Put offs

[charlottenash]

As you all know for personal reasons I am giving up childminding for a while. The one 19mo girl I look after is looking with mum and dad at other CMs and she's been telling me what puts her off. I thought I'd list them here as good or thought? Everyone is different so it doesn't make someone a good or bad CM but thought it could be a point of interest. Will add them as we go along!

- one CM was lovely but son said 'shut up' to his mum on visit wasn't pulled up on it.

-one CM sent a 40 page welcome pack explaining she can only kiss the child on the forehead, she can't play on her equipment due to manufacturers guidelines (garden swing, trampoline etc)

-children never go upstairs in the house EVER - she wants a home from home where children are sleeping where CMs own children would be napping

[charlottenash]

I hasten to add her mum has been telling me not the 19mo lol!!

[Koala]

Thanks for that, this will make interesting reading.

[sing-low]

Intriguing, do keep us updated!

[smurfette]

I don't let mindees upstairs . My dds are 8,10,12 and have lots of small Lego tiny toys etc.. To me it's bad enough they have to watch what they leave downstairs without the Los invading their rooms too (mindees all under three) one of my mums was surprised recently she always thought they had the run of the house, I do tell parents now and if they don't like it tough, we compromise enough I think!

All very good points though and a great thread to get some inside info! thanks a mil keep it coming! We rarely get an idea why parents pick one setting over another!

Ps thought it was the 19mo telling you! Was thinking very advanced lol!

[Kidston]

Fab thread will really help thank you!

[leahsfx]

Hi, I'm new to this and soon to register. This will make interesting reading! I plan to have just living room as space and upstairs toilet but no other access due to teen son and small bits around. Didn't think it would be an issue but we'll see...

[caz3007]

I don't use my bedrooms now. My son is 11 and needs his space. I do have a second lounge where I can put a travel cot if needed

[ajc]

Don't think anyone would want to go in either of my sons rooms, I struggle! (16 and 21)

[tulip0803]

When I registered in Wales CSSIW would only register the toilet and the bathroom upstairs - which I am happy with - at that time they were not registering upstairs due to fire risk and evacuation when you have children upstairs sleeping and downstairs playing (not sure if it has changed again since). In England my whole house was registered but children did not go upstairs as that area was my children's and they needed their own space especially DS as he was 8+.

[Mouse]

Very interesting thread.

At one time our certifates said that children couldn't use the upstairs rooms, other than the bathroom and any specifically registered rooms. I didn't ever register the bedrooms as I didn't want minded children in them. Luckilly I always had a room downstairs for them to sleep in. Over the years I have never had a parent who specifically wanted their child to go upstairs, so it's not something I'd even have considered.

[mrstom]

My children's rooms are out of bounds too (even to one mindee who is 5 who has come for playdates in the past). The only room I use upstairs is my bedroom where a travel cot goes up 3 days per week. Only the child going in the cot comes upstairs. I agree, my own children give up enough without having their bedrooms overrun too.

One parent wanted her child to sleep in total darkness (she currently sleeps in the dining room) and wanted me to put up the cot in my son's bedroom. Answer was a big NO (my son's bedroom isn't any darker than the dining room anyway).

We have a downstairs toilet so there is no reason for mindees to be upstairs anyway (apart from at nap time).

[AliceK]

My upstairs is off limits except if I need to put a child up there in a cot to sleep (depending on who I've got). My lounge is pretty much off limits again except as a sleeping area for LO's (usually in a buggy). The mindees all have free access to playroom and hallway (which is large) and the kitchen for eating and messy play. I open up my house enough but some rooms are just ours and I will not have LO's invading my whole house. No-one has ever said they have a problem with it.

When I was looking for a childminder I very clearly remember walking out through a childminders kitchen to go and sit in her garden where we were to be chatting and her hob was filthy, and I mean proper filthy, that put me off straight away, I thought there is no way I want her cooking my sons meals on that.
I think, certainly in my case, I always went by gut instinct and when I found the right childminder (my DS had 3) I decided that she was right within a couple of minutes of meeting her.

xxxx

[rickysmiths]

As you all know for personal reasons I am giving up childminding for a while. The one 19mo girl I look after is looking with mum and dad at other CMs and she's been telling me what puts her off. I thought I'd list them here as good or thought? Everyone is different so it doesn't make someone a good or bad CM but thought it could be a point of interest. Will add them as we go along!

