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fionamadcat
28-10-2013, 01:24 PM
I have a 2.6 yr old who has always been a fussy eater (as is her older brother) , she seems to have got much worse recently though. She has just had a tantrum at the table because her cottage pie had carrots and onions in it, wasn't really expecting her to eat it to be honest but...
How would you deal with this? I don't think it is fair on the others who are sitting nicely eating their lunch to have to listen to screaming!

ziggy
28-10-2013, 01:29 PM
i would do same as i've always done

lift her down from table, take food away, tell her to go and play while others enjoy their lunch

dont offer anything else till next snack/meal time

simples:laughing:

karen m
28-10-2013, 01:44 PM
I remove them from the table and I have them sit on another chair in the room, mine I have living dinner , but I don't allow play till the others have finished as feel the playing is what they want

mama2three
28-10-2013, 01:49 PM
Its intetesting isn't it how we all approach things differently. I would take the food away too , and nothing until next meal or snack. But they would still sit up at the table and wait for the others to eat their meals. To me letting them go and play is rewarding the unwanted behaviour.

Ali56
28-10-2013, 02:05 PM
Its intetesting isn't it how we all approach things differently. I would take the food away too , and nothing until next meal or snack. But they would still sit up at the table and wait for the others to eat their meals. To me letting them go and play is rewarding the unwanted behaviour.

Me too Mama2three. If we let them go and play, what have they learnt? I don't like dinner, I'll scream a bit-then I can play! Because at teatime there will be a sandwich etc and I like those! (or PM snack etc!)
I do find it interesting how we all do things differently!
I don't give pudding to those who haven't eaten, just fruit if they want it. But they can't see they are missing out, so have the incentive to at least eat a bit, if they are down from the table!
Fionamadcat-have you tried putting only a very tiny amount of food on your fussy eaters plate, literally a teaspoon or 2? I find that a fussy child is more likely to try if there isn't much at all-then you can praise and offer more (the same tiny amount), but even if more is not wanted then pudding can be given-which is better than not-esp for a poor eater. It's worked for all mine over the years (eventually!) and quantities can gently increase. I often find a delicious pud or a choc button or 2 will be enough to encourage a small amount to be eaten, but a big plateful of food is to daunting and will just be pushed away as they know they can never finish it. x

Koala
28-10-2013, 02:08 PM
I would remove the child if causing disturbance to others and she can sit and wait elsewhere until everyone else has finished - no other activity until everyone can join in. Otherwise she can sit and wait at the table until mealtime is over - however I would not offer pudding either (often children can play up with main course to skip to pud) so I would probably remove the child from the mealtime experience all together as I feel it would be wrong to offer pudding to others except one child.
I would not offer other food if I thought the child was being unreasonable.
I would not give in and I would not let the behavior spoil it for the other children. I would definitely be consistent and if this was a regular occurrence I would have to address it with parents and have a collaborative routine to promote a more positive approach to mealtimes.

Jenna
28-10-2013, 02:10 PM
I've got one the same but its more frustrating because as a baby mindee would eat any thing and everything. However mum wouldn't allow him to have snacks or sweet thing. So he'd only have 3 meals a day. As soon as mum introduced sweet things to him there was a complete change. Now he's 2.5 and won't eat any fruit and veg at all, if he has morning snack will never eat lunch one week he'll eat something and the next wont. Half the time he won't even pick the spoon up and a number of times he's even thrown the meal on the floor. I've started just ignoring him like most of you said if he doesn't touch it then he just has to sit and wait for everyone else with no pudding. He then starts to scream as soon as he sees pudding coming. I've tried all sorts of things but its always the same.

karen m
28-10-2013, 02:12 PM
Mama2three I used to make them sit at the table but found they just messed around while others were eating so changed tact and moved them on to another seat

dawn100
28-10-2013, 02:15 PM
I have all children remain at the table until everyone has finished, I don't make a fuss and their food will be moved away from them if I think that might help, I say they don't have to eat if they don't want but they do have to stay at the table. I don't reguarly offer sweet puddings it is often just fruit if anything depending on what was for lunch, this way even if all they want is fruit at least they are eating something healthy.
But every situation is different as no two children are the same, you have to do what you feel is best for you and the rest of the children you have.

