RUDE PARENT!

[kellyskidz!]

Is it just me?
I have a child who does 3 days spread out over tue wed thur and fri so there's always a day off, I asked mum on Friday to let me know over the weekend what day she would be off so I can plan the last week of school hols with my own little girl (that's not an excuse actually, she should let me know anyway, regardless of my little girl being off. It says 2 weeks notice in the contract, which she never sticks to but today is taking the mess!)
So saturday i text her to ask and she said not sure yet will get back to you today. Nothing. Text on Sunday, asking 4 her hours this week, no reply. Phoned twice yesterday, wasting time on my own bank hol, no reply then I text saying I really need to know if she's in at least tomorrow as my partners also off so we could go to the seaside or something as a family. A text saying she still was working days out with her mum, and she'd let me know.
Nothing!
I'm sat here wondering if we can all go out for the day or not? Phoned again this morning to no answer, the little one is not due in til 9am so what do I do? Hang around til then or do we all just go out as we're sat here ready to go? I'm absolutely furious that this woman has impacted on my family time and has not even had the decency to say I'm sorry its taking so long to sort out!
My little girls asking if we can go to the seaside, and I can't answer her, I'm SO mad. What happened to manners?! What would you do xx

[EmmaReed84]

I would go and tell parent as per contract she needs to give you notice and as she has not, then you cannot possibly just wait around for her. Perhaps this might give her the kick up the bum she needs to get in to gear and stop messing you around!

[Rick]

Some parents don't think we have lives! We are here at their beck and call!

No doubt she will just turn up at 9 without letting you know :mad:

[Roseolivia]

Just go out, she's not sticking to the 2wks notice.

[JCrakers]

Im sorry, If id not heard by then I would just go out :D that might spur her into getting her ass into gear and realising you do have a life.
If you are still in at 9am and she turns up I would say 'sorry I want expecting you because you hadn't let me know, I'm not working today as we are going out'

Then have a word with her telling her you need dates in the time you agreed

[lizduncan72]

I would go out and enjoy the day with your family. Just make sure you're gone before 9 in case she does turn up!!

[kellyskidz!]

I really am thinking she's going to just show up at 9 which means the seaside trip is out of the question, and I'll feel bad for my daughter.
Half of me is on the verge of saying look let's just go but another part is imagining her showing up at 9am and being furious that I'm not there. Even though she's in the wrong I almost daren't go out, which is awful!
Can she legally so anything if I'm out? Could she say I've withheld care or something? I mean, she could leave, which would be me out of pocket but I also can't bear this sitting here waiting for a woman to determine our day for us!

[charlottenash]

I think I'd be going out now just to spite her.

[charlottenash]

Legally she's not adhering to your contract so very little that can happen there.

Worst that can happen? She's furious, realises she's wrong later on and doesn't do it to you again. :)

Just go out, and forget it, switch off your phone and act as a normal day off.

[fionamal]

You've went out of your way to find out from here so id just go now and too bad if she shows up, theres nothing she can do as shes the one in the wrong. Enjoy your family time before school goes back

[littlebears1009]

I would go out and if she rings asking where you are dont answer she'll soon get the message and realise how rude she has been to you. I dont think she could do anything as im sure you have a log of the messages and calls and she hasnt stuck to your agreed contract terms. I know what you mean though, its easy for us to say just go out but we dont have to face the aftermath if she does turn up! Hope you sort it out and have a nice day!

[clareelizabeth1]

I think you really need to go now. It doesn't matter if she gets mad and if she does ring you, you could always suggest that she meet you at the sea side. She knew you wanted to do things and it just sounds like she is trying to manipulate you. Think of your daughter and go.

[kellyskidz!]

I'm going to, had enough! There's been no apology, no acknowledgement that I've got a life beyond her child, its disgusting and totally out of order. Just loading up the car now so we'll be on our way in tens mins. :thumbsup:
I'm not bothered anymore if she does show up because she'll then know its not nice to be left not knowing what's going on.
I couldn't have given her more chances to reply to me so no, my family is going to come first.
And the worst part is I actually feel guilty, which I know is silly but I'm feeling bad picturing her just standing outside my door. What do I do if she's decided today is her little girls day off and doesn't show up at all, do I text her and say we're going out for the day since I'm assuming your little one isn't in? Or just go and assume she's in wed thur and fri? Argggh why am I so soft?!

[littlebears1009]

Until she decides to let you know when she wants care go about your days as normal if your in your in if not, bit of tough. (IMO)

[munch149]

So intrigued to know what happens you'll have to keep us informed later if she gets in touch. I too would go out. Would probably have text first thing tho saying if I don't hear by such time I will assume not coming but bit late now so just go out and enjoy yourself

[JCrakers]

If you are happy to continue working like this then stay in and wait for her to arrive but it will happen again and again. It wouldn't be so bad if you had other children arriving but waiting in just for her is just not on. Especially if you have the opportunity to go out with your family.

