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Topkad84
15-01-2014, 09:23 AM
M sorry all I ever do on here is rant and ask for advice.

I have a five year old boy and his brother that get dropped off at 8am and I take them to school. That's all I have of them.
But the five year old yesterday and today went crazy when his mum dropped him off. He has done it before once in a blue moon. But the last two days he has gone made, mum brings him in or drags him in and puts him in the front room and runs out the door and goes. He then goes mad trying to get out the door (he can now undo the chain) I stand there with my hand on the door asking home to calm down. He then runs up my sofas to get to the window where he punches it. I move him away and try to calm him (this doesn't work). Then today he got all the toys in the play area (prams, trolleys chairs) and threw them everywhere. I also have my own daughter 4 and 3 other kids to contend with this scares them and upsets them.
He then comes up to me and kicks and punches me. So I'm now very cross and tell him very firmly that this is unacceptable behaviour and to go and calm down in the hall.
Eventually after 20 mins all is calm and he turns back to the nice child that I know. And it's time to walk to school. Yesterday when he was lashing out yesterday he hit my daughter in the face with a soft toy.

Today dad came with mum for back up, which was actually useless he was asking his brother to come in and talk to him the poor brother get beaten up enough by his younger brother.
The parents have no boundaries with there children and they literally run riot.

So where do I go from here?
I need to message mum later as I can't have this every morning but I know mum won't really do a lot.
I feel really angry about it. I'm moving in April so won't be having them from then onwards but I feel like giving them up now.

Any suggestions ?

rickysmiths
15-01-2014, 09:44 AM
I would document all the incidents exactly and get mum and dad to sign them.

Invite them to a meeting and sit and discuss a plan to manage the behaviour and give time scale during which you ALL expect a 100% improvement. Make it very clear that they have to work on this with you. I would suggest some kind of reward scheme. Maybe a sticker on your daily report sheet to his mum and dad and one on a chart up at yours. Then if he gets a sticker every day in the week maybe you give him a very small treat (agreed with parents) and they give him one as well.

I would definitely do a daily report for the next few weeks that you share with the parents and they sign and return for you to keep in your files.

I would make it very clear that if there is no improvement within a week that the contract would be terminated immediately on the grounds that he is endangering the other children in your care and your children and you.

If you look at page 4 of the Pacey Contracts if you use them near the middle on the right hand side and it covers this type of thing and terminating with no notice for certain things.

shortstuff
15-01-2014, 09:50 AM
I agree with RS you need it all documented and tell the parents just how serious this matter is. No matter how they let them behave in their home they cant think this is normal behaviour with someone else.

Stand firm and read through the small print in your contract. If you have a part like the pacey one copy it highlight it and give it to the parents. This will hopefully make them realise just what is happening. Also I agree with calling them in for an urgent meeting and I too would want immediate improvement.

bunyip
15-01-2014, 10:06 AM
I agree with RS. Say all this to them, 1 to 1, and put it in writing to hand to them at the same time. State this is a first and final warning: this will support the case for immediate notice should that become a necessity. You need that meeting urgently, without any excuses about what the parents are doing this week, and you need total co-operation which will bring results. Say that. If this were happening at school , the parents would be called into school under exactly the same terms.

You, your family, and all your mindees have the right to work and be in your home without being exposed to violence, and that includes violence from a 5 yo. You also have a duty of care to yourself as much as to your child and mindees.

Hope this gets sorted out. :group hug:

Topkad84
16-01-2014, 09:19 AM
Thank you all so much made me feel so much better reading your comments.

I wrote a report I'm everything that has happened the last two days and was going to meet mum last night but the older son was rushed to a and e. Mum asked if dad should take him to school this morning or if I wanted too as they have had word and he won't do it again. I said I will take him, I think it's unfair to upset the routine of things and willing to try again.
So this morning he turns up with a lively smile on his face and walked in lovely. But his brother told me he has sweets in pocket that he can have when he gets out of school for being good this morning. (Grrr bribery)
I'm going to go up and see mum in a bit and talk everything over and work out a plan of action.
Wish me luck.
Only 14 weeks till I move xxx

shortstuff
16-01-2014, 09:39 AM
Thank you all so much made me feel so much better reading your comments.

I wrote a report I'm everything that has happened the last two days and was going to meet mum last night but the older son was rushed to a and e. Mum asked if dad should take him to school this morning or if I wanted too as they have had word and he won't do it again. I said I will take him, I think it's unfair to upset the routine of things and willing to try again.
So this morning he turns up with a lively smile on his face and walked in lovely. But his brother told me he has sweets in pocket that he can have when he gets out of school for being good this morning. (Grrr bribery)
I'm going to go up and see mum in a bit and talk everything over and work out a plan of action.
Wish me luck.
Only 14 weeks till I move xxx

fingers crossed for you. At least they have made a start even if it is one that we wouldnt choose ourselves.