Family struggling with me childminding

[kime]

I have been minding for almost a year & has been going well so far minding a 3 year old & also having my own son who has just turned 2.

Had a new girl start this week who is 8 months old. She is great & settled in well. I think my DS is struggling with the extra attention I naturally have to give her (luckily she is not a demanding baby!).

Does anyone have any tips on how i can help make this easier for him??

Also my DH is also finding it difficult he is in the army & has just been back for 2 weeks RnR from afghan. going back tomorrow :-( he is then back in 6 weeks :-)

I had last week off but worked this week & he has found it hard. He thought it'd be ok but just admitted how hard he has found sharing me!

He's back for 4 weeks when he finishes his tour in Oct & I am now dreading it :-(

Sorry for going on am just feeling emotional & thought some of you may understand

Thanks for listening! x

[mama2three]

Its hard isn't it?
especially for your son - but as he was so young when you started he really will get used to it very quickly - and remember the great lifeskills hes learning alongside - empathy , patience ...
Your husband though is old enough to understand that you ( as a family) have 3 choices.
You don't work so he can have you all to himself when he's home - with all the financial downsides that would bring.
you go out to work , so he wouldn't see you at all during the day when hes on leave , and your own ds goes into childcare.
You childmind , and he has to compromise and share you for some of the time.

[hectors house]

It is hard for your own children (or even mindees sometimes) when suddenly a young baby arrives at their home - it's not like a new sibling as you would have prepared him for their arrival and got books etc on the subject - just out of nowhere this crying, attention seeking, smelly thing arrives - try to involve him in helping eg: fetching the nappy and wipes, singing nursery rhymes if baby cries etc.

Don't know what to suggest regarding your husband - hopefully another army wife childminder will post soon - im sure we do have some.

[eddie]

Its hard isn't it?
especially for your son - but as he was so young when you started he really will get used to it very quickly - and remember the great lifeskills hes learning alongside - empathy , patience ...
Your husband though is old enough to understand that you ( as a family) have 3 choices.
You don't work so he can have you all to himself when he's home - with all the financial downsides that would bring.
you go out to work , so he wouldn't see you at all during the day when hes on leave , and your own ds goes into childcare.
You childmind , and he has to compromise and share you for some of the time.

I totally agree with this. As an adult he can weigh up the pros and cons. My husband is an ex shift worker and he found it annoying when he was trying to sleep during the day whilst the LOs screamed and ran about but he eventually got used to it - he didn't have any choice. My kids still (at 12 and 15) find it hard at times to share Mom or to have to revise plans because I am working but there is no other job where I can be here all holidays, take and fetch them from school and spend the amount of time with them that I do and they do sometimes have to be reminded of this. If I was at work away from the home as I used to be, I would have to put them in childcare/clubs before and after school, all holidays etc so they get a good deal.

[chez]

Did it work better when you cared for slightly older children? maybe it would be better for now just to care for this age.

I am the daughter of a childminder (and now one myself too) it didn't do me any harm at all, I wont pretend that I always loved sharing mum, I'm sure there was many times when I was jealous of the attention the mindees took. I also remember her working outside the house in other jobs and I know times were happier when she was a minder as she was at home more for us.

I'm also the daughter of a sailor, Dad was in the Royal Navy for a fair few of my early years, if I am totally honest it was this job that I found more difficult, dad coming and going, and often being away for long periods of time. Even now I find goodbyes very difficult and emotionally charged.

Make special times for your DS, try and keep his toys separate or at least give him some special toys which he does not have to share and something I always found helpful was mindees were not allowed in our bedroom (once we got older they were allowed if invited by us)

[lisbet]

Good advice from the pp's ^

It must be especially hard for you all with your husband's work pattern :hug:

My husband often has one of his days off on a weekday. He either relaxes upstairs, browsing the net (and usually snoozing too :rolleyes:) or he makes plans to meet up with friends, or goes for a cycle/ swim etc.

When our own three children are off school he also sometimes takes them out to do something nice. Maybe your husband could take your little boy out to do something and that would give them both a break from mindees and some special time together?

Could you maybe also increase the time off you take whilst your husband's home? I've decided I'm going to take a bit more time off in the school holidays next year, to make it a bit easier on my own children. (I know my mindees' parents will be ok about this with plenty of notice.)