You have no duty to wait in as it doesn't say on the contract that she can just turn up as and when. I couldn't work with someone like this, who has little respect for me, my own life and family and is just basically thinking of herself and her own child with no thought for me as a person whatsoever.

If she did then she would give you those dates with notice :D

[FloraDora]

I understand the frustration but I would not be thinking of mum, but the child stuck in the middle of this. How will she feel if she turns up and you are not there? What message is that sending her? I would not have promised a day at the seaside if I did not know I could definately go - this decision should have been made last night before all the talk of a day out as a family because now you won't win.
If you don't go your child will be upset, if you do go and the mindee arrives, that child will be upset.

[QualityCare]

I would have gone out early, if she turned up and sent a text asking where you are l would ignore it for a few hours and then reply saying that you assumed x wasn't coming and so had a day out.

[VeggieSausage]

I hope you have gone!! notice letter typed tonight when you get home....

[ziggy]

I have a schoolie family like this, they only come in holidays since i moved.

2nd week of hols mum cancelled and changed days booked, then didnt arrive at 9am as agreed, so at 9.50 we went to a group.

Wont go into long boring details but they arrived at 9am each day since

[Daisy De]

So easy for all of us to say go out, teach her a lesson and up to a point I would agree but it all depends on how much you need the work and how much hassle you know you will get from her.

If you do not need the work I would agree with VeggieSausage and would be giving notice, this woman has no respect for your family or your business. If you need the work, you really do need to have a meeting and explain to her what happened today and that the contract says two weeks notice. If she is unable to give this notice and you feel her reasons are genuine, then you need to make sure she realises you need to know at least the weekend before what days she requires and make sure she understands you will not wait in in future.

Let us know what happens.

[scottishlass]

Hope you enjoy your day at the seaside!!


After all the chances you gave her to reply I would have gone too!! I gave notice in April as the mum constantly did not turn up or let me know what was happening and I hated getting up and ready for them to not appear! I also had payment issues too - hope you get it sorted x

[Mouse]

I would have sent her one final message this morning saying 'as I haven't heard from you, despite several attempts to contact you, I have assumed X's days for this week are Wed, Thur & Fri. We will be out for the day on Tuesday and would ask that you make time to discuss our contract at drop off on Wednesday morning.'

I hope you get something sorted & have a nice, guilt-free family day.

[charlottenash]

I understand the frustration but I would not be thinking of mum, but the child stuck in the middle of this. How will she feel if she turns up and you are not there? What message is that sending her? I would not have promised a day at the seaside if I did not know I could definately go - this decision should have been made last night before all the talk of a day out as a family because now you won't win.
If you don't go your child will be upset, if you do go and the mindee arrives, that child will be upset.

I think she's done enough 'thinking of the child' by texting/calling so many times. It's mums responsibility now to reply and keep CM informed to ensure her child isn't upset.

[hectors house]

Hope you have had a lovely day - the trouble is that parents choose us rather than Nurseries because we take the children out and about so much more, but then they think we are like a Nursery and home all the time for them to drop off early or late as it pleases them! You just can't win, so write a letter to this parent telling her that if she doesn't give you 2 weeks notice of her requirements (as the contract clearly states) then you will be charging her for all 4 days! :thumbsup:

[Kerry30]

I had a funded child last year who turned up over an hour late for every session which i couldnt understand as mum at school at same time as me and only a 15min walk bac to my house. Anyway i told her on two seperate occassions that X had to arrive on time as we had things planned..in one ear out the other! So the following week i waited in half hr after agreed start time and when they didnt show i went out. She rang half hr later but i didnt answer. The next day i txt her saying if she couldnt arrive at the agreed start time or let me no she was running late then i couldnt garentee i would be in as i had activities planned and other children to think about too. Funnily enough she was never late again and when she was she txt or ramg to say so. Hope it all works out for you but sometimes parents need to learn that your not on call. If you agree to two weeks notice of day change then the parent should stick to it. If u changed the day at short notice she'd certainly have something to say about it. Enjoy your day at the seaside x

[jackie 7]

I hope you have fun.

