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View Full Version : do your parents want to see where their children sleep?



Npg1
16-07-2013, 08:48 AM
Have a problem parent who always seems to have something to say. Just moved into a new house and parent has written in diary that she would like to have a look at where her child sleeps tonight....... have posted before about this parent.

ziggy
16-07-2013, 08:51 AM
I did have one parent who asked to see where her children would be sleeping. I didnt have a problem with it and have since always showed new parents.

I have a spare room just for the children but at the time had a cot in my room but was happy to show parent.

Mouse
16-07-2013, 08:52 AM
As a parent, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask to see where a child sleeps.

It does sound as if maybe this parent is being a bit nosy, but I'd show them quickly & leave it at that. Do you have any reason why you don't want to show them?

kellyskidz!
16-07-2013, 08:52 AM
Yes, parents often as me where their child will be going for a nap and I let the see the sleep room, its not a secret. I'd want to know where my daughter was sleeping too, especially when they're young. When they come for a visit I show them the playroom, garden and sleep room since that's where their child will be spending their days. If she's asking to see where she sleeps to pick fault then that's not so good, but I welcome parents asking to look around the whole house because its important to them to know what their child is doing while I'm looking after them xx

charlottenash
16-07-2013, 08:59 AM
Prospective parents see everything in my house, all bedrooms etc. why not? It's nice for them to know.

Npg1
16-07-2013, 10:07 AM
Ok thanks. No I dont have a problem with it at all, just strange how all of a sudden she has asked. I have had thd baby since april and she never asked at the old house. Thanks

Mrsh3103
16-07-2013, 10:08 AM
I give a complete tour of the house even rooms not used for minding. I look at it as if I was leaving my child I'd want to know that there wasn't a room upstairs that is full of 'dodgy' stuff if you know what I mean. :)

Mouse
16-07-2013, 10:14 AM
Ok thanks. No I dont have a problem with it at all, just strange how all of a sudden she has asked. I have had thd baby since april and she never asked at the old house. Thanks

Probably just wanting a nose round your new house then!

When we moved I had a dad come to drop his children off. He walked straight in saying "I've often wondered what these houses are like. I'll have a look round while I'm here!" and headed off upstairs! I told him to come back down as my family were all still in bed and upstairs is private!
I have no problem in showing parents any area where their children will be, but anywhere else is out of bounds.

ziggy
16-07-2013, 10:21 AM
Probably just wanting a nose round your new house then!

When we moved I had a dad come to drop his children off. He walked straight in saying "I've often wondered what these houses are like. I'll have a look round while I'm here!" and headed off upstairs! I told him to come back down as my family were all still in bed and upstairs is private!
I have no problem in showing parents any area where their children will be, but anywhere else is out of bounds.

How very rude, I would be furious if anyone did that!

I am inspected by social services (no ofsted here thankfully) and at last inspection we were told all rooms are now to be looked at even if not registered for minding. Few local minders werent happy about that but didnt bother me.

supermumy
16-07-2013, 10:28 AM
I don't see a problem with this I show parents all of my home even rooms I don't use for cm on visit
Way I see it is if I was leaving my kid their I would wont to know every room ESP where my child sleeps :)

Mouse
16-07-2013, 10:30 AM
How very rude, I would be furious if anyone did that!

I am inspected by social services (no ofsted here thankfully) and at last inspection we were told all rooms are now to be looked at even if not registered for minding. Few local minders werent happy about that but didnt bother me.

That's how it used to be here under social services. I do think ofsted can look in any room and I have no problem with that.

I don't see the need for parents to look in our private rooms though. I wouldn't walk into a nursery and expect to see the office, kitchen and staff toilets! if parents are leaving their child with me they have to trust me and not be suspicious about the contents of my bedroom!

Koala
16-07-2013, 10:53 AM
I do have a problem with parents wanting to look around upstairs, I find it very intrusive and impertinent to assume they have full access to my home.

Children sleep in travel cots in individual rooms - what is there to see?