Hope some forces childminders will be able to advise and that you find a way forward that works for you all x

[NinaBowen]

You are not alone. My children I have two a 4 year old and a 2 year old find it very hard sharing toys and sharing me. They do get jealous. My husband too, when he finishes work, wants to come in and sit down and relax and he can't as we have a house full of kids sometimes 8 in total so he finds it hard as there is nowhere for him to "escape to". It is very hard for all the family but I just keep reminding my husband how difficult it would be if I went out to work in an office say full time. It would be worse as we wouldn't get to eat dinner until late, he would have to do his own ironing and help around the house, where at the moment I can fit all that in around naps etc which means we have evenings together rather than catching up on household chores. Not to mention we would be worse off financially anyway cause we would also be paying for childcare. It is hard, but the alternatives would make family life for us worse.

[singingcactus]

I try to have the first week off after hubby gets back from det, I give him that and then he needs to man up and start spending time with our kids, taking them out, fixing their bikes etc and getting through the huge list of jobs that need his attention after his holiday in the desert.
R&R is quite frankly a *****. The feelings you have during R&R are not real. It is like christmas day. So much pressure on everyone to be happy and perfect and lovely, because we can't possibly be cross with each other, or have niggles with each other cos he is going away again, to scary places we don't think about when they are away. So we can't argue, and we must spend every second of every day together. Yeah, R&R is a *****, it sets us up for misery and discontent. Those feelings you and him had, they aren't real! Don't base any decision on those feelings.
When he gets back in 6 weeks, take the first week off, spend it with him, then get back to normality.
Is he at home, off work on PODL for those 4 weeks? Cos if he is you will be grateful for the mindees by week 3. They will be your escape from his as yet unpacked kitbags, his boots which WILL be in the middle of the floor still, his taking over of your daily routine, and his complaining of being bored. :laughing:
Seriously R&R is hard. It is a cruel thing, be better for them to have it alone in cyprus, or just work through and come home 2 weeks earlier. He'll be right once he's back proper, after all we share our guys with the forces, the least they can do is deal with a couple of scale E brats around the place lol, until 1700 each day.
Your little chap will be good too, this 8 month old is getting older every day and will need less of your time very soon. And in 6 weeks he can be a proper daddy's boy for a month or so. Just give it all a little time.

[Samijanec]

My son found it hard at first but he's fine now ( he's three)

My hubby works 6 on and 3 off so he's often home in the week when I have children but he understand that I have to earn, infact I'm the bigger earner and so he doesn't complain infact he's spent all week coming to soft play and so on with me and the kids. When we are at home he just goes to our room and plays pc games or mixes music.
I'm sure your hubby will realise what a good financial contribution you make and find the fun in having lots of kids about the house. Xx

[MessybutHappy]

Wow! I can add little to the above posts, I agree with them all, but this thread is exactly what this forum does so well...Friendly, compassionate advice!

What a lovely start to the bank holiday weekend:-D

To the op, give it time! Every new thing takes a while to settle down, and this job we do is huge simply because it is done from home so there's no getting away from it!

[kime]

Thank you so much for all of your advice - it has really helped me & reading them out to my DH has made him realise the pros of me doing this job & how he was being a little unfair. He took our DS out Friday afternoon which helped & we he is going to go off & do his own thing & take our DS out when he is back.

I am also going to get DS as involved as I can helping with new mindee & make sure he gets lots of quality time with me when mindee's have gone home.

Luckily he has signed off from army and from early next year we can be a "normal" working family & we can get some sort of routine/structure that works for all of us :-)

We have also had the good news that he is finishing earlier than expecting & will be back home in 3 & half weeks now :clapping::jump for joy:

Thanks again :)
x

[Samijanec]

Thank you so much for all of your advice - it has really helped me & reading them out to my DH has made him realise the pros of me doing this job & how he was being a little unfair. He took our DS out Friday afternoon which helped & we he is going to go off & do his own thing & take our DS out when he is back.

I am also going to get DS as involved as I can helping with new mindee & make sure he gets lots of quality time with me when mindee's have gone home.

Luckily he has signed off from army and from early next year we can be a "normal" working family & we can get some sort of routine/structure that works for all of us :-)

We have also had the good news that he is finishing earlier than expecting & will be back home in 3 & half weeks now :clapping::jump for joy:

Thanks again :)
x

That's fab news, good luck with it all. X :)