View Full Version : Started mid Aug and still not settled!

10-11-2013, 12:21 AM
Mid August I took on a 12 month old. We did settling in of 2 weeks which was a complete waste of time because it is now almost 3 months and he is still moany all day every day. He comes Mon Tues and Thurs so we thought maybe changing to Mon Tues Wed might help more. His moan is like a growl and he seems like he is crying but there are no tears. It is non stop all day and I cant seem to stop it. I think the main problem is he does not like the company of other children and he is not used to being among groups of people. I think also his parents give him a lot of one on one undivided attention which I cannot. I dont really know what to do because it is really draining having a child moany for 3 days straight.

10-11-2013, 12:37 AM
:group hug: That sounds hard! x

I find a sling really useful for children that struggle with groups outside their family or need extra reassurance through closeness. Not a Baby Bjorn, but one that easily takes the weight of an older baby/ toddler like a Toddler Patapum or a Babyhawk Oh Snap. They can be worn on your back for maximum practicality. They get the reassurance of being close to you, whilst they survey their surroundings, and you can get on with things with the other children/ preparing food etc.

10-11-2013, 09:52 AM
Oh poor you, I have one at the moment who is happy to sit in high chair, on lap etc..., It's such hard work as he doesn't like being put down - screams, moans - you know what I mean! We have found that bringing a high chair into the play room for him to sit in whilst the other children play keeps him happy and content. I think he has been held a lot and individual attention too and not used to other children and can't understand why they are near him. Hopefully he will decide he wants to explore eventually and will not miss out on the integration.

Slings are good for comfort, but imo it only perpetuates the issue and are not the answer. I like to be free of children attached to me so that I can deal with what I need to safely and quickly and I feel that children benefit more by building their independence. IMO children can miss out on a lot of social development, exploration when they are given too much personal attention and it can become over indulgence. But whatever works for you is the best thing to do.

Good luck with some improvement, it must be getting you down, I bet you are starting to get anxious about tomorrow already and that's no good.
Take a deep breath. :thumbsup:

10-11-2013, 11:16 AM
Have you talked to parents? Maybe they'll have some suggestions. Or perhaps you could suggest to them giving him less attention at home and trying to mix more with other children.

10-11-2013, 08:37 PM
Have you talked to parents? Maybe they'll have some suggestions. Or perhaps you could suggest to them giving him less attention at home and trying to mix more with other children.

This! Have one the same and it has taken time (a lot of time.. So depends on how much patience you have and can cope if you have other Los) and mum and dad not to pick her up and carry her as much (tough one cos don't like to say not to carry own child!) and they are taking her to toddler groups etc now ... Issue was same as yours not used to other kids and very anxious. If mum and dad will work with you it can be resolved, if not maybe your setting isn't the one for him cos you can't give him what he is used to with the best will in the world ., it's not fair on you and other kids xx

10-11-2013, 09:40 PM
Totally feel for you. I had one who was great for about 4 weeks then hit a clingy stage. It didn't help that they kept sending her in with ear infections. Mum just cuddled him at every opportunity and constant undivided attention. Even suggested that when I was feeding 2 children at once I gave the other one a biscuit while I fed her dd so that she wouldn't cry (mum sat her on her knee to feed her).
I spoke to mum who said I can't not pick her up - she is my princess.
After 4 months of stress mum took her to another childminder (as I was rubbish! ) and I am not surprised to hear that the new childminder has given up childminding due to stress. Whoops

10-11-2013, 10:05 PM
Mum says she has started taking him to children centres but when they are there he gets all her one to one attention :huh: Ok he is not walking but he is crawling and cruising so he dont need her full attention! I have asked if they pick him up alot and she said he plays on the floor on his own... I dont know whether I should leave it for a week and then visit them in their home and try to discuss with them together what I can do to improve things although we do discuss regularly at the door anyway... Im running out of things to do to help him...

10-11-2013, 11:10 PM
It might not be a quick fix. Really depends how much you can cope with.

I have lo started much like this. And very similar home situation. She was my first and I stuck with it.

It's been a long hard road. Fine when just me and her bit involve other children particularly older unfamiliar ones she still gets very anxious. Also finding playgroup situations challenging - she is now 2.
They are a lovely family and I found home visit and talking to them honestly if they don't deal with this, consequences are clingy child doesn't want to go to school, controls what you do where you go who with things started to improve. They agreed she was becoming controlling and they were finding things a struggle.
Def got better around 18m maybe just development thing. once she was walking I refused to keep picking her up and told parents this. I personally wouldn't do baby sling type things as I feel prolongs the situation. As I say still anxious but no where as bad as before. She knows I will not keep picking her up and she is a big girl now. Etc etc

It's not fair on you or other children and importantly not safe to keep carrying a child around.

I'm afraid if they don't work with you then they are making a rod for their own backs

I'd chat to them, agree on how you'll deal with it and set timescale. If doesn't improve then maybe your setting isn't right for this child