Is this getting more common in parenting?

[JCrakers]

I was reading a post not long back about a Mum who didn't want the childminder to say 'No' to her child, cant remember who it was. I was chatting to a New Mum last week as her little one is settling in, he's just turned 1.

She was saying that she doesn't mind me saying 'No' to her son but a few of her friends don't agree with the word and wont be saying it to their children!?!?
She says No at home to sop her little one touching the skybox or TV or something that would harm him like wires etc.

I'm a bit 'old skool' when it comes to discipline (I went to college in the early 90's) and although I always take new ideas on board I've always stuck with getting down to the child's level, a simple No, an explanation and then possibly move them away from whatever it is they shouldn't be touching.

Taking the word 'No' away seems a bit weird to me. Is this starting to be a new thing that parent are trying? Do you think we are going too far the other way when it comes to 'giving children a voice' 'giving them choices' by taking all negative thoughts, sayings and words away?
I don't say words and phrases such as ' that's naughty' 'no, don't do that' etc. I always say a positive thing such as 'I don't want to see that behaviour' 'I don't think we should be doing that should we' ' 'Can I see you using that properly please' 'that's not a good idea' and I always follow with a please or thank you and a smile.
I don't use a sharp NO, but use a soft Noooooo that goes up at the end iykwim :laughing:

I was raised in the 70's and children were basically seen and not heard and given a good smack if they misbehaved but obviously times have changed for the better but is it going too far when we are starting to leave out the word No?

[leeanne910]

Im 27 and i have my own boys who are 7 and 2 in january. I tell them no......they need to.learn whats right and wrong. My youngest knows if u say a firm no that it means dont do it! Think parents are making a rod for their own back haha not that mine are perfect they are far from. I have delivered parenting programmes that focus on different things like how to give positive attenion etc. My boys equaly have mummy time. And times they have a pat on sholder a riffle of their hair etc just to show i kno ur their and i love u. But if they do something wrong....action equals a consequence followed through mostly for my eldeelst.

Think parents are getting too soft! Like some parents i know a few of my friends....say awwwww hes a baby still tho....nope...he is 4!!

[lizduncan72]

I think parents are wanting to be friends with their kids a lot more rather than parents and don't want to upset them or discipline them anymore :( I had one dad arrive this morning at the door with only baby mindee, I asked him where G (3 1/2 years) was, in the car, he's having a tantrum,saying no nursery, no Liz's, dad goes back to car and then spends next 5 minutes negotiating with child to try to get him to come in!! Eventually gives up and carries him in cos he's now late for work.

[PixiePetal]

I am with you on this one - maybe I am just getting old!

There are times when 'no' is needed. The soft approach does not suit all children and they don't know the boundaries. Like you I say no, give a reason - it might be dangerous and I don't want them to hurt themselves etc I never call them naughty or other words to that effect either

[Mouse]

One of my mums told me they weren't using the word no with their son. Also that he wouldn't watch any television and that he would only eat healthy, organic food.

Hmmm...12 months later one of this child's favourite words is no, he knows every programme on CBeebies and has the full collection of McDonalds toys as he has a HappyMeal at least twice a week :rolleyes:

Yet she still pretends she doesn't do any of that!

[littlebears1009]

I have read and seen it a few times. I was of the understanding it related to when a child asks for something rather than when they shouldnt be doing something. Experts seem to think that if a child says can i have a biscuit when he comes in from school hes less likely to have a tantrum or meltdown if you say, you can have a biscuit but after tea, rather than if you say no you can wait until after tea. I think its nonsense. No is a response just as is the word yes, just because the child doesnt like to hear it doesnt mean it shouldnt be used. Our role is to prepare them for school, I doubt the teachers will avoid the word no just because the parent doesnt want them to.

[Katiekoo]

It is popular right now. When I did my ICP course ( 3 years ago now) we were told not to say no or to say naughty and had to do a whole list of other things you could say. :rolleyes:
I understand the idea being that if you give an action negativity it can make it more attractive to the child. Also some parents don't want their child to be limited in their experimentation in the world, they want their child to be free to learn from their mistakes. I have to say, the children I know who have had total freedom tend to be a bit wild.
Now .... I think it's important to be be told firmly that something you are doing is not acceptable, when you, as a child are just experimenting, pushing boundaries and learning about what is and isn't alright.

[AdeleMarie88]

It is quite a bohemian approach to parenting that is becoming more popular, I have had similar requests in recent months but I have just relayed to the parents in question that it is important for me to set firm boundaries, which sometimes requires the word No. They don't like it, but sometimes it is necessary, I have three toddlers everyday, so I do it! Because the children know what is expected of them, and they understand boundaries, I rarely have to say No now! X

[bindy]

In the last 30 years of working with babies, 9 out of 10 babies first word is "NO" I would rather say something different but do say it at a push! Does not mean I don't have boundaries just found other ways that I feel for me and the children works better.

[AdeleMarie88]

I think it is important, some things are just no, you don't have to say it nastily, as long as a child knows why it is no, I don't see the issue, I'm only young but I think I am quite old-fashioned in a lot of ways haha x

[Kiddleywinks]

If a child is about to do something they shouldn't, a firm 'no' will work much better than 'little tommy, please don't run out in the road as you might get run over'

If a child doesn't hear the word no how are they going to understand it's meaning when it is needed?!