new child started today, slightly concerned.

[Npg1]

Hi well mum came round yesterday with her 19mth old son. He had just a vest on, no shorts and no shoes. I could see his nappy was bulging. When I picked him up after an hour it leaked on me and smelt. I said I needed shorts and shoes.

I said a trial for 4 weeks so today was his first day. He came in a vest, no socks or shoes. He had a pair of shorts in the bag so I put them on.

He constantly waved his arms, he holds them out to the sides and moves his wrists around in circles. He is going for an eeg on wednesday but mum said they have ruled out autism.

He has only just staryed walking and often crawls, has a dummy so doesnt talk much. Im just looking for advice as only been registered a year and its quite new to me.

Thanks

[christine e]

Have you mentioned shoes? Early days yet regarding development get to know him and start doing observations and see how he fairs. He will be due to have his 2 year check in a few months and that should be your opportunity to share his development with his health visitor when you complete a 2 year old summary.

[serin]

Initially you need to get to know him. Write an intial observation logging his current age band on the development matters. As you do get to know him you can try to work with the parents to get rid of the dummy. I know a few people with mindees that dont use a dummy at the childminders but does at home. I must say though my son is 20 months with a dummy and talks alot with no issues with speech at all so it does not effect everyone in the same way.

[bindy]

I think having a dummy is only one factor of many, for delayed speech, not the sole reason. I looked after a family of boys, all were delayed speech, none had dummies. My nephew had a dummy until he was 3( bad) but spoke in sentences at 16 months.
You will have a better picture once you get to know him. Hope all goes well.

[charlottenash]

At 14 months my son wasn't walking and when he did walk at 15 months he wouldn't wear shoes until he was 19-20 months.

Its been hot so maybe mum is happy for him to go around in a vest? Just mention you can let him out in the sun without a tshirt with sleeves and something on his legs and hope its just a big misunderstanding. :)

[charlottenash]

God I've just seen you said 19 month not 14... *must go to sleep!!!!*

[Mouse]

Obviously there are already concerns if he is going for an EEG. What are they looking at? His delayed development, his arm waving?

I would tackle each issue separately.

Start with shoes and proper clothes. Explain to mum that you need these things every day. Write a lst of items you need. Don't assume she knows what " suitable clothing" means. Spell it out for her - shorts or trousers, tshirt, cardigan or jumper, coat, hat, socs, shoes etc. It could be that he hasn't got any shoes yet if he's only jut started walking. Also say that he needs to come in a clean nappy each day. Like I say, you can't assume mum knows this is necessary. She might thnk it's ok to just get him out of bed and bring him straight to you.

The dummy you can work on slowly. Children are very good at understanding it's ok to have it at home, but not at your house. It might take a bit f time, but they usually figure it out.

As for development, keep watching and observing. I had a mindee who didn't even start crawling until she wax 18 months and didn't walk until she was nearly 2. In all other ways she was on track with development, but was just very slow to walk. Look for things he can do and see how is development is in other areas. Also track his progress. You may find that he hasn't had much stimulation at home, but comes on quickly once you start working with him. Finally, don't be afraid to ask mum what's gong on. You need to know as much as possible so you can help him.

[Npg1]

Thanks everyone that's been really helpful.

Yes mum thinks its ok that he just wears a vest but I would like him to have shorts.

Regarding shoes, she says he wont wear them or socks and he has hidden his shoes and she cant find them. I put a pair of socks on him and he was fine all day.

At mealtimes she leaves his food out all evening until bedtime on the floor to pick but I explained I cant do that. He eats chips and fish fingers! I did make meatballs and rice for him and it went down a treat!

I habe never been in this situation so I hope no one thinks im being critical cos im.really.not, just after advice.

His cup and dummy were full of dirt and so were his finger nails. I gave him one of my cups. His hair is very long and had food caked in it.

As you say hopfully he will gain so much from.being with me. He is a lovely little boy

[vals]

A lot of the things you have said are signs of quite obvious neglect. We have all looked after children where we think there are things the parent should be doing and it can be quite frustrating, but you have said more than that, I would make a written record of everything, with a view to taking it further. It may be that the mum needs support and advice.

[moggy]

Thanks everyone that's been really helpful.

Yes mum thinks its ok that he just wears a vest but I would like him to have shorts.

Regarding shoes, she says he wont wear them or socks and he has hidden his shoes and she cant find them. I put a pair of socks on him and he was fine all day.

