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ziggy
06-07-2013, 01:02 PM
I'm about to go out for a meal and cocktails with one of my mummies and 13/14 others to celebrate her 40th birthday:)

2 other mummies of mindees are going to be there, including the one i have had problems with since school holidays began. So must remember not to have more than 2 glasses of wine and one cocktail, that way i cant say the wrong thing lol:laughing::laughing::laughing:

Feels very odd to be all dressed up with hair done and make up on at this time of the day. Even more odd to be going out with so many adults and not a child in sight. I'm am so gonna enjoy this (i hope)

shortstuff
06-07-2013, 01:37 PM
oooh i can see your dilemma, have a good time x

FussyElmo
06-07-2013, 01:40 PM
A soft drink in between each alcoholic one especially if its hot.

But enjoy as well :thumbsup:

Petshrinklj
06-07-2013, 01:58 PM
Ha ha good luck and have a good time.

clareelizabeth1
06-07-2013, 02:27 PM
Will they recognise you without the paint and baby sick down you? Dont think i look anything like i do when i work as to when i dress up.

blue bear
06-07-2013, 03:06 PM
Hope you had a great time x

Stapleton83
06-07-2013, 09:56 PM
Hope you had/are having a good time and don't have too big a hangover tomorrow!

Sam x

Bumble Beez
07-07-2013, 05:36 AM
Morning ziggy...hope you managed to have a great time without having too much vino lol! ;)

Sarah x

ziggy
07-07-2013, 07:21 PM
was good girl, only had 2 wines and a cocktail, then came home, had big glass of wine and relaxed lol:laughing::laughing::laughing:

shortstuff
07-07-2013, 07:49 PM
Wow what great self control, well done. No way I would have been so good x

ziggy
07-07-2013, 08:06 PM
it wasnt easy:laughing:

oxfordshirecm
07-07-2013, 08:11 PM
Me neither- although one glass of wine would of put me on the floor lol x

The Juggler
07-07-2013, 09:54 PM
glad you went home without giving problem mum a piece of your mind xx

ziggy
08-07-2013, 08:39 AM
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, knew I should have stayed at home. Will never ever socialise with parents again:angry:

After being a widow for nearly 6 yrs i have a new man in my life, he kindly offered to pick me up from cocktail bar. He came in to say hello to everyone. Then waited in car while i finished my drink. There was a very attractive 21yr old with us (niece/cousin of 2 of my families). He jokingly mentioned could i mind her at some time:laughing:

At 54 i know he was joking but this morning one of my mums (girls auntie) said wasnt i worried that he said that!!!!!! so I explained that it was meant as a joke and i dont think he has any interest in young women. I said I thought it quite normal that a man would find this girl attractive (as she is) BUT it was just a silly jokey comment. She went on to say her husband (40) would never look at a 21 yr old, he would look at most attractive woman at the table, I replied that at a table of 14 middle aged women she was most attractive.

Just spoken to my friend who was also there and she agreed his comment came across as 'sleazy'.

Does the whole world now think every man is a potential child molester????????

I could just sit and cry today.

shortstuff
08-07-2013, 09:03 AM
Thats ridiculous and in my opinion they are being seriously over sensitive. Sorry they have left you feeling so rubbish x

ziggy
08-07-2013, 09:06 AM
thank you gail, i am so upset, trying not to cry while kids are here. I have turned away 2 full timers recently to keep this mums part timer on, just feel like giving notice now

shortstuff
08-07-2013, 09:09 AM
Is it worth contacting the ones you turned away to see if they have found anyone yet?

ziggy
08-07-2013, 09:19 AM
yes i was just thinking that. Such a difficult situation as they are a big family, well known and respected in the village and i dont wanna fall out with any of them but this has left me so upset.

Over a year ago a male friend called into my house early one morning with a electric heater and stopped for a quick coffee she made such a fuss over that, so i said I wouldnt have anyone at house again while minding. When ever i have work men in I always let mothers know and give them option of keeping children at home. As mentioned I am a widow and useless at DIY. I work full time so cant always get work done evenings or weekends.

