do any of you ever feel like a failure.....

[KaicosMummy]

When it comes to your own children?
No point to this really, just a bit of a moan and feeling sorry for myself and very down in the dumps :-(
My own boys are six and four, I became a childminder after eight years working in a nursery, and after having my second child decided to kill two birds with one stone, doing a job I adore and being able to be home for my boys at the same time.
My four year old was very delayed in his social skills and put into a program to help him, since he has started school in september he has come on in leaps and bounds and is on par with his peers now, was what I was doing with him at home not good enough that now he is flourishing without as much input from me?
My six year old has always been a bit of a toad behaviour wise at nursery and at school, but generally well behaved at home, though his diva tantrums can be extreme, but he is not destructive, hurtful to others or 'naughty', just likes to get his own way. Was told by his teacher yesterday they are getting a behavioural psychologist in to see him?!?! He is worse at school than home here, but this has come out of the blue for me.
I feel like a failure, I feel I have let both my boys down spectacularly, and am I really any good at my job if I cant even help my own boys to learn and flourish appropriately.
This is the selfish thing, I also look after five mindees from the school, two of which are staff children, I am thinking will they all think 'what kind of minder is she when she cant get her own children to behave?!', silly? I dont know :'(
So like I said, no point to this, just feeling really rubbish at the moment and feel like giving up minding. Because am realising whilst I am at home for the boys, I am not really with them, due to mindees being here, paperwork etc, sigh.........
Need to rethink everything I think :'(

[loocyloo]

Big hugs.

Our own children are the hardest to look after as we have an emotional bond that we just don't have with minded children. I was a nanny for 14 years and remember phoning my husband in tears one day when ds was a few months old because I couldn't get him to sleep or feed properly. I think those of us that have a childcare background find it even harder with our own when there are difficulties because we can manage other people's children!

Don't beat yourself up...You are there for your children and are supporting them and working with the school to help them.

Xxx

[AliceK]

You have my sympathy and understanding. People always think this job is great, we get to spend time with our own children blah blah blah. I have found out that just isn't true. Yes, we get to spend time with them but usually they are pushed to the bottom of the pile so to speak so the time isn't quality time. I feel guilty all the time. I don't get the time to help my own kids with their homework or do anything with them until after I finish work at 6pm. I have spoken to them about things and they do understand that I am working and if I wasn't doing this job I would be back out to work and they would be with a childminder or AS club and they much prefer me being here for them and being able to take them and pick them up from school. As for your childrens behaviour, don't feel bad, I'm sure you're a great mum and it isn't your fault that your DS may need some additional support. My DS (9) is the most well behaved boy and always gets great reports from school etc etc. My DD (6) on the other hand is the complete opposite. She's not "naughty" she's the sweetest thing but she has a short attention span and is distracted too easily, doen't listen in class, doesn't sit still, she was banned from lining up with her best friend within 2 weeks of starting the new year because they are too silly together etc etc I have had numerous conversations with her teacher about her and put in place different strategies to try and get her to listen better but I feel bad sometimes about it, but we are childminders not superwomen and it doesn't mean our own children should be perfect little angels, they are human beings with their own personalities. I used to look after a teachers DS (he was very demanding at times) now this teacher teaches my DD one day a week (I'm getting my own back lol)
Hugs to you :group hug:

xxxx

[JCrakers]

Right.... first of all, snap yourself out if it!! You are not a failure. :)

Secondly, children are sent to test us and no one is perfect. My dd is 11, is very strong willed, will argue the hind leg off a donkey to get her own way and there's been times where we have been at each others throats. I have a lot of patience but it doesn't stretch to infinity. My son has low self esteem and not a lot of confidence that's due to struggling at school and being borderline Dyslexic. Over the years I've treated them equally, praising, loving them, giving them lots of opportunities in life, weekends have been spent visiting farms, castles, museums, theme parks, beaches, woods, playgrounds and other endless things. I did more with my son as a baby/toddler than I ever did with my dd but she has all the confidence even though I took my son to every toddler group going, music and movement, tumble tots. With my dd I didn't have time to do a lot of groups.