[littlemiss60561]

I hope you went and enjoyed your day as best you could. Horrible having a cloud hanging over your head though. You did far more than you needed to , and she clearly wasnt bothered about leaving you hanging around. I had a parent that did same , I asked 2 weeks notice of hours. They used to tell me late Sunday night when both had their Rotas up at work weeks in advance they just kept forgetting to check. Did my head in . usually late, sometimes hour early. I gave notice eventually ( mix of reasons) but it does impact on your life and its not fair. I began just putting a small note on the door saying gone to x meet you there. Then worried that burgurlers would know I was out! I was tempted to sit quiet once , behind the sofa from the tax man style lol with a note on the door to hear their reaction and then when they came to find me, say I'd been out and returned!
I then began handing them a 2 week sheet to confirm dates. On the form I stated something like , in order to secure places, hours / days need to be confirmed as per contract.i also put my late collection times on there. Didn't work and they ran up a huge bill, but I at least had something dated and signed by them and me to use if needed.
Good luck and I hope you can continue without any guilt.
You have nothing t feel guilty about. Not even to your little girl that you said you may be able to go to the beach with. That comment was unfair I think. We all say " I don't know yet " to our children, and they learn a life lesson having to wait sometimes! If the other child is on your doorstep waiting then its their parents problem not yours x

[littlemiss60561]

And as to wondering if she will be cross... Your cross and so are we for you! It's your business don't forget. I understand its easier said than done.i put up with it for a year! Mainly because I had to financially. Also because I was soft and didn't want to upset anyone. Then one day I woke up and acknowledged the upset it was causing me. We lived skint for a while but soon filled the space ( luckily!) . Was so worth it as I now love my job again x

[rickysmiths]

Could you not have taken the minded child with you to the seaside?

[Petshrinklj]

Hugs I feel so frustrated for you. Hope you have a lovely time at the beach and I'm glad you didn't stay in. It would have been unfair of her to turn up without notice. I think previous posters suggestion of a two week form to confirm dates sounds a great plan. You can't carry on not knowing till last minute when you will be working. Hugs.

[kellyskidz!]

We're here!
Mum did try to drop off, as I had a feeling she would, so I answered when she rang and said Im assuming you're ringing because you're outside my house and i feel terrible but i did ring you several times before setting off, and sent a text saying we would be going to the seaside today before we left and no reply
She said oh my god I didn't realise I hadn't text you (?) and can you come back? I said no, we're almost there now, I feel I've been more than reasonable regarding the amount of times I asked you to let me know over the weekend when she was in and I wasn't prepared to wait in on the off chance you showed up
She was actually ok and said she hadn't realised I'd be going out so didn't think she needed to let me know so urgently, whatever that means? So can she bring child in for rest of week which I said yes to, since I'm not unreasonable.
I said to avoid this in future we need to start sticking to contract and you giving me the two weeks hours in advance.
Glad it's sorted though, I was so scared she was going to say I'm leaving! But then really, how could she.
She's refused to give me information I need in order to work and has technically broken her side of our contract
As for telling my daughter we were going to the seaside, she heard me and her dad discussing it when i said what if mindee doesnt turn up and obviously picked up, which I don't feel bad for. I wouldn't say oh mayyyyybe we can go to the seaside if so and so doesn't turn up, be more than my life's worth lol
And also as for me thinking about mums little one, she wasn't. It was her upsetting and disturbing her routine, not me. I'm here to work when I'm given days to, not to be someone's lacky and ruin days out in order for them to rule my life for me. Of course I hate to think of mindee waiting outside but if her mum had just kept me informed it wouldn't have happened
Also regarding taking mindee to seaside mum hasn't signed permission form for outings, only local ones and not ones involving leaving the town where we live, so she couldn't have come with us
I really was caught between a rock and a hard place and I'm glad we've come because mum has now realised she needs to sort things out, I'm having a family day out and the child is still doing the 3 days she's contracted to.
Happy days:cool:
Thanks to everyone who gave advice, you're all so lovely and it's nice to talk to people who get it! Xxx

[EmmaReed84]

Enjoy your day! Have an ice cream for me as well! A Fab please LOL!!

[Mouse]

Glad you got it sorted. Hopefully it'll make mum realise she needs to be more helpful with letting you know the days she needs.

I always say "actions speak louder than words". Sometimes you need to show someone what you mean because no matter how many times you tell them, it just doesn't sink in.

Enjoy your day :cool:

[emma04]

