Good food

[charlottenash]

I provide healthy homecooked meals in the evening. Eg spag Bol, cottage pie, mild curry and rice

I have a 3yo who won't eat, only if I give him junk food. Yesterday mum said 'oh he doesn't like the sauce you make so just give him the meat'

I'm not cooking meat separate for anyone if they don't like the sauce, they don't get the meat. It cooks together!

So anyway, this morning we drove past this 3yo old childminders and he said 'oh there is 'bla bla' house, her food was good for me mummy said. I asked what his favourite food was there and he said 'beans on toast' I asked his 2nd favourite 'pizza' and 3rd was chicken nuggets.

I'm just a bit irritated, my son is a fussy eater I know its hard and he will only eat this type of food too, such as pizza etc. he will eat rice and pasta though. But I feel as a childminder I have a responsibility to teach them to healthy eat and the other mindees dive right in and their parents love that they are eating such a wide variety of good food.

Should I allow the 3yo to eat the same food my son does (my son doesn't eat until they go home because I don't want anyone to feel left out) or stick to my guns and put healthy food on his plate?

Also 3yo turned up this morning 'I'm not hungry for breakfast' so I said we would wait 20mins. I find him 5 mins later eating a sweet out of his pocket that mummy had given him! Great! There was one for my son too, so I put this in the boys bag with a note saying my son doesn't eat sweets often so to please refrain from sending them.

Parents are clever people, I don't get it! Not like they are the type to want their kids to eat pizza everyday.

Rant over. Sorry!

[charlottenash]

3yo old childminders*********

[kellyskidz!]

Nope, I did the cooking separate meals thing and it didn't go well.
Kids got jealous (rightly so) and the child I cooked the separate meal for didn't even eat it half of the time anyway!
So I stopped and I admit for nearly a week he ate next to nothing, mum was fine, I think she was glad I was taking charge to be honest because his eating was a joke, only mashed potatoes, beans and quavers.
Mum gave him a variation of these for breakfast dinner and tea everyday :angry:
I put his plate of food out with the same food as everyone else, he pushed it away. The other kids got a dessert and he didn't (how mean do I sound lol?!)
I put fresh fruit on the table and those boxes of raisins set out all day so he could eat when he was hungry
Eventually, he did. He's not a perfect eater now but he's a LOT better and tries everything on his plate. Mum gave me a tip on her fees and said she's not embarrassed about going to family meals or anything now so it does work sometimes with perseverance but it was a wobbly week when I thought is he just going to starve and faint or something!?
The things children do! Sometimes it becomes a power struggle and I was determined not to let it, if he pushed his plate away I ignored it because I suspect he was looking for a reaction
Good luck!!xxx

[charlottenash]

But I don't have mums support, clearly shed rather he just ate junk so he is full up because she's paying for it. They do have the option to send their own food so I guess that will be her other option if he doesn't like mine! I still wouldn't feed him a lot of junk if she sends it because I don't feel it's right.

Sticking to my guns it is :)

[FizzWizz]

It is very difficult with fussy children, especially when they are someone else's as you worry they are hungry without the proper meal.

However, I make it clear that I cook the same healthy meal for everyone each day. I also state that if they want something different for their child then they are happy to provide it as long as it within reason (I have never had to follow this through funnily enough as the meals I provide are included in my fees!)

[Helen79]

I think if the one meal for everyone isn't actually a rule since your own son gets to have a separate meal then it will seem unfair to the parent and mindee that you won't let her son eat what he wants. I think it's unfair on the mindees to say that everyone gets the same meal and you're not going to cook different meals even if you're cooking something that you know that they really don't like, but then cook your own son a separate meal.

Could you do a compromise and not cook meals with sauces when he's there. So things like meat, quiche, fish fingers with veg and potatoes/rice/pasta.

[CLL]

I think if the one meal for everyone isn't actually a rule since your own son gets to have a separate meal then it will seem unfair to the parent and mindee that you won't let her son eat what he wants. I think it's unfair on the mindees to say that everyone gets the same meal and you're not going to cook different meals even if you're cooking something that you know that they really don't like, but then cook your own son a separate meal.

