View Full Version : Feeling dispondant - Please reassure me!!

06-09-2013, 10:32 AM
Hi everyone, I am new to this and a relatively new childminder. I look after a 10 month old little boy and a 3 year old boy. I used to have a 16 month year old boy too, his mother was really happy with the care I provided and her son thrived but he was young, accident prone and had not been walking long and bumped a lot, his mum was fully understanding of this as he did at home too and was never an issue. However she had a court custody hearing with the boys dad and he brought up how he seemed to bump a lot while at the childminders, I was very upset as I really cared for the boy and even though nothing ever came of it and his mum was fully supportive of me it has left me very paranoid. The baby I have now is pulling himself up on furniture, crawing and climbing and also bumps a lot - as do all babies of that age and as did my own son! Two days ago he slipped in the travel cot and his bottom teeth cut his top lip a little - I called mum to let her know and she was worried but didnt collect him and I reassured he was fine and had gone to sleep. When she collected him yesterday she was worried about a couple of bruises especially as he had a health visit appointment also, I reassured her it was all normal for his age, and asked if she would rather I strapped him into a chair so he couldnt explore and learn or have him have a few bump and bruises while he plays and learns?! She understood but I have been left feeling so worried and then this morning the 3 year old boy was dropped off and as I am good friends with his mum (were friends anyway) and her son is friends with, she told me that he didnt want to come here this morning as '*my son* does weird things'... now I watch them play and my son can be a bit bossy but they play so happily together all day and never any issues. (this boy can be attention seeking as an only child with only his mum around) Needless to say I am starting to feel like I must do a terrible job and that being responsible for other peoples children is too much of a risk! Please say this is part of the job and I need a thicker skin!!!! Thank you.

06-09-2013, 01:11 PM
Hi young children are pretty wobbly and they will fall and bump themselves. As long as you are recording each accident and fall you shouldn't be worried or paranoid. It is part of the job but this family had their own agenda for bringing up the number of falls and bruises in your house. At the end of the day most minders spend a 10 hour day at the childminder and then go home to sleep. Of course they are going to do most of their falling over wherever they spend the longest time. I find that the over protected children with the anxious parents are the most accident prone because they don't know how to save themselves from falling. Explain to mum that children do need to explore and learn to take some risks without an adult shadowing them all the time. Hope you feel better soon and don't let it get to you.

06-09-2013, 01:22 PM
Honestly I was the same as you a few months ago, paranoid about anything and everything and that's a good sign your a good childminder, because you care about the kids and the parents opinions of you.
Accidents happen and as long as you record them properly and know in your mind that there was nothing you could have done to prevent it then I wouldn't worry too much
Parents are funny things I've discovered lol. I had a parent who shrugged when her son had a pretty whopping bruise on his head after a fall but screamed and shouted when I left his juice cup in my dishwasher one afternoon and forgot to send it home!
It does get easier I promise, and you do wise up to parents pulling a fast one or just trying to blame you for anything and everything but don't stop caring because you don't want to turn hard faced and like an ice queen
This whole job is a learning curve and being assertive does come quickly
If, like me, your a bit soft and sensitive, you will always be that way it's just a case of experience and having the confidence to believe in yourself and your judgments and that comes with time xx

06-09-2013, 01:45 PM
This is part of the job and you may need a thicker skin!!!!

I'm not sure that having a parent use bruises in court is normally a part of the job, but children bumping and bruising most definately is!

I have one with me just now who is soooo accident prone! Manages to bump/pull/tip/trap something at least once a day, sometimes twice! Mum is very understanding, I feel the amazon jungle will be less so - the amount of accident forms is unreal!! I have moved / cushioned / protected / cordoned off half my home, I've turned into a hover-temporary-mum in the park - but I know the child will grow out of this as they get older! I am very ready for my first trip to A&E with this one!

I have been much reassured by other childminders who have witnessed the many injuries - do you hang out with other childminders? This could help you?

I wonder too whether your own fear is making you make "more" of some accidents than you might otherwise? Its very easy to do, but being worried generates worry - if you are very matter of fact - x bit his lip today when he unbalanced and sat down - rather than "I'm terribly sorry, x has bitten his lip, I ran around like a blue-xxxed fly with ice packs and have wrapped him in cotton wool ever since - I so hope you don't mind" ... does that make sense? I'm not sure this is true because you sound very pragmatic, but thought I'd suggest it? I hope you don't mind!

With reagards your sons "wierd things" some of the children I've minded think my own children are wierd for liking sprouts, my kids think they are wierd for not liking sprouts, and my son pronouned his best mate wierd for wearing a different style swiming costume!! Each to their own.

blue bear
06-09-2013, 01:59 PM
The dad was just anything he could to try and win the custody hearing, it will have nothing to do with you at all, I've heard of this before, try and put it out of your mind.
Small children bump constantly, check your risk assessments as you go along and write up every bump, it's so much harder when it's some one else's child that's had an accident you do sort of get used to it but I must say I hate having to tell parents, feel like I've let them down.
Children are very clever at manipulating parents and will not worry about making things up or over exaggerating things to get their own way it human nature, telling tales on your child is just part of this, sometimes it's better otackle it head on " so tell me darling x what is weird about my son? Or sometimes it's best just to let it go over your head and carry on.

06-09-2013, 03:03 PM
The three year old I have now was awful for falling when he was learning to walk!! Parents always joked that if he didn't arrive at my house with a bump he would leave with one!

karen m
06-09-2013, 09:32 PM
At the moment I have a 2.5 and I often say he falls over fresh air , he can literay fall 10 times a day nothing major just falling over his mum is fine with it and says he is not hurt so why stress about it