activities for a baby.

[littlebears1009]

I only have 1 mindee at the moment, a 9 month old and then my own lo who has just turned 3. I started minding in july and other than holiday care this is my only mindee, I have had enquiries however turned them away because of how difficult this mindee is. I thought I would enjoy minding but I dread it at the moment. 8.5 hours of constant screaming 4 days a week was definately what I had in mind. He refuses to sleep and obviously there is only so much you can do with a baby. What activities do you guys do with babies? Also is there anything you do with babies that my lo can join in, she is so fed up with him being here because I am unable to do anything with her. Just need ideas to make my days with him pass quicker and seem more like I am a childminder and not someone who spends 8 hours a day trying to stop a baby crying. I regret spending all this money on starting this job now, my OH doesnt want to finish work and come home and neither do my kids!

[KatieFS]

Oh no! I'm sorry you've got a tricky 1st customer!

So many childminders I know including me, say the first is the hardest!
I still have my first. Took her at 8m now she is 2. The issues then were that she was anxious in new situations, with unfamiliar people / older children, wanted to be held constantly. She also did not like the pushchair, wanted to come put abd be held! She did however sleep and she grew very attached to me and my own children..which are positives!
It being my first I blamed myself- so I held her. After a few months I started to think it wasn't right to hold her all the time and by then I had other children as well and felt guilty always giving her lots of attention
After a home visit and honest chat with parents it was clear they hold her often as she is the only one. Parents sort of keep themselves to themselves so her coming to me was really the first time she had socialised with other human beings!
We are working on it, and she is much better, def progress but she still finds indoor social situations challenging and wants tone held. They still do it at home but don't feel I can keep asking them not to keep holding her! She is their child! They are leaving me nxt year as mum having a baby, so they know they need to address the holding her as it just won't be possible when any comes.
My advise - its not you! It is not advisable to constantly hold the baby as feel this will not help. The constant crying is a concern and possibly caused in part by no sleeping so I would suggest home visit, be honest a d explain how it's going. Formulate a plan to tackle the sleeping prob. Babies that age should have 1-2 naps a day around 2-4 hours. Set a timescale say 2 weeks and if no progress maybe hand in notice to parents.
By the way I always find settling in new children the most stressful but if the job. I've settled in around 10 children now and still find myself dreading the first few weeks- months because you just don't know what's going to happen, and how your children will react!!!!
Good luck. Xxxx

[Sweetpea]

Katie FS gave some brilliant advice!


9months old is a key time for attachment so there is hope that they will grow out of it and they will.

Treasure baskets are good at this age, they're easy to make if you google them you can have a look.

Have you got a nearby toy library? They are brilliant for borrowing different toys.

Have you a local childminder group? Attend this so you get a chance to talk to adults that can relate to you.

Use this forum too for support and advice :)

[littlebears1009]

Apparently he refuses to sleep at home so he is constantly tired. She asked me to be tough and leave him in the cot to cry until he fell asleep. I felt after 4 hours of my afternoon sitting outside the door and going in every few minutes listening to him scream so bad he chokes I could not do that any longer. Plus I had to get family member to pick my eldest up from school and take her swim lessons and ask my 3 yo to bear with me. She gave up and watched a film after a while. His mum asked how he was this morning, i was honest so she suggested a bath as this calms him down at home. I have done this but he screamed all the way through. Luckily my lo is at nursery on tuesdays, had she been here I would have refused to give him a bath as had my daughter needed me urgently I wouldnt have been able to leave him and go like in the cot. Im really at my wits end! I feel id let the parents down if I gave notice but i also feel Im letting my family down! Nothing I do soothes him, he cries while we are playing, he cries in the pram and in the car. He is probably quiet for around 1 hour out of 8.5 x

[littlebears1009]

I already attend playgroups, we had to leave monday after 50 mins as he just wouldnt stop crying. My daughter was not impressed by this. I have mentioned the 9 month seperation thing to mum but she says this is not the case at all as he has been with various carers since 3 weeks old as this is when she went back to work.

[jackie 7]

I have a lo who started at 12 months To get him to sleep I had to sit beside him patting his back. I used motzart music as advised on here. Now takes 10 mins to settle him. The constant screaming is terrible.