- one CM was lovely but son said 'shut up' to his mum on visit wasn't pulled up on it.

-one CM sent a 40 page welcome pack explaining she can only kiss the child on the forehead, she can't play on her equipment due to manufacturers guidelines (garden swing, trampoline etc)

-children never go upstairs in the house EVER - she wants a home from home where children are sleeping where CMs own children would be napping



That is very odd if you don't mind my saying. For years yes I slept children upstairs and I used my bedroom and sometimes my children's for sleeping (my whole house is registered and still is) however 3 years ago we extended the ground floor and I now sleep children in my families sitting room and in the spare room/sitting room/playroom. One is asleep in there in the travel cot as I type, the other is in the lie back buggy next to me (not 100% so I am keeping an eye). I never sleep children upstairs now and even when I did, I didn't show parents upstairs. This is my home and I have to have some privacy and strangers do not go in my or my children's bedrooms.

[Maza]

[/COLOR]


That is very odd if you don't mind my saying. For years yes I slept children upstairs and I used my bedroom and sometimes my children's for sleeping (my whole house is registered and still is) however 3 years ago we extended the ground floor and I now sleep children in my families sitting room and in the spare room/sitting room/playroom. One is asleep in there in the travel cot as I type, the other is in the lie back buggy next to me (not 100% so I am keeping an eye). I never sleep children upstairs now and even when I did, I didn't show parents upstairs. This is my home and I have to have some privacy and strangers do not go in my or my children's bedrooms.

I suppose it depends how this information is presented. For example, if it is said in a way which makes the families feel that they would be a nuisance upstairs and are not worthy of being in that part of the house then it could get their backs up. If you show how welcoming and child friendly your downstairs area is, and that they have a lovely place to sleep, then it probably wouldn't even enter the parents heads to be put off. Is mum generally fussy? Do you think she would be better off with a nanny so that the child can nap in the comfort of her own bed?

A couple of parents expressed concern over the size of my TV and assumed that as it was so big that it must be a very important part of our life and that we would have it on all day! I was rather bemused as I really don't think they would have asked if it had been a normal sized TV! As soon as I reassured them that hubby got it to enhance his weekend sports matches they felt better and both took up a space.

[Ripeberry]

If they don't like my Smurfs. They can't come in... :D

[silvermist]

I never have los upstairs. Its the only part of our house thats still ours iykwim. Dd is 16 yrs so doesnt want los up in her room and I personally think its her private place, even I only go in there when I have to. None of the parents have ever asked why the los dont go up there. To be honest I think they appreciate that this is my home first and my business second. X

[line6]

I suppose it depends how this information is presented. For example, if it is said in a way which makes the families feel that they would be a nuisance upstairs and are not worthy of being in that part of the house then it could get their backs up. If you show how welcoming and child friendly your downstairs area is, and that they have a lovely place to sleep, then it probably wouldn't even enter the parents heads to be put off. Is mum generally fussy? Do you think she would be better off with a nanny so that the child can nap in the comfort of her own bed? A couple of parents expressed concern over the size of my TV and assumed that as it was so big that it must be a very important part of our life and that we would have it on all day! I was rather bemused as I really don't think they would have asked if it had been a normal sized TV! As soon as I reassured them that hubby got it to enhance his weekend sports matches they felt better and both took up a space.


We have a huge tv too and my first parent asked how often we have the tv on. I wonder if it was because of the size. We also have a tv on the wall in the kitchen but that doesn't even work! I must remember to tell people that! Our tv is also to enhance hubby's sports and general viewing!!

In terms of upstairs - that area is out of bounds. Again it's my children's space and will stay that way. If parents don't like that then we won't be able to work together.. We have lots of space downstairs and a quiet room to sleep in so it's not a problem.

[clareelizabeth1]

I don't think I have ever taken a parent around my house. They step right in to my playroom and unless then need the toilet (next to the play room) they never see anymore of the house. One parent who I started minding for three years ago finally saw my front room when she came for tea.

I don't really see why they should as even when I go to friends I don't go look round all their rooms it's just not done. I had an interview with a parent this weekend they only saw the playroom. I had to make them sit on the floor to as I had no sofa. My son spent the whole time forcing them to look at a book. They have still chosen to leave there child with me so it must work.

[shortstuff]

as with most who have posted so far, my upstairs is out of bounds. It is my family space and it also means I dont have to do the housework every day up there.

