PDA

View Full Version : Gifts - where do you draw the line?



Nicola Carlyle
25-10-2013, 07:21 AM
Just wondered what everyone's thought were. As a professional working with children (childminder, nursery, primary school, secondary school etc), what becomes an inappropriate gift? Just wondered if anyone has experience of lavish really unnecessary gifts and how did you respond to it. I mean most people receive the usual bottle of plonk and chocs and I'm sure most of you would agree that the thought is lovely and it's wonderful to be appreciated but what becomes uncomfortable to accept or really shouldn't be if you what I mean? Spa days, expensive vouchers, concert tickets...................... Would love your thoughts guys.

hectors house
25-10-2013, 07:58 AM
I have had some lovely presents over the years - voucher for a massage, expensive perfume (although the cynic in me wondered if it was an unwanted present), when a little one left for school last year after being with me nearly 4 years his parents gave me a £20 Odeon voucher and a £25 meal voucher - last year for Xmas I had a lovely cake stand. One leaving for school this year gave me 5 personalised "Hector's House" high viz vests (I had mentioned getting some plain ones) and a lovely book for me to share with children. Mostly like you say it is wine, smellies, chocolate, biscuits, jewellery etc.

Why do you ask - has a parent given you a present that is a little over the top?

eddie
25-10-2013, 08:15 AM
I tend to get the run of the mill things, flowers, chocs etc although one of my parents buys me a £30 next voucher for Christmas but I really push the boat out for this family as have had some personal problems etc so it is nice to know my work is appreciated.

I can't think of a limit I would find inappropriate really, if the parents want to show their appreciation that's great.

karen m
25-10-2013, 08:26 AM
Over the years I have the usual chocolates, flowers , biscuits . One family a couple of years ago gave both myself and husband £30 each of next vouchers , husband was often at home and would help with air fix models etc , they boys were 10 and 8

bindy
25-10-2013, 08:30 AM
Last year one parent paid the fee for my 2 weeks off at Christmas. Worked out at £528! Normally it's a box of chocolates or a small gift voucher for M and S which is much appreciated too, some don't bother giving anything, which is OK too. When I worked has a nanny, I got a months bonus every year! The teachers got amazing gifts, a lot of competition going on!

jackie 7
25-10-2013, 08:43 AM
Normally I get wine etc but last Christmas I hot a bag of goodies from where mum worked shower get etc. then she said she had put something into my bank account. £200.!!!! And yes I took it I said thank you.

emma04
25-10-2013, 09:41 AM
Blimey! I'm lucky if I get a thank you from some parents.

Just had a child leave and presented family with her extensive LJ and DVD with photos on all set to music! Took me ages to make! Still not heard a bean from them about any of it!! Didn't get a leaving gift or card.
It's not about the gift or the card really, it's just the feeling of not being appreciated that gets to me a bit!!

Mummits
25-10-2013, 11:01 AM
I usually get reasonably modest gifts, but I also agree that it is the thought that counts. Someone who gets a little gift but one that shows they have noticed what you like or spent time making something with the children is showing their appreciation in a thoughtful way, but also being sensitive to the fact that you might be embarrassed by a costly gift which you could not afford to match. I have found that parents who have had nannies in the past tend to give more expensive gifts (vouchers etc). I don't think this is necessarily because they have more money to spend, but nanny friends have told me that it is commonplace to give the nanny large gifts at Christmas, birthday etc and annual cash bonuses, so maybe they are still in that mindset.

AdeleMarie88
25-10-2013, 12:04 PM
I get some lovely bits, but my absolute fav, was a homemade candle from the local candle factory, and the little boy had filled it with cinnamon and nutmeg because he remembered me saying how I love the smell of Xmas. It prob cost less than £5 but it brought a tear to my eye! The thought definitely counts the most!

Koala
25-10-2013, 12:32 PM
I like all the pressies I get and would love some inappropriate, excessive gifts for working a 55+ hour week never been off sick or having a lunch break, for wiping bums noses and sick up, picking up the pieces of a stressful drop off, providing spare clothes, good food, entertainment, support and advice, bring it on shower me with goodies. :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

cathtee
25-10-2013, 12:32 PM
I've had some beatiful gifts, a watch, 2 gold necklaces, one parent asked what i drank and i listed all that i liked, opened xmas day and
had 5 normal sized bottles of said list:blush: and vouchers for a wine tasting day and back massage and facial.

I think if a parent wants to show their appreciation then I will accept.:)

Nicola Carlyle
25-10-2013, 12:37 PM
I am asking because a friend of mine (also a childminder) received a spa day for her and her two assistants (only a few hours but very expensive) as a thank you recently and while they are very appreciative of it they are shouting it from the rooftops and it's making other parents very uncomfortable. Not so much the gift itself but the fact they are publicly acknowledging it and its making them feel their gifts (the usual items but still very much appreciated in my opinion) are very inadequate and almost laughed at. I just wondered what everyone else's experiences were like that's all.

eddie
25-10-2013, 12:51 PM
I am asking because a friend of mine (also a childminder) received a spa day for her and her two assistants (only a few hours but very expensive) as a thank you recently and while they are very appreciative of it they are shouting it from the rooftops and it's making other parents very uncomfortable. Not so much the gift itself but the fact they are publicly acknowledging it and its making them feel their gifts (the usual items but still very much appreciated in my opinion) are very inadequate and almost laughed at. I just wondered what everyone else's experiences were like that's all.