Could you do a compromise and not cook meals with sauces when he's there. So things like meat, quiche, fish fingers with veg and potatoes/rice/pasta.

If her son eats when mindees have gone home I don't see a problem with this. I don't make my family eat the same meals as mindees, we eat a fresh home cooked meal after they have all gone. A nursery or school would not cook a separate meal without the sauce for fussy eaters either, and they have kitchen staff. My son is a fussy eater so I give him a packed lunch. I would discuss it with mum, if she wants to send a healthy home cooked meal for you to heat up or a healthy packed lunch then I would do that.

[jackie 7]

This made me think about my policies. I don't have a healthy food policy. I do cooked lunch and tea will be things like sandwiches eggs toast fish fingers etc. will try home made pizza after my holidays.

[charlottenash]

My son doesn't eat when they are here because I agree it isn't fair and I like to sit down and eat with him to have a chat about the day etc.

I can bring my sons dinner time forward and feed this 3yo the same as my son, but I don't think it's right. What my son eats is my choice as a parent, what mindees eat is a professional decision and I advertise a healthy wide range of foods.

I won't be changing my own dinner to exclude things mindees don't like such as sauce that's for sure! It's one way or the other, and I think I will stick to my healthy eating.

[charlottenash]

I think if the one meal for everyone isn't actually a rule since your own son gets to have a separate meal then it will seem unfair to the parent and mindee that you won't let her son eat what he wants. I think it's unfair on the mindees to say that everyone gets the same meal and you're not going to cook different meals even if you're cooking something that you know that they really don't like, but then cook your own son a separate meal.

Could you do a compromise and not cook meals with sauces when he's there. So things like meat, quiche, fish fingers with veg and potatoes/rice/pasta.

No I could not change my meal to fish fingers, quiche or plain meat. This is what me and my family have to eat, and I won't stop cooking beautiful meals to suit one child. It's these meals, or unhealthy food. Simple. I feel unhealthy meals is unprofessional.

[supermumy]

I'm confused and sorry of this comes wrong?

1. Mindee has to eat dinner alone? As you and ur own son eat t different time
2. Ur ok to cook your son pizza fish fingers ect but expect mindee to eat home cooked food when he doesn't even eat sauce etc at home?

Maybe I've read it wrong? Sorry if I have I'm cooking myself at same time


Fish fingers etc can be a good dinner balanced with a little veg or salad or salad on side

[kellib]

Fish fingers, pizza etc don't have to be unhealthy, you could make your own if you feel that strongly about it. Mindee could help which might encourage him to eat more, I always find that when my mindees help to make lunch/dinner they always eat more of it because they made it :)

[FussyElmo]

I'm confused and sorry of this comes wrong?

1. Mindee has to eat dinner alone? As you and ur own son eat t different time
2. Ur ok to cook your son pizza fish fingers ect but expect mindee to eat home cooked food when he doesn't even eat sauce etc at home?

Maybe I've read it wrong? Sorry if I have I'm cooking myself at same time


Fish fingers etc can be a good dinner balanced with a little veg or salad or salad on side

The way Im reading it is that all the mindees eat together and then they as a family sit down and eat.

[Bumble Beez]

The way Im reading it is that all the mindees eat together and then they as a family sit down and eat.

That's how I read it too Fussy x
I tried all eating together and I found it didn't work as my boys wanted to sit down and eat with just me and dad :) so we eat slightly later.

Sarah x

[jackie 7]

That is how i read it. It is family time. Very important.

[kellyskidz!]

The way Im reading it is that all the mindees eat together and then they as a family sit down and eat.

Yeah I read it that way too.
We do the same as a family, the kids have a cooked lunch and light tea, then my partner comes home from work and cooks us our family tea for me, him and our daughter, (yes he's an alien lol)
My daughter doesn't eat with the other kids when they have their tea but she does usually sit with them and have a drink or some raisins
It works that way for us and I wouldn't change it to suit a fussy eater, family meals are important and since my oh is already at work when we have breakfast and lunch, and my dd is at school for lunch dinner time is our time to chat and catch up on each others day.
My mum always put emphasis on eating together once a day and I do too :)

[Amandak28]

I would try making your own chicken nuggets and fish nuggets they are healthy eps as its one or two ingredients.. And you can use salmon and mackerel both oily fish full of the omega vitamins.

