Please can anyone help or give me any advice...... so upset!!

[michellem]

Hi All,

Really sorry this might be long winded but really need some advice. I will tell you a little about me first: I started childminding in August and it has been going brilliantly and my husband has even given up his job to be my assistant and we have been full. We have lots of happy children and have had great feedback from the parents.

So 5 weeks ago i had a 19 month old boy start, he had previously been with a childminder but parents were unhappy with amount of holidays the childminder was taking and had commented that they thought the boy may have hearing problems and was very behind with speech which the parents didn't agree with. So he had two settling in sessions the week he started, he wasn't very settled and cried alot but when speaking with the parents they said he would settle as he got used to us. So he started with us doing 3 days a week but different days as his parents do shifts. For the whole four weeks this little boy has been very upset and we have really struggled to settle him. He wasn't interested in playing with us, he didn't want cuddles, when we went out to play areas or messy play library etc he would just throw himself on the floor and scream until we left, we tried everything possible to calm him but it was not helping. We spoke to mum and asked if there was anything we could do like me going to their house at the weekend for him to get used to me but she just kept saying he will used to it. The second week he was with us on the Thursday, his mums car was broke and she had a day off and i offered to collect him which i did, he came to me fine which surprised me but as soon as we got to my house he was back to the screaming. That afternoon he had diarrhea really bad, all of his clothes were covered, i checked his bag and there were no spare clothes so i spoke to mum and said it would be best to take him home as per my sickness policy (which she has signed) which stated that all children who had sickness or diarhhea would have to go home and be kept away for 24 hours from the last episode. Mum was fine with this and i took him home. He didn't come the next day as it hadn't been 24 hours since the last episode. Week 3 came and the lb was with me Weds, Thurs, Fri this week. He was very upset as usual and on the Thursday was particurly bad, he cried for 4 hours solid, i contacted mum as i thought this was in his best interests and i would want to know if this my child. She asked me if i wanted her to collect and i said do you think its because he's finding it hard to settle in or because he was unwell, she said she thought he was unwell as he hadn't been right at home so she came to collect him. It turned out he was unwell and he was really poorly all weekend. Week 4, the lb was still very unsettled crying most of the day and whatever we tried didn't help. I spoke to mum on collection and said i was quite concerned as i hoped he would of settled a little by now and we agreed we would see how this week goes. This week, week 5, he came monday still no improvement. Me and my husband had a chat and to be honest we just didn't know what to do, all the other children in our care have settled so easily and this lb was upsetting the other children by crying all the time and a couple of the parernts had voiced there concern to me. I found this lb was having all my attention which wasn't fair on the other children and i was worried for the lb as he kept throwing himself around banging his head. Also in the 5 weeks this lb never ate one thing whilst in my care, we tried everything, this was a worry as mum said he was a brilliant eater at home. So yesterday the little boy came and again was particurly bad, he cried non-stop for 4 hours so i asked mum to ring me so i could let her know. Again i didn't say he had to go home but mum thought it best. When mum came to collect we had a very honest chat with her saying we just didn't know what to try with him, i was concerned he wasn't eating and might hurt himself and i was finding it hard with him as he was taking all my time up. I suggested to mum that she spoke to dad and maybe they could come in for a chat to see if there was anything we could do or whether they thought it best to find another childminder as he clearly wasn't taking to our setting.

The next we heard was a txt message from dad late last night saying the following things. He thought the care and service we provided was unacceptable and he was disgusted that whilst there son was with me for 8 hours he only had his nappy changed twice (i change children every 4 hours unless they soil, this is in my policies which they have seen). He said i had sent his son home 3 times with diarhea and he has spoken to 3 other childminders that have told him you only send home after 3 episodes of diarhea (i have only sent him home once with diarhea, the other two mum decided it was best to collect due to prolonged crying) He said i have refused to have him back on these 3 occasions which i haven't but when he had diarrhea i said 24 hour exclusion. He said i just couldn't cope which isnt there problem and that they want all money paid reimbursing as they have lost money from work.

