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toddlers896
09-12-2013, 03:18 PM
I have a child that gets very naughty when she is tired and will be wicked to the other kids. When her mother comes she takes tantrums because she knows she will get away with it. Today she deliberately pushed a one year old over with a hard push of both hands and I was furious so I picked her up and put her on the bottom step. I told her off in front of her mum and then she got up and kicked my dog. her mum picked her up and she started kicking her. again I was absolutely furious as there is no way she is kicking my dog so I said in front of mum if you ever do that to the dog again you will not be coming back.
Did I do the right think telling her off like that in front of the parent or was it a bit harsh. I don't know if mum would have thought how dare you speak like that or what.

AliceK
09-12-2013, 03:46 PM
No I don't think you were too harsh. I wouldn't tolerate that either. I have a policy which states that deliberate cruelty to any of my pets will result in immediate termination. I hope mum was suitably mortified at her DD's behaviour, how dare she behave like that :panic:

xxxx

lizduncan72
09-12-2013, 03:51 PM
I would have done the same! I told one child in front of his mother that if my dog bit him it would be his own fault-he was told on a daily basis not to touch her feet, the only thing she doesn't like, and every day when mum came in he would start annoying her and pulling her tail and touching her feet, mum never backed be up and one day I just snapped and said it'll serve you right if she bites you!! Think that finally hit home with mum and she started to back me after that. No-one hurts or annoys my dog and gets away with it!!!!

toddlers896
09-12-2013, 04:23 PM
I was never brought up with the softly softly approach and must admit I find it very difficult to do it. If a child hits/kicks my dog or any other child there is no way I will tolerate it whether mum is their or not. I raise my voice enough so they know I mean business but I did panic a bit afterwards because I know some parents don't tell their children off like this ( and this is one of them) but hopefully it was an eye opener and she knows I really mean it if she kicks my dog again. Its not on and they need to start disciplining their child. :panic:

sarah sunflower
09-12-2013, 04:57 PM
Not harsh at all, I would of done the same!
As soon as parents walk In the children change and start acting up, running round, ignoring me/parents and basically trying to do as they please, I'm starting to toughen up on it as I don't stand for it from my own daughter in my house so not standing for it from the children that I mind!, especially when they are good 2 seconds before!
At the end of the day your house your rules.

Koala
09-12-2013, 06:33 PM
Yey well done, :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: I tell children off in front of parents too. I let both parents and children know that bad behaviour will not be tolerated and will be challenged every time.

Sounds like mum needs a kick up the a :censored: rse too letting her lo behave like that - disgusting.

kellyskidz!
09-12-2013, 06:42 PM
Oh my gosh that's awful! Your poor dog, hope its ok!!
No I think you were right to tell her off and I would have said to Mum could you back me up in this please as I really don't think she should be kicking like this
Both of you need to be working together to see an improvement in her behaviour
If mum does have a problem and says something tomorrow or whenever you next see her I'd say it was time for a chat about the issues mentioned as its really not on for your own pets and other kids to be hurt. I have a feeling she won't though, what does she expect, that you'll say oh its ok, kick the dog again. Of course you were going to tell her off, the behaviour was naughty (yes I used the N word lol!):littleangel:

bunyip
09-12-2013, 07:39 PM
I don't think it was harsh to tell the child off in front of the parent, especially if the parent wasn't going to take responsibility for herself (and I don't even like livestock in the house.)

It's only wrong if you reacted rather than responded, IYSWIM. If you're responding calmly and in control of the situation, it's a whole different thing to an angry reaction.

I would log it as an incident, especially as another child got pushed over. I'd also remind the mum that (as per my policies) at pick-up time she is expected to take responsibility for her child and respect my rules, my home and other service-users.

