Son making me feel so bad

[Lear]

I'm hoping that perhaps someone can give me some advice on my 6yo son. He's extremely jealous of my mindees - particularly the ones I look after who are in the same school and year as him.

There was an incident this morning whereby he was trying to talk to me in the playground but was interrupted twice, once by a parent who was passing her little boy to my care and the other by his brother. This drove him crazy and he began to say that I never listen and therefore can't care for him.

He tries to be very controlling of me and will tell me that a little girl I look after who is one of the children in the same year (but not class) can't have that particular toy to play with or can't have a treat that night as she might have done something to upset him.

Sometimes if he misbehaves depending on what he has done, I send him to his room or have a chat to talk about why I'm not happy but other children are always within earshot. I suppose this makes him annoyed as he's getting into trouble in front of others. I give him lots of positive attention and make a big deal of having a cuddle with him when he returns from school and tell him I've missed him.

Sorry this is so long I'm just at my wits end with him. At the moment I'm doing all I can not to open the floodgates. Just to add I work Mon-Fri and I have chosen not to work on a Friday.......moreso for my children (I have three children) so they can have me all to themselves and not have to share me.

[shortstuff]

I really sympathise x

my DS is nearly 7 and I only started up this time last year.

The only advice i can give is try and include him. Give him some little jobs he can do to help you and become your assistant. That way he is of an elevated position and needs to be on his best behaviour around the others. He needs to be the role model and always follow the rules the same as you because if he breaks the rules so can the mindees.

I give my DS wages at the end of the week and he is saving the money to buy a PS4 when they come out so he is achieving a goal. He is earning his money by doing things like putting nappies in the bin or passing me wipes. Just little jobs but ones that really help you. Also it means you get to have work meetings where you and him need special chats to work out what you will be doing the next day.

I hope this works as well for you if you choose to give it a go. I know it has helped DS here x

[Lear]

Thanks for your advice Gail, much appreciated. The 'wages' seem like a great idea and something I'm planning to do and hoping will work!!

[angeldelight]

Ahhh your poor son

Is he your youngest or oldest are your other children ok?

I think that's a great idea of Gail's too and it will make him feel important

Maybe he can help you at tea time too ...then when you have tea you ask each child in turn how their day was .

He's fighting for your attention because your his mom ....it's normal

At the same time your making him feel included and needed I would not go overboard either and would not make a big thing of it ...as time goes on he also needs to understand this is your job and you will be giving others your attention too

It's all about getting the right balance

Give it a month or two and I'm sure things will settle down

Hope your ok too I know how guilty we can feel at times like this

Angel xxx

[Lear]

Thanks angeldelight.........he is my youngest. I often ask for his help and will give him jobs to do (for example, last night's meal was the chicken you cook in a bag with a seasoning - his job, as he is such a super shaker, was to shake the bag to coat the chicken in the seasoning. Whilst we were eating the meal I suggested the other children might like to thank him for the meal as it was so delicious). My two eldest are fine about me childminding and understand it's my job which I'm doing to earn money.

[loocyloo]

it is hard for our own children, although we are there, we are not always 'there' for them, as some of your attention is on the minded children.

my children know no different, but sometimes struggle. this morning I had to talk to DDs teacher, so I arranged for elder mindee who I take to school to go into her class early as she would listen in/butt in and offer her own opinion! ( and then, in the nicest way possible, tell others about it! ) DD really didn't want mindee at meeting! I had to take younger mindee with me, but he was looking at things in the classroom, and so not part of the conversation.