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Mrsh3103
31-07-2013, 10:13 PM
Has anyone got any advice in this? I've had an enquiry from a family. Their daughter has selective mutism! I've done a bit of research but I could do with some advice from someone who has looked after a child with this before.
I'm going to do my first visit with the family at their house, I suggested it might be better for her to initially meet me somewhere where she is comfortable & where she can leave the room if it gets too much (she is also incredibly shy).

Any advice would be gratefully received :)

jackie 7
31-07-2013, 11:36 PM
I had a boy who had/has it. When he started with me he was 1.um was very shy and didn't take him anywhere. In the playground I saw her hold his hand to keep him safe! She would lift him out of the way of other children. At playgroups he would cry all the time he wouldn't talk infrint of anyone new. I had discussions with mum and she just said he was like her introverted. Then blamed his lack of speech on speaking Spanish at home. Then she heard him shout laugh and talk with the others. Gran said move to daycare he will soon speak. 8 months now since he started and he still doesn't say a word. Day care have just decided he needs 1 to 1. When he comes now I tell him to use his words. Ask at childrens center if you can talk to the speech therapist. I would pretend sometimes to give him the wrong thing if he didn't ask. Give her time and encourage her gently. It will take a while but in a quiet setting she is more likely to start to use words.

mpullen17387
01-08-2013, 05:52 AM
My son follows the same symptoms as this but undiagnosed.. I have been frustrated at the fact at home he shouts and screams along with the rest, but at school he dosnt say a word to anyone.. He has been there a year and they have never forced him to speak, but they will still talk directly to him. On the last day of term his teacher came out nearly wetting herself as he came out with two whispered words to her!.. Massive achievement for him, thankfully he has her in September too so hopefully his confidence will grow and be better next year!

Give the child time and plenty of it, always be relaxed around them as its anxiety driven and include them in everything still. It will make observations harder if not impossible but perseverance is key xxx

QualityCare
01-08-2013, 09:52 AM
A friend of my sons has this she chats normally at home but doesn't speak once out of the home even to her parents, my advice would be to talk to her as you would any one else, like our friend there are probably signs and gestures he uses to portray what he needs to say. Speech therapy or child psychology may be involved. As she got older our friend would whisper to one or two close friends at school she took part in all school plays and her first speaking part was amazing as no one had heard her voice before she had recorded her lines at home and they were played at the appropriate time.

Ripeberry
01-08-2013, 11:51 AM
I was a bit like this as a child. I had to deal with two languages at the same time and there were problems at home. So when I was at school or out and about I found it easier just to stay quiet. Then we moved back to the UK as a young teenager and I grew out of it a bit, but of course then people would mock my quiet voice, so I would stay quiet again so they could not mock me or ask me to 'speak up'.
I'm still very shy in large crowds but nothing like when I was a child :)

Mrsh3103
01-08-2013, 12:16 PM
This will be the 1st time her mum has left her with anyone since she was about 1. They don't have any family living close by so her & her husband only get to go out individually. She doesn't work because of it but needs to go back as they can't continue for much longer on ads wages. Her daughter has massive panic attacks if she goes anywhere new or meets new people. To begin with I will just be introduced as a friend of mum & dad. I will be going to their house & just hanging about, playing with the other 2 children. Then gradually they will start leaving her with me. To begin with they will just leave the room, then leave the house for 5 mins, pop to the shops for 20mins etc until she can be left without a panic attack. Then they will bring her to my house & do the same. Mum thinks this will probably take a couple of months before she can leave her with me for a decent amount of time.

I really want to help this family, mum seems exhausted. Lo starts school next September & mum wants her ready (or as ready as she'll ever be)

Buttonsjan
01-08-2013, 05:07 PM
It sounds like a fab settling in plan. I worked with an older chid with this, with him it was all about bing in a safe place or with safe people to be able to talk. Have you looked into communication cards?

Mrsh3103
01-08-2013, 06:10 PM
What are communication cards? I don't really know much about it. I had a little Internet search last night but didn't really come up with much.

amylouise867
01-08-2013, 07:04 PM
Hey Hun,

I have had experience in working with children who have a selective mute.

Do you have any other children in your setting?? One of the children I had would talk fine with peers but wouldn't talk to adults initially.

My biggest advice would be to not put any pressure on her to talk by asking open questions which require an answer as this will no doubt make her stressed and become even more withdrawn.

As mentioned in the post below communication cards....

I used Communication In Print to make alot of my support for the LOs I have worked with. It's pricey but worth every penny. I think the licence is around £100.

But you can make endless resources.