Just make your own sweet potato or carrot wedges to go with it.

How about looking to change your menu for a week and see how it goes? There is lots of things you can do without a sauce.
Roast chicken, roast gammon. And probably healthier then things that are processed.
If its just the sauces causing issues isn't it better to stop using them for a week just so you can see if infact its that or something else?

Worth exhausting all possibilities i think. Mum might not have to be so sly then?
Compromise can sometimes be a good thing :-) xx

[Helen79]

Parents are clever people, I don't get it! Not like they are the type to want their kids to eat pizza everyday.

I don't get why you're being so critical of them as parents when it's exactly what you're doing with your own son. As a mum who has a fussy eater who eats a different meal to the rest of the family everyday and eats the same type of food as the mindee you might be a little more understanding to their situation.

I think if you're so against changing your meal plans to include his genuine likes and dislikes then it's probably best to tell mum that you can't provide him with an evening meal and for her to feed him once he gets home.
It's so difficult to cater for a child who is fussy but mum has told you that he will eat meat just not in a sauce. Many children don't like sauces on food or food that's mixed together. You're not going to be able to please every child every night with a meal e.g I make peas and carrots, some kids will eat the carrots, some will only eat the peas and some will eat or none but they have a choice, if he really dislikes sauce on food then he isn't even able to pick the bits that he does like out.

I wasn't suggesting that you change your total meal plans but maybe just some nights of the week. There's plenty of healthy meals that don't include sauces. If you're doing a chicken curry, once you've fried the chicken then just take a small portion out before you add the sauce and serve it plain with some rice for him or with a cottage pie just take some of the mince out before adding the gravy and save some of the mash before putting it on the top.

If your own child was going to a childminders what would you like them to do with mealtimes if they're fussy and don't like the childmninder's food? Would you hope that they might be a it flexible with meals to include your child's likes/dislikes.

[supermumy]

I don't get why you're being so critical of them as parents when it's exactly what you're doing with your own son. As a mum who has a fussy eater who eats a different meal to the rest of the family everyday and eats the same type of food as the mindee you might be a little more understanding to their situation.

I think if you're so against changing your meal plans to include his genuine likes and dislikes then it's probably best to tell mum that you can't provide him with an evening meal and for her to feed him once he gets home.
It's so difficult to cater for a child who is fussy but mum has told you that he will eat meat just not in a sauce. Many children don't like sauces on food or food that's mixed together. You're not going to be able to please every child every night with a meal e.g I make peas and carrots, some kids will eat the carrots, some will only eat the peas and some will eat or none but they have a choice, if he really dislikes sauce on food then he isn't even able to pick the bits that he does like out.

I wasn't suggesting that you change your total meal plans but maybe just some nights of the week. There's plenty of healthy meals that don't include sauces. If you're doing a chicken curry, once you've fried the chicken then just take a small portion out before you add the sauce and serve it plain with some rice for him or with a cottage pie just take some of the mince out before adding the gravy and save some of the mash before putting it on the top.

If your own child was going to a childminders what would you like them to do with mealtimes if they're fussy and don't like the childmninder's food? Would you hope that they might be a it flexible with meals to include your child's likes/dislikes.

I've got to agree

[karensmart4]

I think you have to look at it from the point of.... if it were your child going to a cm and what rules were being impemented! would you be happy if they gave your child food that he doesn't like each day!!

I'm not picking on you but I think you should look at the wider picture :)

My son was a fussy eater and a friend of mine tried to get him to 'man up' when he wouldn't eat scouse... my son never wanted to go to their house again, he was 5yrs old and he's 26 now and still remembers it!

I would rather find things that he does like and do a healthy version.

[charlottenash]

Ok I should explain myself better:

At 4.30 all my mindees eat together. They eat a healthy homecooked meal

When mindees have gone we as a family eat the same food, but my son will have say fish fingers and rice rather than curry and rice.