It's funny but children can sometimes do better with outside help. How many times have you looked after an angel to be told the child is a nightmare at home? Ive tried over the years to sit with ds to do extra work, Ive paid £30 an hour for an English tutor, I've bought books and workbooks but nothing really helped. He's just who he is :thumbsup:

I've been into school many, many times about my sons learning difficulties and for my dd's friend problems and I thought the same as you. I wondered if they were thinking my children should be better because its my job, but its not true.

At the end of the day I can't help my sons learning problems and my dd just needed to mature, she's fine now and she was mixing with a couple of awful girls.

When I look at al my mindees they all have so many lovely qualities but they also have their downsides and problems to deal with . One gets very angry, one is dyslexic, one gets hyper if not controlled, one has a real problem with allergies, another is in the process of being assessed for mild Autism and I know all the parents do fantastic jobs. They are all lovely, caring people :thumbsup:

Maybe the tests on your little one will flag something up or it may be down to school not handling him properly. And you can be there to give love and support when they need it

[KaicosMummy]

Thank you so much for your replies, my mood has not particularly got any better, but it is good to know that I can vent to fellow minders, as nobody else really gets it and thinks I am a bit crazy I think :-/ I think because I have always been good with children and respond well to me that I presumed when I had my own children it would be the same. I am sure I am not the first to make that clanger and wont be the last. I am sure it will all get better. I do feel a little reassured after voicing my concerns to a teacher at the school today, and she laughed in my face! She told me if I could find a teacher who could say that any of their children behave like angels she would give me a years salary
:laughing:
So, onwards and upwards! I have decided to totally scale back my paperwork and if that means I dont get an outstanding in my next ofsted then so be it, I would much rather be spending quality time with my own children and the mindees than wishing they would hurry up and go to bed and get out of my house so I can get on the computer. All my mindees are little gems ( monsterous at home btw, so you are right on that one) and my boys need me more than my SEF does, so I think this is going to be my mindset from now on.
Thank you all x

[Rachel6]

I used to feel the same as you,left school at 16 trained as a nanny,then became a childminder in 1991 when I had my second son. People would always say I was fantastic with kids & even now I have strangers saying what lovely children aren't they good etc & I always say they are good but they are not mine. Don't get me wrong mine have manners etc just feel sometimes I have let them down, they tell me I haven't they will be 23yrs 22yrs next month x

[angeldelight]

Thank you so much for your replies, my mood has not particularly got any better, but it is good to know that I can vent to fellow minders, as nobody else really gets it and thinks I am a bit crazy I think :-/ I think because I have always been good with children and respond well to me that I presumed when I had my own children it would be the same. I am sure I am not the first to make that clanger and wont be the last. I am sure it will all get better. I do feel a little reassured after voicing my concerns to a teacher at the school today, and she laughed in my face! She told me if I could find a teacher who could say that any of their children behave like angels she would give me a years salary
:laughing:
So, onwards and upwards! I have decided to totally scale back my paperwork and if that means I dont get an outstanding in my next ofsted then so be it, I would much rather be spending quality time with my own children and the mindees than wishing they would hurry up and go to bed and get out of my house so I can get on the computer. All my mindees are little gems ( monsterous at home btw, so you are right on that one) and my boys need me more than my SEF does, so I think this is going to be my mindset from now on.
Thank you all x


I think even if you didn't work with children you would still be beating yourself up

It's what us moms do

My son when he was 16 got in with a wrong crowd of course I blamed myself and of course it was not my fault

My daughter blamed herself for her sons bad behaviour when school had her in,before he was diagnosed with Autism .

A friend blamed herself when her daughter pushed someone over ...causing them to cut themselves

Ages and stages of our kids ...good and bad happen .....it's life ...can get us down ,we are human and we are moms it's part and package .

So kick yourself up the bum and know that kids are kids and your doing a great job being a mom .

Angel xxx