Behaviour advice please

[melco]

Hi,

I look after 2 cousins aged 22mths and 15mths. The older one a few months ago was constantly biting and hitting. I thought we had sorted it with pulling him away from the situation and then ignoring him for 30 seconds and then telling him he hurt so and so and then letting him go play again as he was too young for time out. This took a while to work but eventually everything was fine again.

Anyway recently it has started up again, especially today it has been really bad so am just after some advice. Today he has constantly hit others, me and my own children, bitten another child which I am not sure if on purpose or not, I tried the 30 seconds time out like I was before when he has been told he has hurt he is just hitting again so don't think I am getting through any more. He has a comforter and when he has been told no he asks for this comforter and I don't allow him to have it but have found out recently that his grandparents allow him to have the comforter while he is on time out and a toy.

I hate it when parents arrive for me to tell them that his behaviour has not been good but I feel they should know as we need to work together but I am with him 4 days a week 9 hours a day so feel that maybe I am the main one to have to discipline him and they do listen to what I have to say but don't think they are following through at home which makes it harder for me. Also feel he is too young for the full time out but maybe I am wrong.

What would others do? I have looked after him since he was 7mths and hate having to tell him off and it breaks my heart but just don't know what to do anymore.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

meloc

[sarah707]

A child who is hitting out is trying to tell you something - he might be hungry, tired, emotional, out of sorts, coming down with something, struggling with sharing, unable to communicate effectively etc.

Whatever it is, I suggest you observe to try and spot the triggers - and keep him very close to you so he has less opportunities to hurt others - until you have got to the bottom of it with parents.

Hugs after a tough day xx

[Simona]

In addition to what Sarah has suggested have a talk with the parents and ask if anything is going on in the child's life at home that may affect his behaviour
Another important aspect is whether you and the parents have a shared strategy for behaviour! If the parents do something totally different from you the child is getting mixed messages and if the parents themselves discipline differently the poor child will be very confused indeed!

[KatieFS]

Oh dear poor you and the other children.

Yes observe to spot triggers... Deal with behaviour. Hitting and biting is not acceptable so do think you are doing the right thing dealing with it.
Def spk to mum does this happen at home, why? Maybe suggest home visit to see if you can obs child in own environment
I had a lo age 2 who was very physical with other children and struggled to share- would just take things away from others, pushing hitting etc
Spoke to mum and they didn't really have a strategy for dealing with behaviour - was only child and he was a bit if a golden child in their eyes could do no wrong and was allowed to 'get away' with a lot. I did only have him 1 day which looking back was a mistake for only 1 session. The day previous he was with his nanny and mum have impression he was on high pedestal there too
The riggers were sharing, attention being given to others. It was hard as was having to obs so much as was afraid he would hurt others.

Thankfully they moved away, we were getting to point where I suggested more sessions and a shared plan of managing his behaviour ..it was a blessing as family were not that supportive. So could see it wasn't going well!!!

Good luck

[melco]

Hi,

Thanks for all your replies. Spoke to lo Dad last night and then lo Mum spoke to me this morning as we all have agreed that we need to be all doing the same. This morning he also smacked his Mum so she told me what she did that she felt worked so I could do the same today. We did have a struggle this morning as the problem I find is he hits, he is in time out, as you speak to him to say no more hitting he hits again, but I must admit today has already been a better today so maybe he was just having an off day yesterday.

We will see what happens

melco

[Simona]

Hi,

Thanks for all your replies. Spoke to lo Dad last night and then lo Mum spoke to me this morning as we all have agreed that we need to be all doing the same. This morning he also smacked his Mum so she told me what she did that she felt worked so I could do the same today. We did have a struggle this morning as the problem I find is he hits, he is in time out, as you speak to him to say no more hitting he hits again, but I must admit today has already been a better today so maybe he was just having an off day yesterday.

We will see what happens

melco

A shared strategy will be a success but make sure he is responding to 'time out' if that is your strategy...if the behaviour continues reflect on your strategy and change a bit

This may help
Time Out as a Tool to Manage Misbehaviors (http://discipline.about.com/od/decreasenegativebehaviors/a/How-To-Make-Time-Out-Effective-In-Managing-Behavior-Problems.htm)