What I do with my son I see as irrelevant. It is ky choice as a parent, if he went to a CM he would be living by their rules and thats tough luck. i would pick a CM that suits his lifestyle as much as possible, this family saw my menu before securing their place. I could bring my sons dinner time forward and give mindee the same food that's the only reason he was relevant in the discussion.

I feel that's unfair, my son loves family time when mindees have gone, and this is very important to us.

My mindees are happy with the healthy food except this child, so should I then allow them to eat what I class as unhealthy food, and make their parents upset or allow them to all eat different meals causing me no end of headache?

To clarify, this mindee eats similar food that I cook at home, but at his previous childminders ate fish fingers, pizza, pancakes etc. he is in the habit and feels that I'm the 'boring' one because I feed him healthy food. Mum just wants him full up so she can put him to bed when she collects.

To be honest all this discussion has done is confirmed what I already felt, all mindees will continue to eat their meal at 4.30 and meals will remain the same. I will eat what I like with my family when they have left.

[charlottenash]

I cook curry over a matter of hours, from scratch, there's no frying chicken and throwing sauce on it.

He won't even eat a chicken pie because it has gravy inside, his mum said this was his favourite food.

I am not critical of them as parents, I just feel that this was an issue they could have bought up originally either face to face, when they saw my menu or in the all about me book when I ask about specific dislikes and things their not keen on eating, if I sent my son to a CM the main issue would be food and something I would discuss in detail.

[charlottenash]

Gosh I can't believe people are implying I should change my whole families diet and other mindees diets for the sake of one child, absolutely nuts. I'm no longer going to comment, regretting opening the topic altogether!

[kellib]

Gosh I can't believe people are implying I should change my whole families diet and other mindees diets for the sake of one child, absolutely nuts. I'm no longer going to comment, regretting opening the topic altogether!

Not saying a change of diet but introducing a few different meals wouldn't do any harm, he might just be bored of pies etc by now?

[charlottenash]

We have a 4 week rotation of completely different foods.

[Amandak28]

Gosh I can't believe people are implying I should change my whole families diet and other mindees diets for the sake of one child, absolutely nuts. I'm no longer going to comment, regretting opening the topic altogether!

You asked for advise we have given it.
Obviously if the majority have suggested tweaking your menu its surely worth a try?
Why else would you ask?

And i think you have answered your own question by saying you would find someone who would meet your own sons food needs... Maybe you should be doing the same for this child.

Parents have said he doesnt like sauce so why do you continue to give foods like that?

Sorry if i have offended im just viewing my opinion. X

[FussyElmo]

I think what Charlotte is saying is that she was never told of any food issues and is finding it hard feeding him. It is hard when parents tell you they like, for example the chicken pie, and then the child refuses it.

Mmm I dont feed the mindees so im not the best one to advise but could you not in your 4 week menu let all the children choose a meal they want in the menu. You could give them a list of all the healthy foods you provide and let them pick.

[karensmart4]

I think you have to look at it from the point of.... if it were your child going to a cm and what rules were being impemented! would you be happy if they gave your child food that he doesn't like each day!!

I'm not picking on you but I think you should look at the wider picture :)

My son was a fussy eater and a friend of mine tried to get him to 'man up' when he wouldn't eat scouse... my son never wanted to go to their house again, he was 5yrs old and he's 26 now and still remembers it!

I would rather find things that he does like and do a healthy version.

Would just like to add.... my son did man up!!! he's now a chef in the Marines :clapping:

[primula]

So glad I don't do dinners! just a light tea at 4ish, luckily kids go at 5.15 so can have dinner at home with their families.

