Wondering what I have got myself into

[Newtochildcare]

Hi,

So, I'm into my 8th week of minding, and I have to say, I seem to be having more bad days than good days :(

I have a 17 month old boy 4 days a week, and his 5 year old sister after school, for the same days. I also have my own little boy who has just turned two, and my daughter, who is in the same class as the 5 year old.

The two boys just seem to hate the sight of each other. My lo pushes the 17 mo over, snatches toys etc. But the 17 mo, starts crying when my little tries to hold his hand, and has bitten him a couple of times, and also hits him in the face. Mum passes lo over to me at school drop off each morning, and he cries as soon as he gets in the buggy. If my lo puts his hands anywhere near him he cries even more, and pushes him away.

With the girls, after school is just a flipping nightmare. They often start playing in the garden, or dressing up in the house really nicely, but within 10 mins, they are arguing over toys, and saying really unkind things to each others. While I am sorting this out, the boys then end up together, and the 17 mo invariably ends up in tears because my lo has pushed him over. I have started to my my lo in time out, but not too sure it quite gets it yet, as he has literally only just turned 2. So, then while I sorting the boys out again, the girls are at each others throats again!! For two hours after school, all I seem to be doing is going backwards and forwards, breaking fights up. During a bicker between the girls on Friday, the 5 year old told me to stop being so bossy!!!! I rep;ied saying it was my house, so I make the rules, and she just said it didn't matter!!:mad:

In the mornings, I make sure the boys and I are out the house at a play group, or something, but after school, I really struggle to keep them all occupied, and I have to say, really feel like I doing a terrible terrible job. I phoned my mum in tears the other night, as I felt so low.

To make matters worse now, the 17 mo, is starting to get some sort of separation anxiety from me! If I move from his sight at a play group, he has a massive melt down, and won't calm down until I pick him up.

I really thought it would get easier as each week passes, but it seems to be getting more challenging. Plus, half term is looming!!!!!

Not sure if you can give advice on these problems, but just felt I needed to have a moan!

[eddie]

It's always tough at the start (mind you I still get bad weeks/days) but you will cope and get through these teething problems. Make sure that the house rules are explained to the kids and parents and don't be afraid to enforce the rules. They need to learn you are in charge.

I hope things settle down soon for you.

[ziggy]

sadly,I think it is always wise to be quite firm from the start, let them all know you are the boss. Then hopefully when they understand this things will improve.

I often think I am like the wicked witch of the west but have very few problems with the mindees. Now the parents are another story :laughing::laughing:

If mine fight over a toy, it gets taken away. If they fight they come and sit at the kitchen table with me and are not allowed back in the playroom until they can behave. TV is a treat/reward.

Are the younger ones getting enough rest? My toddlers can be quite difficult on days when we're really busy, so if they dont nap i will put on a dvd for 30mins so they can just rest

good luck

[Miss freckles]

I've been childminding since May but only for one child , but at the start of term six weeks ago I started looking after two 18 mth olds as well as the original 14 mth old and a 5yr and a 6 yr before and after school and my own 5 yr old and 8yr old,and even though I don't have them all everyday, it has def been a tough six weeks!!!

Ironically I have no after schoolies today but somehow managed to get my childrens two friends round to play!!

However I agree with the previous post about being stern from the start, I think I was too soft to start with and it is hard because you want them all to settle well so u want all the child to feel happy with you, but I've become a lot more strict in the last couple of weeks.

The younger ones were throwing things, trying to bite each other, pushing, so I'm a lot more stricter with them now.

I find the schoolies really difficult as they are older and you can't discipline them the way you would discipline your own children, my children are very well behaved they know there are consequences to what they do and they know to tidy toys away when they are finished and have good table manners and it's astonishing how many children don't have these.

I think it's a case of letting know children the rules and keeping to them, my own children and the schoolies all sat together and we wrote the rules together, laminated them and hung them up, only a few simple ones such as be kind to one another, we don't climb on the furniture, we take off our shoes indoors, we tidy up our toys and I refer them back to the rules. They've worked really well.

It's a lot of hard work and I feel for you but I think I'm just about getting there after 6 weeks (fingers crossed) hope it all starts to get a bit better soon

[sing-low]

Could you try separating them if they argue? So if the girls fall out, then one has to be in the kitchen or playroom with you (alternate which one). Then you can keep an eye on the boys. Alternatively, could you organise an activity (like cooking) for them all to do together with you in one place? It might be worth the mess(!) if you can break the cycle of arguing.

I also agree about being firm with them - maybe write out some 'house rules' so they know what's ok and what's not.

Good luck!

