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smurfette
22-08-2013, 09:00 AM
And now I want to cry or lose my cool I am not sure which! Have posted lots about this Lo

F aged 18 months, been coming since march but only 5/6 days a week.. Initially a real screamer
But mum worked with me and now she doesn't cry on drop off but has got attached to me, but can't stand the others being around or not being picked up all day.. Mum says she doesn't pick up all day, but I can't see she doesn't child is very anxious all the time , very serious, and has no sense of Curiosity or independence, she wants to sit cuddled on my lap all the time. She is way worse when she hasn't been and again this am hadnt been in two weeks. Care is shared between dad (who works shift),
And two sets of grandparents and me. Mum is very loving and does her best, reads lots of books etc but never took little one out to groups or anything, and she doesn't know how to climb steps etc,,
Quite overweight from being fed too much and water has always had sugar in it or squash, and not being challenged physically,

It is driving me mad as she wants me to pick her up and if I sit for even a minute she wants up on my lap and would stay there all day if I left her, she is currently sobbing beside me because I would only reach down and cuddle her and won't carry her around.. I feel claustrophobic and don't know how much longer I can go on.

It's awful because mum is so appreciative and when she wasn't settling got so upset as she wants her with me and with the company of other little ones but I feel she needs more one on one

Have tried everything , picking her up and cuddling, putting her down to play, hugging her but not picking her up, ignoring etc .. But every time someone moves or something changes she is off again, ESP if others are dropped off she cries when we go to door

I also at this stage don't know if she is tired or teething and whether this is ever to blame


I feel sorry for her as she gets so upset its not fair, she walks around after me all day with her arms up and loses her life if I am out of sight

ziggy
22-08-2013, 09:21 AM
Sorry I cant be much help. I only had this happen once before with a child who only came one day a week and it drove me mad. I had to give notice as it upset me and other children, plus I felt so sorry for child.

JCrakers
22-08-2013, 10:46 AM
Its really draining isn't it. I had an 8m old who screamed and in the end after 8 weeks of a 40hr week I had to give notice as I was starting to get ill with stress and all my mindees didn't want to come anymore as well as everyone in the street stopping and commenting everytime they saw me...I tried everything possible but nothing helped. She just cried form seeing my house to when she left with a 20 min sleep inbetween.

Only you know how much you can take and I know how it feels to give in, having to tell parents that you cant do it anymore. It made me feel like a failure (which i knew i wasn't as ive worked with children for a long time and had never,ever come across a baby like it ) but when she had gone there was a huge weight off my shoulders and it felt like id won the lottery :D

She went to a nursery for about a year, she still cried there but there were more staff to cope. Then she came back to me a different child at around 21months old . Now she's an angel and loves coming.

sprinkles
22-08-2013, 01:07 PM
Well, you know my situation! I only lasted 2 days with the screamer I had. I was ill on the first day so dread to think what I would have been like weeks down the line, plus it wasn't fair on the little one.

You have to do what is right for you, the child and the other children in your care. As my hubby said, this is what we want to do - no point dreading the days you have a certain child.

smurfette
22-08-2013, 02:54 PM
Thanks all for the support

Just needed a rant, she has had two hours sleep and is grand at the mo! Had forgotten that we do get glimpses of normality!

Talking to dh the problem seems to be her socialising , she is grand when I have just her and happy out in buggy., what she isn't used to is the toddler groups and being around other kids

Have decided to ring mum for a chat tonight and ask her to get Lo out and about more , will give her four weeks to improve and if not four weeks notice .. Does that sound fair? Don't want to dictate what they do but I think this is my issue and its not gonna work otherwise

shortstuff
22-08-2013, 03:11 PM
sounds fair to me hun x and it also means that the parents will see you are willing to give it a fair crack x

sprinkles
22-08-2013, 03:12 PM
That sounds more than fair to me! If mum isn't willing to cooperate then it's not going to get any easier for you!

smurfette
22-08-2013, 03:31 PM
To be fair she has been very good, has always listened to any advice and got her in a sleep routine for me etc but wasn't sure if this was a step too far? However it's that or nothing, as you say I can't do much if she won't help!

smurfette
23-08-2013, 09:16 AM
Update


Rang mum last night. She appreciated my honesty , said to her it wasn't fair on Lo being so upset and she wasn't enjoying the groups and getting anything out of it , she said honestly she was in a total adult environment all the time, only kids she saw was with me except for occasional visit from friends on her own turf, told her honestly I was struggling and couldn't go on indefinitely but as we had both worked so hard on getting her settled would be a shame to give up now. She said leave it with her, I have to say I felt like a crap minder felt like I was always telling her how to handle her child!