[donna porter]

I've had a few fussy eaters in my time but my rule is 'everyone gets the same(within reason ) and if you don't eat your dinner then you don't get desert'! And everyone sits at the table until dinner time has finished. I don't make any fuss , they either eat it or they don't. It's very hard . Any 'treats' that come from home stay in the bag out of reach until after dinner. I have a mindee that sat at the table and didn't eat a thing and said that she would get nuggets and sweets when she got to granny's house!! I get many comments from mums saying 'he/she eats so much at your house'. I had a wee boy request recipes to take home to his mum! Lol I could go on all day but I'll not bore anyone lol

[bindy]

I just give the kids what they like to eat, not always unhealthy but I got so fed up with wasting food. If its OK with parents than its fine by me. I don't charge extra for food and spent so much time creating lovely meals at a great expense for it all to go in the bin! My own child eats vey healthy food so she eats her main meal with me in the evening and a sandwich at lunch. I do offer veg/fruit organic sausages, chicken, fish etc but also fish fingers, dippers, home made pizza. I normally cut new potatoes into slices with a little olive oil in the oven and call them chips! I only give fruit/ yoghurt for pudding so if they don't eat main meal don't mind giving them fruit. I figure its better than having nothing in their tummy. I feel their is only so much you can do, we are not super human!

[AliceK]

I think you are right to continue doing as you are. You are providing healthy balanced home cooked food and for the sake of 1 fussy eater I don't think you should change. My DD is extremely fussy (admittedly due to medical issues / past phobias) and I know that if she were at a childminders unless they were giving her pizza or cheesy pasta she wouldn't eat it. So as a parent I would accept this and feed her when I got her home. It's not such a huge issue for a responsible parent really is it!
I have a mindee who I've had for almost 3 years now. She recently went through a phase of not eating her tea and when mum / dad picked her up she would say she wanted to have dinner with them at home and they'd agree with her. So after wasting loads of food on her I told mum that I would be stopping cooking for her as she was obviously eating at home instead of eating my food and that I would instead give her a snack at tea time. Suddenly mum's attitude changed towards her DD not eating and mum came on board with me and we have just turned a corner and mindee will now usually eat her tea or at least make a good effort with it.
I ask at the beginning when I'm doing the All About Me form if a child has any "genuine" dislikes re food and I will take these into account when I do meal planning but other than that I'm not a café and they all get what I cook.

xxxxx

[jackie 7]

I cook healthy food that most oc the children will eat. I make sure that if a child doesn't eat much at lunch I do more at tea. We all do the best we can and in our own way. We don't always like the responses we get but this is the wonderful thing about this forum. We get honest replies. By looking at the replies we can all review our practices and see if we can adapt the way we do things.

[candy cat]

I don't do meals every night for mindees.... all my parents send food in and it works fine......2 x a week one mum asked if I would cook a fisher finger/nugget meal as mindee is fussy too....Mum sends it in and I cook it and now all the children like this, one even paid an extra hour so her lo could join in :0) I was actually told by a nutritionist that there is nothing wrong with fish fingers new potatoes and peas......it is actually a good meal for children. If it's becoming a battle then if I was you I would ask mum to give a list of what he does like and plan meals that all the children like adapting to being healthy/ balanced.....We have family favourites (balanced meals)that I use weekly/fortnightly because it is nice to see them enjoy the food. My daughter is fussy and would not eat the sauce in meatballs and spaghetti, so she has plain spaghetti, meatballs (cooked in sauce) and cheese and broccolli as her favourite veg. Yes we should promote and encourage healthy eating, but not much good if it goes in the bin. ;0)

[Lilylulu]

maybe do a subtle healthy eating menu - home made chicken nuggets, fish, homemade veggie burgers etc. Get the little ones involved in cooking too - all helps to widen the range of foods they eat. Good luck, sounds like you are doing a great job, we have had the odd one fetch a pack up - crisps, an apple (that looked like it was a month old as a token healthy item) and then topped up with cake and chocolate. We persuaded the parents to take advantage of our healthy lunches instead xx

[Buttonsjan]

I do a bit of both really, the ch have the same family meal, but I try to adapt it where possible. Eg putting a bit of curry powder in, taking their chicken out, then adding more for us. Like others if a child hasn't eaten well at lunch I try to offer a favourite meal later.