I am so upset, i haven't slept all night with worry and feel sick to the stomach. I have replied explaining the nappy change policy which he has seen and explaining whilst tat might be other childminders policies on sickness and diarhea they are not mine and they have seen mine and signed and explained that twice he went home was due to me and mum decideing that was for the best as i always put the children first and would always notify parents of prolonged periods of crying. I have said i will refund half the money even though i don't think i should as i have put alot of time and effort into this little boy and providing him the best care i can whilst he has been with me. I haven't heard back from dad but just feel so awful, i am now questioning everything i am doing and feel like crap. I am worried they will report me to ofsted but don't see what i have done wrong. I am assuming they are not going to bring him back. I feel worried that they will be slagging me of to other childminders, but i tried my best. Just feel like a failure.

Any advice would be appreciated :( xx:panic:

[sing-low]

You need to contact your insurance company first thing. Ask their advice and do not speak with parents again until you have had proper legal advice. It sounds horrendous for you, so sorry this has happened.

[Koala]

I understand why you are upset, I would be too BUT don't let it get you down.

Firstly you have done right for sending lo home with plopsys - You do not have to wait for 3 episodes - thats rubbish and I exclude for 48hours.

If dad has been talking to other childminders (which I don't beleive) its probably on facebook or a forum (a sight where folk are annonymous) so don't worry about being slagged off, he will just vent his twisted side of the story.

If dad really thinks you are a poor childcare provider what does that say about him who willingly pays and sends his little treasure - DO NOT REFUND ANY MONEY.

A WORD OF WARNING - when a child has been to a childminder previously and I presume for a while as he is 19m and parents move I would just be aware of issues that may arrise - now If a parent comes to me from someone else I have vowed to ask outright who it was and if I can contact them - if not I will not take them on - if there is nothing to hide they will tell you otherwise run a mile. once bitten twice shy.

19m can be a very difficult age to settle especially as this guy has had so many carers - mum, dad, previous childminder, you, you oh and all the other folk that fill in family etc.....

I would count your blessings that he isn't coming back and confirm their termination of contract with immediate effect and say goodbye - cut your losses but don't refund anything. :thumbsup: Tell them you have thought better of it and ask them to correspond in writing as you are logging this with your legal department.

I feel sorry for the poor kid, but you can't work miracles, keep your chin up we all get sticky wickets like this at some time or another your not alone, crikey I could tell you some of the :censored: i've had through my door - it's unbeleivable, but then you get the good ones that make it all worth while :thumbsup:

[unalindura77]

Ah you poor thing, you've bent over backwards for them and tried really hard so well done!

If I were you, there's no way I would refund money, Sounds to me like he is frustrated as he probably doesn't know what to do either! They have a history of not agreeing with other cm and giving her notice because of it so I would make sure to document that too. They must know that all is not well with their LO, and try to blame it on you but in their hearts they will know.

As for what he has said about 3 bouts of diarrhoea before sending home, he hasn't a leg to stand on!

He has agreed and signed your policies but is now picking fault with you.

Do you have an LA officer you could call for support?

You're full at the moment and other parents are happy, you could document their concerns re baby not settling in?

I'm not very experienced and have had a few tricky customers so far that I needed to let down and worried about my reputation but this will all blow over.

If they do make a complaint it will trigger a visit so have everything prepared and don't lose faith in yourself, be strong :thumbsup:

Soon someone will be along that has much more experience than me and offer you some further advice!

Take care and please don't let this ruin the great business and happy parents you have!

All the best to you xxxxxx

[Koala]

He said i just couldn't cope which isnt there problem and that they want all money paid reimbursing as they have lost money from work.



I've just re read this and thought is he having a laugh, by his own admittance it's not you who can't cope it's them. They shouldn't have had a kid if they arn't willing to care for them when they are sick.