I just feel so upset at this over reaction I have been in childcare 34 yrs, attended many courses on child protection, worked for social services with children and am well aware of keeping children safe.

I am going to contact parents who were looking for full time and then have good think about this.

Big lesson has been learned though, keep work and social life totally seperate in future

Rachel6
08-07-2013, 12:15 PM
Don't beat yourself up,my husband would say the same & my two sons would (22 & 21 yrs) we are so frightened to say anything anymore. Glad you had a nice time & moving on with your life big hugs

maryp0ppins
08-07-2013, 12:29 PM
Would they be so judgmental if you wasn't a childminder? I'm guessing not.

As for the lady with the 40 years old husband that wouldn't look at a 21 years old ..... What planet is she from?

We all look, we all like to LOOK doesn't mean we would touch. I'm 35 & drool over Olly murrs doesn't make me a freak just means I appreciate a good looking fella.

Some people are so stuffy & up their own bottoms!

ziggy
08-07-2013, 12:46 PM
thank you so much for ur support. much needed, had a few tears and feel much better now.

same mummy has just left, she noticed kiddies at end of street have paddling pool out n water guns and she said 'well that is an accident waiting to happen'

In future my private life and those in it will be very very private and i shall spend my social time with normal people who live in the real world and have a sense of humour:laughing::laughing::laughing:

Kirstylob
08-07-2013, 12:54 PM
Oh Ziggy, you musn't let them get to you. They are probably just jealous that you have a new and exciting relationship and they don't. At 21 the girls hardly a child and I'm sure has heard far 'sleazier' (not that I think it was sleazy) comments on nights out.
Rise above their petty comments and show your man off.
You and he with know his comments were a joke and so should they.
Onwards and upwards! xx

emma04
08-07-2013, 04:20 PM
Far too many people don't have enough to occupy their own lives so they encroach on other people's!!

Ignore the pathetic comments, especially the one woman with the (clearly blind or petrified) 40yr old husband who wouldn't dream of looking at a 21yr old!! This actually made me laugh......what a load of b****cks!!

Unfortunately there seems to be a distinct lack of 'normal' people left on our planet and the spaces have been filled with people that are suffering with "every mans a paedophile" syndrome!!! Or "my child is in danger when they're not with me" disease!!!

We all go through the "OMG what did I say, did it sound freaky, will anyone complain" issues, and most if the time it's unnecessary! more so, if some parents were less small minded!!!!

Bumble Beez
08-07-2013, 04:56 PM
Oh ziggy...what a nightmare. I have to admit that I do on occasions socialise with parents but try not to make a habit of it.
I don't see there was any problem with that comment, if people can't take a joke then they need to get over it.
If you weren't a childminder it wouldn't have even raised an eyebrow I'm sure...chin up chick, we've all got your back xx

Big hugs xx

ziggy
08-07-2013, 05:11 PM
thank you so much

Well, parent left at 1pm, last child left at 5pm, have been sitting in garden with large glass of red and my book, trying to relax BUT I am getting more and more angry as the day goes on:angry::angry::angry:

I am now absolutely furious, if it wasnt going to cause mega problems with whole family i would give a months notice.

Maybe i am over reacting but in my mind she is almost calling him a paedophile!!!!!!!

Petshrinklj
08-07-2013, 10:06 PM
Oh dear sending hugs. Could you talk to her and explain how offended you are by her comments.

ziggy
08-07-2013, 10:12 PM
I think i am going to have to and if she still feels the same then i think it's best she finds another childminder. It has been on my mind now since 9am:(

Bumble Beez
09-07-2013, 04:22 AM
I had a family who I felt we're always making digs at the way I worked, seemed to be constantly unhappy and always moaning. I had tried to talk things thru but ended up getting nowhere...so I bit the bullet and handed my notice...parents were devastated!!
I did stick by my decision as I felt I would be happier knowing I wasn't constantly having to justify myself to this family and I was...
If I was you ziggy I would voice my concerns to the parent and simply ask the question of them maybe looking for alternative child are? You may be surprised by her reaction :D
Good luck...you know where we all are xx

Sarah x

ziggy
09-07-2013, 07:31 AM
It is now nearly 24 hrs since she made the comments and i just cant get it out of my mind, although when i eventually fell asleep I slept well.