[Tazmin68]

It can be difficult my oldest son has autism and i have a mindee who is also on spectrum both have sensory issues with food so i do two options and add veg and sauces for others

[nikki thomson]

This is a hard one, can see both sides tbh, my children eat fairly healthily but they don't do sauces unless its a tomato based or cheese/pasta type sauce but then they won't have meat in it, I remember very well as a child having to eat meals I didn't like (I have no idea what that's all about), you have to adapt as a cm and a parent. I don't eat fish at all and if someone put fish in front of me and told me I had to eat it I would be there a very long time, even the smell makes me feel sick eww.
Things like fish fingers and chicken nuggets don't have to be unhealthy, I'm very fussy with what food I buy, I don't buy cheap, so fish fingers are always cod fillet, chicken nuggets are always the fresh 100% breast meat ones and we make our own pizza, served with some home made sweet potato wedges and fresh veg or salad.
The point is it doesn't have to be a home made stew or shepards pie to be healthy, get creative, there's lots of children's cooking books out there get one and get lo to choose some appetising food he likes and can help you prepare sometimes. X

[kellyskidz!]

As my mum says there's far too many fussy eaters nowadays and look at the troubles it's causing. I'm sorry but when we were kids we got a meal put in front of us and if we didn't eat it, that was it. We didn't have any 'phobias' of food because my mum didn't pander to us!
In this instance I agree with Charlotte and I get how frustrating it must be for her to cook healthy balanced nutritious meals and have a child refuse to eat it. It's not poison, or not even that he doesn't like the meals, because she has a 4 weekly meal rota so he can't hate everything.
Also the money side of, it can be so disheartening to cook a meal then have it pushed away without it even being tasted!
Serve fruit through the day so theres something there and if he doesn't eat his meals, no pudding
Same applies if mum provides meals with a dessert, if he doesn't eat that, no dessert either and tell mum this
I think he needs some of my mums treatment lol, eat it or leave it!
As she always says 'there's children starving out there and you're refusing a perfectly good meal'
God, I'm turning into her lol!!

[munch149]

Try apple and chicken balls

Grated apple, stock cube, onion, chicken(blended) all mixed together. Make balls dip in each and roll in breadcrumbs. Shallow fry. The kids love them, slightly healthier and I love them myself too.

[munch149]

Egg not each. Also I would be trying to find foods that work for you, your son and mindees so can all eat the same. Get creative tryin new things

[smurfette]

Try apple and chicken balls

Grated apple, stock cube, onion, chicken(blended) all mixed together. Make balls dip in each and roll in breadcrumbs. Shallow fry. The kids love them, slightly healthier and I love them myself too.

Ooh those sounds yummy will try these!

[Amandak28]

Try apple and chicken balls

Grated apple, stock cube, onion, chicken(blended) all mixed together. Make balls dip in each and roll in breadcrumbs. Shallow fry. The kids love them, slightly healthier and I love them myself too.

Im going to be trying these too! But first i need a blender :-( x

[jackie 7]

Sounds fantastic. Will try them.

[charlottenash]

They sound super yum!

[Samijanec]

Mine get what I make and not what they choose or it would be chicken nuggets every day..

[charlottenash]

Mine get what I make and not what they choose or it would be chicken nuggets every day..

Chicken nuggets? Mine would have ice cream for breakfast, donuts for lunch and chocolate for dinner lol!

[Supernanny86]

Im going to be trying these too! But first i need a blender :-( x

I make the same but for beef burgers. They're yummy!! Also try dipping nuggets in sesame seeds, kids love this too xx

[hectors house]

I do provide a variety of home cooked meals, but you do get to know which child likes which meals so I try not to serve up very often something that I know they hate - I have 3 who come on a Monday who love tuna, sweetcorn & broccoli pasta bake - but have one who hates the tuna - so when I am making it I try to remember to cook a small portion for him without the tuna and just add some chopped up cooked sausage instead.

It is very hard to understand people who don't like sauces and gravy etc - my father in law never ate these on his main meals, hated stews and never had cream on his puddings - I would personally struggle to eat meals without gravy, cheese or parsley sauce etc but I have also minded children who didn't like butter on their sandwiches. We all have different preferences and sometimes we have to be mindful of these preferences.