At mealtimes she leaves his food out all evening until bedtime on the floor to pick but I explained I cant do that. He eats chips and fish fingers! I did make meatballs and rice for him and it went down a treat!

I habe never been in this situation so I hope no one thinks im being critical cos im.really.not, just after advice.

His cup and dummy were full of dirt and so were his finger nails. I gave him one of my cups. His hair is very long and had food caked in it.

As you say hopfully he will gain so much from.being with me. He is a lovely little boy

There are several causes for concern you have mentioned there (cup and dummy were full of dirt and so were his finger nails, His hair is very long and had food caked in it, she leaves his food out all evening until bedtime on the floor to pick, inappropriate clothing). Re-read your child protection/safeguarding training, reflect on what you know from your training and what you see. I would be keeping a written record for yourself to build a picture. Does it feel like a family who is not coping?

[Npg1]

Thanks. But he seems well loved. Mum was 20mins late last night and didnt even say sorry!

[Npg1]

As I said she came to me on thursday, I contacted her through childcare site. She gave me a deposit and wanted him to start yesterday which he did. I dont know alot about them. Hes coming monday again

[Mrsh3103]

One of the things that was said on my safeguarding training was to look at the parents. If the child is filthy doesn't look cared for etc but the parents are always quite well presented (washed hair, clean nails, clean clothes & shoes) you need to be looking at neglect.
If however, the whole family are scruffy & look unwashed & a bit dirty then it's more likely to be a case of hygiene isn't top of their list like it is for most people.
As others have said, keep a diary of EVERYTHING. How he's dressed, what mum says when she drops/ collects. Anything the child says/does.
Try having a chat with her. Something along the lines of.... It's hard having a child this age isn't it, I remember when my child was this age, I felt complete worn out. How do you feel?
Maybe she's struggling but thinks people will judge her if she speaks about it. If she knows everyone has tough times when their kids are small she might open up?

[kellyskidz!]

As much as I agree with all advice given, especially doing initial observations and telling mum what you expect re suitable clothing etc please don't fall into the trap that I almost fell into where you judge children as being neglected because on one day they come in a little..scruffy looking.
I did this with my first mindee, he was filthy! I thought its his first day you've obviously made no effort, his hair was greasy, he smelt slightly and his top was caked in food and his hands were muddy. I recorded my initial concerns and the seed had been planted in my mind that he was neglected.
As I got to know him I realised how quick I had been to judge, he used to leave my own house in a STATE he was soooo messy, into digging in mud, a messy eater, rubbing leaves and puddle water in his hair. Everytime you cleaned him and put a change of clothes on, you'd turn around and he'd be worse than before lol! He was the messiest child you've ever met. Was he being neglected, no! His mum and dad adored him, as became apparent over the months I got to know the family, if a little lax with scrubbing him up from time to time!
Imagine if I'd reported them after that first visit? They were fantastic parents, and (unlike me) loved seeing him messy as in their words 'you know he's had a good day!)
We put a lot of care into our hygiene (my dd would never have left the house like that) but just because they didn't chase after him with baby wipes every 2 minutes didn't mean they were bad parents at all, they had different standards of hygiene to me, and a differnt way of parenting. The love between the 3 of them was clear, they adored each other and when he left a few weeks ago I was really sad!
I'm not saying your concerns are unfounded, just please get to know this child and his family before you judge them too harshly xx

[bindy]

As much as I agree with all advice given, especially doing initial observations and telling mum what you expect re suitable clothing etc please don't fall into the trap that I almost fell into where you judge children as being neglected because on one day they come in a little..scruffy looking.
I did this with my first mindee, he was filthy! I thought its his first day you've obviously made no effort, his hair was greasy, he smelt slightly and his top was caked in food and his hands were muddy. I recorded my initial concerns and the seed had been planted in my mind that he was neglected.
As I got to know him I realised how quick I had been to judge, he used to leave my own house in a STATE he was soooo messy, into digging in mud, a messy eater, rubbing leaves and puddle water in his hair. Everytime you cleaned him and put a change of clothes on, you'd turn around and he'd be worse than beforemlol! He was the messiest child you've ever met. Was he being neglected, no! His mum and dad adored him, as became apparent over the months I got to know the family, if a little lax with scrubbing him up from time to time!
Imagine if I'd reported them after that first visit? They were fantastic parents, and (unlike me) loved seeing him messy as in their words 'you know he's had a good day!)
I'm not saying your concerns are unfounded, just please get to know this child and his family before you judge them too harshly xx

I think you gave very good advice.