I am lucky enough to have a playroom with the downstairs loo one end. I also have a reasonable sized lounge/ diner so we use that for the travel cots and older sleepers in the sofas.

It seems to work here.

I wonder why the mum wanted the los to use upstairs? is there some reason maybe?

[maisiemog]

Another CM who's upstairs is out of bounds! I struggle to keep downstairs presentable without having to worry about upstairs as well!

When I was looking for a CM for my DD the things that put me off were the decor of the house. I never expected a show home as I know how much kids trash the place but I did expect them to have some pride in the appearance of their home. Also went to one house that smelled of wee.

Although mostly it was personality. Maybe I was just overly fussy because not being able to find a CM I liked was the reason I started doing it myself!

[charlottenash]

With the upstairs thing I get the impression she was sort of told straight away 'upstairs is out of bounds' in a little detrimental sort of way. I'm sure if there was a quiet area downstairs she'd be more than happy.

I guess she struck lucky with me, I have showed people everything in my house mainly because my bathroom is upstairs and has loads of signs and bits so I like them to see, and I did show them where they sleep which is my bedroom, sometimes my son will be in his room and will call mindees parents up to look at a new toy or his new bed which came naturally to him so it's sort of come naturally to us too.

I think it's interesting to see from the other perspective but I wouldn't use it as law. Every parent has reasons to choose another childminder.

Pick up soon so I will see if there are any others to add :)

[Maza]

A friend of mine walked into a childminder's living room and saw a playpen and it immediately put her off.

[loocyloo]

I have my whole house registered but don't go upstairs with minded children.

I only have cushions in my playroom so usually have prospective parents sitting on the floor! Or we sit at the kitchen table as children play in playroom and dining half of kitchen.

One dad once asked why I didn't have a tv in my playroom...because we are so busy we don't have time!

[Tealady]

My whole house is registered to give me flexibility if needed. However, only the loo is used and the travel cot goes on the landing.

A current family of mine mentioned a few things that put her off about a couple of minders and these were:

No stairgate at the bottom of the stairs. Open plan lounge with stairs coming straight into it. This was the main minding room too.

Having to lend her car seats and double buggy for the girls.

Having pets

[charlottenash]

Yes the stairgate one was an issue for us from my very first visitor, we have only one walled stairs so otherside is empty hence nowhere to attached stairgate. Anyway my answer (and for ofsted) has always been 'your child will NEVER be left long enough to get to the first step, never mind up the stairs!

[charlottenash]

Today's issue:

Meals. CM visited yesterday doesn't provide home cooked meals therefore when she collects at 5, she would have to make a meal and bedtime would be late for LO.

[benandjerrys]

If I wanted a childminder a dog would put me off although I have a dog myself, I know that's very hypocritical.

[Cinderbella]

I was considering getting a dog and was wondering how this might affect my work !

I dont use my upstairs either .. could you imagine how long it would take of an evening if they'd had tge whole house =/

[alex__17]

When looking for my son just a few months ago, what put me off was one house stank of poo and nappies, and the CM was wearing a nicotine patch, fine if that's what she needed but don't have it visible. There was also a child upstairs for his nap and I had to sit and listen to him cry himself to sleep, just made me sad but that's my own personal parenting choice.
Another one the 2 kids were sat on an ipad when I arrived and the toddler was in a baby walker thing, not a single toy out, they only got a few bits out when I arrived with my son

[wee_elf]

This is making very interesting and amusing reading :o

[Maza]

I once visited a childminder and the house was so cluttered that I thought it couldn't possibly be clean. I mean really cluttered, not just general childminding clutter. It just wasn't a relaxing environment and probably a bit unsafe with stuff all piled on top of other stuff.

[littlemiss60561]

I only use upstairs for one mindie who sleeps here part of the night.
I had a parent look round today who looks like she will sign up, even after my dear ds who was watching peppa pig in the lounge asked her (after we had moved from the play room into the lounge to collect coats etc) " can you be quiet and talk out there please I can't hear my tele" que evil eyes and an apology from me and he followed it up with can you move your bottom please your in the way"Eeek! she was understanding and said atleast he said please! I wonder if she'll be back!

[charlottenash]

Little miss that's a coincidence! My DS always plays up at home time, and says things like that but mums do say 'at least he's polite about it' lol.