I would advise to -

begin with literally a picture for example a picture of a toilet, a drink, a snack etc and keep them on a card (i used to Velcro mine on a display at their reach). I would explain to them 'if you ever need the toilet if you find the picture on here and bring it to me I will know you need to go to the toilet' etc (make sure they are always in the same place).

It may take them a while to get the confidence to do this but it really is a fantastic start.

You could demo this by going to the board taking off the picture of the toilet showing her and saying 'come on let's go and see if we need the toilet' pointing to the picture before returning it to the board etc.

It will take her a while to settle but the rewards will be beyond words!

Praise carefully and often. If your praise is too over the top she may become too embarrassed. She will need gentle encouragement and reassurance so for example if she brings you the card of the toilet for the first time after weeks of demoing its a massive achievement but hold back and just be to the point (I know how hard this is as you want to jump for joy when progress like this is made...)

For example:
"Well done for bringing me the card lets go to the toilet"

Then maybe after you've been:
"Thank you for bringing me the card it was very helpful! You did great!"

If she was to ever make an odd word or murmur while she was with u again don't show how much of a big deal this is.

I do have Communicate in Print 2 (CIP) I think you can check out their things on a site called widget. I would be happy to help u out here if u needed an odd thing or two.

Also be tactful what you say and how you say things to parents in front of little one it maybe a good idea to keep a diary or maybe say in front of little one - "we have had a good day mom and enjoyed some painting today" etc (be to the point) and then maybe speak to mom on the phone afterwards if needed to share any achievements throughout the day.

One thing I have found is they don't tend to like being the centre of attention and don't like their achievements made a big deal until they are more confident etc.

Any questions I'm here if you want to talk :)
I do tend to babble sometimes when I'm posting away :)

All the best!!
It will be a great adventure and you will get such a buzz from progress made with her!! :) xxx

Mrsh3103
01-08-2013, 09:36 PM
Thank you :) I'm getting a lot of very different answers on the Internet so your advice is great!

Some websites say to ask the child questions, pause for a moment, if no communication. Carry on with the sentence.
Others say only ever ask questions where they can either nod or shake their head.
Others say sometimes its best to ignore them completely (I don't know how anyone could ignore a child)

It's going to take a very long time. I'm going over a couple of evenings a week & the odd weekend until she comfortable with me.
Her mum thinks it could even be January before she's ready to be left for a whole day.

Mouse
01-08-2013, 10:24 PM
My friend's son was a selective mute. He spoke normally at home, but didn't utter a word out of the house. He could never really explain why and this went on until he was 16.
He then moved to a new school, where no one knew him, and he went in talking on the very first day. He's still quiet now, but goes out with friends & socialises quite happily - something he'd never do before.

It gave my friend years of worry, but he got there in the end.

Have your parents sought advice about the mutism and panic attacks?

amylouise867
01-08-2013, 11:12 PM
Thank you :) I'm getting a lot of very different answers on the Internet so your advice is great!

Some websites say to ask the child questions, pause for a moment, if no communication. Carry on with the sentence.
Others say only ever ask questions where they can either nod or shake their head.
Others say sometimes its best to ignore them completely (I don't know how anyone could ignore a child)

It's going to take a very long time. I'm going over a couple of evenings a week & the odd weekend until she comfortable with me.
Her mum thinks it could even be January before she's ready to be left for a whole day.

No lovely ignoring them will make them feel so undervalued and unimportant :( it will make them go more and more inside their shell.

Asking them direct questions which need a response ie nodding etc comes in time.

I've worked with a great speech and language therapist over the last 8 years and we always agree that basic picture ques is such a great way to start.

It adds no anxiety, no stress, no upset. It's a system that's there to help her voice her needs in a way she will begin to feel comfortable with.

If you start with the basic ques to help support her basic needs (toilet, drink, snack etc) then go on to build on this.

I had a large bank of communication cards in the end and they will help support many activities too.

Once the child builds that trusting relationship up with you and they feel comfortable and the system of communication cards has worked a treat you can start moving on to the questions that require basic responses - nodding, shaking head, thumbs up/down and so on but this is only when the child is ready.

Find out her likes and dislikes.

I worked with a child once who wouldn't say a word to anyone, however he loved a particular room and we would go in there for 10-15 min sessions and he would quite literally bounce off the walls, screaming in enjoyment - I couldn't believe my eyes and ears! It was like having a different child!!

At first we began by free play for a few weeks where I would sometimes take something in the room with me and appear busy. I wasn't of course but I didn't want to make him feel any pressure. This was his time in a space he felt comfortable, safe, secure and a place he found he could release.