[caz3007]

I would see how things go for a while, keep a record of the things that concern you at the moment and then see how things pan out over a few weeks. We are all different and have different standards.

None of my 3 walked until 18 months, just crawled but there were no problems with any of them and my youngest at 10 is in all the top sets and set to gain higher levels than average in his SATS. But I would be asking mum why he is having the EEG. I would also be jumping on the fact she was 20 mins late and not letting it get out of hand especially if she does it again on Monday. Perhaps she is a little slapdash and things its ok to be late as after all you are at home :mad:

[hectors house]

When you say child just comes in a vest - do you mean a pop under vest? In this weather I would think that is fine for in the house or garden, went to a family party few weeks ago - there were 3 babies ranging in ages from 2 weeks to 5 months - within an hour of being in a hot hall they were all stripped down to pop under vests.

I agree with comments the others have said about not thinking straight away abuse - some people just have different priorities, but don't agree with food being left on floor (he's a child - not a dog) or arriving in a soaking wet nappy.

When I childminded first time round 25+ years ago, I did look after a little boy who now I realise was suffering from emotional abuse and neglect (the child protection training back then only dealt with physical and sexual abuse). My mindee sounded alot like yours - grubby, clothes not changed often always had dummy in his mouth - his mum referred to him as "it" when she picked him up "How has it been today"! I often had to wash him and his clothes if I was going to visit my family - admittedly he was a very grubby little boy - he could get his school shirt filthy in minutes. Family ended up losing their home and leaving in a mobile home in their horses field - the horses and dogs took priority over the child, he had chronic asthma but she wouldn't give up her animals - he was often admitted to hospital. She often would be late to collect him - always with some excuse, car wouldn't start etc.

She did get better with him once he got to about 8 years old - more independent I guess, so as others have said Recognise signs of abuse, Record them and if necessary report them - or at least ask for advice.

[kellyskidz!]

I think you gave very good advice.

Thank you :) I've been in the same situation and really try not to judge too quickly now xx

[ktdg85]

I agree with all these comments, log everything from now, talk to mom and see what she says, approaching one thing at a time. But at the same time don't leave it too long if nothing changes!

[lizduncan72]

Have to say my dd (17 months) has only had a vest on all this last week as its been so hot, and she's been pretty grubby too from messing about in the garden!! As others have said, watch and log everything and act on your concerns if things don't improve

[KatieFS]

What a difficult one. Feel sorry for this chikd, hoping it is something that csn be put right in sone way. Great advice, keep going! Sending hugs and support.

[VeggieSausage]

I always try and do a home visit as part of the settling in process and this is really useful in assessing a family. For example I have had a new lo start this week and he has worn the same clothes all week, the sleeping bag she put in the bag was mega filthy and yuck.....however because I had visited them at home I have no concerns as they are a little scruffy around the edges (as are we) but a very happy easy going family......why not ask to pop over to fill in paperwork and see what happens at home. Also you need to know what the medical issues are if you are to care for him so have a discussion about this. My own youngest dd hated having a bath and so when she was younger we would have a bath on a sunday night and then pretty much leave it until the next week, she was sometimes pretty filthy but happy and not neglected, saved us the torture of bath time!....on reflection who knows what our childminder thought!

[Npg1]

I really apreciate all your advice. He has.turned.up this morning with a bag with some vests in that stink of.smoke. mum has brought. Him shoes but they are baby canvas shoes so no support for him and will get wet and just not suitable. What do I do? Shall I buy him a pair to keep at mine?

Also if she is late tonight what do I say to her?

The home visit sounds a fab idea but all paperwork has been filled out now :(

[Helen79]

Canvas shoes in this weather for a child who has just started walking sound fine, they won't get wet in this weather unless he's playing in the water then maybe let him go bare foot. Maybe ask mum for a spare set of clothes to keep at yours so you can wash them so they don't smell of smoke.

I think you may have to accept that this family just have a different way of doing things to how you may have done things with your children. A vest, no socks and baby shoes would have been normal for my children at that age. In this heat with sweat and suncream on children do collect more dirt especially if they're out playing where it's dry and dusty at the minute.