I think it's very unfair to make other parents feel bad like that. I never say ooh look what so and so bought me, I wouldn't make it obvious like that.

FussyElmo
25-10-2013, 01:02 PM
I am asking because a friend of mine (also a childminder) received a spa day for her and her two assistants (only a few hours but very expensive) as a thank you recently and while they are very appreciative of it they are shouting it from the rooftops and it's making other parents very uncomfortable. Not so much the gift itself but the fact they are publicly acknowledging it and its making them feel their gifts (the usual items but still very much appreciated in my opinion) are very inadequate and almost laughed at. I just wondered what everyone else's experiences were like that's all.

Sorry to say this about your friend but I think it says more about her than the parent who gave them.
None of my parents know what the others get me because it doesn't matter if its a simple thank you or a luxury food hamper :(

Nicola Carlyle
25-10-2013, 01:10 PM
That's what I thought to. Think it wouldn't have been an issue if she hadn't been so public with her thank you's. After all it has nothing to do with anyone else.

k1rstie
25-10-2013, 02:46 PM
What a parent gives or doesn't give should be between yourself, the parent, then 10 minutes later posted on this forum!!!!!!! Lol

greanan
25-10-2013, 08:35 PM
Blimey! I'm lucky if I get a thank you from some parents. Just had a child leave and presented family with her extensive LJ and DVD with photos on all set to music! Took me ages to make! Still not heard a bean from them about any of it!! Didn't get a leaving gift or card. It's not about the gift or the card really, it's just the feeling of not being appreciated that gets to me a bit!!

That's exactly how I feel - it's just so nice to know out work is appreciated. It shouldn't but it does annoy me when the older ones teachers get amazing personalised pressie and I can't even be paid on time or given a thank youx

clairer
25-10-2013, 08:49 PM
I can't imagine a gift that is inappropriately large but then I have only ever received flowers or chocolates, or sweets for my own children. I say only, I don't mean it that way, it's lovely to be in a job where gifts are given, it's very sweet and brings a tear to my eye.

I had a child leave recently after almost two years and I didn't even receive a card, to be unappreciated cuts to the core.

dawn100
25-10-2013, 09:41 PM
Last christmas I had a parent say to me as collecting on Christmas Eve "was going to get you flowers but haven't had time and well no one buys me flowers as a thank you for me doing my job so don't really know why I should be buying you any gifts" I don't expect to be bought anything, just a genuine thank you and to wish me happy christmas would of made my day, I'd had her lo on Christmas Eve as an extra so she could finish off her christmas shopping, but the way she said it to me felt like I'd been slapped in the face! However I have another mum who is always ever so grateful, I'll happily accept any sign of appreciation, gifts or just a genuine thank you.

beachgirl29
26-10-2013, 07:19 AM
I don't expect a gift and sometimes i am lucky if i get a thank you. I have had cake and chocolates as leaving gifts but at Christmas i get cards.
I get all my mindees a little gift at Christmas usually a book or snow globe. I don't mind if they parents don't get me anything i enjoy my week off at Christmas.

I get the parents who expect me to have no life and when i do say no to something complain that's usually my gift! but the odd few who are lovely.

Kiddleywinks
26-10-2013, 09:30 AM
I don't expect anything, not even a thank you, so anything received would be a bonus :thumbsup:

I certainly wouldn't be pointing a gift out to other parents though - how rude!

bluebell3
26-10-2013, 03:02 PM
wow that is rude! I'd feel awful if I made other parents feel inadequate.

If I have a bunch of flowers because someone has left and a thank you card - or even just the thank you card - I will post it on the parent page and say 'thank you so much for my lovely flowers that was so generous of you and I will really miss .... good luck at school'

It shows parents that I'm appreciated because i do a good job so its a bit of PR. I wouldn't ever post anything other than flowers or chocolates though because I wouldn't want anyone else to feel inadequate and I always make a point of saying how generous I think that gift is because although the gift is what would be an expected level of gift (smellies, chocs, etc) Its still not expected in the way that I would expect all parents to feel that they would need to buy me anything at all!

The best presents I get are the Thank you's drawn, made or written by the child.

As I'm writing this I'm thinking maybe I should rethink my self-promotion / PR though because if a parent didn't want to buy me a gift then they shouldn't feel that they have to. Hmmm. something to think on....

gef918
26-10-2013, 04:39 PM
I always appreciate any gifts that are given to me, whatever the cost. The best gift I received were easter eggs for my children in a handmade nest made of willow twigs. Mum spent ages making the nest for me and I really appreciated that! I also liked that the family understood that my children deserved something special too.

Vickster
27-10-2013, 08:33 AM
Some of my parents do and some don't. I dont think it enters their head to give presents, but I know I am appreciated. The best present I have received is a wooden plaque saying "Vicky, it takes a special person to be a childminder. Thank you for looking after me"