I have mentioned it to another parent ( sister in law of this parent and was also at the meal on saturday). She said she wasnt aware of what he had said but agreed 'business and pleasure dont mix'.

So as from today I am putting my business head on, no more mr. nice guy with parents. I am here to provide a service which they pay a very reasonable price for. I will refuse to attend all social events in future (hate mindees parties anyway lol). Conversations from today will be about the weather or their child/children.

My life and friends outside of work will remain totally PRIVATE.

Oh and considering there are 'unregistered minders' charging alot more than i, doing very little to earn it, today i am sending out newsletters with details of increased fees as from September. If they dont like it then they know where the door is:angry:

maryp0ppins
09-07-2013, 08:18 AM
It is now nearly 24 hrs since she made the comments and i just cant get it out of my mind, although when i eventually fell asleep I slept well.

I have mentioned it to another parent ( sister in law of this parent and was also at the meal on saturday). She said she wasnt aware of what he had said but agreed 'business and pleasure dont mix'.

So as from today I am putting my business head on, no more mr. nice guy with parents. I am here to provide a service which they pay a very reasonable price for. I will refuse to attend all social events in future (hate mindees parties anyway lol). Conversations from today will be about the weather or their child/children.

My life and friends outside of work will remain totally PRIVATE.

Oh and considering there are 'unregistered minders' charging alot more than i, doing very little to earn it, today i am sending out newsletters with details of increased fees as from September. If they dont like it then they know where the door is:angry:

Well done!!! Xx

Bumble Beez
09-07-2013, 08:25 AM
Well done ziggy...note to self - take leaf out of your book lol ;)

Sarah x

ziggy
09-07-2013, 08:42 AM
well I am one of only 2 registered childminders in village, there are about 3 in next village where i used to live. Unregistered minders charge more than i do, have no insurance etc. Even other registered minders here dont do as much as i do (no Ofsted here)

So I know offer excellent care and children are more than happy, so as i say NO MORE MR. NICE GUY.

When i send out newsletters today with increased fees will also mention (once again) that i take child protection very seriously and only parents or other childminders visit during working hours.

thank you for support

I think it is such a sad situation where parents of young children presume every unknown male is a threat. In my experience over 34 yrs many children who have been abused knew their abuser and very often it was a well respected family member. It really is time all this was put into perspective

Samijanec
09-07-2013, 08:50 AM
It's a shame that an innocent comment can be blown out of all proportion like that. It's a good job my hubby wasn't there. He is known for saying the most inappropriate things, I think he thinks that everyone has the same sense of humour as him.
It is totally ridiculous that this part timer mum thinks she can rule you like this. Thankfully I've been really lucky with my parents, we have a good bit of banter at drop off and collection but that's it.

I'd try not to worry too much about what your new guy said, if the other women thought it was wrong but it didn't upset you the the chip and insecurities are theirs not yours!! :)

ziggy
09-07-2013, 09:18 AM
Exactly, i am well aware of child protection and am not gonna join in this madness of thinking every man is a child molester.

I have a silly sense of humour and so does new man (probably why we get on so well lol) if i thought for one minute he was serious i would have concerns but it was a silly jokey comment totally blown out of proportion.

And any woman who says her 40yr old husband doesnt look at attractive young women is living in cloud cuckoo land and needs to grow up and live in the real world.

A while ago one of my daddies came to collect his boys, he is originally from south africa and very abrupt at times. Children didnt want to leave so i said 'come on boys, time to leave as I have to pop out'. His reply was to laugh and say 'oh please dont pop out in front of me'. I guess i should have called police and had him arrested for sexual harrassment BUT then i am an adult and I have a healthy sense of humour:laughing:

emma04
09-07-2013, 09:27 AM
It is now nearly 24 hrs since she made the comments and i just cant get it out of my mind, although when i eventually fell asleep I slept well.

