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MrsP2C
24-09-2013, 11:17 AM
Because since I started working as a CM mine doesn't :angry:
When I worked outside the home we used to share the cleaning/cooking etc but now I'm working longer hours from home he's stopped doing anything & it's beginning to drive a real wedge between us. I can't remember the last time he cooked a meal, picked up the hoover or did anything without me specifically asking (which in itself annoys me as it then feels like he's doing me a favour :mad:). I raised this a few weeks back and he agreed he needed to do more & was great for a few days but has quickly slipped back into getting up 5 minutes before he leaves for work (so no help getting our DC ready or putting washing on etc) then at the end of the day he gets in from work & most days has a long soak in the bath, has a quick chat to DC before eating the dinner I've cooked & settling down for the evening to either do paperwork or watch TV. I get that he's busy (also self-employed) but how can I make him realise that I'm also working and with 2 babies to care for all day plus 4 older children before & after school I don't actually get much time to myself or for chores and therefore why am I the only one cooking & cleaning in the evenings or rushing around making packed lunches, ironing uniforms etc in the morning.

He either does notice or care about the state our house is in (ie not very clean or tidy!!) and the odd evening I haven't prepared a meal for us we end up getting take-aways we can't afford. Grrrrrrrrr someone please wave a magic wand & tell me how to give my OH the kick-up the bum he needs.

charlottenash
24-09-2013, 11:21 AM
I think its so hard to differentiate between childminding mess and home mess when there are mindees around.

I've always been one of those women who likes to clean for my OH, however he does all the cooking in our home because he loves to feed the family, so we both have a middle ground and feel good about what we do for our home.

I would try your very hardest not to moan, or you will both become resentful.

Try having another chat, explain more about how you feel when he does help, rather than focus on the negative of how you feel when he doesn't.

Lots of hugs for you! Xx

Roseolivia
24-09-2013, 11:46 AM
No hubby hardly does anything. May wash up the pots now and then but that's it. It's a chore getting him to tidy his side of the bed before the cleaner comes each week. What bugs me more is when he moans that I don't contribute to the household bills, this came up last night and I swiftly and strongly reminded him I pay the £30 cleaner bill each week, £40 lunch money each month, buy all the kids clothes and £35 shoes, pay for Rose horseriding and everything else to do with the kids or me. He then back peddled and started saying he wasn't moaning:angry:

dawn100
24-09-2013, 12:03 PM
I was a full time mum before becoming a childminder and my husband does less now I'm a cm than he did when I was a full time mum! His logic is our 3 dc are now at school so I have more time on my hands? But what he seems to forget about is the mindees I care for!

miffy
24-09-2013, 12:20 PM
Nope, mine doesn't help at all but he does work full time and I only work part time. TBH it's quicker and easier to do things myself (I know this is not the point) as his attempts to help in the past have ended with him pulling the door off the integrated dishwasher and digging up all my newly planted pansies :rolleyes: :laughing:

Miffy xx

sprinkles
24-09-2013, 12:20 PM
My hubby cooks most evenings! And I do the housework, so we each do our own bit :)

CLL
24-09-2013, 12:26 PM
My oh genuinely does not see it as a problem!! He knows he needs to do more and sometimes he tries but he feels after a hard days work he needs to have a rest!!! He would gladly have me doing everything all day long and often Moans about the 'cm mess' and that it is mess from my job so I should clean it up. Tbh I don't think your oh will change and start doing more, if you find a peaceful answer let me know because I am fed up of nagging. I am looking forward to the time when I am not a cm and I go out to work and come back to a tidy house. I am finding it ok now I try to keep on top of it but it does take a lot of my spare time.

funemnx
24-09-2013, 12:27 PM
Mine does nothing

I have given up asking, lifes too short

I have organised an ironing lady who collects his ironing and he pays for it

Next month a gardener is coming to spend a couple of days sorting out the garden - DH doesn't know it yet but he is paying...

In January, I have promised myself a cleaner, he doesn't know it yet but he can pay for that too - the cleaner will be doing his share! :D

miffy
24-09-2013, 12:30 PM
Mine does nothing

I have given up asking, lifes too short

I have organised an ironing lady who collects his ironing and he pays for it

Next month a gardener is coming to spend a couple of days sorting out the garden - DH doesn't know it yet but he is paying...

In January, I have promised myself a cleaner, he doesn't know it yet but he can pay for that too - the cleaner will be doing his share! :D

Ooooooooo now you've given me an idea! :D:thumbsup::laughing:

Miffy xx

tori4
24-09-2013, 12:36 PM
My DH not perfect - his favourite one is to complain the oven isn't on the exact temperature the cooking instruction say ... Never burnt his dinner yet ...

But as he is also SE he pops in throughout the day and sees that it not just coffee n Cbbees .and realises I start work b4 him I finish after him and dnot stop for long In between .

He is also a big kid himself and very creative so is always making stuff for the garden/setting. So quite supportive in that way.

He is gr8 with our DSs and has always done bedtime.

I think i/we started as I/we meant to go on so he always did bath n bedtime with the DSs - if he didn't appreciate cooked dinner then tomorrow nights dinner didn't get cooked :-)

Oh and best of all we got a cleaner ;-) best money spent he appreciates it, I appreciate it and even our own DSs seem to appreciate it more then if it's just me doing it.

