Just feel awful!

[sk8fishy]

I am a new childminder and my lifeline has been another minder who i spend a lot of time with. One of my children went to see her first when looking for a minder but whilst on a visit had an altercation with her little boy so the parents chose me instead. No problem there. Over time the two boys have seen each other regularly and usually get on fine.

Last night I got a phone call late in the evening asking if my minded child had fallen or had an accident that day. The first thing that sprang to mind was we had been on a bouncy castle afternoon and I thought he must have got a bruise, that is until I saw it! It is a perfect little handprint.

As soon as I saw it I realised. We had been at playgroup that morning with the other minder. My child and her little boy and another child were playing under a table with a box of toys. I went to check they were ok and my child was crying saying "that boy hurt me". I picked him up, dusted him off and he stopped crying immediately. Went off to play and never mentioned anything again. It really seemed like nothing more than a tiff. However what happened was obviously much more vicious than it first seemed.

I feel terrible because I didn't notice the injury. I don't know for sure it was my friends little boy that did it or the other boy but I spoke to her anyway as the third child involved was one of her minded kids. We are fine and there is no animosity over it at all. The problem is that the parents of my child have it in their heads that it was 100% my friends little boy due to the previous incident. They are not mad with me at all (although I think they should be because he was my responsibility) but are very angry with my friend. They have even talked about going to her house and seeing her and speaking to school as in September they will be going to the same school and are worried that their child is being victimised. The incidents were 6 months apart.

I feel like I'm in an awkward position. I feel awful. I don't really know what to do.

[emma04]

Try not to worry! Firstly I think mum of 'victimised' child needs to quickly realise that all children suffer at the hands of another child at some point in their lives and does not necessarily mean that they will be singled out every time. However it can happen.
It would be more constructive if mum has a chat to teacher to ask that she keeps an eye on them both.
Going round to people's houses to argue about misdemeanours between small children is not appropriate. If mum feels the need to address the issue she'd be best off waiting until school and have the teacher arrange a meeting (should there be a need!!!)
It's always disappointing when a child is injured in your care and especially when you've not noticed, but it happens sometimes unless we shadow all of the children, which is detrimental to their development.
I would place incident on a form with an explanation re. Parent finding it etc. and then get parent to sign it. Just to cover all bases.
Try to be 'on the fence' as you don't want to ruin your friendship due to this parents actions .

Good luck

[ziggy]

Can I just ask? Has the injured child never hit or hurt another child ever???????

Sorry but i feel parents are over reacting just a bit. I'm not saying what happened was right but it happens. I take my mindees to toddler groups, soft play etc so they learn how to socialise.

I have a mindee who used to pull hair and had to watch her constantly but other parents/minders at toddler group never made a fuss.

To be totally honest here, if one of my parents reacted in this way I would seriously think of giving notice. I think it is awful to be going to the school over such a thing.

As for you not noticing, please try not to worry. It is perfectly normal behaviour for pre-schoolers and if he didnt get too upset at the time it couldnt have hurt too much. How long after was hand print visible?

[emma04]

Can I just ask? Has the injured child never hit or hurt another child ever???????

Sorry but i feel parents are over reacting just a bit. I'm not saying what happened was right but it happens. I take my mindees to toddler groups, soft play etc so they learn how to socialise.

I have a mindee who used to pull hair and had to watch her constantly but other parents/minders at toddler group never made a fuss.

To be totally honest here, if one of my parents reacted in this way I would seriously think of giving notice. I think it is awful to be going to the school over such a thing.

As for you not noticing, please try not to worry. It is perfectly normal behaviour for pre-schoolers and if he didnt get too upset at the time it couldnt have hurt too much. How long after was hand print visible?

I agree with most of this and do think the parent is over reacting, especially after only 2 incidents that are months apart!!. However, I do think it is worth the parent mentioning to the teacher at school if the need arises. These children are no longer toddlers they are about to go to school and although these things happen, the last thing a parent wants is a child who's afraid to go to school.