Kaybeaa
09-12-2013, 08:03 PM
I'm so glad you've asked this question as a similar thing happened to me tonight when my 2.5 year old mindee (who had previously been on the sofa crying for his mum prior to her arriving) pushed over my 2 year old DD resulting in him smashing his head on the door and getting a huge bruise. The mindees parent had just arrived and suddenly mindee got a burst of energy and just charged at my son. He's known for being a bully at times anyway so this wasn't an isolated incident. Immediately I shouted at mindee and picked my son up whilst the parent just went "oh don't do that" really weakly to the child and bustled him out of the door, I'm still in shock that I was the one who had to discipline the child. To be honest it makes me wonder whether they act like they do as they have no discipline at home? You were totally correct in shouting at mindee in front of parent. Your house your rules!

Bluebell
09-12-2013, 09:10 PM
I'm so glad you've asked this question as a similar thing happened to me tonight when my 2.5 year old mindee (who had previously been on the sofa crying for his mum prior to her arriving) pushed over my 2 year old DD resulting in him smashing his head on the door and getting a huge bruise. The mindees parent had just arrived and suddenly mindee got a burst of energy and just charged at my son. He's known for being a bully at times anyway so this wasn't an isolated incident. Immediately I shouted at mindee and picked my son up whilst the parent just went "oh don't do that" really weakly to the child and bustled him out of the door, I'm still in shock that I was the one who had to discipline the child. To be honest it makes me wonder whether they act like they do as they have no discipline at home? You were totally correct in shouting at mindee in front of parent. Your house your rules!

oh my goodness - your poor boy! Is he ok now?

I think a lot of children act up when parents come. I have one who doesn't want to go home and starts having getting grumpy and crying, another who used to have full on tantrums and another who isn't exactly naughty but is sly - he will start playing with toys that have been put out of reach - he has not noticed them or played with them but he knows that on the high shelf are toys that are not for the minding shelf and he will reach up and start pulling things down. I say oh that's not for you and calmly remove toys but mum just looks at me as if being unreasonable to her darling son! I actually feel he is being deliberately naughty but in a way that looks like he is just happening on it. He does it every time and delays going.
Last week my older son had a birthday present and was playing with it on the table and mindee was not playing with it and not paid any attention to it. Mum arrives and He went straight to it and starts taking bits and ruining my sons game - my son was asking him not to do it, I was asking him to not move the pieces and mum just went 'come on you can play with it next time'. (er no - you can't!) but she was completely unable to get him away! I don't like being strict with child in front of parent I feel if I have asked child to stop it is up to her to take him home and she is really wet. This was first time I left her to it completely - normally i coax along and distract but left her to it and she was completely incapable of getting him out the door!
maybe I should be the one to take charge but I don't like to in front of parent - I think they should do it!

weedotes
10-12-2013, 02:11 AM
oh my goodness - your poor boy! Is he ok now?

I think a lot of children act up when parents come. I have one who doesn't want to go home and starts having getting grumpy and crying, another who used to have full on tantrums and another who isn't exactly naughty but is sly - he will start playing with toys that have been put out of reach - he has not noticed them or played with them but he knows that on the high shelf are toys that are not for the minding shelf and he will reach up and start pulling things down. I say oh that's not for you and calmly remove toys but mum just looks at me as if being unreasonable to her darling son! I actually feel he is being deliberately naughty but in a way that looks like he is just happening on it. He does it every time and delays going.
Last week my older son had a birthday present and was playing with it on the table and mindee was not playing with it and not paid any attention to it. Mum arrives and He went straight to it and starts taking bits and ruining my sons game - my son was asking him not to do it, I was asking him to not move the pieces and mum just went 'come on you can play with it next time'. (er no - you can't!) but she was completely unable to get him away! I don't like being strict with child in front of parent I feel if I have asked child to stop it is up to her to take him home and she is really wet. This was first time I left her to it completely - normally i coax along and distract but left her to it and she was completely incapable of getting him out the door!
maybe I should be the one to take charge but I don't like to in front of parent - I think they should do it!

