if you have a child who screams unless they're held...

[buzzy bee]

...do you hold them all day, or do you let them scream?

He is 13 months and I know mum carries him around all day long because if she doesn't he screams. He can crawl but at dinner for example he won't crawl to the table, he will sit and scream until he's picked up and carried to the table.

He's been with me about 3 months and it's got no better but I'm sure this is because he's used to being held all day and this isn't going to change at home. I feel sorry for my own children because it's not very nice for them..

I feel like I should stand my ground and not hold him all day (plus it isn't always possible) but I think I'd have an easier life if I did just carry him!

What would you do? (Other than talk to mum as this has been tried and failed)

[AdeleMarie88]

You are going to find it. Hard to convince a. Parent not to carry around her child all. Day if that's. What they are both use to doing. I would suggest you leave him to cry. It will be very hard, and I feel for you and your other children, but logistically. You cannot carry a child around with you all day, a CM needs 8 pairs of hands as it is!

Could you ease into it by having him in a sling?, xx

[yummyripples]

You might find it gets easier once he is walking.
I definitely wouldn't pick him up all the time. I would just ignore the cries (not easy) and drink lots of wine

[dawn100]

What are they like when in the high chair or pushchair, I had one who use to scream unless picked up but would sit happily in the pushchair/ high chair so when I was doing activities up to the table that is what I did and more and more until they were happy without being held, I can't hold a baby all day!

[specks4]

I've got a 12 month old who is the same. She cries and screams to get attention and won't stop unless you pick her up. Even if sitting playing with her on the floor she will still scream until picked up. The last few days I haven't been picking her up when she screams but will talk to her and sit next to her playing, today is the first day she has been happy all day and just played along side me, I think she has realised that she won't get picked up on demand, so being cruel to be kind has worked. Hope you find something that will work, I had support from parents and they did the same at home so think you might need to talk to the parents and work together.

[bunyip]

I agree with AdeleMarie.

this is pretty much what I had to do with my first mindee, and I only had the one at the time. She was an only child, living with mum and grandparents - and they'd always picked her up at the least little noise. I had to be very honest and firm about it with mum. Difficult at first, but I think mum realised it had to happen or she'd still be like that years later.

Still talk to mum. If it keeps failing like you say it may mean the end of the arrangement. If your client can't cope with this then, yes, you risk losing her - but it'll be more her problem than yours. It isn't worth hanging onto every last bit of business if it comes at too high a personal cost. :(

[Simona]

...do you hold them all day, or do you let them scream?

He is 13 months and I know mum carries him around all day long because if she doesn't he screams. He can crawl but at dinner for example he won't crawl to the table, he will sit and scream until he's picked up and carried to the table.

He's been with me about 3 months and it's got no better but I'm sure this is because he's used to being held all day and this isn't going to change at home. I feel sorry for my own children because it's not very nice for them..

I feel like I should stand my ground and not hold him all day (plus it isn't always possible) but I think I'd have an easier life if I did just carry him!

What would you do? (Other than talk to mum as this has been tried and failed)

Buy a good set of ear plugs!!!

Seriously...this is something we have all come across I'm sure
The problem is at home so a good talk to mum...suggest he is not to be picked up immediately but delay the action a few seconds
She could say a gentle' NO' then reward the child when not crying...slowly weaning him from instant picking up

It happened to me so many times ...we worked together... the problem went very quickly...children happy!
Then bin the earplugs !!

[jackie 7]

Oh this was in August. Scream and scream. Mum carried him to me in a sling me the seemed to settle. Then the tantrums started. Oh boy could he scream The day hd had a tantrum/scream for 1and1/2hours. Something changed. Now the tantrums are still often but last a few minutes. . Be strong. Oh VIP have wine in fridge.

[buzzy bee]

Thanks for the responses. My favourites were the advice about wine ;)

I will persist with him. I just feel like I'm being cruel by not picking him up!

[Lilylulu]

we had a little one like this, we weaned him off the hip in small stages. I sat on the floor and played with him sat on my knee at first, then when he was nice and calm, sat him inbetween my legs to play with toys, gradually moving him a tiny bit further away over a few days so that eventually we could leave him sat playing independently for a few minutes and then longer. It seemed painstaking but it worked and there was no traumatic screaming or distress.