Get a cleaner ;-))) and tell him

mrs robbie williams
24-09-2013, 12:55 PM
mine doesnt do alot unless i really nag :rolleyes: but he did used to wash up after dinner if he was here, but now i have my dishwasher he will load that, the grass is about 10 feet tall so he will do that at the weekend (if he's not doing overtime), although he manages not to do alot he always has something to comment out about when im doing it !! eg you shouldnt put that much in the washing machine, you arent loading the dishwasher properly :censored::censored: good job he is at work most of the time :laughing::laughing:

VeggieSausage
24-09-2013, 01:03 PM
No mine does nothing....I'm always on here moaning about him :laughing::laughing:

I am taking the higher ground at the moment and have turned into super organised woman and not consulting him on anything whatsoever, so if I want to paint my bedroom pink I will because I am doing it, if I want to introduce paper towels into the bathroom instead of towels I jolly well will, if I want to humiliate my husband by getting my stepdad round to fix a window for me and tell them my husband won't do it I will :blush:....its small but I feel in charge .....get sick of moaning to him too about his lack of support re:the house, garden, diy.....you have my sympathy. I have a couple of girlfriends and we have banded together and do things between us to help each other out - dh may become obsolete :laughing: (not really)

singingcactus
24-09-2013, 02:58 PM
I'd just accept he needs telling. If you wanted to you could print a menu template with 4 meals you want to cook, 3 spaces on it, and a grocery list. Tell him he needs to fill in the spaces with the meals he intends to cook, add the stuff to the grocery list and pick it all up on his way home. It would be a start.
Since he works outside the home he should be able to do groceries, fuelling of car, and any other out of house stuff. Since he will then know what food is in he has no excuse for not cooking a couple of times a week.

Maybe.

He could also clean the bathroom before he has his long soak....be a nicer long soak for him :)

kime
24-09-2013, 03:18 PM
Same here-DH only just back after a being away working but I am now working looking after DS & have him to clean up after too!! grrrr!

Have told him on Sunday & have managed to drop it into most conversations - I will not give up until he does his fair share - or just tidy up after himself at least!!!!

Good luck x

littlebears1009
24-09-2013, 03:23 PM
My OH is really good. Ive always worked so weve always shared the load and now i work from home its no different unless he is working overtime at weekends then i do it but i wouldnt expect him to do it when hes doing extra hours. I also dont work friday so i spend that morning cleaning the house ironing and washing then its only topping up but he likes it clean and tidy as i do.

migimoo
24-09-2013, 03:29 PM
Ha ha very funny:laughing::laughing::laughing:

My DH does very little and when he does he expects a standing ovation!

His excuse is the long hours that he works and that he does a physical job...yet he only works 1 hour more than me per day (I work 8-5:30 with no lunch break) and running around after a load of nearly 2 yr olds all day isn't exactly a spa break!

When we both 'worked' full time before the kids we would do the housework together,since being off work for 2 years after my daughter was born he's just got used to me doing everything.

Tbh I've pretty much given up after 12 years of nagging-all it does it make me even angrier and at least it gets done properly if I do it,for example:

He'll empty the bin but not put a new bag in.
Will wash up but leave the oven trays/glasses.
Will hoover but only down the middle strip of the room-god forbid I ask him to use the nozzle to do the edges!
When asked will get the washing off the line but instead of folding it will scrunch it all up and dump it somewhere.....the list is endless.

I swear he does it on purpose!!!

Getting angry typing this-he's getting it in the neck as soon as he walks in that door tonight!:angry:
Tomorrow's headlines will read "Midland's Man Clubbed To Death With Hoover By Wife In Frenzied Attack!"

muffins
24-09-2013, 05:57 PM
Mine does it all:blush:

Mrs Scrubbit
24-09-2013, 06:18 PM
My DH cooks most nights,even when I'm not working and he also does most of the gardening. I do the housework, washing/ironing and we do the food shopping together, I feel very lucky to have such a brill hubby xx

AdeleMarie88
24-09-2013, 06:22 PM
Mine does nothing I have given up asking, lifes too short I have organised an ironing lady who collects his ironing and he pays for it Next month a gardener is coming to spend a couple of days sorting out the garden - DH doesn't know it yet but he is paying... In January, I have promised myself a cleaner, he doesn't know it yet but he can pay for that too - the cleaner will be doing his share! :D

Hahaha love this!
My OH does nothing! He is a fantastic cook but doesn't because he works all day, we CM are obviously sitting about doing nothing! I go on strike at the weekend, he moans, I put my earphones in and eventually he sees my point. It never lasts for long though!

KatieFS
24-09-2013, 09:27 PM
I posted a similar thread recently

All came to a head when settling in new babies and was drowning in chores!!!

I had a word which did turn into a bit of a ruck but can confirm he us doing more! It is such a great help...

I do think to recognise what they do helps and not moan although I'm bit always great at this when its school run time many littlies around and he says oh did you do me sandwiches for work? Gggerrrr

Have a little chat with him, explain your day and what jobs he could do who h would help

RachaelStevens
24-09-2013, 09:47 PM
Tbh I've pretty much given up after 12 years of nagging-all it does it make me even angrier and at least it gets done properly if I do it,for example:

He'll empty the bin but not put a new bag in.
Will wash up but leave the oven trays/glasses.
Will hoover but only down the middle strip of the room-god forbid I ask him to use the nozzle to do the edges!
When asked will get the washing off the line but instead of folding it will scrunch it all up and dump it somewhere.....the list is endless.

I swear he does it on purpose migi moo this was some of the reasons I am a member of the divorcees club. Got sick of cleaning up after him when his own 18 month old could find the washing basket yet he couldn't. Ahhhh