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EmmaReed84
21-08-2013, 08:19 AM
Mrsh3103... Look what you have started! LOL :laughing:

Reading your thread and the reason why Mum does not want you to say no, and also looking at the game which has started as a result has got me thinking.

Why is it OK to use other negative words and phrases, but not no? "Please do not touch the TV" is just as negative as "No, we mustn't touch the TV"

The more I am thinking about it, the more ridiculous it is. Trying to not say no because it is negative? An example of how the word is not always seen in a negative way was when mindee and I were playing the "No, I love you more" Would that parents in the original thread still see that as negative?

Also, if she says don't won't can't they are equally as negative?

This is really bugging me now. I want a a full blown debate with this Mum now LOL!!!

Again.... Marsh33103... Look what you have started :laughing:

Samijanec
21-08-2013, 08:28 AM
Mrsh3103... Look what you have started! LOL :laughing:

Reading your thread and the reason why Mum does not want you to say no, and also looking at the game which has started as a result has got me thinking.

Why is it OK to use other negative words and phrases, but not no? "Please do not touch the TV" is just as negative as "No, we mustn't touch the TV"

The more I am thinking about it, the more ridiculous it is. Trying to not say no because it is negative? An example of how the word is not always seen in a negative way was when mindee and I were playing the "No, I love you more" Would that parents in the original thread still see that as negative?

Also, if she says don't won't can't they are equally as negative?

This is really bugging me now. I want a a full blown debate with this Mum now LOL!!!

Again.... Marsh33103... Look what you have started :laughing:

I was just thinking the same thing, no is used across the board, my mindee just said "Sami I've chopped your legs off" ( he's playing with a plastic sword) I replied "no way, how can I take you out now with my legs?" He giggled. Hardly negative but the word no is still there....

ziggy
21-08-2013, 08:30 AM
I listened to one of my parents have long winded debate about why her 4yr old couldnt hurt his brother/friends, open my front door etc etc etc. She finished by saying 'I so respect you for telling me you're sad when mummy is feeding the baby but i need you to know i love you very much' and she went on and on and on and on.

Whereas I would just have said 'NO you are not allowed to open the front door in case the little ones get out onto the road and get ran over'

Sometimes I think less is more when explaining safety to under 5's

FussyElmo
21-08-2013, 08:50 AM
Like I said in the other thread

But I will say one thing I remember doing a positive behaviour management course and the person who ran it challenged us to see how many times we said no in a day. She said to put a someone in a jar for everytime we said it and she bet us we would run out of pennies before morning.

Her point wasn't not to use the word but our overuse of it. Say it too often and it becomes a word which they are constantly hearing. I will admit that I fail often but then I will realise that Im using it too much can we paint now -

Its not about not using the word its how often we use it. If a child is constantly hearing the word no it they almost become customised to hearing it.

Fussy can we have the paints out - not yet sweetie we will get them out later.
Fussy can we have a banana -its not snack time yet honey.
Fussy can we have doc mcstuffins on - perhaps if its on when its tv time.
Fussy I picking the car up to bash xxx on the head - NO honey that's not nice we don't hit people.

Saying no in the time it mattered makes the word have more importance. Now if a child was having a tantrum over having the fruit then a no would have to be used.

To me its like swearing - some people don't know they are swearing anymore they have been accustomed to it.

You cant completely wipe the word out as it does need to used and used in different ways :thumbsup:

EmmaReed84
21-08-2013, 08:58 AM
I have to say, I sort of disagree. I do not think it is about the word itself, but the tone in which it is said.

If you are constantly saying "NO! don't do that" "NO! you can't have that"

Simply saying no as an answer to a question is not the same as telling a child "NO! do not throw toys at the TV!"

I have tried to not say it today, still going strong, but even on the occasions I might have said it, it was in response to a question. No is simply saying can't, won't, don't

If a child goes to snatch a toy and you softly say "No, we must not snatch toys!" a child is less likely to listen, however, a firm "NO! we mustn't snatch" commands their attention.

Not sure if I am making sense, I know what I mean in my head, but struggling to get it out LOL!!!

