When a family is lovely but just doesn't work?

[MrsP2C]

I've been caring for siblings for 4 months now and there's a few niggles that are bothering me and I'd appreciate some honest views as to whether I'm being too fussy & should be grateful for nice kids/family, or, bite the bullet and move on or perhaps something constructive I can do to address some/all of the issues.

1. One of my DC really doesn't get on with the older mindee. They are both at school in the day so it's only the time before & after school but they can barely be in the same room for 5 minutes without bickering & it's driving me insane!!! Holiday's are particularly difficult & I'm finding myself booking DC into activities to get him out the house on the days this mindee is here which isn't fair or cost effective!

2. The youngest mindee (baby) is extraordinarily clingy. I've posted about it before & just when I think we've turned a corner I'm back with child clutching me all day or crying to be picked up. It's when I look after another mindee of the same age that I realise how much harder this one is & physically & emotionally it's quite draining.

3. Fees- I cut my fees because at the time I was desperate for business but now I'm turning away enquiries almost every week & kicking myself that for the same hours I could be earning £150 a month more!!

Parents are lovely, pay on time etc, children well-mannered, eat OK etc so I'm really loathe to let them go (plus no idea what I'd tell them as I'd them fill the space with much the same hours) but every weeks these issues bother me & I'd like some resolution if not with the family then at least in my own mind.
Any thoughts?

[kellyskidz!]

Can you afford to lose 3 siblings who's parents pay on time? I think you're lucky!
But I take the point about you're own child not getting on with one, I've always said if my daughter (4) didn't get on with a mindee I'd hand notice in- if I'd done everything I could think of to help them get on.
Couldn't you up your fees slightly for this family, but in saying that, it's not their fault you charged them less and are now regretting it. But if its been a while since they've been with you, you could raise them slightly?
You're going to go with whatever feels right for you though, and usually when minders feel this way, contracts usually end soon after. Good luck! Xx

[Jenna]

I'd go with your gut instinct. I became a childminder not only because I love children (was a nursery manager prior) but also to spend more time with my son and family. I think if my son didn't get on with a child then I'd serve notice it is his home too at the end of the day

[MrsP2C]

Can you afford to lose 3 siblings who's parents pay on time? I think you're lucky!
But I take the point about you're own child not getting on with one, I've always said if my daughter (4) didn't get on with a mindee I'd hand notice in- if I'd done everything I could think of to help them get on.
Couldn't you up your fees slightly for this family, but in saying that, it's not their fault you charged them less and are now regretting it. But if its been a while since they've been with you, you could raise them slightly?
You're going to go with whatever feels right for you though, and usually when minders feel this way, contracts usually end soon after. Good luck! Xx

It's 2 children - 1 all day & 1 schoolie and no couldn't afford not to replace them which is the big risk. I don't think I can reasonably increase the fees until January at the earliest and even then they'd still be lower than everyone else although I agree it's my own fault for dropping my fees to low in the first place! I'm going to see how I go this month then maybe ask if they'd consider TTO for their eldest (he used to do holiday clubs all day before he came to me so it may be possible to reinstate) then at least that issue wouldn't be so difficult.

[kellyskidz!]

I'd wait, it's only been a few months since they started and your child and the other might learn to get along (ever the optimist lol!) If they do agree to term time then that's one problem solved! As for clingy baby, I'm stuck, I have one too and I totally get it. It's exhausting and can be very stressful.
Why not set a date in your head, like in 6-8 weeks and if nothing's changed consider giving notice.
I wouldn't like to think you gave notice in haste and then struggled to fill the places:panic:
Keep us updated!x

[Sarsar3NCH]

I understand where you are coming from but if I gave notice to mindees that my son didn't get on with/bickered with (there have been many) then I would have had very little work. It's their house and the other children are intruding and taking their mum away, it's really tough on your own children BUT if its between them learning to accept your job and all the children that come with it or mum having to go out and get a job then I think they would choose CMing.
I have had many a time where I've wanted to throw in the towel (my youngest is now 12) but it has gradually got easier as my children have got older and can accept my explanations.
I hope you can work through it in what ever way is best for your family

[MrsP2C]

Thanks for all your input & a little update.

By coincidence an enquiry I turned away a month ago has been back in touch to see if my circumstances have changed as they're still looking. I've decided to pursue it as I've done some figures & for similar hours/days BUT term time only I'd be earning pretty much the same :) It would mean I'd only be working 1 day a week in the holidays but have enough ad hoc/holiday enquiries that if I need extra money & it fits with my family I can do it.
The new family wouldn't start until September & if they want me wouldn't be signing for a few weeks as they're about to go on holiday so that gives me some thinking time & means I could give up to 3 months notice to my current family.

I feel awful for mindees & if it comes to it, giving notice will be hideous (no idea what I'll say :() but even thinking about the potential change has lifted a weight off my shoulders.

[Sarsar3NCH]

Gut instincts are usually right :-) good luck and I hope all works out well, sounds like things are looking up

[wendywu]

And what if your son does not get on with the new mindees then what ?

I think you should at least explain to the parents about the money situation and give them the chance to match your going rate :panic:

As for the bickering you will get that throughout a minding career between mindees and your own children and mindees. Its a fact of life tat we all have to learn to get along :rolleyes:

[supermumy]

And what if your son does not get on with the new mindees then what ?

I think you should at least explain to the parents about the money situation and give them the chance to match your going rate :panic:

As for the bickering you will get that throughout a minding career between mindees and your own children and mindees. Its a fact of life tat we all have to learn to get along :rolleyes:

Agree with wendywu :)

[tiredandemotional]

It's a tough one but I have had a similar situation with children, although not from the same family. One mindee and my son didn't get on for a long time- they were in the same year at school, although thankfully not the same class. For ages they bickered and fought and my son seemed to have become almost violent in response to this boy, I'd never seen him do it before but could almost understand it (although not condone it obviously) as the mindee was such a wind-up merchant! Now, however, they get on well- mostly. They have brought out some good qualities in each other and I see it as a positive lesson for my son, to get on with people different to him, this mindee is from a very different and sometimes difficult background with weak parenting but does have some lovely qualities too. I also mind a baby on an ad hoc basis whose mum works abroad alot. I have had her from 6 weeks old and lately she has become quite clingy and as I am pregnant I do find it exhausting, but I can understand it as she is at a difficult age to be left for long periods of time without mum. I find that by keeping her busy and out and about she is easier - it's when we are at home together with no other children to distract that she is the hardest work So I think what I am trying to say is that sometimes you have to work through these things, it can just be a phase and also it can definitely be a case of 'better the devil you know' with mindees! I am sure you will make the right decision for you and your family and wish you luck with whatever you decide.
x

[MrsP2C]

And what if your son does not get on with the new mindees then what ?

I think you should at least explain to the parents about the money situation and give them the chance to match your going rate :panic:

As for the bickering you will get that throughout a minding career between mindees and your own children and mindees. Its a fact of life tat we all have to learn to get along :rolleyes:

DS & current mindee are in the same class & older whereas potential mindee is 3 years younger & DS gets on really well with all the younger ones so whilst I do agree to an extent, I have decided not to take on any other boys the same age or older as I think DS is struggling to fit now he is no longer the eldest boy.
If the money were the overriding factor I would definitely speak to them about it but the 2 other issues still wouldn't be resolved :(