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christine84
30-08-2013, 07:50 AM
Hi all I have one child whom I look after part time. However he always crying. He is 12 months old. From the first day he started it has been over 2 months now and he still cries he only stops when carried. He wont sleep on his own and would only sleep if you stay by his side for like 15 mins, any sign of movement he would get up and starts crying in a shreaking way. Doing his settling in when I mentioned it to mum she said it was prob cause they had just come back from holiday and family kept on carrying him. Then the next time I mentioned it she said maybe cause he is used the attention being given to him only cause the otherdays he is with her friend. But I have him and my 2 kids 3 and 2 months and have a nanny looking after my baby (sponsored by my parents) so I have time for him . Just that I get physically tired of cwrrying him all the time and now I have to cope with screaming. I'm worried cause I want to take on school pick up and drop off children but with his crying I'm sure the kids would notice and tell their parents who might think I am not taking care of him. I cant leave the room without him crying. And belive me he can go on for hours . He has been crying non stop now for over 1 hour. I put him in the cot but no avail only if I stay next to him and pat him for a while. How do I give the other kids attention. Just that I could do with the income. Been thinking of notice but not sure as they pick him a bit early sometimes so I get a littlebreak. how cana child cry for so long! I dont get It.

Stapleton83
30-08-2013, 08:05 AM
No advice just sending hugs - poor you he sounds like a nightmare I think you need a meeting with the parents at the end of the day it is not good for him, you or your business.

Good luck

Sam x

bindy
30-08-2013, 08:08 AM
I had this with a baby, after 5 months I told mum she would be better off looked after in her own home with a nanny. It got me down and the other children too, its not fair for every one concerned including the baby. Good luck!

ziggy
30-08-2013, 08:47 AM
I couldnt cope with it myself, would have to give notice.

Few years ago i had a friend's little girl who was the same, thankfully she only came one or two days a week. She cried constantly at toddler group one morning, so I just took her to daddy's office and said I couldnt cope seeing her so unhappy.

VeggieSausage
30-08-2013, 08:50 AM
I had this for about 7 months - eventually I spoke to mum and said that we really need to find a solution to this because it is not fair on the child, me or the other children. It transpired that she would carry him from room to room wherever she was at home, she would never even pop to the kitchen to flick the kettle on without picking him up.....within 2 weeks the situation had completely turned around.....have a frank discussion with the mum and if nothing helps then give notice as working like that is really miserable for all concerned....

jackie 7
30-08-2013, 10:16 AM
I have 1 who started last week. Cries so much during the day. I now let him get really tired and rock him to sleep in the buggy. I think mum carries him everywhere. He hates grass and sand. Only happy if I play with him all the time. As hd is full time I am hoping hd settles quickly. Just so tiring when they cry all the time. Or as mine does screams with temper.

christine84
30-08-2013, 10:46 AM
How do you all suggest I proceed to talk to mum. The mistake I made was not telling mum that he still cries as she said he did not cry when he was at her friends place (one to one attention) . I dont know how to bring it up. Do I say his crying just started again or he just never stopped the crying from day 1. I'm a new minder so was thinking that no need to tell mum that he would stop with time. I also did not want her to thinkni was not taking care of him. My husband says cause I'm new that maybe other childminders have kids like this. He even cries when playing with a toy. I have never seen such before.

Maybe I should start commenting on the crying in his diary. ??? So mum gradually becomes aware as opposed to just saying it. She said she had a nanny but the nanny messed up and she wont use one again. I have to wonder if the nanny just dropped him somewhere to cry and his mum found out,cause even with all the toys and distractions in my setting (2 rooms for minding) he just sits and cries!

Although I have to say he deserves an award for crying. My gosh. He can cry continuosly for hours though after like 25 mins he would crawl towards me and start trying to climb my leg for me to carry him. The reason why I am also complaining now is cause I have sciatica from my recent pregnancy and the doctor has prescribed anti inflammatory medicine for my leg cause of the pain and I know the constant carrying is not helping.

