Beating myself up

[button]

Hi, I'm fairly new back to childminding after taking maternity leave. My baby is now 8 months and I went back when she was 6 months. I could have taken the full 9 months maternity, but I'd told one of my parents I'd go back after 6 months so although I didn't feel ready to go back, I did for them. I'm working 3 days a week and only earning about £100 more a month than I would be getting from maternity pay.

I'm giving myself a very hard time about it. I feel like I've sacrificed time with my baby that I will never have again.

The only positive I can think of is that my 3yo is getting to play with friends which he'd prefer than just having me and the baby for company (!) but even that doesn't make me feel much better.

I feel so envious of other people who get to spend a whole year with their baby AND send their toddler to a childminder for some of the days so that they get some 1-1 time with the baby!

Please reassure me that I've done the right thing!!

[Mouse]

:group hug:

It's so tough when we feel pushed into doing something we don't want to, especially when our children are involved :(

I went back to childminding when my babies were 3 months old, but I was ready. And in both instances I only worked part time, so had time with my own children.

Why not write up a list of pros & cons? Look at the good things about childminding now (you're at home with your children, your older child has friends to play with, it is extra money, even if only a little bit, you still have 4 days with your baby - cons: you're missing being just with your baby, you're not ready to be working again). Maybe seeing it in writing will help you see that it's not as bad as you think, or it is actually as bad as you imagine.

As you only work 3 days a week, could you send your older son to a childminder on one of your days off? I bet he'd have a lovely time with other children and you'd get one day with just your baby.

[kellyskidz!]

I also only took 6 months maternity with my daughter who is now almost 5.
I worked in a nursery and felt very much under pressure to return to work quickly as me and another staff member were both on mat leave at the same time.
I took my daughter back to work with me, she was only 4 months and I felt the same guilt even though she was in the same room I was working in.
But, I'd been bored at home, and had no stimulation. None of my friends had children, or if they did they were much older so going back to work was fine for me because I was going crackers being inside all day with no adult company.
My daughters turned out fine, is very clever and happy and very outgoing, which I put down to me going back to work and taking her to nursery with me to socialise with children (shes an only child) from a very young age so she knew no different.
It hasn't done her any him, in fact it was lovely to see her playing with other children at such a young age and I'm sure it brought her on quickly as she was a fast walker and talker.
Don't beat yourself up, you've made a choice with your baby in mind. Also, imagine the mums who go back to work after 6 months and leave their child with minders or in a nursery. We're lucky that we got to work with them and not miss those milestones of growing up that some parents do miss out on.
You're setting a good work ethic, and you're child is lucky you care so much xx

[button]

Thanks for the reassurance. I do feel lucky that at least I don't have to leave my children to go to work - at least I get to be with them. But I still feel like I've missed out on time I will never get back.

[sarah707]

Sorry to hear you are feeling gloomy. Hopefully it will pass soon remember you are in the lucky position of being at home with your lo while so many other mums have to leave them and go out to work.

Hugs xx

[shortstuff]

not sure if it will help you to get some perspective but I went back to work outside the home when DS was 7 months. The thing was he had lung disease and was oxygen dependant. I really struggled with going back and work didnt help as they had changed my role while i was off too so had to take on additional learning.

If it helps I now see that to work at home is fab and helps so much with being there for him x there are no health problems now, far from it he is too clever. Still struggle with knowing i left him in his hour of need though x

[munch149]

Even though normative people have 9 months to a year off they then return to work and leave thee child. You have had 6 months off but your still with your child and presumably will be until they start school So technically you get more time together than most. I had 6 months ish then went back just after school, then took a child one one day a week and then gradually increased so it didn't feel so demanding and broke me in gradually. My daughters now 15 months and I'm full again having only every other Thursday off and those days are for her. This is my first child. Think with my second I would take full 9 months but only because as you said money wise you aren't that better off

[Bumble Beez]

I think you're probably just feeling a bit low as babe is only young and you're back to work...although look on the bright side, you're the childminder rather than leaving babe and toddler with another childminder :)
I only took 2 weeks off when I had my littlest son and to be honest I was glad I did cos I didn't get used to being home, just me and babe...so working again just came naturally :) my mum said I was mad, but it suited me perfectly!

Sarah x