I have mentioned it to another parent ( sister in law of this parent and was also at the meal on saturday). She said she wasnt aware of what he had said but agreed 'business and pleasure dont mix'.

So as from today I am putting my business head on, no more mr. nice guy with parents. I am here to provide a service which they pay a very reasonable price for. I will refuse to attend all social events in future (hate mindees parties anyway lol). Conversations from today will be about the weather or their child/children.

My life and friends outside of work will remain totally PRIVATE.

Oh and considering there are 'unregistered minders' charging alot more than i, doing very little to earn it, today i am sending out newsletters with details of increased fees as from September. If they dont like it then they know where the door is:angry:

I never mix with parents of my minded children! And it really works a treat. Occasionally I see them about, but always say 'hi' and move on, I never get in to conversations.
I might sound miserable, but they're not my friends as I didn't choose them!

jackie 7
09-07-2013, 10:44 AM
Why do parents think they own us? You must not allow them to ruin your happiness ziggy. If a man didn't comment on a pretty person I would be worried. There is a man living opposite me who is fit. Lucky it is first floor as he usually is topless and has been seen bottomless!! He is uncontainable!! Even if I was young and pretty! Doesn't stop me from watching!!

ziggy
09-07-2013, 11:28 AM
thank you, there are some sensible people left in this mad world, was beginning to think i was only one lol:laughing:

munch149
09-07-2013, 11:35 AM
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, knew I should have stayed at home. Will never ever socialise with parents again:angry:

After being a widow for nearly 6 yrs i have a new man in my life, he kindly offered to pick me up from cocktail bar. He came in to say hello to everyone. Then waited in car while i finished my drink. There was a very attractive 21yr old with us (niece/cousin of 2 of my families). He jokingly mentioned could i mind her at some time:laughing:

At 54 i know he was joking but this morning one of my mums (girls auntie) said wasnt i worried that he said that!!!!!! so I explained that it was meant as a joke and i dont think he has any interest in young women. I said I thought it quite normal that a man would find this girl attractive (as she is) BUT it was just a silly jokey comment. She went on to say her husband (40) would never look at a 21 yr old, he would look at most attractive woman at the table, I replied that at a table of 14 middle aged women she was most attractive.

Just spoken to my friend who was also there and she agreed his comment came across as 'sleazy'.

Does the whole world now think every man is a potential child molester????????

I could just sit and cry today.

This is so something my partner would say and I wouldn't think anything of it. She's 21 so it isn't child molesting anyway. Anyone who thinks there partner does not look at other women younger or not is in denial. Think they overreacted to be honest

FussyElmo
09-07-2013, 11:45 AM
Im going to offer a different viewpoint.

Your mindees mum has taken the comment different to you doesn't mean either of you are wrong.

Put 10 people in the same room and I bet some would find it offensive some wouldn't.

As least mum told you that she found it not in the best taste.

ziggy
09-07-2013, 12:08 PM
She didnt say she found his comment offensive! I could understand that! She said 'dont you have concerns?' AND quite frankly no i dont, it was a silly jokey comment which was then totally blown out of proportion. We were in a bar full of adults and he made a jokey comment about a young WOMAN who is very attractive. If he had made the comment about a child or teenager or if children were present then yes i would have concerns.

FussyElmo
09-07-2013, 12:19 PM
She didnt say she found his comment offensive! I could understand that! She said 'dont you have concerns?' AND quite frankly no i dont, it was a silly jokey comment which was then totally blown out of proportion. We were in a bar full of adults and he made a jokey comment about a young WOMAN who is very attractive. If he had made the comment about a child or teenager or if children were present then yes i would have concerns.

Yes I get that but the comment was made at her niece who she probably is protective over I know I would be. How would I have taken the comment - don't know will tell you in 20 years time when my niece is old enough to be in a bar.

Also the mum has taken the comment badly and maybe she is worried about you getting hurt.

Its an awkward one because as I said different people will take it in very different ways.

Like you see nothing wrong with it, yet the mindees mum and your friend did.

