PDA

View Full Version : Nursery given me the hump!



charlottenash
05-06-2013, 03:07 PM
So yesterday I was called into speak to a teacher at nursery because my 4yo son had 'kicked punched and bitten' 3 different children. To say this shocked me was an understatement.

At home my son is nice as pie, plays with mindees of all ages sensibly and rarely do we have any disagreements.

This is my same 4yo who ripped books at school q few weeks back, but lives in a house where we are all mad about books and he has never done it before.

Anyway today I'm called in again (by a different key worker because his one isn't in on a Wednesday) and she said he had been pinching someone. He said it was because he was being 'batman'. They have told me to stop him watching batman. At this I laughed, literally, because he doesn't watch batman he is just obsesse with buying the tshirts! (He went through a Thomas phase too despite never watching Thomas!

I basically told them today that seeing as he is good at home, I find it to be an issue at nursery and I am happy to support them but I won't be punishing him at home anymore because clearly it isn't working. I will support them, but I don't see why I should punish him at home when he is ok at home.

Venting some anger. Ruined my day! Any ideas?

QualityCare
05-06-2013, 03:23 PM
I agree you shouldn't be punishing your child at home for things that happen at nursery it is down to them to deal with it, a child does not need punishing twice for the same thing, like you say you will support them by talking about it with him should he be willing to, l wouldn't force him to if he doesn't want to. I don't know if there is anything else you can do except explain to him that even though there are alot more of them the children and toys at the nursery should be treated in the same way as he does at home, l am sure he will settle soon.

rosebud
05-06-2013, 03:25 PM
So yesterday I was called into speak to a teacher at nursery because my 4yo son had 'kicked punched and bitten' 3 different children. To say this shocked me was an understatement.

At home my son is nice as pie, plays with mindees of all ages sensibly and rarely do we have any disagreements.

This is my same 4yo who ripped books at school q few weeks back, but lives in a house where we are all mad about books and he has never done it before.

Anyway today I'm called in again (by a different key worker because his one isn't in on a Wednesday) and she said he had been pinching someone. He said it was because he was being 'batman'. They have told me to stop him watching batman. At this I laughed, literally, because he doesn't watch batman he is just obsesse with buying the tshirts! (He went through a Thomas phase too despite never watching Thomas!

I basically told them today that seeing as he is good at home, I find it to be an issue at nursery and I am happy to support them but I won't be punishing him at home anymore because clearly it isn't working. I will support them, but I don't see why I should punish him at home when he is ok at home.

Venting some anger. Ruined my day! Any ideas?

Reward chart?? If I was caring for him I'd give him a little card to put stickers on (so that its portable and can be transported between home and nursery). When he has earned say 10 stickers for good behaviour (at nursery) you would give him a little reward. (whatever you think is suitable and preferably agreed with him in advance).

However this is dependent on the nursery having a positive behaviour policy and taking the time to "look out" for the good behaviour and reward it with stickers.

Helen79
05-06-2013, 03:53 PM
After reading about how they overeacted when he ripped the books, I'd be questioning whether this nursery is the right one for him. If he'd never been around other children I'd maybe say that he was just learning the rules of playing with others and taking play too far, but as he's so good with the other children at home then I'd be wondering if it's attention seeking and if he's 100% happy at the nursery. How long has he been going there?

blue bear
05-06-2013, 04:37 PM
So what exactly happened in the lead up to the incidents, who was watching him and what action did they take after the first incident to prevent a repeat.
What have they put in place to help your son act out his pretend game but not endanger other children?
A reward system for good behaviour is a great idea but he needs support to acheive and understand the types of behaviour that earn him a reward sticker and which are unacceptable.

If he is acting out his idea of batman but never seen it would it be a good idea to pick a well behaved batman clip for him to watch and model his behaviour on?

Does his friends watch batman and encourage your son into certain actions believing this is what batman does, have the nursery monitored this and how do they propose to deal with this?

Whilst you can chat to your son about desired behaviour at nursery and encourage him to understand types of behaviours that are acceptable versus those that are not the ones with the most influence are the nursery staff and they need to come up with a plan to allow your child the freedom to role play and make believe whilst still ensuring the safety of all the children.

charlottenash
05-06-2013, 06:16 PM
He leaves this nursery in July for infant school so i wouldn't change nurseries now.

He was in the sensory tent (its massive size of a double shed) and its not really in viewing distance of anyone outside. Him and another child were pinching each other and the teacher said 'I don't know who started it' which to me means 'I wasn't looking'

My son adores this nursery and loves going every day so all I can see an issue with is his behaviour however its not an issue for me when he's the opposite at home!

When I explained that he just likes the idea of batman they continued to tell me to stop him watching it! I don't think they believe me to be honest.

I think I'll just stick it out for the last few weeks as long as my son is happy there.

charlottenash
05-06-2013, 06:19 PM
I've also never been a fan of the whole reward thing. I'd rather he was being nice because he knows how it makes others feel.

Another thing that irritated me was the teacher stating she 'told him not to be so cross' which I went a little nuts about!! When I explained he needs to learn he can feel cross but must express it in the appropriate way she seemed to think I was Barrmy!

CLL
05-06-2013, 06:32 PM
Many children do act totally different at home than they do at school. As a teacher I saw the flip side of this and had to listen to parents telling me how wonderful their child was, but in reality they were actually quite the opposite at school. I know you might not want to accept what they are saying but it may well be truthful, try and work together with the school as the best success stories were when the school and teachers had backing from the parents.

charlottenash
05-06-2013, 08:27 PM
I accept what their saying because my son has elaborated and told me further details. I don't accept them telling me to discipline him at home though, I see this as their duty and will support what they decide to do.

I fear discipline him at home would only prompt him to bring that behaviour into the home setting if he is being disciplined here anyway.

Tomorrows a new day. Fingers crossed its just a few one offs.

FussyElmo
06-06-2013, 05:53 AM
I accept what their saying because my son has elaborated and told me further details. I don't accept them telling me to discipline him at home though, I see this as their duty and will support what they decide to do.

I fear discipline him at home would only prompt him to bring that behaviour into the home setting if he is being disciplined here anyway.

Tomorrows a new day. Fingers crossed its just a few one offs.

Totally agree with you. It happened at school and was dealt with at school. Does not need to be dealt with by being disciplined at home as well.