Chatterbox Childcare
21-08-2013, 09:06 AM
Do you know I have spent the last hour listening to myself and I hardly say "no".

I am more likely to say "please don't do that because and explain why" or if it is no I say "no we don't do that because". Of course a sharp "no" is used but I tend to say it when I want someone to stop quickly and a raised voice with "no x" tends to do the trick

emma04
21-08-2013, 09:10 AM
I love it!!

Hope you don't mind but I will be using some of these comments for my dissertation!! My subject : 'Influential Characteristics that Instigate a Child’s Behaviour within the Primary Classroom'

Ive had to narrow it why children behave the way they do in class, but includes their upbringing:

Where does poor behaviour come from?
Why do some behave badly when others don't?
What influences does a child's lifestyle have on their behaviour?
Is there really a socioeconomic influence, or is this just an excuse?
Are some parents just useless at parenting?
Are some children easier than others?
Are some children born to be rebellious?
Could the generations of parenting in some families be the problem/issue?
Are parents busier? are their morals different to others? do they see bad behaviour in a less serious way than others?...................oooooooh so much to include and look into, but i'm sure I'll be dead long before we fathom it all out!:thumbsup:

Bumble Beez
21-08-2013, 09:10 AM
Disciplining Your Child Without Saying No. - Redbook (http://www.redbookmag.com/kids-family/advice/how-to-say-no)

Oooooh read this!! 400 times a day? I'm only up to 9 so far...
Altho I do agree with this saying no can become ineffective when it's overused — a little like crying wolf comes back to what Fussy was saying about the course she did.

Chatterbox Childcare
21-08-2013, 09:17 AM
I love it!!

Hope you don't mind but I will be using some of these comments for my dissertation!! My subject : 'Influential Characteristics that Instigate a Child’s Behaviour within the Primary Classroom'

Ive had to narrow it why children behave the way they do in class, but includes their upbringing:

Where does poor behaviour come from?
Why do some behave badly when others don't?
What influences does a child's lifestyle have on their behaviour?
Is there really a socioeconomic influence, or is this just an excuse?
Are some parents just useless at parenting?
Are some children easier than others?
Are some children born to be rebellious?
Could the generations of parenting in some families be the problem/issue?
Are parents busier? are their morals different to others? do they see bad behaviour in a less serious way than others?...................oooooooh so much to include and look into, but i'm sure I'll be dead long before we fathom it all out!:thumbsup:


Did you want our opinions on these questions too?

Mrsh3103
21-08-2013, 09:23 AM
Haha sorry guys :)

emma04
21-08-2013, 09:51 AM
Did you want our opinions on these questions too?

Post ended up with me thinking out loud. the questions were just areas that I'm going to look at. I'm just interested in people's opinions of the word 'no' and the way in which they think it is best used or whether its a word that should be avoided?
I thought i would struggle not to use it, but having listened to myself the past few days, I actually rarely say it, which is a surprise!

Supernanny86
21-08-2013, 10:13 AM
Mrsh3103... Look what you have started! LOL :laughing:

Reading your thread and the reason why Mum does not want you to say no, and also looking at the game which has started as a result has got me thinking.

Why is it OK to use other negative words and phrases, but not no? "Please do not touch the TV" is just as negative as "No, we mustn't touch the TV"

The more I am thinking about it, the more ridiculous it is. Trying to not say no because it is negative? An example of how the word is not always seen in a negative way was when mindee and I were playing the "No, I love you more" Would that parents in the original thread still see that as negative?

Also, if she says don't won't can't they are equally as negative?

This is really bugging me now. I want a a full blown debate with this Mum now LOL!!!