I wasn't taking sides just trying to put a different perspective on it :D

Kirstylob
09-07-2013, 03:51 PM
It is now nearly 24 hrs since she made the comments and i just cant get it out of my mind, although when i eventually fell asleep I slept well.

I have mentioned it to another parent ( sister in law of this parent and was also at the meal on saturday). She said she wasnt aware of what he had said but agreed 'business and pleasure dont mix'.

So as from today I am putting my business head on, no more mr. nice guy with parents. I am here to provide a service which they pay a very reasonable price for. I will refuse to attend all social events in future (hate mindees parties anyway lol). Conversations from today will be about the weather or their child/children.

My life and friends outside of work will remain totally PRIVATE.

Oh and considering there are 'unregistered minders' charging alot more than i, doing very little to earn it, today i am sending out newsletters with details of increased fees as from September. If they dont like it then they know where the door is:angry:

Well it sounds as if Wibbles big hairy balls have been lent out again!!

ziggy
09-07-2013, 04:31 PM
LOL, i've had lovely day with mindees out in the sunshine, I love my job and I'm not going to let a stupid comment spoil that.

Time to move on. A lesson learned. thanks for all the support

Samijanec
09-07-2013, 07:44 PM
:D:D why can't all parents be like that..

The Juggler
09-07-2013, 09:19 PM
Don't beat yourself up,my husband would say the same & my two sons would (22 & 21 yrs) we are so frightened to say anything anymore. Glad you had a nice time & moving on with your life big hugs

so would mine. and the wives who say their husbands don't say this - well maybe they are right - some men aren't that jokey, or maybe they do but not to their wives (and that is worse - would rather my husband joked with me) maybe they are just too afraid to have a joke and say anything like this in case they were taken seriously by their other halves.

ziggy
09-07-2013, 10:43 PM
Now i have calmed down and had time to think I cant believe i was distressed over the comment. I provide an excellent service for a very reasonable rate, i care passionately about the children in my care. I have minded for the same family for 9 years (they are related to the lady concerned). I have no 'concerns' whatsoever about the comments the guy made, it was a joke from an adult in the company of other adults.

Anyone who does have 'concerns' need to live in the real world and find a normal healthy sense of humour.

I refuse to join this madness of thinking children are in danger from every man they meet, or that they shouldnt be allowed in a paddling pool in case they drown, or that they will became obese, toothless adults if they eat more than one biscuit a week:rolleyes:

Sorry if this offends but i am totally fed up of some of the things i read on here and comments I hear while out and about.

shortstuff
09-07-2013, 10:45 PM
Well said Ziggy x

Bumble Beez
10-07-2013, 04:31 AM
Well said Ziggy x

I second that! Well said :D

Sarah x

ziggy
10-07-2013, 07:47 AM
Thanks sarah and gail (and everyone else)

my word sarah, u were up early lol

I have a small dilemma, been invited to mindees 3rd birthday party this weekend at local soft play. Dont want to let him down and not go, so think I will attend with neighbour (not a current parent) and as stated only talk about childcare related topics;). Dont think I can get into too much trouble on coffee and birthday cake lol. Parent who was upset will be there but I can put on my professional head and do this

Bumble Beez
10-07-2013, 10:17 AM
Yes ziggy...5am wake up call everyday when I'm working. My aim is to be up and organised before 6 as that gives me nearly an hr to get stuff done before first mindee arrives at 6:45.
As far as party goes, I would still go but just keep your distance and keep your professional head on lol!
Hope it goes well xx

Samijanec
10-07-2013, 02:01 PM
Well said ziggy, the worlds gone mad!!!! :(

ziggy
10-07-2013, 02:56 PM
it has indeed, i sometimes wonder is it because i am so ancient at nearly 52:laughing::laughing::laughing:

Was worrying this morning because i let mindees play in paddling pool in just there pants (and lots of suncream), we were in shady part of garden.