I have to draw the line somewhere and inviting complete strangers, unvetted, into my home to pokey nose in my bedroom and my childrens bedrooms is the line.

I am inspected and professional and feel that parents should respect this.

The parents are shown around the play areas, kitchen etc... and told how and where their children will sleep, and so far this has been fine.
I did have a parent want to look around upstairs and I gave them a copy of my policies which strictly requested all parents to respect our privacy and privacy of our family and explained that upstairs was out of bounds, I wrote this after a child wanted to show their dad our new carpet upstairs and dad was going to go and have a look, not asking and in his dirty outdoor shoes too! a quick disapproving look stopped him in his tracks.

Either way what people are comfortable with is fine, I'm not comfortable in showing strangers upstairs. :thumbsup:

kellyskidz!
16-07-2013, 11:26 AM
I do have a problem with parents wanting to look around upstairs, I find it very intrusive and impertinent to assume they have full access to my home.

Children sleep in travel cots in individual rooms - what is there to see?

I have to draw the line somewhere and inviting complete strangers, unvetted, into my home to pokey nose in my bedroom and my childrens bedrooms is the line.

I am inspected and professional and feel that parents should respect this.

The parents are shown around the play areas, kitchen etc... and told how and where their children will sleep, and so far this has been fine.
I did have a parent want to look around upstairs and I gave them a copy of my policies which strictly requested all parents to respect our privacy and privacy of our family and explained that upstairs was out of bounds, I wrote this after a child wanted to show their dad our new carpet upstairs and dad was going to go and have a look, not asking and in his dirty outdoor shoes too! a quick disapproving look stopped him in his tracks.

Either way what people are comfortable with is fine, I'm not comfortable in showing strangers upstairs. :thumbsup:

I don't understand the respecting your privacy part, their child will be sleeping up there so it's not private? If you only used downstairs for minding then Fair enough but if you use part of upstairs for minding parents should be able to see it if they wish. I don't show parents my bedroom but I don't have any problem with them seeing the sleep room where their child would sleep, why shouldn't they have a look?
I'm sorry but if I was a parent and wanted to see upstairs and you handed me a privacy policy saying I couldn't, I'd be thinking all sorts, it's not out of bounds since my child would be spending their resting hours there. I too am a carpet phobe and HATE anyone going upstairs with shoes on but I'd make them take them off before I showed them upstairs

bunyip
16-07-2013, 11:42 AM
All the mindees I've had have been happy enough to sleep downstairs, and many are too busy to fall asleep anyway (what a polite bunch, not wanting to hurt bunyip's feelings by showing how much he bores them. :rolleyes: ) I tried to sleep my first lo upstairs and she would never go down. It reached the point where I only had to set foot on the first tread of the staircase and she'd be crying, so I gave in and followed her lead: let her sleep downstairs. I digress.

I'd have no problem showing a parent any part of my house their child might be allowed into. I'd expect a parent to be very wary if I did anything else.

OTOH, Mrs Bunyip absolutely hates the idea of anyone going upstairs (probably afraid they'll see her big pants. :p ) We do fall out over this.

Yes, it is our home, but we have crossed a line in deciding to run a business from it - nobody forced us to do that. We can't have it both ways: there are times when the 'private' becomes a lot less private than we might ideally want.

kellyskidz!
16-07-2013, 11:47 AM
OTOH, Mrs Bunyip absolutely hates the idea of anyone going upstairs (probably afraid they'll see her big pants. :p )

Lol!!! She's going to be maaaaaad, that's a woman's secret. Big pants and off white bras should always be kept out of sight! (And off forums lol)

lozzy23
16-07-2013, 11:58 AM
I have only had one parent take up the offer to look upstairs in my bedroom where the children sleep in a travel cot.