[KatieFS]

You must think of yourself and your own family. I think you've done fantastic putting up with the situation for that long!
If this child has been left with various carers since he was a few weeks old then possibly attachment issues.
You can't be expected to bathe him every time he gets upset so I'd personally say no I'm sorry I could not do that - what would you do if other children needed you?
If you've exhausted dummy, milk, fave cuddly toys controlled crying, clothes from mum, anything else mum can suggest I think you need to honestly say could you do this for another month? The question is can you give this baby what he needs - which sounds like 121 care, lots of physical contact/holding. I couldn't.

I know the babies I've settled in are fine now but the first week was very hard. Lots of crying! I know I could not continue to deal with constant crying for more tan a few days, my children were getting very upset maybe even resentful of screaming babies - mine are 5 and 10.

I've said goodbye to children before as they just couldn't manage my routines (walking to school) and felt a bit of failure not being able to make them adapt, but I had to think of my children first and foremost and could not keep being late for school!
What will you do???

[littlebears1009]

If I hand in notice it hits us financially. But id rather be skint and healthy than have sleepless nights, dread every day hes with me and see my children and husband unhappy. My husband didnt quite believe me how bad he was until he went onto back shift this week and my 3 yo started complaining in the morning about him coming. It reduced me to tears yesterday. If he was just moany it wouldnt be so bad but its a constant as loud as you can scream. I think I will be giving notice at the end of this week. The next 3 hours seem like hell right now, not sure how im going to see out the 4 weeks. I have had the mum pick him up before now when his crying got that bad he made himself sick but after 2 times she didnt want to as he needs to stay with me to settle. I get that point but I personally cannot look after someone elses child who is that upset they are making themselves sick! She says he is fine when hes home and doesnt make a sound and I really find this difficult to believe. Previously she told me to take him the car to get him to sleep. Today she told me he doesnt like the car and it never works, obviously I have already worked this out myself. Im sorry for moaning lol. Just really difficult to decide what to do. He has no soother (apparently he had one but she took off him as too old??? And wont give it him back) so has no comforter at all.

[FloraDora]

I already attend playgroups, we had to leave monday after 50 mins as he just wouldnt stop crying. My daughter was not impressed by this. I have mentioned the 9 month seperation thing to mum but she says this is not the case at all as he has been with various carers since 3 weeks old as this is when she went back to work.

This might be the key to the problem.....why has he been with 'various carers' ? Can you imagine the confusion he must be feeling?! Different settings, different cots, different people.......

Poor little one ...a sit down and a proper discussion to map out a personalised plan may help...rather than random suggestions from mum on drop off and pick up...with a review date ..for your piece of mind.

[littlebears1009]

This might be the key to the problem.....why has he been with 'various carers' ? Can you imagine the confusion he must be feeling?! Different settings, different cots, different people.......

Poor little one ...a sit down and a proper discussion to map out a personalised plan may help...rather than random suggestions from mum on drop off and pick up...with a review date ..for your piece of mind.

I have tried having words with her and to sit down and talk but she refuses to accept there is a problem as he is fine when she picks him up and drops him off and hes fine at home and hes been fine with his previous carers so she cant understand what the issue is. I want to help which is why ive put up with it so long but im not sure I can any longer.

[karen m]

Have you been given a transition paper from previous minders or do you know any of the minders he has had I don't want to sound rude but if not you only have mums word he was fine at the other settings, if he was fine why has he had a few in his short life

[karen m]

I would maybe ask mum if you can contact the other carer to see how she coped

[littlebears1009]

The other carer was a friend and was paid more than double my rate yet still let her down in the end. So maybe he wasnt good with them either

[AdeleMarie88]

You are not the first to feel this way, and you certainly won't be the last!!

I would say to mom upfront, this is hard, I am going to give it another week, and if there is no improvement I suggest you find other care!

The issue is here, I am sure he will settle down eventually, but it could take 4,5,6,7 weeks, and that's not fair on you or your family. He is obviously being moved about constantly which is most likely the reason for the tears. Have a real think about what you are prepared to do and then tell mom honestly. Maybe he is better suited at a nursery-more staff to take it in turns to deal with tears!!

[KatieFS]

Great advice.

I think it sounds like mum is not accepting the situation, maybe in denial?
Taking away soother as too old? 9 months!!!! It doesn't sound like she is helping you that much. And quite right about the various carers point - why so many?

Go for it. Give it one last push but seriously it just isn't worth the worry and anxiousness.
It hasn't worked with this family doesn't mean it won't work out with another so keep trying.

