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kp0781
27-06-2013, 09:13 PM
I have 2 13 mo and 2 3 1/2 yr (2 my own) and the 3 1/2 yr old has quite poor table manners which rub off on my own daughter. As I am supporting the 2 babies with eating I can't concentrate on disciplining the older ones as I would like. I want to endure my expectations aren't too high for age. They are- sitting on bottom for duration of meal and not bouncing on chair, using cutlery, not pretending food represents some other object and brrrmmmming it round the table, not flinging drink cup across table, not mentioning poo 30+ times in15 mins.....the list goes on. She even mashed it in her hair!!!Tonight I stopped dinner and sent it home!! I have spoken with Dad tonight and asked to agree behaviour and consequences. I have looked after her for 2+ yrs and she just thinks its funny. I however am at wits end. Well done for getting this far and thanks :-)

yummyripples
28-06-2013, 06:09 AM
I am with you on this one. I think table manners are so important. I have children that think it's ok and walk off whist still eating and also talking with food in their mouth. One 4 year old hated sitting at the table because he was scared of missing something - ie. Wanted to watch tv.
I have a 14month old on a booster seat who likes to put her feet on the table and a 2 year old who prefers to eat with her fingers and likes to spill her drink.

sarah707
28-06-2013, 06:26 AM
Families have different expectations at home and it can be very hard for children to adapt to our rules when they are with us for often only a short part of the week.

At home they might be allowed to eat with their mouths open, wander around with food, watch tv while they are eating, chew with their mouths open, experiment with food to learn about texture, play with water etc... we all think differently about meal times!

I suggest you tackle 1 thing at a time rather than stressing about the whole experience. Big bib, splat mat, spare clothes ... protect your carpet and furnishings and the child as much as possible.

Then, start at the beginning - this week / month we are working on ... when you've got that under control work on the next thing.

Hope this helps :D

VeggieSausage
28-06-2013, 06:41 AM
I have a child who is going to school this sept and he likes to show off at the table and it is one long stress and he kicks everyone under the table and will look at me and smile when I am asking him not to do it while under the table he is still doing it, he takes ages to eat, raucous silly over the top laughing...oh the list goes on, very irritating.....in the past he has been so disruptive I have made him have his meal when the others have finished, he doesn't like that.....sometimes I feel I am a bit ott with the table manners and my expectations, not sure.....

mama2three
28-06-2013, 06:59 AM
Im strict with table manners too - but don't usually have too many problems as the group are fairly established , and new ones learn from the others.

at 31/2 she can be swayed by rewards and bribes ( did I say that?) You could have stickers etc , or go the whole hog and have a small treat on the table for those who have behaved nicely once meals are finished. Im sure she will be wonderful in no time!

Kiddleywinks
28-06-2013, 07:10 AM
I have a 4 yr old LO whose table manners were terrible! He wore more than he ate, spat and dribbled food, ate with his mouth open, and I couldn't eat at the same table as it made me feel physically sick.

We've worked really hard to get the table rules in place, and whilst he can still be a messy eater, it's nowhere near as bad as 6 months ago and I can now sit with him at mealtimes.
As Sarah said, different families have different expectations about meals and mealtime etiquette, but I still couldn't understand why a 4 year old seemed incapable of feeding themselves when the 2 yr old can manage it.

I found out just this week that family members still feed him at home :eek: Now that explains a lot I can tell ya!

Persevere with your rules, the message will get through eventually :thumbsup:

bindy
28-06-2013, 07:24 AM
I would never reward with food, but that is just me. I am very relaxed with manners. I expect P and Q's no kicking under the table( because that hurts others) I don't care if water gets spilled, I would rather they learn to use a cup than have beakers with tops until 5! Don't care if they use fingers to pick up food even though they would rather use folks, may be because I don't make it an issues ! I always sit with the kids and chat along that stops them from getting bored and distracted.

Kiddleywinks
28-06-2013, 07:40 AM
I would never reward with food, but that is just me. I am very relaxed with manners. I expect P and Q's no kicking under the table( because that hurts others) I don't care if water gets spilled, I would rather they learn to use a cup than have beakers with tops until 5! Don't care if they use fingers to pick up food even though they would rather use folks, may be because I don't make it an issues ! I always sit with the kids and chat along that stops them from getting bored and distracted.

I agree in part, but there's a big difference in children using their fingers to eat (with success) and those that choose to squish that food in their hair, over their clothes, on the walls.....
I would expect a 2 yr old to get messy, learning and self discovery etc, but I also expect a child of 4, almost 5, unless they have additional needs, to have sufficient hand to mouth coordination at the table as much as they do away from it :thumbsup:

Edited to add:
What I learnt this week in my case is that here, 4 yr old is treated as a 4 yr old, at home as a 4 month old.... that explains a lot

karen m
28-06-2013, 07:48 AM
I have a 5 and 3.5 year old from same family and their manners are appalling , yes the youngest does have difficulties in lots of areas and we are all working together on this pre school , parents myself , it is as if they are scared of having the food taken away snack time they just keep putting more and more into mouth before they even start to chew if they could get everything in at once they would younger 1 has lunch here but for every one meal he eats he will leave 4 . I cannot bear to sit at the table with 5 year old so this week my strategy has been put 2 pieces of banana or kiwi on his plate and stand next to him and not allow both pieces to be put in then put some more on plate so on and so forth dry time consuming and only able to do this as no babies to help at the moment , hoping he will start enjoying food more so will take time to eat slowly. They don't eat with parents they eat after boys have finished

ziggy
28-06-2013, 07:50 AM
I cant cope with bad table manners, it drives me insane. Last summer i had 2 families or 3 children (all cousins) aged from 2 to 10, after the first week i gave them lunch one family at a time as their behaviour was dreadful.

With mindees i have now if they continue to behave badly after a warning i just remove food and lift them down off table. Only had to do it a couple of times. We have tv time as a reward after lunch, so very rarely have any problems now.

Have noticed 3yr old whose mummy cant cope with mess is still fed yoghurts etc and she struggles not to make a mess. Whereas the other 3yr old whose mummy allows him to feed himself does really well.

As to talking about poo at the table, I have a schoolie who once said 'no toilet talk at the table thank you':laughing:. So I use this if i need to lol

hectors house
28-06-2013, 09:07 AM
I know I like to lunch over and done with in one hit - but how about feeding the babies half an hour earlier and getting them into bed for afternoon nap and then you can really concentrate on the older ones.

Pick up on the worst behaviour first (the thing that raises your blood pressure quickest) and try to work on that, using reward charts, stickers, anything you know they will respond to.

Sometimes once they have wound you up, it is easy to notice lots of other little annoying things and before you know it you are saying "don't, don't don't" so often that the children just switch off and don't hear you anymore.

Do you think they (or she really - the older mindee) is doing it for attention as the worse she behaves the more of your attention she gets?

You would think that as you have had them for so long and 5 days a week that she would know how to behave at the table by now - glad the dad listened to your concerns.

kp0781
28-06-2013, 01:20 PM
Thanks for all your responses! Glad it's not just me :-)
Just want to reiterate I'm talking about the 3 1/2 yr old who 'can' use cutlery etc when she wants to. As for mess I'm fine with that as its a tiled floor and I do BLW which is messy!!
I sit with them at meal time and try to engage in conversation about the day etc but if I ask a question the answer I'd normally poo!
Well there's only 3 1/2 hours to go till the weekend. Yay!!!!!!!!

kp0781
28-06-2013, 01:23 PM
Just to add as others have said maybe different expectations. We eat all of our meals at the table so maybe that's different. We never eat in front of the tv- dull I know!!