I certainly would not show them my three teenagers' rooms, their children will not be sleeping in there, they often look like war zones and it is the one area of the house that is a private space for my own children.

bunyip
16-07-2013, 12:08 PM
Lol!!! She's going to be maaaaaad, that's a woman's secret. Big pants and off white bras should always be kept out of sight! (And off forums lol)

I've no idea why she can't just put them away. :p

Seriously, it used to be quite simple. Our reg certificates said which rooms could not be used for minding, so no issue as to which rooms parents might ever need to see. I now list the rooms used for minding in my premises risk assessment (though maybe I should risk assess Mrs B's nicks whilst I'm at it. :D )

Mouse
16-07-2013, 12:16 PM
I have only had one parent take up the offer to look upstairs in my bedroom where the children sleep in a travel cot.

I certainly would not show them my three teenagers' rooms, their children will not be sleeping in there, they often look like war zones and it is the one area of the house that is a private space for my own children.

Even I don't go into my teenagers room, so I cannot for one minute imagine any parent wanting to!

I agree with Bunyip to a point. Yes, we have chosen to use our homes for business, but that doesn't mean we aren't entitled to have privacy as well. There are areas in most businesses that are out of bounds to customers. Why should we be any different?

I wouldn't dream of keeping parents out of any areas that are likely to be used by their children, but see no problem in having private, family only areas.

Koala
16-07-2013, 01:03 PM
I don't understand the respecting your privacy part, their child will be sleeping up there so it's not private? If you only used downstairs for minding then Fair enough but if you use part of upstairs for minding parents should be able to see it if they wish. I don't show parents my bedroom but I don't have any problem with them seeing the sleep room where their child would sleep, why shouldn't they have a look?
I'm sorry but if I was a parent and wanted to see upstairs and you handed me a privacy policy saying I couldn't, I'd be thinking all sorts, it's not out of bounds since my child would be spending their resting hours there. I too am a carpet phobe and HATE anyone going upstairs with shoes on but I'd make them take them off before I showed them upstairs

It is private if I say it is , my whole house is private for that matter further more it isn't for anyone to tell me who and what lengths I should allow people into my home - remember it is my house, I may use part of it for a specific purpose but it is not for public viewing and it is my choice to what extent I wish to open it up.

A parent could think what they liked, however, there is mutual respect that has to be recognized. Again like I said it is up to individuals and how they feel comfortable - I don't feel comfortable in allowing parents upstairs and I don't need people telling me the opposite. :thumbsup:

charlottenash
16-07-2013, 01:08 PM
Just imagining going for an induction day at reception and them saying 'we have rooms you can't see, even though your child will go in there' I can imagine how I'd feel. Just can't see an issue with showing people.

kellyskidz!
16-07-2013, 01:11 PM
It is private if I say it is , my whole house is private for that matter further more it isn't for anyone to tell me who and what lengths I should allow people into my home - remember it is my house, I may use part of it for a specific purpose but it is not for public viewing and it is my choice to what extent I wish to open it up.

A parent could think what they liked, however, there is mutual respect that has to be recognized. Again like I said it is up to individuals and how they feel comfortable - I don't feel comfortable in allowing parents upstairs and I don't need people telling me the opposite. :thumbsup:

I don't see how since their children are going to be sleeping there. Why is it private? What's the big deal about them seeing where their child sleeps? Not your room, or your kids, but a sleep room for childminding purposes. I really don't get it:huh:
Im not trying to TELL you anything, merely expressing my opinion that as a parent it would put me off. But, like you say, your house your rules, I just wouldn't understand as a parent being actively forbidden to see where they'd be sleeping

kellyskidz!
16-07-2013, 01:12 PM
Just imagining going for an induction day at reception and them saying 'we have rooms you can't see, even though your child will go in there' I can imagine how I'd feel. Just can't see an issue with showing people.

Exactly :thumbsup:

rickysmiths
16-07-2013, 01:13 PM
I don't understand the respecting your privacy part, their child will be sleeping up there so it's not private? If you only used downstairs for minding then Fair enough but if you use part of upstairs for minding parents should be able to see it if they wish. I don't show parents my bedroom but I don't have any problem with them seeing the sleep room where their child would sleep, why shouldn't they have a look?
I'm sorry but if I was a parent and wanted to see upstairs and you handed me a privacy policy saying I couldn't, I'd be thinking all sorts, it's not out of bounds since my child would be spending their resting hours there. I too am a carpet phobe and HATE anyone going upstairs with shoes on but I'd make them take them off before I showed them upstairs

My whole house is registered by Ofsted including the 4 bedrooms upstairs which I may or may not use for sleeping depending on the children I have.