In our house we call it mummy's here syndrome . They nearly all give it a go . Sometimes I'm calm in control and say " do you really think I m going to let you do something I would nt let you do all day just because your mums here . ? "Sometimes I get caught off guard and just cringe and usher them out of the house.

Ripeberry
10-12-2013, 11:17 AM
What I don't understand are the parents who try and talk to their children as if they are an adult when the said child is under 3 yrs old. When they are that young and in a temper you just need to act and be firm. I once overheard a woman at the swimming pool spend over 15 minutes trying to get her 2 yr old child to put her clothes on after her swim. It was cringe worthy, the mum was almost begging! Just grab the child and take them outside naked if you have to! Grrr!

hectors house
10-12-2013, 01:28 PM
Maybe if other mindees or pets or belongings get hurt or damaged by a mindee while their parent is in your house to drop off or collect you should ask them to wait while you fill in an accident/incident form and tell them they have to sign as a witness to the injury or damage - they may think twice about then having that form shown to the injured childs parents - make them accountable for their child's behaviour!

Kaybeaa
10-12-2013, 04:33 PM
Maybe if other mindees or pets or belongings get hurt or damaged by a mindee while their parent is in your house to drop off or collect you should ask them to wait while you fill in an accident/incident form and tell them they have to sign as a witness to the injury or damage - they may think twice about then having that form shown to the injured childs parents - make them accountable for their child's behaviour!

As soon as the child had left the house I thought to myself that I should have done an accident form, even though obviously it's my own child that got hurt, I'm absolutely going to do that I'm future. It's not on that these children are getting away with hurting our children and pets just because they decide to act up at home time!
And bluebell yes my DS is fine now. Luckily he's tough as old boots and was back to normal after a cuddle

charlottenash
10-12-2013, 07:39 PM
My house, I'm in charge at all times! Once they are out the door it is mummy's responsibility to discipline so I treat child just as I would if mum or dad wasn't here.

toddlers896
14-12-2013, 12:43 PM
What I don't understand are the parents who try and talk to their children as if they are an adult when the said child is under 3 yrs old. When they are that young and in a temper you just need to act and be firm. I once overheard a woman at the swimming pool spend over 15 minutes trying to get her 2 yr old child to put her clothes on after her swim. It was cringe worthy, the mum was almost begging! Just grab the child and take them outside naked if you have to! Grrr!

I agree with you completely. This is what it all boils down too is the parents have no control over their children whatsoever. If they did their would be none of this rubbish

lynncjt
14-12-2013, 07:01 PM
My house, I'm in charge at all times! Once they are out the door it is mummy's responsibility to discipline so I treat child just as I would if mum or dad wasn't here.

I agree, my house my rules! I don't expect parents to be responsible until the child is out of the house! For me this works better as the child is clear who is in control..

Tealady
15-12-2013, 11:05 AM
You have every right to tell a child off in front of their parents. However I have only been able to do this with the confidence that doing this job a while brings. I used to be really bad, and very self-conscious of doing so but now I don't hesitate. I think sometimes the child gets confused as to whose in charge so if neither of you step up they run amok.

But I find that it is the same with play dates too. DD and her friends play beautifully until pick-up and then all hell breaks loose. I think some of her friends parents think I'm a tad harsh, but given my job I have no qualms about pulling other people's children into line. Some of the children at school have a bit of a reputation for being badly behaved all through a playdate. Funnily enough they are always fine at mine!

dawn100
15-12-2013, 07:30 PM
I think you were right to tell the child off in front of parents, what if that child has a strop in the park and kicks out at not such a forgiving dog ??!?!
I have now made collections as brief as possible, coats, shoes on bag packed and ready to go as cant stand listening to parents pleading and bribing kids to put them on, I normally take the child to the front door and hand them straight over and shut the door.
Some parents just don't follow things through, example of a parent at one collection time child is 18m parent is holding child, childs asks to get down mum says ok but you must hold my hand, child refuses and she just lets him and he runs off down the road, she just casually says oh will have to try and catch him now. The same child always holds my hand no problem!