Got a text last night saying they went to see one whose house stunk of smoke, and she had 6 kids at a time (I will find out today wether they were under 5 but it sounds like it!) she said she pretended she had an emergency message on her phone that's how bad it was.

She also said the lady 'spoke down' to her daughter instead of being 'on a level'. I really think I may just be very suiting to their needs, and may have set a high precedent for the way they like things done!

[AliceK]

Little miss that's a coincidence! My DS always plays up at home time, and says things like that but mums do say 'at least he's polite about it' lol.

Got a text last night saying they went to see one whose house stunk of smoke, and she had 6 kids at a time (I will find out today wether they were under 5 but it sounds like it!) she said she pretended she had an emergency message on her phone that's how bad it was.

She also said the lady 'spoke down' to her daughter instead of being 'on a level'. I really think I may just be very suiting to their needs, and may have set a high precedent for the way they like things done!

oh I had a prospective parent here on a visit once and the dad "spoke down" to one of my young mindees. I cut the meeting short after deciding at that point that they were not parents I wanted, made me very very cross :angry:

xxx

[shortstuff]

oh I had a prospective parent here on a visit once and the dad "spoke down" to one of my young mindees. I cut the meeting short after deciding at that point that they were not parents I wanted, made me very very cross :angry:

xxx

Good for you x

[Maza]

oh I had a prospective parent here on a visit once and the dad "spoke down" to one of my young mindees. I cut the meeting short after deciding at that point that they were not parents I wanted, made me very very cross :angry:

xxx

Yes, I had one prospective mum who seemed to dislike and mistrust my DD and so I turned her down. Felt really good doing it too.

[hectors house]

Once when talking to a parent who had been with me for many years she admitted that she had seen several childminders before she saw me - one childminder had a house that looked dirty and there was a terrible smell of cats (the parent did have a cat herself so wasn't anti pets), one childminder had a house that was so clean and tidy that the parent couldn't imagine her son being allowed to play with any thing, another childminder didn't have any children and had a house full of china dolls that spooked the parent out - and then she came to see me - my house obviously wasn't too dirty or too clean - but she said she made her mind up before she met me when she saw my car had a National Trust sticker on it and she knew I would take her son out and about into the local countryside. So my advertising advice is join the National Trust or buy a 2nd hand car with a sticker on it! :laughing:

[wee_elf]

off to find a national trust sticker........:D

[charlottenash]

I love that hectors house!!!!!

[kellyskidz!]

Some of these are so funny!
I'm afraid to say that a dog (especially a large one) would put me off too, also a dirty house or a clinically clean one (see, we just can't win:laughing:)
Also I go strongly on vibes, I think you know pretty much within the first 5 mins if this person is right for your child, also I basically know within the first 5 mins if the family looking around will fit in with my setting. Never been wrong yet (touch wood) ;)

[primula]

One interview I had (for 1day a week) mum asked about what kind of meals I provided I reeled of a list including fish fingers, she asked me where I got them from I said Sainsbury/Tesco and she said 'Oh, you don't make them yourself??!.

[caz3007]

When my dd was small, she is nearly 25 now, I had to use a childminder for just an hour in the evenings. First she went to a CM who had an immaculate house and really wasn't happy there. I then found another who had a really messy untidy house and loads of animals in cages, she loved it there and used to point at the house when we passed, this lady had her own older children and they used to play with Clare and she loved the animals. The fact the house was messy and a bit grubby and probably wouldn't pass Ofsted requirements in this day and age, but Clare was happy and that made all the difference

[wee_elf]

Its a really fine line between OCD clinical tidy and a episode of hoarders lol!! I am aiming for "children obviously live here!" xx

[charlottenash]

The put off last night was dogs.

They love dogs, the child loves dogs but she just feels it would be 'one more thing' to worry about.

They loved everything else about the place so I tried to be positive and told her to ask for all of the ways the dog is incorporated into learning and where they are kept etc.

[Maza]

The put off last night was dogs.

They love dogs, the child loves dogs but she just feels it would be 'one more thing' to worry about.

They loved everything else about the place so I tried to be positive and told her to ask for all of the ways the dog is incorporated into learning and where they are kept etc.

Gosh, have they got more minders to see?

[charlottenash]

Oh yes I think they will be seeing every childminder in the area lol

[yummyripples]

I pity the minder that they end up with lol

[charlottenash]

I don't, they're a lovely family, and wonderful to work with.