I never show parents upstairs it is our PRIVATE area. I may use any one of the bedrooms not just the spare room and there is no way I would show a prospective or current parent my or my children's bedrooms. They have to trust my judgement and the fact that Ofsted have registered the bedrooms.

rickysmiths
16-07-2013, 01:14 PM
I don't see how since their children are going to be sleeping there. Why is it private? What's the big deal about them seeing where their child sleeps? Not your room, or your kids, but a sleep room for childminding purposes. I really don't get it:huh:
Im not trying to TELL you anything, merely expressing my opinion that as a parent it would put me off. But, like you say, your house your rules, I just wouldn't understand as a parent being actively forbidden to see where they'd be sleeping

The trouble is the sleep room will be my room or my childrens rooms.

charlottenash
16-07-2013, 01:17 PM
Lol this is going to get out of hand because I just cannot understand that at all!

So what, it's your child's bedroom, its your bedroom, their CHILD will be sleeping there. What if they had specific concerns about blinds, etc, etc, and you reassure them fully but they still want to see to put their mind at rest. Would you seriously refuse them because it is private?

Koala
16-07-2013, 01:20 PM
I don't see how since their children are going to be sleeping there. Why is it private? What's the big deal about them seeing where their child sleeps? Not your room, or your kids, but a sleep room for childminding purposes. I really don't get it:huh:
Im not trying to TELL you anything, merely expressing my opinion that as a parent it would put me off. But, like you say, your house your rules, I just wouldn't understand as a parent being actively forbidden to see where they'd be sleeping

Yes
Because My home is private - I am not a nursery or reception class or any institution. I do not know the parents - they are strangers, I value privacy and security and feel this should be respected. :thumbsup: I don't have anything to hide but I don't want parents or carers to go up stairs and neither do my family. :thumbsup:

The Juggler
16-07-2013, 01:20 PM
none of my parents have ever asked but I always show them. I don't think it's at all unreasonable to ask to see the room where you child will sleep whilst they are being cared for.

It is not a private room if it's being used for childminding purposes

ziggy
16-07-2013, 01:21 PM
I wouldnt be happy as a parent if i couldnt see where my child would be sleeping. A few times parents have arrived while child is still sleeping and i have encouraged them to go into bedroom to wake child. I like them to see what a nice place I have to offer.

But I guess we are all different

Koala
16-07-2013, 01:27 PM
Lol this is going to get out of hand because I just cannot understand that at all!

So what, it's your child's bedroom, its your bedroom, their CHILD will be sleeping there. What if they had specific concerns about blinds, etc, etc, and you reassure them fully but they still want to see to put their mind at rest. Would you seriously refuse them because it is private?

Yes, further more I would feel that the parent was intimating that I was incapable to provide a safe sleep area, would they want to look in my fridge, freezer to check food dates.
I provide care for children, I am very well trained and capable I have certificates to prove it , my premises are checked thoroughly by myself never mind ofsted, what else can I say. :thumbsup:

FizzWizz
16-07-2013, 01:31 PM
None of my parents have ever asked to see upstairs and I have never offered as do not particularly want strangers browsing my (very messy at times) bedrooms.

However, as a mum I can understand that parents may want to see where their children sleep and if they asked then I would show them. This would be a bit of a one off though and I would not want them thinking they could just pop up and have another look whenever they felt like it:panic:

The Juggler
16-07-2013, 01:32 PM
Yes, further more I would feel that the parent was intimating that I was incapable to provide a safe sleep area, would they want to look in my fridge, freezer to check food dates.
I provide care for children, I am very well trained and capable I have certificates to prove it , my premises are checked thoroughly by myself never mind ofsted, what else can I say. :thumbsup:

i think this will end up having to be an agree to disagree thread. However, as a parent if a CM refused to show me where my child would sleep - I would take my business elsewhere.