We're here!
Mum did try to drop off, as I had a feeling she would, so I answered when she rang and said Im assuming you're ringing because you're outside my house and i feel terrible but i did ring you several times before setting off, and sent a text saying we would be going to the seaside today before we left and no reply
She said oh my god I didn't realise I hadn't text you (?) and can you come back? I said no, we're almost there now, I feel I've been more than reasonable regarding the amount of times I asked you to let me know over the weekend when she was in and I wasn't prepared to wait in on the off chance you showed up
She was actually ok and said she hadn't realised I'd be going out so didn't think she needed to let me know so urgently, whatever that means? So can she bring child in for rest of week which I said yes to, since I'm not unreasonable.
I said to avoid this in future we need to start sticking to contract and you giving me the two weeks hours in advance.
Glad it's sorted though, I was so scared she was going to say I'm leaving! But then really, how could she.
She's refused to give me information I need in order to work and has technically broken her side of our contract
As for telling my daughter we were going to the seaside, she heard me and her dad discussing it when i said what if mindee doesnt turn up and obviously picked up, which I don't feel bad for. I wouldn't say oh mayyyyybe we can go to the seaside if so and so doesn't turn up, be more than my life's worth lol
And also as for me thinking about mums little one, she wasn't. It was her upsetting and disturbing her routine, not me. I'm here to work when I'm given days to, not to be someone's lacky and ruin days out in order for them to rule my life for me. Of course I hate to think of mindee waiting outside but if her mum had just kept me informed it wouldn't have happened
Also regarding taking mindee to seaside mum hasn't signed permission form for outings, only local ones and not ones involving leaving the town where we live, so she couldn't have come with us
I really was caught between a rock and a hard place and I'm glad we've come because mum has now realised she needs to sort things out, I'm having a family day out and the child is still doing the 3 days she's contracted to.
Happy days:cool:
Thanks to everyone who gave advice, you're all so lovely and it's nice to talk to people who get it! Xxx

If she only pays for 3 days per week but has the option of taking any of the 5 days THEN she should advise you with appropriate notice of the 3 days she requires care for!!

It's not about you and what YOU should do, it's down to HER and she failed dismally to adhere to her contract and give you the correct notice!!! You are not the big bad wolf here!! It's lo's mummy dearest, regretfully, being totally *****!!!

We sacrifice stuff for our families all of the time in order to please our clients and often bend over backwards to help them!!!! You spelt out to her what was expected of her and gave her numerous opportunities to inform you of her intentions!!!

Sorry if I sound bad for saying this, but if she knew you were heading out with your family, could mum have been less forthcoming on purpose??? (This happened to me once!!!)

It doesn't matter now as you've been out and mum has either learned a lesson or had her plan to keep you home thwarted!!!

Hope you had a good day and that mum now has it nailed, that you won't be pushed into a corner!!!

[k1rstie]

Good luck for the rest of the week!

[The Juggler]

I would go out and enjoy the day with your family. Just make sure you're gone before 9 in case she does turn up!!

me too!
:thumbsup:

[Samijanec]

I had a parent like this a while back, started ad hoc over five days and hours slowly dropped and she would just turn up some mornings without warning expecting care. Then one day she said she only needed a Friday, he came for one Friday then just stopped turning up. She said she would pay to keep the Friday open but even that stopped without any notice. She's now been in touch wanting me to start caring again now she's back at college. Not on your nelly!!!

[karen m]

I had a parent really needed care for after nursery but different 2 days each week I told her fine but if ever a full timer needed the space they got it or she would have to pay half fees for days not used as could not turn down work , oh that's understandable , no problem anyway after 3 months 1 of her days she wanted I was full not happy at all ignored me in the street now. 12 months later could I have LO again how she only trusts him with me errm no sorry no vacancies

[kellyskidz!]

That was a big issue for me too because I'm being flexible for her needs, letting her have 3 days a week out of four, technically meaning I could be losing a days place and she still can't let me know the days she will be needing. I don't ask for 2 weeks notice, because it can be hard to plan that far ahead, she was the one who said I'll tell you two weeks before and didn't!
She came in a little shirty this morning saying oh you're here today then, so I just smiled and said yes, I'm here because you've told me you will be in, lets not have that happen again shall we? From now on I need at least a weeks notice or I'll just be doing what I did yesterday and going out if I don't hear from you.
She said she'd got into trouble from her boss for being late yesterday as she had to drop her child off with a friend, but I wasn't going to apologise for that, it was her fault. In fact, she should apologise to me for messing me about but she hasn't.
She walked off a bit sulky but what can I do, it's not unreasonable to ask for the weekly hours a child will be doing, she needs to seriously grow up!

[hectors house]

Why can't this parent text you as soon as she has her rota given to her - unless she is on a zero hours contract there is no reason why she can't give you more notice. Hope yesterday has taught her a lesson. Couple of years ago I had a mindee on holiday for 2 weeks, I shuffled the existing mindees around so I didn't end up working a whole week with different mindees on their own for the day (parents were teachers so didn't affect them), I managed to get a day off too - I was just going out the door to go out for day when mindee (who was supposed to still be on holiday) arrived - I asked the dad what he was doing here, and he said we came home early so thought I would sent X today. Soon sent him away with a flea in his ear! :angry:

[Samijanec]

That's the thing isn't it, let them find ad hoc so generous else where... They can't, so the least they can do is treat you with the respect you deserve for the massive favour you are doing them!!!