Same awkward parent arrived after lunch and started complaining the minute she arrived. I have just spent £450 having part of garden fenced off just for mindees to play safely. 2 boys had just gone out and i was putting suncream on her daughter and other mindee (must have been 10th time in one morning), making sure everyone was wearing hats etc etc etc. She commented that new play area was a real sun trap and it was very hot!!!!!!!!!! We live in Ireland where the sun shines about 3times a year if we're lucky. I am well aware having been in childcare for 34 yrs of sun/heat protection. We were gonna have a quick 10mins in new play area till boys nap time. I dont intend to shut them out there from 8am till 6pm while i sit drinking wine and reading my book:angry::angry::angry:

As she left she commented on neighbours school children playing out on street. I live in cul-de-sac off a larger cul-de-sac and children out there are 7yrs+.

If this continues I will be giving notice.

oh on a good note she didnt mind her daughter playing in paddling pool in her knickers, thank goodness:rolleyes:

Bumble Beez
10-07-2013, 03:52 PM
it has indeed, i sometimes wonder is it because i am so ancient at nearly 52:laughing::laughing::laughing:

Was worrying this morning because i let mindees play in paddling pool in just there pants (and lots of suncream), we were in shady part of garden.

Same awkward parent arrived after lunch and started complaining the minute she arrived. I have just spent £450 having part of garden fenced off just for mindees to play safely. 2 boys had just gone out and i was putting suncream on her daughter and other mindee (must have been 10th time in one morning), making sure everyone was wearing hats etc etc etc. She commented that new play area was a real sun trap and it was very hot!!!!!!!!!! We live in Ireland where the sun shines about 3times a year if we're lucky. I am well aware having been in childcare for 34 yrs of sun/heat protection. We were gonna have a quick 10mins in new play area till boys nap time. I dont intend to shut them out there from 8am till 6pm while i sit drinking wine and reading my book:angry::angry::angry:

As she left she commented on neighbours school children playing out on street. I live in cul-de-sac off a larger cul-de-sac and children out there are 7yrs+.

If this continues I will be giving notice.

oh on a good note she didnt mind her daughter playing in paddling pool in her knickers, thank goodness:rolleyes:

Oh for goodness sake...has she nothing better to do that MOAN? I would love to have a sun trap of a garden cos I can always put a parasol up to make shade...
Oh and I live in a cul-de-sac off a side road which is extremely quiet and my own 2 boys (10 & 8) are often out the front of my house on bikes, scooters or just playing basket ball...they know road safety and are sensible enough to keep coming and checking in with me...rahhhhh that parent would most certainly be sent packing by now, I'm angry for you just reading what you're having to deal with!

Sarah x

Samijanec
10-07-2013, 04:16 PM
it has indeed, i sometimes wonder is it because i am so ancient at nearly 52:laughing::laughing::laughing:

Was worrying this morning because i let mindees play in paddling pool in just there pants (and lots of suncream), we were in shady part of garden.

Same awkward parent arrived after lunch and started complaining the minute she arrived. I have just spent £450 having part of garden fenced off just for mindees to play safely. 2 boys had just gone out and i was putting suncream on her daughter and other mindee (must have been 10th time in one morning), making sure everyone was wearing hats etc etc etc. She commented that new play area was a real sun trap and it was very hot!!!!!!!!!! We live in Ireland where the sun shines about 3times a year if we're lucky. I am well aware having been in childcare for 34 yrs of sun/heat protection. We were gonna have a quick 10mins in new play area till boys nap time. I dont intend to shut them out there from 8am till 6pm while i sit drinking wine and reading my book:angry::angry::angry:

As she left she commented on neighbours school children playing out on street. I live in cul-de-sac off a larger cul-de-sac and children out there are 7yrs+.

If this continues I will be giving notice.

oh on a good note she didnt mind her daughter playing in paddling pool in her knickers, thank goodness:rolleyes:

What a silly woman, kids need some sun, it's good or hem an as for kids playing in the cul de sac, what's her problem? It's no like you can do anything, their not your mindees. I give notice anyway, you just don't need the hassle!!!

VeggieSausage
10-07-2013, 06:03 PM
A soft drink in between each alcoholic one especially if its hot.

But enjoy as well :thumbsup:

very sensible (boring) of you Fussy!!! lol