Koala
16-07-2013, 01:36 PM
i think this will end up having to be an agree to disagree thread. However, as a parent if a CM refused to show me where my child would sleep - I would take my business elsewhere.

Definitely agree to disagree, but as a childminder who had an inquiry from a parent who would not respect my judgement or privacy - I would definately not offer a place. :thumbsup:

I would never dream of wanting to go upstairs in someone else home or ask to use their toilet either, I think that is rude too, it is an invasion of personal space.

The Juggler
16-07-2013, 01:39 PM
Definitely agree to disagree, but as a childminder who had an inquiry from a parent who would not respect my judgement or privacy - I would definately not offer a place. :thumbsup:

I would never dream of wanting to go upstairs in someone else home or ask to use their toilet either, I think that is rude too, it is an invasion of personal space.

but their children use my toilet all the time so I don't have a problem with their parents using it also :panic: guess we are all different but don't see it as an invasion at all.

kellyskidz!
16-07-2013, 01:43 PM
Yep, each to their own. We all run our business differently and it's actually interesting to see how others run theirs. It shows also how much we care to be so passionate about what we believe works for us in our practises. Its obvious to me that none of us are bad at our jobs, just differing views and opinions :D

Koala
16-07-2013, 01:51 PM
Lol this is going to get out of hand because I just cannot understand that at all!

So what, it's your child's bedroom, its your bedroom, their CHILD will be sleeping there. What if they had specific concerns about blinds, etc, etc, and you reassure them fully but they still want to see to put their mind at rest. Would you seriously refuse them because it is private?

It won't get out of hand, we're all friends, it's simple some do some don't, thats life - no one is wrong.

charlottenash
16-07-2013, 01:53 PM
Hence the Lol

Koala
16-07-2013, 01:56 PM
Hence the Lol

Lol :thumbsup:

Npg1
16-07-2013, 08:50 PM
All done, she had a look. I sent my 10yr old up there to show her so I could supervise the babies. he said 'oh ok, I just needed to check'

Surprised nothing has come back about the hamster in her room!

rickysmiths
16-07-2013, 11:43 PM
Lol this is going to get out of hand because I just cannot understand that at all!

So what, it's your child's bedroom, its your bedroom, their CHILD will be sleeping there. What if they had specific concerns about blinds, etc, etc, and you reassure them fully but they still want to see to put their mind at rest. Would you seriously refuse them because it is private?

Do you know I have been childminding for 19 years now and only two sets of parents have ever asked to see the bedrooms and have understood when I said no and went on to use me. Now I have minded for many, many, many families over those years so it can'y have been a problem for them. They can see that all the rooms downstairs that are used are child safe and have to trust that I will apply the same principles in the rooms where the children will sleep. I don't see the problem. Just as when my own daughter went to a childminder and I was told she would sleep upstairs in a cot it never occured to me to ask to go and look at it.

I think that my children and I do have a right to some privacy in our lives.

Koala
17-07-2013, 04:36 AM
Do you know I have been childminding for 19 years now and only two sets of parents have ever asked to see the bedrooms and have understood when I said no and went on to use me. Now I have minded for many, many, many families over those years so it can'y have been a problem for them. They can see that all the rooms downstairs that are used are child safe and have to trust that I will apply the same principles in the rooms where the children will sleep. I don't see the problem. Just as when my own daughter went to a childminder and I was told she would sleep upstairs in a cot it never occured to me to ask to go and look at it.

I think that my children and I do have a right to some privacy in our lives.


Same here, except I have only had one parent ask to see upstairs and when refused, still used me. :D

scottishlass
17-07-2013, 07:37 AM
I don't show my parents upstairs but I don't have my bedrooms registered so they are never used by the children - they only go upstairs to use the toilet xx