[yummyripples]

It's hard isn't it. Let's take it step by step:
I would imagine that your 2 yr old is a little bit jealous of the 17month old. Although you don't mean to, you will most likely be giving a bit more attention to the 17m old which is natural because you want hin to settle in. Even if you are giving them the same amount of attention, your son is still having to share his mummy
He is bound to react. By pushing him over and snatching toys, he is showing who is boss. Were most of the toys his to begin with? If so he is dealing with sharing his mummy and his toys. Think how you would feel if you had to share your husband and your clothes with another woman but told you should be friends. That could be how your son is feeling. I go through this with my youngest whenever a new one starts. The 17m old cries, I think I would cry if I thought I was going to get pushed and have toys snatched away. Biting and hitting? Not good but that's his way of standing up to your son.
Ok thats the physche(sorry no idea how to spell) behind the behaviour. Now you have to work out how to overcome it. Do you go out and about or do most of your minding at home? Getting out to playgroup would be good as no one owns the toys. Soft play as there are no toys. The park is fun if they are both walking. Activities such as baking or playdough. Painting, water play - anything away from toys. Hopefully if you keep them busy all morning, all they want to do is quietly play in the afternoon. Perhaps invest in one or two new toys that belong to everyone.
Girls are funny creatures aren't they. One minute best mates next minute hate each other. I would let them have their free play after school and when you can see the niggles starting introduce them to an activity. One of my favourite things to do is bake cakes with the little uns then let the bigger ones decorate them. Alternatively how about giving the girls a task. Maybe set the table for snacks, choose a story for little uns - even read to them. Another favourite of mine is give them a smyths/argos catalogue each, scissors and glue and tell them to cut out what they want for xmas and stick it on paper.
Kids will argue, especially if they have been together all day at school and please remember that just because they are at your home doesn't mean they are going to get on.
Sorry I have just seen that you go out every morning -ignore that bit of advice advice then! Lol.
If it gets bad between the girls stick a dvd/tv on. Matilda works wonders for 5 year olds. Try not to get too involved in their battles and don't make a fuss. I have a 5 year old new mindee that keeps telling me my 6 year old son is being mean. He isn't, he just doesn't want to do what she wants him to do. They are constantly trying to get one over each other in their bid to be top dog. I ignore a lot of it and they manage their own behaviour.
I have never been a fan of time out but you have to do what you feel is right. Make sure you are also disciplining the 17m old otherwise your son may feel badly done to. Make sure you are not unfairly disciplining your son - sometimes we automatically blame our own when in actual fact it's mindee that caused the problem. Our children do get the short end of the stick sometimes.
Deal with the separation anxiety as you would a little one and as for half term - get out and about as much as possible. Look on your council website to see what's on.
Childminding is so up and down. One minute it's brilliant then the next week 2 of them may be teething/coming down with something and life is horrible.
Hope my ramblings have given you something to think about x good luck x

[Bumble Beez]

Fantastic advice from yummyripples :thumbsup:
I had a little boy who I used to look after before and after school when I first started and constantly had to split my eldest and him up (they were 3)...they had been at nursery together in the mornings and together here from 8 in the morning till 5 in the evening which was hard going on both of them.
I ended up having activities and free play set up...one would have free play while the other engaged at the table and that seemed to work really well for me.
If either stepped out of line whilst playing together, it would be story time to diffuse the situation.
Good luck...and I'm sure you are doing a fantastic job, just get through this difficult time as best as you can and it will get easier, promise!!

[pinklady756]

I agree it's great advice from yummyripples, and I've nothing to add.

Just wanted to say I loved the comparison to sharing your husband and clothes with another woman and told you have to be friends, that's brilliant!

[yummyripples]

Fantastic advice from yummyripples :thumbsup:


Awww I feel so clever now!

[yummyripples]

I agree it's great advice from yummyripples, and I've nothing to add.

Just wanted to say I loved the comparison to sharing your husband and clothes with another woman and told you have to be friends, that's brilliant!

And again x lol

[Little_steps]

Thanks for the wisdom yummy ripples, I have a 2 year old son who is going through these same emotion,issues :(

Very helpful having someone else put it into context, I've felt awful and really need to remind myself it's hardest for him than me.

[yummyripples]

I just think we sometimes forget why we got into this job in the first place. Mine was so that I could be around for my children but I am finding that I throw my heart and soul into my minded children that come 5.30 when I finish, I am too tired to do what I want to do. My youngest is going through the mill at the moment. I have a new school run child who likes to be in charge and a 15month old who is very possessive of me.
I struggle to follow my advice sometimes! Lol

[VeggieSausage]

I agree about keeping everyone busy and you need to not leave the 2 boys on their own together I think. House rules for the girls and keep them busy too.....my youngest dd was 3 when i started and was not happy, was clingy and didn't want to share but it settles down, give them lots of reassurance and spend some one to one with your own children....when you first start childminding it is a bit of a shock to the system so don't feel bad....

[Goatgirl]

Some great advice given :thumbsup:

I would also introduce achievement charts for the 5 yr olds: I have them for my lot and they work a treat, I write their names on a huge piece of card in bubble writing and then they colour/decorate them. I write each achievement on and let them choose a sticker to put next to it. Great sharing, kind voices, waiting their turn, patience, kindness and thoughtfulness, being a great friend, brilliant team work, setting a fabulous example etc as well as all the other things they achieve may encourage more demonstrably good behaviour. Be generous ;)

[Bumble Beez]

Some great advice given :thumbsup: I would also introduce achievement charts for the 5 yr olds: I have them for my lot and they work a treat, I write their names on a huge piece of card in bubble writing and then they colour/decorate them. I write each achievement on and let them choose a sticker to put next to it. Great sharing, kind voices, waiting their turn, patience, kindness and thoughtfulness, being a great friend, brilliant team work, setting a fabulous example etc as well as all the other things they achieve may encourage more demonstrably good behaviour. Be generous ;)

Lovely idea :thumbsup:

Sarah x