Play fighting - do you stop it? If so, how?

[Mouse]

I have a mindee who is almost 4. Everything he does involves fighting & killing.

Examples:

we have the toy animals out - they're fighting & killing each other

we have the bricks out - 2 of them are fighting and killing each other

we have lunch - his food is fighting & killing each other

we make a collage - his collage is of fighting


and it goes on.

He is never violent towards other children & is actually quite a gently spoken, quiet boy. He is never the one fighting, it's the toys he has that are fighting.

I try to guide him away from it, or model how to play without fighting, but he always drifts back to it. I know he watches a lot of inappropriate films & video games with his dad, so to him it's normal. I have no fear of him turning in to a violent psycho killer, but it does concern me that he doesn't seem to be able to play without including fighting in everything. It seems such a shame that a 3 year old can't play without violence and the other children are now starting to copy him.

What would you do? Leave it & hope he grows out of it, or do something about it...if so, what?

[shortstuff]

Have you tried talking to mum? She might not be happy about the games etc but doesnt see the effects x

I had to put my foot down with oh as he was letting ds play 18 rated games n he kept talking about killing x it soon stopped.

[FloraDora]

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dont-play-guns-here-Superhero/dp/0335210899

great book around boys violent play, I picked up for £4 second hand on amazon.
Boys have always played by reinacting violent scenarios: cowboys and Indians, war, knights, robin hood, super hero's, ninja's now it is the turn of the video game reinactment, though your LO seems particularly focussed on this.
Research shows that banning it doesn't resolve issue, they just find another way to get around it.

Reinacting something seen on an over 18 game when you are young is something I would discuss with mum, especially if he is now leading the way in role modelling within your setting.

Could you do some observations where you are recording exactly what he is doing and share these with mum and dad alongside other observations as part of your keeping parents informed about progress. That way a discussion around next steps could take place..both at home and your place....?

[funemnx]

I seem to have only boys who play fight at the mo - ages 3 - 6. I've given telling them no but warn them that someone will end up in tears, they always do. It doesn't stop them but at least I get to say I told you so! :laughing:

[Mouse]

Thanks all.

I have no particular problem with a bit of play fighting, it's just that this takes over everything. Like i say, he doesn't physically fight with others and most of his outdoor play is football, bikes etc. There's rarely a mention of fighting outside, whereas I'd have expected that to be the place he could run around doing battle!

I've already asked mum to come in for a chat about everything in general, so I'll bring it up then.

[Samijanec]

I guessing its what he's seeing film wise but it is also perfectly normal to play like this although maybe not with his food.. Hehehe,

It's not something I've come across but deffo have a chat with mum. X

[vals]

I don't allow fighting. Also not allowed to 'kill'. If it comes up, we have a brief discussion about what 'kill' means, and I explain that if you kill something it won't get up a few minutes later and carry on. I have it in my policies about my no gun and no fighting rules etc.I have chatted to parents who said they didn't like their children playing like that but didn't know how to stop it, so are pleased that it doesn't happen at mine. I won't go on about why I have these opinions, but I am confident in my decision about it.
As to how to stop it, if children aren't following your rules you do as you would with any other rule.fighting is no different.

[Mouse]

Thanks for that Val. It's interesting to hear the view of someone who has a no fighting policy.

This lo will be here later today, so I'm going to observe his play & note when the fighting comes into it. Like I said, he doesn't physically fight with other children, it's the toys he holds that are always 'fighting'. I am going to speak to parents, but think they probably won't have a problem with it. I think they see it as lo being a 'real boy' because he likes fighting games. I know dad has complained before when lo has played with the dolls & pushchairs here :rolleyes:

I just find it very sad that a 3 year old can't play without fighting. When we had the big dolls house out the other children were acting out little scenarios (people going to bed, sitting at the table, walking up the stairs etc). His people were fighting :(

He is so happy when he plays though. There's no anger in him when he's doing this - his little people just happen to be fighting rather than going to bed, sitting in the bath.

I can't decide if it's a problem, or if it's just something I don't like!