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Cottonsocks
22-05-2013, 03:29 PM
I have a 5 yr old mindee. They've always been a bit of a handful, getting great pleasure in causing misery to others, grinning if he's made someone cry, but is a gorgeous little one. Picking up from school the last few weeks, I've had constant reports from the class teacher about "another incident"! He used to set the fire alarm off as he realised the automatic doors opened & so he could go outside; he took fruit from the fruit trolley without having any money; he took someone elses apple & was adamant that it was his, eventually his teacher said she'd ring his mother & check with her - at which point he changed his mind & owned up. He then went to the toilet & stuffed a roll of paper in it & blocked it. His mother made him write a letter to the teacher, caretaker & little girl to apologise, along with money from his moneybox to replace the apple; he went home & told his parents a 10 year old had kicked & hit him at school, the parents phoned the school & the school investigated, only to find he'd made it up; & today I knew his teacher's disappointed face - he'd taken someone's apple & had eaten it. He was sent to see the headmistress, but his teacher said he wasn't at all sorry. There was no remorse whatsoever!! I have NO idea what to do, neither does his mother. Has anyone had any experience of this & does anyone have any ideas as to what our next steps are?

blue bear
22-05-2013, 04:01 PM
Sounds to me like he is doing what he fancies at school and it sounds like it gets him great attention.
If it was at my house I would be trying to concentrate on postives not keep giving him all the attention from doing wrong.
What does the teacher do to help him behave more positively?
Do they have a nurture group at school?
One little man I looked after responded well to positive stickers from school, so everyday he would come out with a x did xy or z sticker and shared the news with me and then mum rather than a oh no he's done this that and the other (when he did something negative it was written down and popped in his book bag for mum to read, rather than him listening and getting attention from it if you see what I mean)

That said there should be consequences to his actions, for a five year old having to pay for the apple I can't see it having much affect it needs to be dealt with when it happens by the teacher, punishment the next day doesn't really hold a lot of meaning at this age.


Maybe a good behaviour sticker chart might work with a treat to work towards, so a sticker every day teacher says he has a good day, 20 stickers equals going swimming or a trip to the park that sort of thing.

shortstuff
22-05-2013, 04:11 PM
There is an improvement chart on paceys linked site. I use it with my lo who has issues. It gives three areas for improvement and a space to set a target at the bottom. I use smiley or sad faces each day in each area. The reward for getting smileys can be anything his mum thinks he will respond to. Dont know if its worth a try for you?

Cottonsocks
22-05-2013, 04:15 PM
Thank you for replying. Yes, done the whole sticker thing. He's not bothered (as he gets to go to fun places on the weekend regardless with his 2 brothers)!! He was always the golden boy to Mum, I noticed, & his behaviour got more 'characterful' the more he was excused. I think she's finding it hard to turn that around. I can see she's made mistakes, but hey, I'm certainly not perfect. I've just hit a brick wall this time. I have a 15yr old & 11 yr old of my own, have been a Childminder for 10 years & have looked after countless children but I've run out of ideas. Will try suggesting to teacher about contact book. It was used with another child I minded for a while, but wasn't filled in much & then the parent heard about a string of incidents at parents evening!

MaryMary
22-05-2013, 04:58 PM
All the incidents you mentioned were at school. Does he behave in this way when he is with you?

Cottonsocks
22-05-2013, 06:51 PM
I feel he probably would do. I see glimpses of it, but we're together all the time, so nothing can be done slyly. Just normal child behaviour of tormenting others at times etc. he's never taken anything though. Although, if they're sharing a snack from a big plate (biscuits, fruit, toast). He always tries to take the most, not because he's hungry. More of a greed thing.

Helen79
22-05-2013, 07:11 PM
Is he in reception? If mum doesn't pay for him to have fruit then he may not understand the school rules and why he can't have an apple when other children do so is taking other peoples and from the trolley. From reading your post he sounds like he's a bit confused and struggling a bit with school.
He may genuinely be hungry so taking the apples. Not sure how the snack system works at his school but could mum pay for him to have a snack at break?

I'd try to do a contact book with school so that you're not caught in the middle of it, even though you should support mum and school, if he's not being badly behaved with you then it's more for school and mum to deal with the behaviour rather than you. If he's well behaved with you then I'd let him have a happy time at yours instead of trying to deal with behaviour that is happening at school. I would suggest that mum goes and has a meeting with his teacher to find out why he's behaving like this at school and if he's happy at school or if something's going on that's causing the behaviour.

smurfette
22-05-2013, 07:12 PM
Is he in reception? If mum doesn't pay for him to have fruit then he may not understand the school rules and why he can't have an apple when other children do so is taking other peoples and from the trolley. From reading your post he sounds like he's a bit confused and struggling a bit with school.
He may genuinely be hungry so taking the apples. Not sure how the snack system works at his school but could mum pay for him to have a snack at break?

I'd try to do a contact book with school so that you're not caught in the middle of it, even though you should support mum and school, if he's not being badly behaved with you then it's more for school and mum to deal with the behaviour rather than you. If he's well behaved with you then I'd let him have a happy time at yours instead of trying to deal with behaviour that is happening at school. I would suggest that mum goes and has a meeting with his teacher to find out why he's behaving like this at school and if he's happy at school or if something's going on that's causing the behaviour.

What she said!!

smurfette
22-05-2013, 07:12 PM
Hmm that was meant to be a thumbs up! Stoopid iPhone!

Cottonsocks
22-05-2013, 07:59 PM
Aww, thanks for your support everyone. I do think i need to take a step back. I've been caring for this family 8 years now & feel very close to these children. (Mum does supply fruit or fruit money by the way, but he eats everyone elses too). Kids eh!?!

sing-low
22-05-2013, 08:12 PM
Sounds like the school need to get their act together instead of expecting you to pick up the pieces. I agree with others that it sounds like he's getting lots of attention for misbehaving which is only going to reinforce the behaviour.