View Full Version : Help

07-07-2008, 10:22 PM
Hi, I'm new and desperately in need of help. I have been looking after a six year old for two afternoons a week for over a year now and her behaviour just keeps getting worse. She keeps hitting the other children and its usually completely unprovoked. When I tell her off or try to remove her from the situation she screams the house down and kicks the furniture, doors or anything else within reach. The parents act as if I am over reacting and never reprimand her in my presence. Last week she kicked me really hard with her shoes on, it really hurt and my children found it really upsetting to watch. I told Mum her behaviour had been unacceptable and that I would not be able to carry on having her if this behaviour continued. Mum got upset with me and has given me the silent treatment for a week now. I suggested we sit down and sort it out and talk about her behaviour and Dad said this was a good idea but Mum is still ignoring me and their attitude is making me feel like I'm to blame. The other children I look after have started to copy some of her behaviour. I understand that she behaves similar at home but not at school. She has two younger siblings not yet at school who have also been with me for a year and if I were to give my notice in they would have to leave too. Is this common behaviour and does anyone have any advice on what I can do? Sorry to go on and on...

08-07-2008, 06:19 AM
You need to take control of the situation ... it is no good mum putting her head in the sand, it needs urgent discussion.

Ask for a meeting at the earliest opportunity - without the child!

Document your issues and talk about them, clearly and as unemotionally as possible with the parents, explaining exactly what route you want to take to support the girl through her obvious upset with life that she's suffering just now.

But you also need to be clear in explaining that you are setting a time limit for this behaviour to stop.

If it does not stop, parents need to be clear that you will terminate ... I would set a month.

You also need to ask if the behaviour is going on elsewhere ... at the child's school? At home? etc and follow this up. It may be that the family need some help from other agencies but are afraid to ask - that's quite common and you can guide them towards the school nurse or their doc perhaps.

You must put the safety of yourself and your family first ... followed by that of other mindees.

The child's parents must be clear that without their support and backing, you cannot continue.

If they refuse for whatever reason to see you within a week for a meeting, write to them explaining the above points and making it clear you are giving it a month to turn things around, after which you will be terminating, due to the child's extreme behaviour.

I hope this situation resolves and you can support the child through her crisis, but do put yourself and your children first.

Hope this helps xx

08-07-2008, 06:31 AM
Blimey it sounds a nightmare

I agree with Sarah though you do need to speak to the parents together with out the child

You need to work together otherwise there is just no hope here

I really am shocked by the moms attitude though to be honest - giving you the silent treatment ? That is awful and maybe if she acted mature it would rub off on her daughter ?

This is your business and your rules and make that very clear here

I know you dont want to give up here but if this continues and you get no support do you really want to work with a parent like that never mind the child who is upsetting you and your family and the other children you mind

Think of yourself first

Good luck keep us posted

Angel xx

08-07-2008, 09:16 PM
Firstly good luck with whatever you decide to do!
I would have to say that if the parents are unwilling to accept their is a problem then i would terminate the contract with immediate effect.

You need to put yours and your other mindee's safety first, personally if my child went to a child minder and was becoming distressed by another childs behaviour if the minder didn't sort it out in this way i would remove my child as would alot of other parents.

so there is also the point of do you possibly want to keep this child on and possibly lose some of your other mindees?