Lost

[lorettacritchet]

Hi,

I have been looking after a boy since April and he is a lovely boy usually very happy so long as changed, fed and slept! He is now 17 months old.

Recently, well over the last few months, he has been attempting to hit, pince etc other children including my own daughter. I have always spoken to the mother in a nice way to explain what has happened. Things quietened themselves down and it was great - this didn't last long. However recently, he has been worse. Today he attacked a little boy five minutes after entering my setting and this child had done nothing but look into the car box. Later the same child was eating and all of a sudden this bully boy got off the floor hands out ready to scratch the eating boy's face..... It seems to be the same child and when this kid is not around, it's my daughter who appears to be the main aim.

I have looked for triggers and it seems to be when he wants a toy and can't have it however today's incidents were caused by nothing such as the child eating and this boy walking up to him. Things have now reached to pulling hair!!! but only this boy he is aiming for.

I have tried to do some sharing games etc with them so they understand the equal time/sharing scenario and I thought it was going well .....help.....I have even tried the time out step!

[suziealderton]

Hi,

I have been looking after a boy since April and he is a lovely boy usually very happy so long as changed, fed and slept! He is now 17 months old.

Recently, well over the last few months, he has been attempting to hit, pince etc other children including my own daughter. I have always spoken to the mother in a nice way to explain what has happened. Things quietened themselves down and it was great - this didn't last long. However recently, he has been worse. Today he attacked a little boy five minutes after entering my setting and this child had done nothing but look into the car box. Later the same child was eating and all of a sudden this bully boy got off the floor hands out ready to scratch the eating boy's face..... It seems to be the same child and when this kid is not around, it's my daughter who appears to be the main aim.

I have looked for triggers and it seems to be when he wants a toy and can't have it however today's incidents were caused by nothing such as the child eating and this boy walking up to him. Things have now reached to pulling hair!!! but only this boy he is aiming for.

I have tried to do some sharing games etc with them so they understand the equal time/sharing scenario and I thought it was going well .....help.....I have even tried the time out step!

Hi at this age i dont think time out will work he is too young. As you have found the trigger it is a case of watching and distracting him when you think it will happen, have plenty of resources to go around. Do you put children in highchair or booster seat when thry are eating? Its safer and he wont be able to get to them x

[lorettacritchet]

The children are almost 2 years old. They are also at the age of being far too big for the highchair. They sit at the table with all others.



Hi at this age i dont think time out will work he is too young. As you have found the trigger it is a case of watching and distracting him when you think it will happen, have plenty of resources to go around. Do you put children in highchair or booster seat when thry are eating? Its safer and he wont be able to get to them x

[jadavi]

I don't agree

17 months is plenty old enough to learn you don't do this kind of behaviour.

Time out chair has always worked for us but with you sitting with him explaining why he's there (not in a cross way - just so he understands) keep up the full five minutes - explaining if he asks but then ignoring him next to you. He may cry. You say I'm sorry but we don't hit people etc. (children should not be left or abandoned or shunned when they have been naughty - it's too overwhelming for them and they likely offend again quickly as it gives them a bad opinion of themselves which is then self perpetuating.)

Ask them to say sorry to the child afterwards however he can (could be touching their hands together)

He does not get the toy back or whatever it was he wanted. Do this without being cross.

Clean slate start again new activity. Don't refer to the bad behaviour ever. Expect the best from him (difficult I know)

Excessive praise all the time when he behaves well. This is key. Really really over the top good boy well done with every little thing.

This approach is called 'nurtured heart' (google it)
I have always found it to work. It builds on their self esteem and is very respectful and non punishing to the child.

Get parents on board. They will be desperate too. It is also Ofsted approved - unlike the naughty step.

[Chatterbox Childcare]

I agree with both of the above posts, in part. I also have a 2 year old who hits out when he wants something but he does understand because he runs away when I walk towards him. I use time out but I think 5 mins is too long for this age.

I also think that if you see the trigger then act on it quickly and intervene, don't let him have the toy, look for something else.

Is his language good? Sometimes children take things because they cannot ask for them? This isn't the case with me, my little darling has everything his own way at home as he is a single child so mum doesn't understand why he doesn't share here.

[AliceK]

I had a child exactly like this except she was maybe a couple of months younger. I had to shadow her everywhere and if I had to go off to do something she would have to come with me, I couldn't leave her alone with the others for a minute. I made sure parents were aware that although it was a phase it was serious and unacceptable behaviour. I made sure I filled out an incident form and got them to sign it whenever this child hurt another child. I think this made them realise the seriousness of it and take it seriously. I'm sure it is a phase and it will pass but it does need dealing with.

xxx

[angeldelight]

I agree with everyone

But what works for one child does not necessarily work for another

I would immediately distract him with something when he arrives and sees the others playing ..not giving him time or space to hit out.

I had one like this and it is trial and error on what's going to work ....he's able to understand but also very young still .

It also depends what he's like at home ...does he hit mommy or daddy when he can't have his own way ? Speak to them and work togetherv...hopefully they will support you

Good luck

Angel xxx

[munch149]

I think it is quite common to show these behaviours at this age. I would use such as stop, correct the behaviour showing gentle hands and if repeated remove from the situation (no difinitive time out as such) they tend to grow out of it and and the repeated xorrection shows them how to behave

[Maza]

I think it is quite common to show these behaviours at this age. I would use such as stop, correct the behaviour showing gentle hands and if repeated remove from the situation (no difinitive time out as such) they tend to grow out of it and and the repeated xorrection shows them how to behave

With time out I have heard that it is one minute for each year of the child's age. So if you do do time out it would only be for one minute at he is only a year old. x

[lorettacritchet]

This child doesn't talk at all. He only lives with his mum and has thrown more tantrums at home than I have seen in my setting.
I don't use 5 minutes, i use every minute per their age.
It's sometimes hard to catch it - sometimes they will play nicely then turn on each other even if you are in the middle of them. I am working on sharing etc together and distraction but this boy just is so quick! I actually caught his arm yesterday before he was about to hit my daughter again. Nothing had triggered it - she didn't have a toy he wanted. He was just standing in front of me and I was chatting to him and seconds later he goes to hit my daughter. I luckily caught him and said "No" causing him to burst into tears.


QUOTE=Chatterbox Childcare;1305975]I agree with both of the above posts, in part. I also have a 2 year old who hits out when he wants something but he does understand because he runs away when I walk towards him. I use time out but I think 5 mins is too long for this age.

I also think that if you see the trigger then act on it quickly and intervene, don't let him have the toy, look for something else.

Is his language good? Sometimes children take things because they cannot ask for them? This isn't the case with me, my little darling has everything his own way at home as he is a single child so mum doesn't understand why he doesn't share here.[/QUOTE]

[Maza]

With time out I have heard that it is one minute for each year of the child's age. So if you do do time out it would only be for one minute at he is only a year old. x

Ooops, not sure why or how I quoted munch149! Sorry munch! x