Chin up I know how you are feeling x

[yummyripples]

I had a little one start at the beginning of the year. Settled in fine for a while but then all hell broke loose when he became mobile for some reason. Fine when dropped off, fine when collected but a nightmare in between. Crying to be picked up, crying to be put down, crying to be fed faster, crying, crying, crying. He wasn't like that at home or with anyone else (probably because he had undivided attention). Of course it was my fault because I couldn't cope with what I had on my plate (my own who were at school plus 2 other mindees).
When I approached mum originally she just couldn't understand how I could say such awful things about her precious boy and perhaps I should pack in childminding. Within two weeks he was taken to a nursery where he hasn't settled so mum is hunting down a new childminder. Poor child. If mum would have worked with me then we possibly would have got through this by now.

[littlebears1009]

I gave notice last night. I cant look after a child that is that upset for 8 hours he chokes and becomes breathless. Mum seemed ok however shes text this morning to say hes been in hospital so is not coming today. I explained I personally feel he would be better in a nursery, there are 6 children at home, I only have him and then my own lo 3 days so its quite quiet in my setting compared to home. Mum is against nurseries though so unsure what she will do. Just explained I gave it my all, im turning custom away to give him all my energy and attention (which I cant afford to do) and my family come first.

[smurfette]

I gave notice last night. I cant look after a child that is that upset for 8 hours he chokes and becomes breathless. Mum seemed ok however shes text this morning to say hes been in hospital so is not coming today. I explained I personally feel he would be better in a nursery, there are 6 children at home, I only have him and then my own lo 3 days so its quite quiet in my setting compared to home. Mum is against nurseries though so unsure what she will do. Just explained I gave it my all, im turning custom away to give him all my energy and attention (which I cant afford to do) and my family come first.

Well done sometimes it's the right thing to do, you will feel much better xx

Why was he in Hosp?

[littlebears1009]

She said he had a horsey cough. I didnt notice anything but he didnt have time to cough through crying. Even though Ive still got my notice with him i slept a whole lot better last night knowing it wont be for much longer! X

[smurfette]

She said he had a horsey cough. I didnt notice anything but he didnt have time to cough through crying. Even though Ive still got my notice with him i slept a whole lot better last night knowing it wont be for much longer! X

That's good!

[KatieFS]

Well done. You did the right thing xx

[MFC123]

Really sympathise with you, I also have a mindee just like that but only have her a couple of days per week (thankfully) I dread those days when she comes, she cries all day unless I hold her All the time or if I go out for sight for even a second all hell breaks out and when she cries it sets off all the others, its awful and horribly stressfull. im going to stick with it for a couple more months as I am hoping it is just a phase as they are 9 months too with terrible separation anxiety the parents are really lovely so hopefully it will work out in the end (fingers crossed or I will become an alcoholic!)

[Vickster]

Poor you. Not a good start at all. I gave notice to a dreaded mindee. I was losing sleep and i was ill twice in two months, prior to that I hadn't been ill for 3 years. She didn't scream but she was very time demanding and she affected my care of the other children. Life is too short.

[Ali56]

How hard do you try to soothe him? Seems like a daft question, but, I find that holding them or settling them in a pram in the kitchen with me ( obviously reassuring him often) and ignoring the tears-just carrying on as usual, chatting, saying positive things, getting on with things, nice bit of classical music-no words/singing-just soothing seems to work best for me. I try never to take the 'there there' approach! Sometimes I think that the harder you try, the harder it is! Which seems very wrong but is often true! Not saying you shouldn't try-just if that approach isn't working...
I feel to that the various carers since he was 3 weeks old may mean that he's very insecure, the early months are so important when it comes to bonding and feeling secure in themselves. I'm sure it would be beneficial to you and him if you could talk to one or more of them. Of course if mum can't even accept there is a problem and work with you to help, then I'm afraid you may be fighting a losing battle. Poor little man needs some continuity, but without support from mum it will be very difficult.
Can she leave you a comforter that smells of her? his own pram to sit in?
Hope you find the way forward soon and he settles in. If it gets so intolerable for you and your family you may need to give notice, it does get so very stressful x

[Ali56]

Ah look at me not reading to the end. Its a shame mum couldnt work with you, poor little man. Its doubtful he'll be better in a hurry elsewhere, she'll need to accept it sometime soon. You can't win them all xx