Helen79
30-08-2013, 11:41 AM
I would just be frank with mum and have a meeting with her to find out how he behaves at home and if you can both work together to help him to settle. I'd be honest with her and say he's always been like this but you thought that he would settle and you didn't want to worry her unnecessarily.

If you've got bad sciatica and have had to find childcare for your own baby just for this one mindee then I'd say that this little boy probably isn't going to fit into your setting and I would give notice. Maybe after you've talked to mum and set a time limit of a month, if he improves then keep him on but if he's still the same then give notice. When you talk with mum set a settling in period so at the end of the month trial you can give immediate notice.
As much as we would like to hope that we can help every child, doing a job that is damaging your health isn't worth it.

Some babies do need the extra security of being carried a lot which is something most cm'ers can't do because of other children.

Samijanec
30-08-2013, 11:59 AM
This would drive me bonkers, deffo talk to mum again. X

christine84
30-08-2013, 12:19 PM
Alright then, thank you all for your advice. Will take it on board and update u . So glad bout this forum.

Samijanec
30-08-2013, 12:40 PM
Alright then, thank you all for your advice. Will take it on board and update u . So glad bout this forum.

Good luck :)

yummyripples
30-08-2013, 01:16 PM
I had the same for nearly 5 months. The poor thing even cried when I was feeding him.
I also told mum he would be better off with nanny as she refused to work with me on his clingyness. She thought I should just give him all the 'love' and attention he needed. I tried to explain that I couldn't take care of one child to the detriment of the others. Obviously the problem was my childminding skills and I obviously have too much on my plate and I should think about giving up. She got herself a new childminder who I am glad/sorry to say is having the same issues.
I think I spoke to her the wrong way about it. On hindsight I would have sat her down and said that we needed to work together to make sure that he settled in. I would explain the problems and find ways to work together to overcome them. Failing that he would obviously be better off in a different setting.
When I actually spoke to her she thought I was saying he is awful please leave (which I wasn't) I also think she thought she needed to make up for the cuddles he didn't get here (he got loads) which made the situation worse.

VeggieSausage
30-08-2013, 04:25 PM
You could say they seem very unsettled and are doing a lot of crying which doesn't seem to be improving. If she says why haven't you mentioned it, say that you thought they were settling a bit but you don't seemed to have turned the corner you were expecting.....you learn from your mistakes with this sort of thing, I had a family at the beginning and the child was a screamer but I thought maybe it reflected badly on me as a minder if I flagged up crying/ screaming/ unsettled behaviour but I learnt that its best to be honest in a nice way of course....speak to mum, agree an action plan, follow up with an email to outline the action plan, update her daily, if no improvement in 2 weeks, speak again....or give notice......

sprinkles
30-08-2013, 05:54 PM
I don't know how you've coped this long. I had a 7 month old who screamed for 2 whole days straight and would only settle when in the buggy out walking. I ended up walking for 5.5 hours one day just to keep him quiet and when dad came to collect I have notice. Felt like such a failure after just 2 days but it was making me ill!

Good luck with mum!

Stapleton83
30-08-2013, 07:37 PM
I would agree with the others arrange a mutually convenient time to talk to mum and explain that the crying that you previously flagged up is still happening. Clearly you are concerned and want to try and understand what he does elsewhere that is different from what he does with you so that you can try and eliminate the problem. If she asks why you have not said it sooner say that you had mentioned it previously but she had given reasons as to why it may be happening and you assumed/hoped that it was just a settling in phase and that it would end. If she then goes on about being carried or whatever else be firm explain your position and agree an action plan. If she is not forthcoming then I would be tempted to say to her that clearly it is not working out and that the best thing may be for you to give notice (although you may want to be slightly more tactful than that!)

Don't beat yourself up about not highlighting it previously as you clearly have and she has given you two different explanations I would suggest he is constantly carried and you may want to be ready to explain why you can't or won't do that (I personally would steer clear of including your sciatica) such as unfair on the other children, unsafe when doing something e.g. trying to make bottle up and even that his development will be impacted as he is not learning to be self sufficient or crawl etc.

Good luck and keep us posted. I think you deserve a medal for coping for 2 months.

Sam x