Advise to help settle baby (11 months)

[jazzyjenbo]

Hi
I would appreciate any tips you may have to settle the baby I am currently introducing into my setting and also advise on some slightly worrying development issues I have observed. .. See what you think and whether I'm being over cautious on the development bits.

I started a new 11 month old (birthday 10th sept) into my setting last monday doing mon-wed. I have previously had 3 meetings with the parents bringing baby to my setting and meeting my hubby, and my just 1yr old and 2 yr old.
Started on monday at 9am, just did morning, mum collected before lunch.. No problem.
Tuesday.. Cried when mum left (expected) but then settled, my baby (crawling) bumped into her and that was it.. The screaming, crying, was horrendous, just wanting to be picked up, but still wont settle.. Stayed for lunch
Wednesday.. Screaming and balling.. Wants to come to me for comfort and will settle on my lap but as soon as i move or need to put her down to look after the other children she screams and balls again.
I sit on the floor with the children, sit her on my lap and she will still cry, if i sit up on a chair she is fine.
I spoke to the parents about separation anxiety and they by their own admission admit they have 'molly coddled' her... Pass her all toys, pick her up at first cry, etc.
Now this leads to the development problems i have observed. She is a huge baby, approx 25lb i would say, weighs more than my 2 yr old neway. She has poor tone and seems to struggle passing objects from hand to hand, doesn't hold eye contact with me, isnt interested in other children. She can bum shuffle a little bit but if i lie her down to change she will just continue to lie their and not roll over or nethin.
I saw the parents in the park last week carrying her in a babycarrier facing towards them (i've not got nethin against baby carriers but surely on back or forward facing by 11 months).
Also mum is b/f, and uses this as a comforter but doesnt want to express so i can give her milk. No bottle or dummy.


Sorry to ramble, just a little concerned as i've never had such persistent crying when settling a baby and i've settled lots over the last few years.
She just wants to be held all the time, which i just cannot do.
Added to this the development issues i'm really worried. I know they all develop at different rates but looking at my trackers she isnt hitting key milestones.

Any similar experiences would be helpful.. What did you do??

[emma04]

Firstly.....I sympathise!!

Development issues are most likely down to the way she is (for the want of better words) "Molly coddled" at home.
If lo is not given the chance to do age appropriate things for herself, then she will not be challenged and this will lead to delays in her development, in comparison to others (I know we don't "compare" but we DO!) This doesn't mean she can't do things, just that she won't or is used to having things done for her.

As for the screaming and bawling, this needs to be dealt with on par with parental agreement.
This child is now in a childcare setting and is not número uno!!! Lo needs to understand this gradually by you persevering with a slow retreat.

Over a period of a few weeks, gradually distance yourself from lo, but always in close proximity at first. When you start leaving the room sing a nursery rhyme so that lo can hear you!

Only pick up when child is happy/quiet and rather than pick up when upset, get down to her level and distract with anything! Toy/book/crisp packet!! Lol

Limit lap time and carry time to necessary situations when possible ie story, tired, taking to bed etc.

This will all only work if you and parents are willing to accept tears! If either one if you is against the child crying, it will never work and you will need to decide how long you are able to meet lo's demands, before it affects others and your sanity!!

I sympathise because I had a parent who had smothered their child so much (even though they knew they would be retuning to work!) the lo found the whole thing very difficult and cried A LOT!!

I explained the whole process to mum, but she wasn't prepared for her lo to be upset at any point and thought it was my job to pacify children so that they never got upset!!! Yes, a possibility for a nanny caring for either 1 child or siblings, but not for a childminder I'm afraid!

Said parent gave notice, I continued with my way of doing things (no choice, 4 week notice period* and 3 others to care for) and lo settled on the 2nd week of notice period, by which time it was too late and has now been shipped off to nursery!

* I offered to remove the notice period, but mum was happy with my care and needed to find an alternative!! (There's a contradiction there somewhere!!)

[sarah707]

Some children struggle to settle and it's nothing you are doing wrong, they just don't for whatever reason take to their environment.

If you are having serious concerns then it's best to speak up during the settling in period - explain to parents that lo is struggling and extend it a few weeks.

If you can't continue then be honest about it. Only you know your breaking point.

Hugs xx

[tigwig]

I feel your pain! I had a just turned 14mth old start 3 weeks ago. He also screams until I pick him up, hates others round him and cant stand my oh lol! Plus he's only just started teething and has at least 4 coming through at once. This is the last week in his setting in period and even after calpol for the pain he screamed non stop for over an hour after arrival. I actually decided there and then to phone mum and say I cant do this anymore until I had the phone in my hand and he suddenly stopped! It was so strange. I then didnt make that call and after he had had a sleep he had the best afternoon so far. So I will perservere.... for now! In your case if you are honest with mum and explain you can't hold her all the time see what her reaction is and take it from there. I think the key in working out if they will eventually settle is seeing small improvements. Although I had one who literally didnt stop screaming no matter what and it took months. But even she settled! Good luck:)

[jazzyjenbo]

Thanks everyone for the hints and tips..

End of week 2 today and another mixed week, monday lots of crying, tue much better and less clingy (break through i thought!!) today back to crying.

Mum and dad know that I cannot and will not pick her up at every cry and like you said i have been getting down to her level and giving lots of praise when shes not crying. One of the other LO gets very upset with all the crying so had my hands full this week.

But will continue and see how we go.. As far as the development goes, i've started a tracker already and have shared this with m&d so they hav a visual representation if what she has shown me she can do so far... I asked then today about if she can say any basic sounds mama dada caca tata (11 1/2 months!!) answer No she doesn't make much sound.
So in my daily diary I have asked them to.. Try and let her bum shuffle to toys, dont pass them to her. Work on basic words, mama! Try not to pick her up at first little cry.

Lets see if it sinks in!!

I'll update nxt week!

[emma04]

Great to see your partnership with parents! Think you're doing a grand job. Good luck and take the rough with the smooth and hopefully the smooth will shine through x

[jackie 7]

Oh that screaming!!! We all know how terrible that is. Keep going and if you are worried extend the settling in period. As for development you might be surprised how fast she catches up with the other children around. I had one who would lie on her back for ages and I timed her one day. Oh yes she was 14 months. Parents didn't encouraged her to move.