[CookieCutter]

Have you spoken to the lo's previous cm? From your story, I get the feeling that they had a similar experience with last cm and perhaps guilted her into getting some money back. So when lo still wouldn't settle with you, they thought they'd try it again. You haven't done anything wrong. Lo was I'll, so you sent home as per your policy. Lo cried for several hours so you phoned mum to advise and she decided to collect. It would be different if you had asked her to collect, but she decided. You don't owe them any money back, in my opinion.

I would perhaps phone Ofsted to let them know this parent has complained to you about these things and explain your story. They'll probably just tell you to put your story in writing (be thorough!) in case it comes to anything.

Don't let these people make you feel bad. If all the other parents and children are happy, that's a good indication that you're doing a great job!

[JCrakers]

That's awful and I understand how bad you must be feeling. Its so, so sad that there are people out there that no matter how much we bend over backwards for them they couldn't care less. :mad:

I would email or write down all events and reasons why, make a copy and send or post. Explain about the care of the child and how you managed with each stage. Hopefully this will be proof to Ofsted that you have worked with the parent. Also put you gave notice because you were putting the needs of the child first'

I had a very similar thing with an 8m old, she cried for 8hrs out of 10, 4 days a week...I was a wreck and to the point of giving the whole business in. Its awful to see a child crying and nothing you do helps.
The stress on my health, other children and my business was immense and it went on for 8 weeks because parents were desperate for her to stay as Id had her sister previously.


Fortunately, as I had kept them up to date, they were fantastic and after a year at nursery, she came back to me and is still here 2yrs on. I would be seriously upset about how you have been treated and very angry too.

Just remember to keep your cool and don't say anything you shouldn't. Write everything down and hopefully Ofsted will see you are brill at what you do, the other parents will back you up maybe?

[Lilylulu]

Oh dear, I am so sorry this has happened but unfortunately it seems fairly common for parents to react really badly when a contract is terminated for any reason.

My tips are 1. Document everything - all conversations with parents - we have a home/setting diary and when we recently gave notice to a child after similar teething problems I took a photocopy of everything we had written in the book along with a written letter to parents.

2. Do not refund the money, I would give them notice and expect payment during the notice period - however with the child we gave notice to recently we did state that we would be happy to waive the notice if they could find a place sooner and it helped with arrangements to settle the child (they never came again!)

3. we exclude for 48 hours from last bout of illness. It doesn't need to be 3 episodes of diarrohea - if it smells wrong and is very loose then consider if after 1 nappy. If in doubt we save the nappy bagged up so parent has the evidence!!

4. Don't blame yourself, it sounds like you have been very patient and attentive and have gone to every possible length to help this family.

5. when you have written it all up, ring ofsted to let them know that you have had a complaint. It is much better to do this than have the parent get in first, it is also a requirement to report complaints within 14 days.

6. Repeat...do not refund any money...you earned every single penny!!

[Koala]

That's a good idea Lilylulu, save the nasty nappies and give them to parents as proof. I do like that.

But be careful I know it could be tempting to throw it at them :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: in this case :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[k1rstie]

If his main concern is getting his money back, I would suspect that Ofsted would consider it a contractual dispute.

He wants his money back, you have earned it, so are unwilling. I don't think Ofsted will be too interested

[serin]

I had a similar thing. My one the 1 year old cried constantly for 4 months until eventually they moved on. They didnt want to pay 4 weeks notice period but they did. I felt I had more than earned it. Its hard because you try so hard and put your all into it and they just dont appreciate it. What I learnt is that sometimes children just dont settle.

[sing-low]

Wanted to apologise for my previous brief comment. I was interrupted part way through so had to be v quick. But just wanted to agree with others. Don't refund any of the money, you have more than earned it.

Also agree with others that often parents (or in fact anybody) will try to shift blame when they don't want to take responsibility for themselves/their children. The other happy and satisfied families that you have, demonstrate that you are good at what you do. Don't let this one incident cloud how you feel about yourself and the service you provide for the children. :group hug:

[michellem]

Sorry for the late reply my internets playing up. Thank you all so much for your wonderful advice, it made me feel much better :) xx