Then after a couple of weeks I would try to join in with the games and activities he would choose. Sometimes he would be happy for me to and other times not so and he would let me know by his body language if he didn't want me to - his mute would come straight back then too and this was always ok. I would just step back again and give him the space.

Once he became more and more comfortable with me I began to introduce set activities explaining to him before hand that yes we are going to the room but I need you to do this this and this before we can play. I made this very visual by using timers to begin with.

Before long we had a great trusting relationship. He felt comfortable with me and the systems in place and it was now time to try and develop more on this....

I began by keeping the door closed, once I had reached the stage above with him I began leaving the door open. I monitored him discreetly. He was always fine with this step. (If he became anxious I would have always taken a step back and shut the door and tried it again at a later stage).

We did this for a couple of weeks before progressing again.

I would ask somebody else to come in and have a little discussion with me about something during the free play time after his activity. He carried on as normal as if no one was there.

I would leave something just outside the room and ask him to go and collect and he would no problem. I would sometimes make a mistake "Did I ask you to get the yellow ball for me?" he would reply - sometimes with "yes" other times a nod of the head and I would reply -"Ohh silly me, I'm sorry it's the red ball I need" he would find this amusing.

We started doing our planned activities outside the room with him knowing that once he was finished we would go to his favourite place for free play.

over time he became comfortable not only in this room but also the hallway outside, anywhere else the mute would kick back in again, but this was fine we were moving forward and I knew it would just take time.

Ask mom if she has seen a doctor about this. How old is little one??
The doctor may have some recommendations or look at referring her. Maybe if mom explains that she is coming to you and you would like to put some things in place to help her but would like some guidance/advice.

Hope this helps a little xxxx

amylouise867
01-08-2013, 11:20 PM
As I said if you would like me to send you through some some basic communication cards (let me know what words you want and I will make them) there are coloured borders to these cards too so let me know the colour you would like and I have no problems forwarding them on to you.

Amy :) xxx

Mrsh3103
02-08-2013, 06:15 AM
Thank you Amy :)

I'm meeting with them Saturday afternoon so I will find out more then. She said its been diagnosed so I guess they'll be getting help?
I would love some of the communication cards if you don't mind. I'll have a chat with mum on say & see what they've already got in place & what words she thinks would help.
I'll keep you updated :)

Samcat
02-08-2013, 09:28 AM
I went to a workshop put on by our LA called Supporting Quiet Children with Michael Jones - fascinating, he knows his stuff.
This is his website and he's written several books on how to support children who are called selectively mute or very shy and quiet.
Talk4Meaning - Supporting children's language, communication and learning (http://www.talk4meaning.co.uk)

Mrsh3103
02-08-2013, 09:51 AM
Thanks samcat :) I'll have a look later when I won't get distracted :)

kellyskidz!
02-08-2013, 12:01 PM
Have you read the Torey Hayden books and her research?
She's done a lot of work with elective mutes and her work is really interesting, and usually a good read too xx

Mrsh3103
02-08-2013, 03:58 PM
I'll see if I can get them on my kindle. Thanks :)

Samijanec
02-08-2013, 04:14 PM
Wow I've never heard of this, something I will be googling though, just in case. Xx

amylouise867
02-08-2013, 10:27 PM
I went to a workshop put on by our LA called Supporting Quiet Children with Michael Jones - fascinating, he knows his stuff.
This is his website and he's written several books on how to support children who are called selectively mute or very shy and quiet.
Talk4Meaning - Supporting children's language, communication and learning (http://www.talk4meaning.co.uk)

I will have a look at this too
Always great to read new things
Thanks for sharing :) x

amylouise867
03-08-2013, 09:33 PM
Here's a useful leaflet I have just found after some training I went on a while back called expression matters.

Encouraged speaking & listening in the early years - time to talk.

Some ties in to working with children who have selected mute.

If I come across anymore I shall let you know :) xx

Mrsh3103
03-08-2013, 10:11 PM
Wow. That's fantastic, thank you :)

I was meant to meet the family today but the lo had a rather bad panic attack this morning so mum didn't think it was a good idea to introduce me so soon after a bad episode. I hope I get to meet them soon :(

CLL
04-08-2013, 07:32 AM
There is a great guy who does workshops and seminars. I have been to one and found it useful. Check out his website talk4meaning.

amylouise867
04-08-2013, 10:41 PM
Wow. That's fantastic, thank you :)

I was meant to meet the family today but the lo had a rather bad panic attack this morning so mum didn't think it was a good idea to introduce me so soon after a bad episode. I hope I get to meet them soon :(

No problem x

Will post other things to you if I come across anymore :)

Keep us posted - it will be interesting to find out how you find little one an the family.

Be interesting to see/hear how her family are with her and different things they try and do. xx