Anyways she arrived this am having booked Lo into two groups this am and arranging a play date!

sprinkles
23-08-2013, 09:54 AM
That's fab! It's good mum is cooperating with you! And don't feel bad - mum was probably totally unaware of the situation and how would she know if you didn't tell her?

shortstuff
23-08-2013, 12:26 PM
that sounds amazing, you must be great with tact x well done you and well done to the mum who is willing to accept help when offered as it isnt easy x

smurfette
23-08-2013, 12:42 PM
that sounds amazing, you must be great with tact x well done you and well done to the mum who is willing to accept help when offered as it isnt easy x

Ah no I am not great at tact I had to back paddle a bit because I felt like I suggested she never took her even to playgrounds which she does! But I told her i thought they were Doing a great job with her and she was a pet and ate and slept well so if we could get this sorted she might be ok, I think it was more that I put the time limit on it that made her do it, but I felt if I didn't it could drift on forever! Delighted!

shortstuff
23-08-2013, 02:33 PM
its a great result you should feel very proud and satisfied xx

kellyskidz!
23-08-2013, 02:45 PM
It's funny isn't how when you've vented and got it off your chest how much easier everything seems!
You posted on here, then the little girl was ok afterwards, you asked if you should talk to mum and she was great about it
One thing I've learnt from reading this post is to try and worry less and if something's wrong to speak up, what's the worst that could happen? Glad things are working out xx

starschildmind
23-08-2013, 03:20 PM
Oh my word. My last 3 weeks exactly. You are not alone. Difference is i have my boy for 4days a week. He still really struggles but we have managed it :-)

I started trying to push him to play by sitting next to me etc.. but this didnt work. So i now sit him on my straightened legs facing sideways and he now ventures off my legs.

I have laernt his crys. He crys for attention now so we can ignore it.

It really helped by having a very strict routine. Nappy changes snacks and sleep..... all at the same time every day. Also making him stop crying before we pick him up. Hes only 10 months.

We do remind ourselves everyday how far he has come. He wouldnt even eat in the high chair when he first started.. was on our laps!!! We have taught him to clap. Wave and stand its amazing.

Just remind yourself how far you have come. Just try to relax and see if she will go on her own! :-) good luck xxxx

The Juggler
23-08-2013, 05:00 PM
oh hon, children like this are so physically and emotionally draining (through no fault of their own I know). its' really hard. sounds like you are giving mum more than a fair chance to work with you and she seems to want to work with you - so great partnership working.

hope things improve. :)

smurfette
23-08-2013, 09:19 PM
Thanks all! Better day today but of course cos it was just her! However we went this afternoon to my eldests pony show (been at pony camp all week) and it was busy, lots of kids around .. She didn't blink an eyelid, but she was in the buggy the whole time .. So I may go back to leaving her in buggy at start of toddlers to let her warm up,, at least she won't be clinging to me! Just actually had a lovely text from mum saying she knows she is happy with me just not with groups and they will do all they can to sort it out because she knows she is so well cared for at mine! Wow! Can't believe that.. Her self esteem must have taken a dent last night even though I tried to be tactful. If it was me I would have said **** it, although they would be lucky to get someone to Do the shifts

Samijanec
24-08-2013, 07:22 AM
No pearls of wisdom here just an offer of hugs, but not clingy ones.. :D

Hope she gives you some space soon though. X

smurfette
18-09-2013, 09:35 PM
No pearls of wisdom here just an offer of hugs, but not clingy ones.. :D

Hope she gives you some space soon though. X

Lol! Came on to update sorry had meant to reply to this appreciated the 'non clingy hugs'! Lol

Any way little update we have had three days where Lo has been much much better! Mum and dad have been fab have really worked hard to get her out and about, enrolled her in baby swimming , music lessons and toddler groups! This am I had four Los for a couple of hours and she was great! Relaxed in herself and didn't mind the noise or getting bumped by others. Had a little wobble this pm where she cried for dad but was easily distracted and once fed again she was grand .. Think she gets low blood Sugar lol! I am delighted , still anxious when I have her but fingers crossed we seem to have finally finally got there!! Mum even put her in an extra day this week as wasn't due to have her , my op was meant to say only have her 5/6 days a month not a week!

Thanks all for being there for me!! Xx

chriss
18-09-2013, 09:51 PM
Don t want to spook u lol, but maybe if she were with you more she would be easier to look after. It seems she is a little bit passed from pillar to post, all with different rules and routines, so more time with you would make life easier for you all.

smurfette
18-09-2013, 09:54 PM
Don t want to spook u lol, but maybe if she were with you more she would be easier to look after

Yes I do think this too but don't think they can afford it , or won't, grandparents have her a lot and daddy works shift , also am quite full anyway at mo so have told mum even if she wanted me to I Couldn't do much more.. However I think I can fit her in a half day maybe in a week I don't have her so may try do this more often

shortstuff
19-09-2013, 05:21 AM
Im so glad its improving for you x :-)

Samijanec
19-09-2013, 12:28 PM
Really glad things are getting better, long may they stay that way! X

Maza
19-09-2013, 08:32 PM
My current mindee used to have to sit in his buggy at playgroup whilst he 'warmed up' so to speak. It's funny how some regard their buggy as a secure, familiar place. I laugh about it now because he just runs in and charges around from start to finish at playgroups these days!

smurfette
19-09-2013, 08:38 PM
My current mindee used to have to sit in his buggy at playgroup whilst he 'warmed up' so to speak. It's funny how some regard their buggy as a secure, familiar place. I laugh about it now because he just runs in and charges around from start to finish at playgroups these days!

Glad to hear this, this is my hope for the future!!