AdeleMarie88
28-10-2013, 02:26 PM
As others have said, I give them a couple of chances to eat, and go really overboard with praise for those who are eating well. If they are still refusing, I take food away, but leave within eye sight. When i can see that the others are coming towards to the end, I offer food once more. If they still refuse, I serve up fruit and yoghurt, our pudding, but don't give any to child who refused. After all children have finished we wash up and leave the kitchen. No snacks or food is offered, just wAter, until next meal time.

If it's a genuine dislike for what you have offered, as opposed to just wanting sweet food or play time, then I obviously wouldn't punish a child for this. But so that it is fair, and to avoid bad habits, I would change everyone's food so that they are all eating the same. I find that from a very early age, toddlers can tell the difference between themselves and others, especially when it comes to food, so if I was to single out one child and cook them something different, it would cause uproar!

Another thing you could try is getting them more involved in the cooking process, and then you eating with them. This may spark her interest a little more. Good luck, and stay consistent! X

bindy
28-10-2013, 06:07 PM
I would carry on with the meal, make no fuss at all, carry on chatting with all, even the child who does not want to eat. I would gently encourage the child to eat or at least try a little but, I try not to cook food I know the children or child does not like or at least put something on their plate that I know they would eat. I would not punish, force, humiliate, or feel pxxxxx off because the child is not eating . Nor would I give the child a hard time or make meal times un joy able for children that are "fussy eaters" I only give fruit for puddings or yoghurt so would always offer a piece of fruit. Once all the kids had finished, I would ask the "fussy eater" if he/she has finished too. ( has a matter of fact) Some children get very nervous when it comes to meal times, why make it an unpleasant event for them just because they only eat a few things or very little? My child was what every one calls a "fussy eater" 18 months later and help from professionals she eats most things!! My friends little girl is 6 years old after going to a CH the last 3 year of her life and the CM sitting her on her own during meal times because she would not eat what the CM had cooked, not talking with her till after the meal had finished etc she now has terrible issues with food. Just my view and what I would do, I know others have very different strong views and would do totally different!

BlondeMoment
28-10-2013, 07:11 PM
If child doesn't want it after gentle encouragement I simply get them down from the table and say they can go and look at the books until the others have finished. They all get to watch tv after dinner until they are collected but I certainly don't put it on until everyone has finished. No pudding is ever offered to those that don't at least try their dinner or eat a decent amount. I never get cross about it or punish. If they don't want it, they don't want it, but they don't get offered anything else for refusing what is offered without any effort I try to give them at least something they like on their plate and encourage them to try the other things.

fionamadcat
28-10-2013, 07:13 PM
Thanks everyone it is amazing how different everyones take on it is. Really not sure what I'm going to do! She eats such a limited range of things that I really don't think it is fair on my other 2 preschoolers to limit ourselves to things she eats. They both eat almost anything. Have in the past given her a sandwich and the others something different but I don't think that is the way to go. Have tried all normal things offering little bits along side something I know she will eat, have got her to help make meals but have had no joy with that. With her tantrums I'm going to just ignore her and carry on chatting with others. I ignore all her other tamtrums so that has to be the way to go. She is so stubborn though I think she would be that child who would eat nothing for days!!