Again.... Marsh33103... Look what you have started :laughing:

Totally agree :)

FussyElmo
21-08-2013, 10:46 AM
I have said no once today and that was to answer my dd. Mummy are you enjoying that - no honey I hate ironing. Couldn't bear the thought of her learning ironing is fun :-D

Supernanny86
21-08-2013, 12:54 PM
I have said no once today and that was to answer my dd. Mummy are you enjoying that - no honey I hate ironing. Couldn't bear the thought of her learning ironing is fun :-D

I think that's a positive no though!!! :)

Chatterbox Childcare
21-08-2013, 02:33 PM
Well here I am, been working since 8am and that is 7.5 hours and I have said no "nil times". Go me :)

FussyElmo
21-08-2013, 02:48 PM
Well here I am, been working since 8am and that is 7.5 hours and I have said no "nil times". Go me :)

:clapping::clapping::clapping:

I have said it once :D

Bumble Beez
21-08-2013, 04:30 PM
Go Debbie...you win!! :thumbsup:

westbrom44
21-08-2013, 06:32 PM
I think it is a matter of trying to say things in a positive way such as, remember to walk as opposed to no running (in the house) or be kind instead of no hitting.
I don't say no very often.

Bumble Beez
21-08-2013, 06:39 PM
Well from now on... its going to be my challenge to not say no as much as I obviously do now...

I am determined to shake the bad habit of saying no :)

My tally in the end was 17... Not too bad, but still not good!

Sarah x

Samijanec
21-08-2013, 07:35 PM
I think it was a learning curve for us all...

Chatterbox Childcare
21-08-2013, 07:56 PM
It was a good test and made me realise the positive mood I was in today. Now for tomorrow :)

It did also show that my training was worth doing - behaviour management.

SYLVIA
21-08-2013, 08:13 PM
Do you know I have spent the last hour listening to myself and I hardly say "no".

I am more likely to say "please don't do that because and explain why" or if it is no I say "no we don't do that because". Of course a sharp "no" is used but I tend to say it when I want someone to stop quickly and a raised voice with "no x" tends to do the trick

I agree with the use of "no" in these situations. Sometimes it gets their attention so you can explain why you're saying it.

TooEarlyForGin?
21-08-2013, 08:21 PM
When I attended a behaviour training, many moons ago, one thing stuck in my mind. Most children apparently focus on only a few words, the last one being the main one, such as "please stop running" child hears running, we were told to turn it around and say firmly "walk slowly", this is quite effective, and also showed that young children switch off very quickly when adults go into long explanations, only understanding 2-3 words at a time.

MessybutHappy
21-08-2013, 08:51 PM
When I attended a behaviour training, many moons ago, one thing stuck in my mind. Most children apparently focus on only a few words, the last one being the main one, such as "please stop running" child hears running, we were told to turn it around and say firmly "walk slowly", this is quite effective, and also showed that young children switch off very quickly when adults go into long explanations, only understanding 2-3 words at a time.

I'm guilty of over explaining, that advice may well help me to be more to the point...although my shortest response (no) is now not allowed?!!!

I do remember being told to make things positive, so instead of don't snatch try 'please ask' or 'your turn next'.

SYLVIA
22-08-2013, 08:02 AM
I remember on a workshop also being told to use a positive instead of a negative such as try and keep the water in the cup instead of don't spill it. I was also told the children don't hear the first word you say.

watgem
22-08-2013, 09:58 AM
just to throw a spanner in the works, can we sign "no" ? then technically we're not saying it lol:laughing::laughing::laughing:

Jiorjiina
22-08-2013, 11:42 AM
When I attended a behaviour training, many moons ago, one thing stuck in my mind. Most children apparently focus on only a few words, the last one being the main one, such as "please stop running" child hears running, we were told to turn it around and say firmly "walk slowly", this is quite effective, and also showed that young children switch off very quickly when adults go into long explanations, only understanding 2-3 words at a time.

I was told this too, and I have to say it is pretty effective. I still say 'no', and quite a lot sometimes, because some of my mindees are still too young to understand an explanation, but they do understand a single word. I think they just get confused if I talk as them to explain why.

JCrakers
22-08-2013, 12:14 PM
I don't use 'no' a lot. I do use it for babies who are about to touch my sky box :D I just say No and move them away.

For older children I do tend to say things like...

Excuse me, can you stop hitting Lewis on the head with that toy
We do not do that do we? That is going to hurt him
We're not going to the park just yet, I thought we might do a bit of painting first and then we will go out
We don't put pieces of uneaten apple down the sofa do we?
Lets not throw bricks at my glass doors because you might break the glass

I also say things like

Right...... who's fighting?
Ermmmmmm...... Is that a good idea?

:thumbsup: