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View Full Version : More advice on little one who wont settle



smurfette
03-05-2013, 10:44 AM
Hi, have posted before about this little one, she is 12 months and is contracted to me just 5/6 days a month.. She cries pretty much whole
Time she is here, she is ok if it's just me before others arrive but isn't coping well with them.. She is doted on and is picked up and got stuff for immediately I think and wants to be on my lap the whole time..If I even cross the room in sight she gets upset and if I pick up or change another little one she loses it! She is teething a lot at mo and I have suggested to dad today to dose her up before she comes if he thinks she is because its hard for her to cope if she is sore, and I am finding it hard to see what is teeth and what is her being unsettled! She is pretty ok for a couple of hours and gets worse and more clingy as day goes on... This is going on two months now and I am feeling exhausted ,, have tried everything , extra settling in sessions, buggy, picking her up if she cries, not picking her up if she cries, going out and about, staying in.. It's just a rough age for them to settle isnt it?!

Not really sure how much longer I can do it for, it stresses me out and the others get no attention and everytime I want to move to clean up, or do something other than hold her I am on tenterhooks ... Mum and dad are lovely, they have worked hard getting her to self settle to sleep before she started and she goes down for nap no problem and is now sleeping well at night for them, and they really want it to work.. Mum is asking what they can do to help but I don't know?!!! Apart from saying don't dote on your child and don't pick her up all the time but I wouldn't like to be told that!! Apparently at home she goes off and plays though lately is more clingy and I don't know if its because she is insecure here.. Family have her rest of time and I think she is pretty ok one on one. Now I am off on hols next week so won't have her for two weeks! Will it ever get better???!!!!

shortstuff
03-05-2013, 11:03 AM
oh Murphf i dont know what to suggest. have you asked the parents how long they leave her before running to her beck and call? maybe they could try leaving her just on the odd occaision so she gets used to not having her own way 100% of the time? then gradually build on it? Ive just done that with a little one here but I do have her 4 days a week x

Boris
03-05-2013, 11:31 AM
How long have you had her? It's so draining isn't it? Sounds like you've tried everything and now it's just down to your own tolerance levels! Maybe in time she will get better?! xx

sarah707
03-05-2013, 11:44 AM
A child who is constantly crying has very low wellbeing - which can lead to anxiety and all sorts of problems - so it needs addressing as quickly as possible.

I would suggest a home visit to see how the lo plays there - it can be really useful to watch and listen in a different environment.

Hopefully it will pass as little one mobilises and is better able to communicate :D

JCrakers
03-05-2013, 11:56 AM
I know how you feel and only you know how long you can take it.

Like you I had a little one who was 8m. I'd looked after her older sister who was an absolute angel but this little one....oh...my..lol

I did everything to make her settle. She cried from when she came up the driveway until she left, so all day (10hrs, 4 days a week) I tried holding her, leaving her for a while, using the buggy so she could see my whilst I did other things, singing, playing, going out for walks, going in the garden etc.

Nothing would help, she wouldn't eat and every time she did stop, if someone spoke or moved she would start again and she had a very, very loud tiny baby scream.
Her parents were desperate for her to stay and didn't want a nursery and we worked together so hard to get her to settle. We tried dad just handing over and going, dad staying for 10m to settle, a blanket from home, a teddy, dad coming at lunchtime to feed, dad coming out for a walk, older sister staying on days she wasn't at school.

In the end I had 8 weeks and was desperately pulling out my hair. My other mindees didn't want to come because of the noise, it wasn't fair on her to be so upset, I was starting to feel really stressed and starting to hate my job so one day after going to toddler group and her screaming down the church, everyone looking at me like I was a monster as she wouldn't come near me, giving me side glances I left and rang dad to collect.
She had to go to a nursery for a year where more staff could cope with the screaming.

She came back a year later and is now 3 :) she is still a little madam...lol and likes her own way or no way, but she's lovely and likes coming.

If its taking its toll on you and your other mindees then pick a length of time for it to improve...1 week, 2 weeks and then if it hasn't then give notice.

The Juggler
03-05-2013, 01:00 PM
i agree with Sarah, a home visit might be worth a try. However, for your sake and LO's own wellbeing I would suggest terminating if things don't improve soon x

CLL
03-05-2013, 03:06 PM
Do you not know a new childminder starting out who has no children yet. Maybe if the little one had 1-1 time with someone they would settle.

smurfette
03-05-2013, 08:41 PM
A child who is constantly crying has very low wellbeing - which can lead to anxiety and all sorts of problems - so it needs addressing as quickly as possible.

I would suggest a home visit to see how the lo plays there - it can be really useful to watch and listen in a different environment.

Hopefully it will pass as little one mobilises and is better able to communicate :D

What kind of
Things would I be looking for if I do a home visit?

smurfette
03-05-2013, 08:41 PM
oh Murphf i dont know what to suggest. have you asked the parents how long they leave her before running to her beck and call? maybe they could try leaving her just on the odd occaision so she gets used to not having her own way 100% of the time? then gradually build on it? Ive just done that with a little one here but I do have her 4 days a week x

Thanks will suggest

smurfette
03-05-2013, 08:42 PM
How long have you had her? It's so draining isn't it? Sounds like you've tried everything and now it's just down to your own tolerance levels! Maybe in time she will get better?! xx

8 weeks now, anything between 2 and 4 times a week , am totally drained when she leaves :(

KatieFS
03-05-2013, 08:43 PM
Juggler on the same tracks. I would home visit obs her environment and how things work at home. To still be unsettled to this extent indicates attachment difficulties. I had similar. 8m old very unsettled for a few months. Settled now but still if she is tired then all hell breaks loose. Long and short it was just what she was used to, at home she was picked up, didn't have to go in the pushchair, whenever she made ANY made noise she was picked up, on her own didn't have to share, quiet little house. Totally different situation at mine and she cried for a long time the only thing would help roils pick her up. Fine to start with to help her bond, but I started to try to get her to self settle. Now 19m much better. Good luck x

smurfette
03-05-2013, 08:46 PM
I know how you feel and only you know how long you can take it.

Like you I had a little one who was 8m. I'd looked after her older sister who was an absolute angel but this little one....oh...my..lol

I did everything to make her settle. She cried from when she came up the driveway until she left, so all day (10hrs, 4 days a week) I tried holding her, leaving her for a while, using the buggy so she could see my whilst I did other things, singing, playing, going out for walks, going in the garden etc.

Nothing would help, she wouldn't eat and every time she did stop, if someone spoke or moved she would start again and she had a very, very loud tiny baby scream.
Her parents were desperate for her to stay and didn't want a nursery and we worked together so hard to get her to settle. We tried dad just handing over and going, dad staying for 10m to settle, a blanket from home, a teddy, dad coming at lunchtime to feed, dad coming out for a walk, older sister staying on days she wasn't at school.

In the end I had 8 weeks and was desperately pulling out my hair. My other mindees didn't want to come because of the noise, it wasn't fair on her to be so upset, I was starting to feel really stressed and starting to hate my job so one day after going to toddler group and her screaming down the church, everyone looking at me like I was a monster as she wouldn't come near me, giving me side glances I left and rang dad to collect.
She had to go to a nursery for a year where more staff could cope with the screaming.

She came back a year later and is now 3 :) she is still a little madam...lol and likes her own way or no way, but she's lovely and likes coming.

If its taking its toll on you and your other mindees then pick a length of time for it to improve...1 week, 2 weeks and then if it hasn't then give notice.

Thanks jcrackers, it's so nice to know I am not alone (not that I would wish it on my worst enemy!) .. I am feeling tonight I might say to mum I will see how she is this Thursday and then whatever days she is due the week we are back and make a decision end of that week.. Really don't think she is getting any better, I can see she has attached to me which is great but she is very jealous and I can't see that improving anytime soon, I always have at least 2 here and some days four plus my own girls in the afternoon so maybe just not the right fit for her. She just doesn't seem that happy a baby anyways. I gave notice to another one who wouldn't settle before Christmas and I feel awful cos I don't seem to manage more than a couple of months of trying to settle them, but as I am quite busy it's hard to give them the attention they seem to need!

smurfette
03-05-2013, 08:47 PM
Do you not know a new childminder starting out who has no children yet. Maybe if the little one had 1-1 time with someone they would settle.

I don't really, there aren't many minders in the area.. Will have a think

VeggieSausage
04-05-2013, 07:24 AM
I have a child like this who I have had since September and I had tried everything so last straw was to tell parents in no uncertain terms that unless we work together to try and help them settle I was thinking that for his sake maybe he would be better off at home.... so this meant at home leaving him without picking them up, mine wouldn't let him be alone in a room ever, so even if she had to pop and go to the kitchen for something she would pick him up so it meant I couldn't even stand up without him cryign all day...anyway the transformtaion has been amazing....first week of him being settled this week. I think the key is working with the parents and spell it out to them that unless we do something for his sake you couldn't let the lo carry on being so upset....and for the sake of all the other children you look after this was crucial.....you have my sympathy it is very draining....

smurfette
28-05-2013, 11:52 AM
She was much better this week.! We were away for a week which I thought would make her worse but actually I think it gave me a good break to deal with it again and her some
Time at home for reassurance., fingers crossed we are getting there!!

shortstuff
28-05-2013, 02:25 PM
yay im so pleased you both had a better time this week. long may it last x