MessybutHappy
28-10-2013, 08:22 PM
Have you tried giving buttered bread with each meal, as a side? Then your fussy gets something she likes, she also gets the two teaspoons mentioned before (good advice!) and the others get a full meal.
I've also learned the hard way never to make a fuss, both for the unwanted and the wanted behavior, just a quiet acceptance of both. I praised up one child then found the others got silly so they'd get praise! Ten out of ten for out-smarting the cm, but left me with some hard work ahead of me!!!

dawn100
28-10-2013, 08:41 PM
Ok don't know if any of what I'm about to say will be any use but it might be growing up I was a very fussy eater and everyone made a big deal out of it and so I still have hang ups over food and eating at a restaurant or in public place is quite a stressful experience even though I'm not very fussy now. As a kid i liked to know what I was eating so I like to see all the parts seperatly eg no hidden veg in meals, too much food on my plate made me feel ill - just looking at it. I used to get told off for being naughty and silly but I genuinely struggle to eat food and still struggle to eat some food because of the texture. I wasn't being fussy to get pudding as I didn't like most puddings anyway, I would rather eat nothing than eat something I didn't like, I am still like that today. I think messybuthappy suggestion is a good one if she likes bread as I know as a kid if I saw at least one thing on my plate I enjoyed it meant I didn't panic as much about eating. And yes the sight of a plate of food use to make me feel panicked, writing this here has made me realise I has alot of hang ups about food no wonder I still get panic eating in restaurants! As I said I don't know if that will be of any use to you but it might be and sometimes it can be easy to think fussy eaters are just trying to get their own way when it's no always the case sometimes there could be a reason for it - I think mine started after I choked on some food at a very young age - well that's what me and my mum have guessed at looking back at it.

Ali56
28-10-2013, 09:01 PM
Ok don't know if any of what I'm about to say will be any use but it might be growing up I was a very fussy eater and everyone made a big deal out of it and so I still have hang ups over food and eating at a restaurant or in public place is quite a stressful experience even though I'm not very fussy now. As a kid i liked to know what I was eating so I like to see all the parts seperatly eg no hidden veg in meals, too much food on my plate made me feel ill - just looking at it. I used to get told off for being naughty and silly but I genuinely struggle to eat food and still struggle to eat some food because of the texture. I wasn't being fussy to get pudding as I didn't like most puddings anyway, I would rather eat nothing than eat something I didn't like, I am still like that today. I think messybuthappy suggestion is a good one if she likes bread as I know as a kid if I saw at least one thing on my plate I enjoyed it meant I didn't panic as much about eating. And yes the sight of a plate of food use to make me feel panicked, writing this here has made me realise I has alot of hang ups about food no wonder I still get panic eating in restaurants! As I said I don't know if that will be of any use to you but it might be and sometimes it can be easy to think fussy eaters are just trying to get their own way when it's no always the case sometimes there could be a reason for it - I think mine started after I choked on some food at a very young age - well that's what me and my mum have guessed at looking back at it.

I completely get what you are saying, I am the same. I don't eat sauces, dressings or anything if I can't tell whats in it. I don't like 'fancy' food. My eldest daughter is much worse, although now mostly she cooks for herself and eats well and a good variety.( My other 2 children are fab and eat anything-I've tried so hard not to pass my issues on!) I still get a bit frustrated but we've talked thru alot of her issues and as long as she eats something from each food group I'm happy with that-it's the best she can manage. I was forced to clear my plate every meal time, whether I liked what was on it or not. It was awful and I still have the fear/ anxiousness that induced in me. That is why I never force my little ones to eat, I encourage them to try, give the smallest portions imaginable to the ones who are 'fussy' becuase I believe praising them for trying is so much better than scraping yet another plate of food in the bin and the ruined self confidence of the child that didn't eat it. I will do everything I can to get them to pudding, so any effort is good. I just wont reward no effort at all or a tantrum. I never shout or get cross, it always needs to be their choice-with a bit of encouragement. I like messybuthappys idea of bread on the side too, I'll def use that one in the future.

clairer
28-10-2013, 09:03 PM
I have a five year old who has been with me two months. He sits and cries and refuses to eat. Once he started to cry because he saw me chop a carrot. i was slightly appalled and thought oh no food issues! The would child wait at the table and watch the others enjoy the food. No dessert was given. I would give a dessert if a good proportion was eaten. These past few weeks he has started to eat so I guess that worked :laughing: