View Full Version : Constant bickering advice please

13-05-2013, 01:16 PM
I have been minding full time (7am to 5:30pm) mon to Friday for the last two weeks. I am so fed up of the constant bickering and arguing and telling all the children off. I sound like a broken record, be nice to each other, we are kind to our friends, don't pick the little ones up by their necks, don't try and shut me in the car door again, share the toys, don't throw food on the floor, don't tease the little ones, dont throw the toys, dont jump on the couch etc etc etc And don't start me on the telling on each other. I feel like a referee. Recently my 18month old has been very jealous and hitting one of the girls in particular who does try to pick him up by the neck constantly. That's all I keep saying to him is don't hit, don't pull her hair. It's falling on deaf ears and now the girls keep saying he is a naughty boy and run away from him all the time. He can't even touch one of the toys without it being snatched away from him.

Yes I know he mustn't hit but I also feel he is being singled out a bit and is being antagonised into this behaviour to some degree.

I was so desperate for the work but had no idea what I was getting into and how much a 7am impacts on my personal life. My poor husband had a porridge soaked wipe thrown at him (all smartly dressed for work) because the child couldn't be bothered to throw it in the bin.

Any advice please? Or at least tell me it gets better, I'm not enjoying this.... I don't want to be telling kids off all day, I don't want to be breaking up arguments, I don't want to keep having to tell them that they have to share and be nice all day long. It's supposed to be fun right?

I'm feeling a bit out of my depth and am hoping that this is like any job that takes a little while to settle in.

13-05-2013, 01:58 PM
It does take time, and all the hard work you put in now will be worth it in the long run as they learn your rules. I had a phase like this a while back where I felt I was constantly 'telling off' for one thing or another and it really gets you down. I tried the positive discipline of saying we sit nicely on the couch rather than don't jump on the furniture, tried to find a non negative way of reinforcing every rule. Also I cut down on words altogether, so instead of saying we don't hit other people we play nicely, share etc, I'd fix them with a stern look and just say STOP!
Can you keep your ds close to you, so you can step in before he gets so frustrated he lashes out.
7am to 5.30 is a very long day, do you have many starting that early? If it's only one, I'd give serious thought to giving them notice, sometimes it only takes one change to make things work better.


13-05-2013, 02:22 PM
House rules needed, enforced and letters home so parents can talk to children about respecting your HOME.

This probably sound harsh but it has worked for my setting, they get 1 chance & if they do it again get removed away to think about it (age depending of course)


13-05-2013, 03:49 PM
Don't try and shut me in the car door again
Sorry, I laughed!
A bit of a controversial one but have you thought of doing nothing when they argue. Obviously if they're hurting each other you have to stop them but if they're arguing for arguments sake just folding your arms and looking at them with raised eyebrows may shock them into stopping.
I've done this before with two mindees and my own 4 yo and they all stopped and stared at me and my daughter said 'why isn't she telling us to stop, let's go and play over there' and that was it, peace for oh, a good hour!
Just an idea- don't blame me though if it doesn't work lol! I think sometimes they get so used to us saying stop that, put that down blah blah that it becomes background noise to them, try to only tell them off if its serious or it may sound like whining to them. Hope you're feeling more positive soon and you get a break from the madness xxx

jackie 7
13-05-2013, 04:09 PM
Pull over to the side of the road and sit still when they finally ask shy have you stopped so it is dangerous and until they stop you will not drive house rules apply. Can't play properly then no play. Be firm it is your home your rules. As said send a copy home. Talk through the rules with the children. Look in the mirror and say this is my home and i will not allow others to ruin it.

13-05-2013, 04:30 PM
Thanks for the advice! Am going to have to toughen up! Have collected ds and other mindee from school and its just got worse. 7yo mindee has so far said 'Christ Almighty'. '****** hell' and 'God Sakes', that will be fun to explain to younger mindees parents when she starts copying that language. Mums collected 10 minutes early and I'm nearly weeping with relief!

jackie 7
13-05-2013, 05:52 PM
When I got my first nanny job in London the 2 boys decide they were going to make me cry and leave! I stayed 10 years!!! Dad was not impressed with their behaviour.