really let it get to me as I don't understand what I am doing wrong to get this behaviour from him.

Any help or advise would be appreciated



05-03-2014, 02:50 PM
What you describe is typical behaviour in some toddlers due to frustration and other reasons

see if this helps
How To Help An Aggressive Toddler | Hitting, Slapping, Biting | Negative Behaviour (http://www.kidspot.com.au/Toddler-Behaviour-How-to-help-an-aggressive-toddler+6023+27+article.htm)

Toddler behaviour overview and tips | Raising Children Network (http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/toddlers_behaviour_nutshell.html)

05-03-2014, 02:57 PM
Thank you for that.

The hard thing is reading what you should do when they behave like that is knowing that I already doing that and I just don't know how long and can keep going with it as time out has only been since he was 2 but the other stuff I have been doing since he was 18 months.:(

05-03-2014, 04:20 PM
I would:
1. Have an urgent meeting with parents
2. Agree a plan of action where you and parents are going to do the same with regards to discipline and discouraging the behaviour
3. Put agreed actions in writing and give them to parents
4. Stress that this is becoming a safeguarding issue for the other children and you in the setting which is unacceptable
5. Put a 2 week time limit on behaviour improvements, but report daily on progress too
6. If no progress whatsoever in 2 weeks stress that they must take advice from a health visitor
7. If no improvement in another 2 weeks then notice will need to be served to protect everyone else in the settign adn your sanity

Some children#s behaviour may be normal but not acceptable in a childcare setting and maybe they are best at home with parents to sort it out.

05-03-2014, 04:42 PM
Even though I agree and would love to do what you advised but I don't know for one whether I can afford to, but like you said for my sanity I may need to. I just feel its so hard as I have his cousin as well and it works well when I am off as they help each other out so would feel guilty

watford wizz
05-03-2014, 04:50 PM
Could this little one be copying what he sees done at home x we had one like this at play group and it wasn't until mum was asked to remove him that she broke down and said what was going on at home x

05-03-2014, 05:53 PM
Another thing to consider is how the parents deal with his behaviour. If they dont have any discipline in place that might explain an increase?

watford wizz
05-03-2014, 05:56 PM
Or if they are smacking him x

05-03-2014, 06:44 PM
Thing is money or no money this needs to be sorted for the sake of the child, so even if you are not planning on giving notice this behaviour is antisocial and it must be curbed if he is going to function within a group. I am afraid you have no choice but to tackle it but if it becomes a safeguarding issue involving other children then you MUST protect the other children. I suggest keeping him with you at all times to ensure he does not attack anyone else.....makes detailed notes about incidents and inform parents too.....

05-03-2014, 09:29 PM
I feel for you! I have been in a similar situation I was looking after a little boy from seven moths old who behaviour started to go bad from about 14 months he would try an hurt anyone he could even strangers in the street I tried everything I could form reward charts to time outs! But parents never helped at all !!!! For the last 12 months of looking after him where the hardest 12 months of my life with his behaviour! Everyday was a struggle to the point I didn't enjoy my job anymore nor did I even want to get out of bed when I know he was coming! It got that bad his parents would be contacted to remove him from the house as nothing was working! They still didn't get the message an help, he then went on to kicking an hurting my dogs! An hitting all the children every chance he got an then shout at everyone f***koff!!!!! Mum came to pick up we had a chat an I ended the contract:(
My advice to you would be chat with mum saying behaviour need to change give her two weeks an review again if no change end the contract dont go on like I did its not worth it!
The day after he no longer attended I felt I could enjoy my job again!!! An have done every day since 12 months on we have a very happy playful fun setting again

05-03-2014, 09:44 PM
Oh dear what a terrible situation.

Youve done everything i think that you can. If things are this bad then it's time to get serious with the parents. Just imagine if this child head buts another child!

Be strong spk to mum with inference you want him to stay, but you're worried for him other children and yourself. 2 weeks is plenty time. Be consistent fair but strong with this child. no is no, we do not hit.

Then review from there.

I'm sorry there doesn't seem to be a magic answer! Good luck xxx

06-03-2014, 09:03 AM
Melco...are you able to contact anyone in your EY team? many LAs still retain a team and they are there to help in such cases especially the area SEN-CO whose job it would be to advice you...there is one in every LA
If not just pop in a CCentre and ask for advice...that is what they are there for

You do not have to give confidential information but can ask for urgent support on this matter

While I agree that this child needs to be dealt with I am not sure personally if exclusion or terminating the contract is actually the right course of action...yes I agree the safety of other children is important but be aware parents can raise complaints and it raises questions on the rights of this child

Whatever is happening to the child is not his fault and you need to do more research...maybe a home visit would enlighten you or get the parents to report any incidents of unacceptable behaviour in their diary...reassure them you want to help

In these circumstances parents can be very embarrassed and unable to deal with this....give them a chance to feel comfortable and explain but under no circumstances punish the child by exclusion...entirely my view of course

06-03-2014, 12:21 PM
Do you think there might be some sort of development issue? Any signs of hearing loss? Might be something deeper that needs addressing? Maybe or home issue?

Sounds like your doing all the right things.