[doris127]

I had one family who didn't come because I had a TV in my playroom. I didn't have a separate playroom it was my living room. I did say it was never on during the day but she wanted me to remove it. Another didn't come as she wanted me to provide a freshly cooked tea - which was no problem as I did it for others - however her issue was that she couldn't see how I could cook and look after her son at the same time.

[sing-low]

It's a compliment to you, Charlotte, that they're finding it so hard to find a cm they like!

[little chickee]

Re the dog thing. I have 2 dogs, have had them since before i started minding. A Lab and a Spaniel. I have only ever lost 1 potential customer because of the dogs and it was because the Dad was highly allergic.

I have actually gained several customers BECAUSE of the the dogs. Parents didnt have dogs at home and wanted their children to grow up around animals.

So whereas i can see that maybe dogs might put off some folk I think its a bit daft to rule out a cm straight away purely cos of a dog.

[little chickee]

What would put me off is seeing the way a cm interacts with children.
A cm at my toddlers gets quite annoyed when her year old mindee squishes her fruit in her hand, gives her a row and says " eat it properly".

Another is sooooo strict with her mindees, constantly saying don't do this and that for tiny little unimportant things.

I would rather a slightly chaotic house with a dog and a relaxed and caring cm anyday.

[~Grasshopper~]

When i was looking for a cm for ds1. I was put off onw cm because her house smelt fusty and her only mindee was sat on the sofa with no toys out. She made me read reems of papers and said if i was late shed call social services eek. I choose the one with a messy house and no paperwork. The kuds were happy and grubby lol x

[Samijanec]

I'd agree with it all except for the use of upstairs, I don't care if a parent won't use me because I won't let their child into my personal space. To be honest I wouldn't want them to use me. Upstairs is our space and no child is going to nap in my sons bed.. I know this may sound harsh and I really don't mean it to but there has to be limits and some parts of our home have to remain ours.

[charlottenash]

She did say if the dog was a lab she'd be less put off because there more child friendly.

[AliceK]

She did say if the dog was a lab she'd be less put off because there more child friendly.

Rubbish. She obviously knows nothing about dogs is all I can say.

xxx

[Samijanec]

Rubbish. She obviously knows nothing about dogs is all I can say. xxx

Yep I have a springer puppy who is fab with the kids.

[shortstuff]

She did say if the dog was a lab she'd be less put off because there more child friendly.



surely thats less to do with the breed and more to do with training and responsible owners?

[charlottenash]

I had a springer spaniel as a child and was bitten. All would have their own opinions I guess, I didn't open this topic to be a 'bite back' debate just suggestions to what puts parents off. As previously stated in this post every single parent looks for different things so it's not a list of things we should all abide by.

[scottishlass]

Just came across this thread - must have missed it! I don't use my upstairs for minding apart from the toilet as my upstairs is not registered - am in Scotland and would have had to get more alarms etc to register it when I don't really want to use it anyway.

I have just advised my parents this weekend that in the next month we will be getting a lab puppy - 2 sets have come straight back saying great - just waitin to see what my other set of parents say - fingers crossed they are all happy to stay! Have an African grey parrot too but that hasn't put anyone off x

[merry]

I had one family who didn't come because I had a TV in my playroom. I didn't have a separate playroom it was my living room. I did say it was never on during the day but she wanted me to remove it. Another didn't come as she wanted me to provide a freshly cooked tea - which was no problem as I did it for others - however her issue was that she couldn't see how I could cook and look after her son at the same time.

Some people really do want the impossible! Did she think we'd have a chef on the payroll? How on earth did she manage at home if she couldn't see a way to cook while looking after a child?

[JCrakers]

I have a family who used to attend 2 days a week until Mum went on maternity leave. I have 2 cats and Mum has a phobia of cats so on the days they used to come I had to lock the cats into the kitchen while she dropped off the children. She once rang me at 8am from her car and said she couldn't get to my front door because 1 of my cats was on the doorstep.
She was apologetic and said she felt silly but if you have a phobia then you have a phobia.

The family is returning in Sept with new baby and although she is still petrified she said if I didn't have space for her 3 children she wouldn't go back to work.

So its nice to know that even though she is scared to death of my cats she still wants her children to be with me :D

[tulip0803]

I had 2 families where the parents had real fears about dogs ( both families had come from abroad where rabies is common) they chose me because I had a dog and they did not want their children afraid of pet dogs

I also had a family choose me because I had pet rats. :thumbsup: