Advice please

[Little miss]

I've recently started childminding. My son 22months has not adapted well to this. He reacts to minded children ( they are under 1 ) by attempting to hit them mainly on the head, touching them with his foot and then pretending as if they have hurt him, taking any toys from them they are playing with, and most recently biting.
I am a firm believer in discipline and I use the naughty step - my son will sit on it quietly for his 1 or so minute and he will then say sorry by hugging. But 5 mins later he is reoffending. I just don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice?

[step11]

I've recently started childminding. My son 22months has not adapted well to this. He reacts to minded children ( they are under 1 ) by attempting to hit them mainly on the head, touching them with his foot and then pretending as if they have hurt him, taking any toys from them they are playing with, and most recently biting.
I am a firm believer in discipline and I use the naughty step - my son will sit on it quietly for his 1 or so minute and he will then say sorry by hugging. But 5 mins later he is reoffending. I just don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice?

Would love to hear what others have to say. I'm having the same problem my son hes 20months and sits on my 14 month mindee, slaps 4yr old mindee, kicks, pushes list is endless. I'm at my wits ends.

[Koala]

Oh dear, a tuff one.

Firstly - the naughty step isn't working - it's just a process now - it's time to get the big guns out :D

But before you do, remember, it's very hard for some children to except sharing their mummy and this is quite understandable, how would you like it if hubby brought a new wife into your home to share your family! Just a metaphor to put your sons feelings into context and he is only a babe himself.

Try and include your son in working with you, for you, child labour works in our house, Over the years I have given my sons jobs to do and in turn they get rewarded with extras, it's at the point now though that it's gets quite expensive but it's worth it for the peace and quiet and acceptance.

Try a bit of reverse psychology and separate the children for short periods, taking the minded children out of the situation instead of removing your son to the naughty step. Pretend to tell the babies off for touching your son, he may be looking for reassurance of your loyalties.

Make your son feel he is still king of his kingdom and collect special toys together and put in a special box - just for him and no minded children can play with them.

When all the children have gone, have special time with him and tell him how much you love being just with him at these times and how much you really enjoy him helping mummy (even if he has been less than helpful during the day).

Persevere with this for a couple of weeks to help build his confidence in your loyalty, love and commitment to him and not another child. I am sure he knows you love him but it sounds like he wants to make sure. :thumbsup:

[christine e]

Great advice from Koala - think about it from your son's point of view

[Little miss]

Thanks koala some good ideas to apply today.

I've been worrying so much and have been wondering if any of these issue could be bought on by his frustration as he is quite behind in his speech (understanding is excellent)

[shortstuff]

The other thing along with koalas great ideas is to comment every five minutes or so that ds hasnt done wrong to mindees. Like oh good job ******* arent you being such a good boy being so nice to blah blah. You are then also reinforcing the good behaviours.

I am lucky in that my son is 6 so understands more. He is my number one assistant and gets paid everyweek.

[FussyElmo]

Instead of removing your son to the step why don't you just sit him next to you. Removing him is giving him attention albeit negative. Sometimes negative attention is more dramatic then positive. So next time he sits on a child etc take him off saying we don't sit on people sit here by me instead :thumbsup:

Chin up a lot of us have to deal with similar matters in our children :)

[jackie 7]

I know it's expensive but cauld you have a box of toys just got the minded children? They could let your son take turns with the toys. I never use the word share as most children react badly to the word. If you say take turns your son will realise he will get them back.

[charlottenash]

My son hasn't been like this yet, one thing we do is have a box which is stored under his bed. We put our 'non sharing' toys in there and they come out at the weekends. I always remind him that its 'our secret' about the hidden toys and he loves it!

[nikkiv]

My son is 4 and I've been minding for just over a year now. All of his toys are just his I have separate childminding toys that live in storage boxes in he garage. He really struggles at times sharing me, so when the little ones are asleep we have a bi cuddle on the sofa, do an activity hat he enjoys, play something he wants to. I will often ask him to help me do something so it's just him helping. But I also support him to understand that the other children also need a cuddle so will sit on the floor, him one side another child the other both having cuddles. He has and is being amazing, I also spend time with him even 20 minutes as soon as everyone has gone doing something he wants to do! Lots of praise throughout the day. I also take the odd day or afternoon off where it's just me and him even if its just mummy picking him up from pre-school and walking home without any others. Lots of praise throughout the day, and lots of reassurance! Good luck x