[sk8fishy]

It's a dreadful mark. Really red and bruised and on further examination it probably is a bite mark. I think I've sorted it now having spoken to the parents again on the phone earlier. They trust me with their child 100% but were lashing out at my friend and even threatening social services, ofsted and the police! I offered them ofsteds parents number but made them aware that if they make the call ofsted will investigate me and not my friend. I know this is not what they want and I have told them I will speak to my friend and deal with it on their behalf. I just hope that's the end of it.

[ziggy]

I agree with most of this and do think the parent is over reacting, especially after only 2 incidents that are months apart!!. However, I do think it is worth the parent mentioning to the teacher at school if the need arises. These children are no longer toddlers they are about to go to school and although these things happen, the last thing a parent wants is a child who's afraid to go to school.

For 2 incidents 6months apart?????

[emma04]

Not now, but if an incident occurred again at school!

I think she's nuts for wanting to go to a parents house, but do think she should keep an eye on what happens between them at school.

[Mouse]

The first thing I would do is write up an incident report. Write what actually happened, not what you think might have happened. Note parents' concerns that a particular child has caused the injury, although you have no evidence of this. Suggest the way you will deal with it is to closely supervise the two children when they are together. Then get parents to sign it and give them a copy.

After that, leave it & don't get involved. If mum wants to see the other cm, that's up to her. If she wants to speak to school, that's up to her. If she tries to drag you into it tell her that as far as you are concerned the incident has been dealt with and whatever she chooses to do is nothing to do with you. Tell the cm the same. If mum approaches her it is a matter for them to deal with privately, not for you to become involved with.

[Mouse]

It's a dreadful mark. Really red and bruised and on further examination it probably is a bite mark. I think I've sorted it now having spoken to the parents again on the phone earlier. They trust me with their child 100% but were lashing out at my friend and even threatening social services, ofsted and the police! I offered them ofsteds parents number but made them aware that if they make the call ofsted will investigate me and not my friend. I know this is not what they want and I have told them I will speak to my friend and deal with it on their behalf. I just hope that's the end of it.

And what happens if it does happen gain when you've told them you will deal with it on their behalf? Will they hold you responsible for not having put a stop to it?
They don't sound the most reasonable of parents and it does sound as if they will always look for someone to blame. Just watch out it doesn't become you.

[hectors house]

The first thing I would do is write up an incident report. Write what actually happened, not what you think might have happened. Note parents' concerns that a particular child has caused the injury, although you have no evidence of this. Suggest the way you will deal with it is to closely supervise the two children when they are together. Then get parents to sign it and give them a copy.

After that, leave it & don't get involved. If mum wants to see the other cm, that's up to her. If she wants to speak to school, that's up to her. If she tries to drag you into it tell her that as far as you are concerned the incident has been dealt with and whatever she chooses to do is nothing to do with you. Tell the cm the same. If mum approaches her it is a matter for them to deal with privately, not for you to become involved with.

If these children are going to school in September (age 4) why don't you just ask your mindee what happened to him - is it a slap? is it a bite? and who did it? I once had a mindee who badly scratched a new mindee on the face and the new parents kicked off about it- then imagine my horror when the same new mindee was scratched on the face by a child she didn't even know at a toddler group, I explained the situation to toddlers mum and asked for her name and phone number in case new mindees parents thought I was covering up for child who scratched her originally. I asked the new mindees parents if they wanted phone number and they said "No, as we can just ask X what happened"

[ziggy]

It's a dreadful mark. Really red and bruised and on further examination it probably is a bite mark. I think I've sorted it now having spoken to the parents again on the phone earlier. They trust me with their child 100% but were lashing out at my friend and even threatening social services, ofsted and the police! I offered them ofsteds parents number but made them aware that if they make the call ofsted will investigate me and not my friend. I know this is not what they want and I have told them I will speak to my friend and deal with it on their behalf. I just hope that's the end of it.

The police for an incident between 2 pre-schoolers? I just cant believe what I am reading!!!!!

Sorry but I wouldnt want parents like this. What will happen if another incident happens in your home including one of your own children?

As advised I think you need to write this up and get parents to sign it, in case it totally blows out of proportion

[caz3007]

I agree with Ziggy, I would safeguard myself under the circumstances and make sure its all written up properly and signed by the parents. Wanting to call in SS, the Police or Ofsted over 2 incidents so far apart is over the top, what will happen when said child goes to school and things occur as I am sure they will